


What Remains

by EnrapturedInWords



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Body Worship, But he'll be fine dw, Canon-Typical Violence, Elements of OCD, Eren is in Denial, Eren is v sad, Erwin and Armin are Related, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Modern Era, Other, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Recovered Memories, Reincarnation, Sassy Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-12 07:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 97,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7925938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnrapturedInWords/pseuds/EnrapturedInWords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remnants of the past stalked him through life; an ever constant reminder of he was – of who he didn’t remember.<br/>Oscar Lawrence, formally known as Eren Jaeger, is a troublesome teenage graffiti artist. His works tell forbidden tales of man-eating giants, the very same monsters that terrorise every waking moment of his life. He suffers from lucid hallucinations of people who don’t exist; friends he’s never had and carnivorous giants that couldn’t belong to this world.<br/>He believed he was insane; that it was only a matter of time before he was locked up in a padded cell.<br/>That is until, under a little less than normal circumstances, he is introduced to a raven-haired teen, whose bark is just as bad as his bite. Memories begin to resurface; friends are reacquainted; truths are uncovered, and Eren Jaeger learns there is more to him – and more to the past – than he could have ever imagined.<br/>(Discontinued for the time being)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Name

“Erwin, I have an email from a Ms Lawrence regarding her son’s admittance to the school. It’s written here: 'Oscar – her son, I presume – is prone to violent outbursts and lucid hallucinations, and has been experiencing as such since an early age, in addition to apparent memories he has trouble recovering.’ She goes on to say: ‘I’m at my wits end, and at a complete loss of what to do with my son, who has recently been permanently suspended from his new school due to frightening his classmates and inappropriate behaviour’.”

  
Strong fingers drummed on the hard wooden desk’s surface. “Is that all?”

  
The bespectacled brunette shook her head. “From what’s written here, Oscar’s evidently an intelligent individual; excels in physics, English literature and fine art, and apparently displays no poor attitude to his learning.” She adjusted her glasses further up her nose, her eyes narrowing on the screen. “Although, Ms Lawrence does go on to explain some of her son’s – as she describes – episodes, many of which render the poor boy hysterical and in some sort of concussed state.”

  
“Christ...” the blond man muttered drearily, dry-washing his smartly shaven face.

  
“- Apparently has an ‘explosive temper’ which lands him a lot of fights at school; has been expelled six times in the past year...”

  
“How old’s this kid?” A voice remarked, seemingly astonished by the boy’s track record. He didn’t have a particularly clean, even remotely pristine one either, but being expelled from six different schools seemed a little extravagant, even for a brat.

  
“Oscar’s fifteen.” Petra read over Hanji’s shoulder.

  
Erwin nodded, deep in thought. “His situation does sound quite familiar to a lot of our own.”

  
The raven snorted. “Or maybe he’s just another one of your nut-job delinquents –“

  
“Levi!” Petra exclaimed, in that annoyingly chastising tone of hers. “Have some bloody tact. This is a fifteen year-old boy, for God’s sake.”

  
“Petra’s right, Levi. This isn’t just a school for our cadets.” Erwin spoke sternly, determinedly. “It’s open to anyone who needs our help.”

  
The onyx-haired man only rolled his eyes, inspecting his pristine nails for any possible traces of dirt and snorted in amusement once more. “You know, I think I preferred the selfish bastard commander to this petty Headmaster you’ve become, Erwin.”

  
“You shouldn’t even be here right now. Why aren’t you in class?” Erwin pestered, not even fazed by the student’s brash demeanour.

  
“I took the liberty of assigning myself a free period. I may be resigned in the body of a seventeen year-old but I’m not one of your fucking brats, Smith.”

  
Sighing, the blond man sat back in his chair, regarding the younger man with heavy-lidded, old eyes. “You know I don’t think of you as one, Levi. Not any one of you,” he addressed each of them, even Hanji who managed a somewhat triumphant grin at the raven. He didn’t care what Erwin thought, or what their ages were; Hanji still acted like a fucking toddler, regardless of her older age. “Especially not you, Corporal.”

  
“Tch. Whatever.” He grumbled, still conscious that he was twenty years junior to the eldest in the room. “Point is, you can’t adopt all the strays, Erwin. You can’t find everyone.”

“Have a little more faith, Levi. I found you, didn’t I?”

Hanji cleared her throat. “If I may interrupt, there’s something you may want to see. Ms Lawrence also attached a picture of her son to the email, believing it’d be considered useful to, and I quote; ‘show the effects his trauma has had on him’. I’ve forwarded the email to you, Erwin. Take a look for yourself.”

  
Petra peered once more over Hanji’s shoulder, and Levi watched in amused curiosity as her amber eyes suddenly widened, and she let out a loud gasp. The brunette was grinning like the maniac she was at her monitor, positively glowing at whatever marvel was displayed on it.

  
“Would you look at that?” He scoffed dryly. "Hanji Zoe has fallen in love with a fifteen year old boy. Fucking pervert."

  
“Get over here, Levi.” Erwin demanded sternly. Levi rolled his eyes at the command, but managed to obey nevertheless. And once he saw the boy on the screen, Levi was damn sure his blood had run cold in his veins, and his heart stopped beating.

  
“You’re kidding me...” He gaped uncharacteristically, rendered utterly speechless at the green-eyed brunet’s mug-shot; clouded eyes narrowed sharply and dark brows threaded together miserably. The virtual boy had a busted lip and a nasty purple bruise adorning his still beautifully bronzed skin, and the sight immediately made Levi’s skin crawl and heart clench painfully tight.

  
At his side, Erwin Smith’s eyes had softened, and a small, grim smile appeared on his haggardly handsome face. “Still think this kid’s a nut-case, Levi? Because, if my old eyes don’t mistake me, we’ve just been introduced to Oscar Lawrence, formally known to us as Eren Jaeger.”

 

* * *

 

A shallow curse was uttered scornfully, barely audible above the wails of sirens and flickering of harsh cobalt strobes of light. His back was pressed firmly against the concrete wall; the one which bore the fresh evidence of his painted crime. The assholes on his case would call it vandalism – which, sure, it might be considered that, but to him it was so much more than just simple-minded graffiti.

  
As quietly as he could muster, he unzipped his backpack and quickly hid the evidence: the cheap cans of spray-paint and the couple bottles of alcohol he’d nicked from his folks’ stash in the cellar. They wouldn’t notice – he’d barely made a dent in their growing selection of fine wines. Pretentious pricks. And he’d made sure to take the less expensive ones, so if that didn’t make him a kind, considerate son he didn’t know what would. The sirens were louder now, serving as an irritating reminder that he’d, yet again, forgotten to check for bystanders; usually old coffin-dodgers that thought his artwork was a form of law-breaking. Which, okay, it was. But he didn’t paint in public areas to wreak havoc or cause trouble or to make the elderly cry, he did it to draw attention – he needed people to take a moment and look.

  
The barbed wire fence proved to be an easy competitor when breaking and entering. Luckily for him his lean stature meant he could perform harmless manoeuvres, navigating his body around the spikes without so much as a graze. That being the case when he didn’t have the boys in blue on his back, at least. He winced sharply, shuffling and rustling through the small opening in the wire regardless of his safety. They couldn’t find out his identity. If they did, they’d know he was the kid responsible for the majority of the city’s graffiti. He didn’t have a tag exactly, but all of his work featured similar elements: a girl with a red scarf; a symbol of overlapping wings; birds in a brass cage. And then there were the giants. He called them titans, but he knew people didn’t see past their towering figures to witness the pure terror he’d captured. The beasts seemed to haunt him, not only in his dreams, but every time he closed his eyes. Even for the briefest second, his mind could conjure up the nightmarish creatures; so vivid it was if they were from memory.

  
He took his board to the pavement, finally allowing a relieved grin to cross his lips.

  
Safe to piss of the elderly another day, he thought a little too gleefully. His mind was reeling in adrenaline as he cruised down the deserted street beneath the late night gloom of streetlamps. This was his only source of entertainment for the time being – well, at least until his parents found a school to take in his problematic ass. Which was unlikely. They’d tried every school in the area, and every school in the area had either rejected him or expelled him. He considered it a talent, honestly. Not every fifteen year-old could admit to being excluded from more than six schools in their lifetime. Even if he was an above average academic student, that alone wouldn’t get him anywhere in life if he didn’t ‘cut out the dramatic, attention-seeking behavioural issues’. At least, that’s what the psychiatrists said.

 

They thought he was crazy.

  
His parents thought he was crazy.

  
And he thought he was crazy too. Perhaps a little misunderstood, even. It was surprising they hadn’t locked him up somewhere. Or not, probably because his parents were filthy rich and wiped their asses with cash. They had money and they had power; it was all he was grateful for. They didn’t give a flying fuck about him – their own son, allegedly – only their status. If he got locked up in the nut-house, it’d shit on their careers and they’d be shunned for raising a fuck-up.

  
He was a little bitter, to say the least.

  
The moment his house arrived in sight – which it did so fairly quickly; its large structure wasn’t exactly hard to miss – and he noticed the front room’s glowing orange light illuminating the driveway, he knew he’d fucked up. His parents weren’t really the type to be concerned about his whereabouts. As long as he wasn’t ruining their reputation they didn’t care. But, him returning at his hour of night somewhat drunk, would surely bring him hell. His palms began to sweat as he thought of as many reasons as to why anyone would be awake at this hour; almost all of them concluding he’d done something incredibly wrong. Shit, had he been found out? Had the police contacted them?

  
His expression was the definition of pained as he practically crawled into the house. Obviously he wasn’t the master of slyness - yet - but he liked to think he stood a small chance against a middle-aged man or woman. He grimaced when his skateboard scraped across the door, eliciting an annoyingly loud sound.

  
“Is that you?” His mother’s voice carried through the hall like a goddamn funeral bell.

  
Shit. Busted.

  
He cleared his throat, mustering an impassive façade to disguise his thick grimace. Whether he succeeded in doing so or not, only time would tell. Shoving his hands in his pockets, the brunet wandered into the kitchen and straight towards the sink. At least then he’d have his back turned to his mother.

  
Silence crept between them, and he realised he’d prefer the funeral bell over this solemn affair any day.

  
He poured himself a glass and took a swig before speaking. “You didn’t have to stay up.”

  
Behind him, he heard a fatigued and irritated sigh, and the insistent tap of manicured fingernails against the marble countertop. His skin bristled at the sharp sound, knowing full well what if felt like to be on the receiving end of his mother’s nails. “You didn’t give me much of a choice,” she almost spat out. “Your father and I have been meaning to talk to you, but neither of us have seen you in two days.”

  
Not that you’d actually want to see me, he thought scornfully.

  
His hand tightened around his glass. “I’ve been out.”

  
“Smoking? Drinking? Vandalising?” Each word was like a stab to his heart, reminding him that he’d done all of those on a regular, if not daily, basis.

  
“I’ve been out.” He stated once more, hoping she’d drop the subject; hoping this wasn’t what she’d wanted to talk to him about.

  
“So you have,” her incessant drumming stopped abruptly, and the boy’s heart skipped a beat. “You’ve missed out on a lot of school.” She stated the fact as if he didn’t already know, and that itself aggravated the hell out of him.

  
“Don’t have much of a choice there...” he rolled his eyes, hiding his frustration from her. “I can’t really go when I’ve been excluded, can I?”

  
She ignored his comment easily. “We can’t keep you out of the education system, and your father and I couldn’t spare a moment from work to home-school you.” Couldn’t or wouldn’t? “I’ve been looking online for somewhere that’d...cater to your needs.”

  
“Cater to my needs? Is this because I’m a vegetarian?” His attempt to shed some light on the situation was pointless, but he did it nevertheless to try calm the irregular beat of his heart. His foot began to tap relentlessly against the tiled floor and an all too familiar small itch covered its daily stretch across his body.

  
She ignored him again. She tended to do that a lot. “I contacted the admissions advisor of one particular school and, from her reply and the school’s general statement, I think it’s the perfect match for you. A lot of the students there are dealing with very similar issues to you, and there are on-site medical facilities and one-to-one therapy sessions held- “

  
“Stop.”

  
She didn’t stop. “It’ll be very good for you to be around these people. Evidently these public schools aren’t right for you and a boarding school might- “

  
“You’re sending me away?”

  
“Listen, Oscar- “

  
And just like that, the small itch grew to its huge, excruciating extent and every fibre of his being wanted to explode.

  
“That’s not my name.”

  
His voice was almost unrecognisable, and by now his clenched fists had begun to draw blood. He wanted to hurt something. He wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to take a bite out of his own damn hand-

  
“That is your name.” The woman’s voice was stern and unforgiving. “That is the name you were given when you were born, and that is the name you will use, do you understand me Oscar Lawrence?” She stood from her perch on the barstool, regarding the boy with the upmost hatred and disgust in her dark emerald eyes. “If I’d known you’d turn out like this...you wouldn’t have a name at all.”

  
She shook her head, shrugging a hand through her towel-tried blonde hair. “Have a bag packed by the end of the week. It’s too far for your father to take you, so you’ll have to get the train there alone.” And then she left. Her thin figure left the room, leaving the air stale with expensive perfume in her wake. It was choking him.

  
The glass shattered in his hand, decorating the kitchen tile in an array of all too tempting shards. He willed himself to breathe; to focus on remaining a steady heartbeat and not screaming. In the end, he just closed his eyes and stood there.

  
Oscar Lawrence was the birth name he’d never been able to live with. It’d been a burden on his shoulders ever since the day he’d learned his other name; the more familiar name. The one that felt right.

  
Eren Jaeger was the name he’d never been able to live under. It was the one that begged to be told when introducing himself to people. It was the name that spat on that of Oscar Lawrence.

  
Eren Jaeger was his name. In his life, it was the only thing he was sure of.


	2. The Arrival

“You’re bullshitting us...”

“No way, man! Seriously?”

“What? You don’t think it looks anything like him?” The blond strategist smiled amusedly, unveiling his best friend’s mug-shot once more to his friends.

Baldy gaped. “No, dude. Like, of course that’s him! B-But, that’s- “

“Crazy to think that we’ve found him, but it’s never been impossible.” Armin nodded, his grin stretching wider across his lips. Levi had never seen the little blondie so overjoyed. Not in this life, at least. “And, if my dad – I mean, if Erwin’s true to his word, Eren should be fully settled in here by the end of today.”

The fact that fate had placed Armin Arlert in the hands of Erwin Smith never ceased to surprise him. He thought it was some kind of cruel prank at first, but he’d learned never to doubt the world’s masterful trickery.

Only one of the trio didn’t seem so thrilled of the bright-eyed brat’s return. “You mean I have to suffer through that bastard’s wrath for another lifetime?” He might as well have whinnied, because the boy would always be a horse to Levi, ever since Jaeger had conjured up the iconic nickname...

“Jean...” Armin sighed, glaring lightly at the horse-faced kid.

Jean grinned with faux enthusiasm. “Great. Amazing. I’ll bring out the noose now, shall I?”

Despite his friend’s evident disappointment, Connie’s flame of excitement wouldn’t be extinguished so easily. “Man, this is brilliant – let’s tell the others right now!” The kid was practically vibrating. Levi almost had to question how much caffeine the boy had digested today before realising that in this life, Connie was extremely ADHD.

Armin, the poor boy, placed a hand on the baldy’s shoulder in a hopeless attempt to ground the boy before he combusted spontaneously and burnt a hole in the expensive Persian rug. “Connie, man, we’ve got to keep this hush-hush, alright? Only tell the gang... The others here; they wouldn’t understand.”

They sure wouldn’t, Levi agreed silently. There were only a handful of them, and the other fifty students in the school didn’t know a damn thing about their shared past. Those were the kids he pitied. Erwin avoided mentioning it, but Levi knew he never meant to attract such a large group of brats who weren’t from their life before. They were strangers to them, with legitimate problems far out of his control. But, much to Levi’s annoyance, Erwin Smith had changed. He’d died a guilty man, and now deemed it his duty to help everyone. The demon wanted to redeem himself, so he took every problematic brat beneath his wing. Levi knew that after all he’d done in leading kids to their demise, the man wanted to repay them – anyone – for their service. The raven thought it was stupid. After all Erwin had done, couldn’t he put it to rest and let the brats live their lives? He couldn’t understand his commander’s desire to refresh the memories that had scarred them once before. They didn’t deserve the same trauma in this life too.

Connie’s voice jerked him out of his thoughts. “Alright, hush-hush, I got it! C’mon, Jean!” Levi watched in mild amusement as Jean allowed himself to be carried away by the bald whirlwind. He could only imagine what the kid would be like if his partner in crime was here, but unfortunately for him, Sasha Braus had yet to be found. Though, for Connie’s sake, the raven hoped she’d turn up soon. The kid missed her eccentrics. A lot.

Armin flinched when Levi fell into step beside him. The raven smirked. “Did I scare you?”

“You surprised me, actually.” Blondie shrugged with a small smile, his shoulders relaxing. The miniscule movement unnerved him, reiterating the fact that in this life, Levi had no power. To these brats, he was one of them. Part of him felt free of the restraints his old position had, but he mostly felt uncomfortable.

If he wasn’t the brats’ superior, that’d mean he was their friend. Levi had never been good at making friends.

“So, Jean seemed pleased by the news.” He drawled sarcastically, snorting in amusement at the sight of Armin rolling his eyes.

“He’s just being dramatic.” The blond insisted. “I think he’ll be pleased to have Eren back. I know he’s missed their banter.”

“By banter, I presume you mean their non-stop arguing? Listen, I might not have known them as long as you, but the two of them are loose fucking cannons around each other. This place will be in flames in a week, I assure you.”

“I don’t know about that,” he adjusted his collar of his white shirt, obviously not all that comfortable wearing it. Erwin had insisted on there being a dress code but, thankfully for the especially lazy brats – Connie, especially – he wasn’t overly strict about it. “But maybe Eren’s different.”

“Less angry?” Levi wasn’t so sure about that. It’d take one small glance back at their previous life for the kid to remember he had a lot of things to be pissed about. “I doubt the world would be ready for a change that drastic. A level-headed Eren Jaeger would just be...wrong.”

Armin shrugged. “What about you?” He asked. “He’s going to be here in a couple of hours... Will you be okay?”

The Blondie was one of the few people who’d known about Levi’s feelings towards the boy; about the raven’s thoughts of the incident involving Eren’s sister, which he blamed himself for entirely, to this day. Honestly, the thought of seeing the brunet once more formed knots in his stomach and constricted his throat. He didn’t know if he’d be able to see him without caving in in an overwhelming amount of guilt and shame, and it wasn’t something he wasn’t able to will away.

Rather than confessing his concern, Levi simply shrugged a single shoulder. “The brat’s not my business anymore. He’s not my responsibility.”

The blond-haired boy’s cerulean orbs flickered with confusion. “You’ll at least speak to him, won’t you? He's always idolised you- “

“I’m not someone to be idolised, kid. Not now, and especially not then.”

“You say that, but Eren was still absolutely obsessed with you.” Armin reasoned.

Levi just snorted. “Because I killed the beasts he was mad about for a living, Armin. He didn’t even like me. He was terrified of me.” He couldn’t keep the element of sadness out of his tone at the thought, but quickly realised he wouldn’t feel that way if what happened with the brat’s sister didn’t happen. Whenever he thought of Eren, which was more often that he’d like to admit, the guilt and regret wouldn’t be too far behind.

“He was scared of you originally, yes, but Levi, you weren’t a bad person. You weren’t someone to be afraid of,” the blond brat’s eyes fell downcast, suddenly despondent. “And you couldn’t have saved her – Levi?“ Armin reached out, but the raven was too far out of his arm’s length.

“You coming to class or not, Arlert?” He asked, not waiting for a reply as he turned his back to the boy. He didn’t want to talk about that. He was a guilty man and he knew it. Nobody would change that, and nobody could change what he’d done.

 

* * *

 

Eren cursed the very existence of this place; its long, potentially treacherous cobblestone path in the middle of a dense forest and all. He had his inhaler in his pack that had been gathering dust in long disuse, but after walking for so long now, he was glad for its existence. Thick shrubbery and big-ass trees managed to obscure his view from afar, and then the Uber driver demanded his fee and chucked him out right there. He thought he was utterly screwed until he stumbled upon a towering, pretentious-looking iron gate with a small electronic device, which he ultimately called and must’ve sounded like a frightened little kid to the person on the receiver. Eren had given his name – Oscar Lawrence – and they’d allowed him access, which he’d been questioning his desire for since. He couldn’t turn back now. Knowing his luck anyway, he’d probably get lost among the grounds’ extensive acreage, only to be found months later and be known as the kid who never quite made it to the front door. Which, as far as first days go, wouldn’t have been his worst.

He lugged his weighty suitcase behind him, trailing across the path at the solemnly sluggish pace he’d taken up. Without so much as a goodbye from either of his parents, Eren had left his home in the suburbs at some point mid-morning, with a one-way ticket to the ass-crack of nowhere and a shitload of his belongings with him. He hadn’t anticipated how long the journey would take, hence he was only now crawling up late in the evening, but quickly realised he shouldn’t have put it past his mother to send him across the damn country. Out of sight; out of mind. Only, in her case, she didn’t really give much of a fuck about him most of the time, even when he was right in front of her.

Shouldering his backpack into a position further up his shoulder, Eren desperately tried to ignore the weight of the medication he’d stored in there. She’d put him on the stuff, whether any of it actually worked or not, and at some point he’d given up trying to rebel against her wishes and just took the damn drugs. He was insane and fucked-up, but he had hope the meds would make him less so. Eventually. Despite that he’d been on them for more than seven years now and the hallucinations only seemed to be getting worse.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Eren nearly whimpered in joy to be out of the cold once he’d caught a glance of the opening just in front of him. An orange glow of warmth welcomed him until he’d reached the gravelled section, finally leading up to the horrendously large manor-type building that screamed snobby students and teachers with sticks up their ass. It’d been raining for the past five minutes, quilting Eren in streams of the icy liquid, and by now pretty much resembled a drenched puppy. He wasn’t one to care about making a positive first-impression, but he knew this certainly wasn’t the way to do so.

After a series of tentative knocks, he heard a few mutters and whispers coming from the other side, before one of the two doors swung open to unveil a tall brown-haired, bespectacled woman, who was grinning with exaggerated enthusiasm at him. She did so for several moments, not being able to contain her blatant curiosity. Eren couldn’t help but stare blankly at her in response. It was pissing it down out here – was she going to let him inside or not?

He tugged the metal lip piercing between his teeth, arching a questionable brow. “Oscar Lawrence. Can you let me in, please? My shit’s getting soaked.”

For a moment, she appeared to be the confused one. Her grin faltered, quivering as she just nodded repeatedly to herself. Eren was a mere moment from shoving the strange woman aside and entering without her permission before she smiled toothily, holding up a single finger. “One moment please, dear.” And then slammed the door closed with impressive vigour, shutting him out in the cold.

Eren had only been innocently standing, resembling a fish out of fucking water, and she’d closed the damn door on him. What the hell? He had to admit, although he didn’t have a great reputation with his previous teachers, he’d never been shut out after a first glance. He didn’t know whether to feel self-conscious about his, admittedly scruffy, appearance or just really offended by her reaction. He didn’t think he looked that bad, or maybe he resembled a teenage delinquent a little too closely. Okay, so maybe his hair was a little long and unkempt, and maybe he should’ve taken out his piercings before arriving – and maybe the cut just below his left eye was quite concerning-

The door opened once more and, before an apology could even be uttered from the woman’s lips, she practically stole his suitcase out of his hand and ushered him inside with frantic, skittish movements, and a nervous smile.

What drugs was she on?

He might be on them too.

“Sorry about that, honey-bunch.” The brunette closed the door, and Eren gladly welcomed the central-heating he’d been introduced to - at last. “We’re running a tight show here; security is very, very important. You were a little hard to recognise, looking like a drowned cat and all.”

“Isn’t the idiom a rat, not a cat?”

“It is.” She agreed with a nod, appearing to be somewhat impressed. “But, I personally don’t think referring to a new student as a rat is a very good way of making a half-decent first impression, do you honey-bun?”

Well, if she thought shutting a door in his face was, then Eren honestly didn’t know. He shrugged mindlessly.

“How rude of me! Let me introduce myself!” She cleared her throat, standing straighter with her feet shoulder-width apart. Eren didn’t really care what her name was; she’d be known as the manic scientist-looking lady from now on. “My name’s Hanji Zoe! I’m a psychotherapist here, and a little birdie tells me we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other, Eren Jaeger!”

His blood froze, and a frown grew thicker on his features. “How’d you know that name?” The venomous tone he’d taken up wasn’t very intentional, but Hanji didn’t seem even the slightest bit fazed by the harsh bite in his voice.

She scratched the back of her neck, chuckling nervously. “It was written in the email I’d received from your mother.” The brunette admitted with a small smirk. “I should’ve asked for your permission, but you’re not exactly the first person to have shown up here with an identity crisis.”

Eren’s skin bristled sharply. “I’m not having an identity crisis!”

“Would you prefer me to call you Oscar Lawrence then, Oscar?” She arched a quizzical brow, a small grin playing on her lips as she challenged him. In return, he could only glare, not willing to let this woman know just how much he despised the name he’d been born with. Hanji nodded, seeming to understand his non-verbal reply. “Very well. It’s nice to meet you, Eren Jaeger.”

His heart clenched. Fuck, it felt good to hear someone say that. Every muscle in his body eased at the mention of his name on a person’s tongue that wasn’t his own, and as arrogant and self-centred as it may sound; he honestly didn’t think he’d get enough of hearing it. And suddenly the thought of this woman being his new psychotherapist really didn’t seem so bad.

Eren noticed two others appear in his peripheral, and he instinctively turned in their direction. Both of them were blond, and seemed to share many of the same features. However one was much older, and much taller, than the other, and Eren hazarded a guess to say they were father and son.

“Eren, this is Erwin Smith, Headmaster, and his son, Armin Arlert-Smith. Armin’s your roomie, so you’ve got to be real buddy-buddy with him, or Erwin will kick you off the property.” She spoke the words with such sincerity, Eren almost gulped in fear, knowing full-well he wouldn’t last until the end of the week.

Only when Armin chuckled, smiling charmingly, did Eren realise Hanji had only been joking. “Don’t take her too seriously, Eren, she just likes to scare people. It’s a wonder why she’s actually even in the profession she’s in, just because she’s so bloody immature most of the time.”

Something about the blond, shorter boy was refreshing and heart-warming. And no, Eren’s first impression on people wasn’t usually so positive – especially on other teenagers. But Armin seemed deserving. His large cerulean eyes were bright and joyful, particularly in this moment, and Eren immediately decided he never wanted to see anything negative in those beautiful eyes of his. His blond hair was only a little shorter than his own, but it was combed straight and so damn colourful and Eren couldn’t quite help but smile a little at the boy.

His father, Erwin Smith, was a little less approachable. The stature of the man was pretty impressive, built and burly, and had an air of authority around him. Eren figured he only had that impression because he was the Headmaster, and Eren naturally had a teacher-repellent mixed in his bloodstream. The man’s eyes were a darker shade than Armin’s and seemed colder, but his smile practically counterbalanced every unnerving feature of his face. It was small, but reassuring, and Eren appreciated that he wasn’t yelling at him for being ‘defiantly-dressed’. It’d happened on many other occasions.

“Eren Jaeger.” The man’s voice was just as smooth and stern as he’d expected, and it was almost unfamiliar to hear his name spoke so fondly, as if the man was actually pleased to see him. The brunet tried not to snort at that – no one was ever pleased to see him. “Welcome to the Arlert-Smith Academy. I presume you received all relevant information regarding your stay in an email, correct?”

Really, Eren didn’t have a clue. He’d just found a stack of papers with a little sticky-note his mother had left him with. He deemed them relevant enough, though never actually bothered to read them. He nodded nevertheless, gleaning a strange satisfaction in seeing Erwin’s impressed nod.

“Do you know how long you’ll be boarding?”

He didn’t. “As long as you’ll have me, Mr Smith. I’m not wanted back at home.” Eren nearly clapped a hand over his mouth at the accidental confession. He didn’t know why he’d let it slip; he’d never said anything so true about his home-life before, and it only surprised him further to see concern light up in Erwin’s eyes.

“Right. Nevertheless, we’ll be glad to have you here, Eren.” Again, that damn smile. “And, unlike most of your other schools I imagine, we’re not so strict on formalities here. You may call me Erwin, if it makes you more comfortable. We don’t impose unnecessary rules.”

“Though, that doesn’t mean to say we don’t have rules, young man.” Hanji tapped the bridge of his nose with a pen he’d previously seen tucked behind her ear. “I’m sure Armin will run you by them later on. For now, have you eaten? Dinner finished a couple of hours ago, but if you’re hungry there should be a couple of things leftover.” Eren didn’t think eating would be such a good idea on his first night since his nerves usually tended to get the better of him in new places, but he couldn’t deny that he was hungry after his journey.

So, he nodded with a small smile. “If you have anything vegetarian –“

“Well, let me introduce you to Mike. Man, does that man know how to cook a mean vegetarian chilli con carne!” Hanji hooked her arm through his, practically skipping through the entrée like it was her playground. It may well have been, and Eren really couldn’t help but have his tension eased by the brunette’s immaturity.

 

* * *

 

And hell, Mike really did know how to make a mean vegetarian chilli. He was also possibly the tallest human being Eren had ever laid his eyes upon, but that man knew how to manoeuvre around the kitchen regardless of his towering height. Granted, the kitchen wasn’t exactly compact. Eren hadn’t really seen much of the manor itself, but he supposed everything was larger than anything he’d seen before.

The inkling made his stomach knot tightly, suddenly a hell of a lot more nervous than he had been earlier. And suddenly, he realised eating so much of Mike’s delicious chilli really wasn’t a good idea. From a short glance at his phone, he muttered a quiet curse at the early hour in illuminated figures on his screen. Armin had stolen him away from Hanji a little after he’d finished eating – Eren had been thankful, because shit, that woman could talk – and had shown him to their room. From a distance, his bed had looked like the comfiest bitch he’d ever have the pleasure of sleeping on. Only, when it was actually the time to be getting some much needed shut-eye, Eren couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He’d taken his medication in his and Armin’s shared bathroom, not wanting to receive the blond-haired boy’s questioning glances, and that alone was usually enough to send him into a six-hour slumber.

Yet here he was, still awake, and anxious to close his eyes for more than a couple of moments. The hallucinations worsened in this state, as if they purposefully chose to strike while he was in his most vulnerable position. He quickly began to feel bad for Armin – the poor guy was sleeping so beautifully soundly at the other end of the room and Eren had his back pressed against the wall; head in his hands and his breath coming out in rugged pants.

_Don’t wake up, please don’t wake up._

Armin’s blond hair was splayed out on his pillow, and his small lips were slightly parted as he breathed easily, snuggling deeper beneath his quilt.

It was almost recognisable, but Eren couldn’t pinpoint why. He’d never met this boy. They’d never met before today. They couldn’t have – he would’ve remembered, dammit!

In his mind, an image had been conjured up. Armin and Eren were sharing a bed, both of whom looked younger and like innocent children. The blond had a large book resting on his lap, and was talking animatedly about something Eren was only half-listening to. He was staring at the pictures in Armin’s book, his bright teal eyes gleaming in interest as his best friend read. Armin had always been the smarter one; his parents had taught him to read at a young age –

Eren shook his head, blinking his eyes open in an instant. He reached for his earphones on the nightstand and grabbed his phone, hoisting himself out of the bed. He couldn’t stand this. He couldn’t have a moment to himself without those fucking hallucinations. Despite this one not containing horrifying depictions of the titans, he was rendered confused nevertheless. It seemed so real. How could it be though?

He slid out of their room, locking the door behind him and hoping he hadn’t woken Armin with the sound. Eren’s ears were flooded with the sound of post-rock, blocking out the sound of hallucination-Armin’s reading. He let his feet lead him through the halls, trusting them to not let him fall down a flight of stairs or anything. Although that wouldn’t have been appropriate for his first night, he couldn’t say that falling didn’t sound quite tempting. He wouldn’t though. He couldn’t risk getting himself knocked out. If he did, he’d be exposed to the dreams, and that wasn’t something too desirable.

He’d been dawdling mindlessly before his mind registered the bright white glow being emitted from the room across the stairs from him. Pulling out a single earphone bud, he could barely hear the sound of people speaking on a television. Eren couldn’t imagine why anyone would be watching TV at this hour, but then again, it didn’t sound like a half-bad idea. Moseying over there, he folded himself behind the door that had been left slightly ajar, and poked his head inside to only narrow his eyes. A single figure had made use of a beanbag on the ground, and from this distance, Eren could see a tea-cup balanced precariously between the person’s three-fingered grasp on the rim of the cup despite there being a handle for the very reason to hold. He seemed rather invested in the film played on the TV – The Sixth Sense, Eren silently remarked with a grin – and he couldn’t help but stare at him as he watched the iconic scene, disbelief clouding his eyes. It was clearly his first time watching it.

He stood there for a while, just watching him, until the end credits rolled. As the figure stood, Eren quickly realised the male was a head shorter than he was, which he honestly found quite amusing. The dark-haired boy stretched and Eren caught a glance of his slim, milky white lower back as his shirt tugged up a little. Then the boy suddenly froze, and Eren felt his limbs seize up as the raven pivoted on his heel to glare at him.

“Great film, isn’t it?”

One... Two...

Shit, had Eren said that?

He’d been caught blatantly staring at someone, and that’s all he could say?

The pale boy was stood, frozen still. Had Eren scared him to the point of paralysis?

“There’s a spider behind you.”

Eren’s eyes widened, turning to look over his shoulder, only to be pleasantly greeted by the spider-less sight. He turned back, a frown on his face, but began to gape as he saw the onyx-haired boy leap up on the balcony and disappear in the darkness.

If that hadn’t been the strangest, and shortest, encounter with possibly the most attractive person he’d had in his entire life, he’d be curious to find out what would.

And in his mind, he pictured the boy’s back to him once more. Only, he was leaner and his muscles were more defined, even beneath the dark forest-green cloak, with the overlapping wings splayed on the cape. He felt the butterflies rise in his stomach, and his eyes were wide and adoring. Humanity’s Strongest. His thin, beautiful slate-grey eyes glimmered whispers of blue, regarding him over his shoulder with a small, gentle smirk playing across those lips –

Eren's legs grew weak, staring at the balcony in disbelief; unable to make sense of what he had seen.

Not what - _who._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this up, but this isn't me setting a standard for how quickly chapters will be posted. I'll update whenever I can, and I'll always try to be quick in doing so, but I can't stand posting something I'm not happy with.  
> Anyhow, I hope you're enjoying this like I'm enjoying writing it! I can't wait to really explore the storyline with this!  
> As always, please let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Levi's short appearance at the end will be redeemed in the next chapter, I assure you. As will the return of Jean and Connie, and how will our wonderful horse-face and suicidal bastard get along? Well, probably as terribly as expected.  
> Feedback is much appreciated!  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


	3. The Raven

Armin joined the table, bringing an impression of sadness along with him. From this distance, Levi couldn’t quite tell if the boy was grief-stricken – what with the evident tear tracks and irritated redness in his eyes – or just really fucking exhausted. It may well have been both, but the raven had never seen the boy so despondent, and he immediately blamed the new occurrence on the return of a certain brat.

His group of friends immediately swamped him, bombarding him with relentless questions concerning Jaeger. Though not a single one of the brats regarded Armin’s fragile state. Levi didn’t know if they were all blind or just idiotic, and it wasn’t like he had the first goddamn clue of common courtesy, but he was pretty sure they should’ve picked up on the boy’s demeanour by now.

“Shit-stains,” he yelled, and Connie turned around like he actually owned that name. Which, to Levi, he did. “Stop mobbing the kid. You’re making him uncomfortable.”

Jean snorted in amusement, drinking his glass of milk to get the vital calcium a young pony-boy needs to become a strong stallion. “Guys, let’s pay attention to the antisocial goth sitting alone in that corner over there. He obviously knows Armin better than we do.”

Levi’s brow twitched. If there was one person he could definitely rely on to treat him completely differently than to how he did in their past life, it’d have to be Jean Kirstein. That guy would always be number one on Levi’s shit-list.

At Jean’s comment, Connie joked on his juice and Historia face-palmed.

At Levi’s silent reaction, Armin paled. His gaze flickered over to the blond for a brief moment, before deciding it’d be against his better judgement to start an argument. The blond mushroom needed his friends; not Levi’s hands around Jean’s throat.

The raven shrugged. “Eat your hay, Jean. You’re not you when you’re hungry.”

The brats settled into a relative silence after that, and Levi allowed himself some time to his thoughts to mull over last night’s incident for the umpteenth time since he’d woken up. He’d gone to bed cast in a blanket of his own sweat, and with every fibre of his being on fire; he’d even startled awake in the same state. Intentionally, he had avoided seeing Eren when he’d arrived earlier that night, despite Erwin’s insistence that he should be there. The man had this strange inkling Eren would want to see Levi. The raven could almost laugh at the thought. He’d be the last fucker the kid would want to see, and he knew that for sure. He planned to ignore him for the rest of his time here – or, at least until Levi turned eighteen and could leave this place – just to spare him the trouble of seeing the kid’s beautiful face and having to explain his abrupt departure in the life before.

All because of the issue that had resulted in his sister’s death, of course.

It hadn’t gone according to plan. Of course it didn’t. Eren Jaeger never failed to surprise him. Of all the people that could’ve been awake at a godawful hour of the night, it had to be the brat. And fuck, did the kid look almost identical to his past-self, regardless of the additional lip piercing he’d seen flickering temptingly in the light. His hair might’ve been a little longer if you looked from the front. Levi had paid pretty close attention in the few moments they’d been within the same vicinity, breathing the same air. That was all it took apparently for Levi’s heart to beat out of his chest and his palms to moisten.

He couldn’t help but feel confused by the kid’s reaction. It wasn’t nearly as dramatic or ferocious as he’d imagined. And yes, Levi had been envisioning his demise for a long time now, having become obsessed by the picturing the boy’s expressive face that’d made the man feel so fucking alive in another lifetime. But it wasn’t anything like that. Eren was calm, and had been regarding him with a softness in his eyes that the raven really hadn’t been prepared for. A smirk had been playing on his pierced lips, and the black ring had been pulled between his teeth and it was fucking tantalising.

It didn’t make any goddamn sense.

But maybe he hadn’t been in the right exactly after his sudden take-off. He’d climbed the balcony once or twice before, since his bedroom was directly above the recreational room and he remembered having opened the window that night, but he probably shouldn’t have played the kid like that. In his defence, he was scared like hell. If he didn’t leave as soon as he did, Levi dread to think of what might’ve happened – what he might’ve said to the kid...

Levi groaned quietly into his tea-cup, relishing in the calming scent of chamomile infused tea that overwhelmed his –

He choked on his sip as a hand slapped his back. “Fucking hell, Hanji!” He spat, glaring at the bespectacled woman who’d taken a seat opposite him at the table. Levi’s eyes narrowed, noticing the menacing glint in her eyes. Levi pointed a finger at her. “No. Don’t look at me like that. Go away. Shoo.”

She pouted her bottom lip, peeping at Levi over the rim of her glasses. “But, my precious pin-needled friend, I want to spend some time with you. I didn’t see much of you yesterday.” From the knowing glance in her eyes, he knew immediately what she was inferring.

He curled his lip. “You’re weird.”

“Were you hiding from a certain bright-eyed brat?” She asked nevertheless.

He feigned a nonchalant snort. “Why’d I avoid the kid?” He frowned. “Actually, why would I want to have anything to do with him at all?”

Hanji flattened her palms against the table. “Speak to me, honey. Tell me why you’ve been avoiding him.”

Levi reciprocated her position, leaning forward to glean her undivided attention. “I’m not one of your fucking projects, shitty-glasses. Stop trying to study me.”

The brunette huffed, leaning back in her chair ad frowned like a petulant child. “You know, I was going to interest you in some very peculiar findings regarding our little titan shifter,” Levi’s brows threaded discretely. “But if you don’t want anything to do with him, then I suppose you wouldn’t want to know. Oh well, it’s not a bother –“

Sighing, Levi crossed his legs and leant back, letting Hanji know he wouldn’t be leaving. “If you don’t tell me, I’m throwing scorching hot tea on you.”

She grinned. “Oh but Levi, you wouldn’t waste your delicious tea –“

“Fucking talk, Hanji.”

“Eren can’t remember.” She said, no longer grinning.

Levi’s frown deepened. “Excuse me?” Hanji’s gaze softened, and he realised that she was actually upset. “Is this some kind of joke, Hanji?”

“It’s not a joke,” she assured him, drumming her fingernails on the table. “He doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t recognise any of us. Best of all, he’s convinced he is insane. Armin told me he woke up this morning to Eren screaming, and he couldn’t even touch him because, well, you know why.” Skin-to-skin contact was a bizarre issue among them. When Levi found Hanji, she’d grabbed him in a bear-hug and they’d both been immediately drowned in memories of one another. It had been utterly terrifying and made them both relive everything temporarily. By the end of it, Hanji was in tears and Levi had reverted into a somewhat catatonic state. Similar had happened to everyone they knew. “I mean, if Armin touched Eren, then there’s really no telling how he’d react, considering he can’t remember anything.”

“It might urge him to remember.” Levi supplied thoughtfully.

Hanji hummed at the back of her throat. “Or it might actually drive him insane.” She frowned, rubbing her eyes. “The poor boy, Levi, he’s distraught.”

“Eren?”

“No, Armin. He’s probably telling them right now.” The brunette gestured blindly over to where Armin was seated with the others, and by the looks on their faces, Levi could only assume Hanji was correct. “He’s been desperate to find Eren, and now that he’s here he can’t remember and it’s just so cruel.” She sighed. “The world’s so mean.”

Levi snorted. “I’ll drink to that.” He raised his tea-cup, and Hanji bumped her glass of apple juice against it, mumbling her sorrowful cheers. “But isn’t this where your job comes into play? You don’t get paid to annoy me. You get paid to help kids and recover that brat’s memories.” Though, at that moment, the raven couldn’t say he’d love the return of Eren’s memories. If it was up to him, he’d let the brat live his life, completely, painlessly negligent to the harrowing events of their previous life. It wouldn’t be fair to forcefully make the boy relive that shitty life. Erwin would believe differently, of course, and that man’s word was law, but he wouldn’t find Levi’s approval.

“He’s a blank canvas, Levi. We haven’t had someone like this before.” She shook her head shamefully. “I wouldn’t know where to start with that boy.”

All the more reason to not compel him, he thought darkly. It’d be a traumatic experience for him, and Levi couldn’t understand why they’d want to put Eren through it. He shook his head, glaring at the other end of the dining hall. “Well, if you don’t, then we’re screwed, aren’t we?” From the corner of Levi’s gaze, he saw the boy on everyone’s mind step into the room, and immediately his throat seized up once more. Despite the kid not remembering, he couldn’t help but still feel nervous. “Look at him. He’s quite the little punk isn’t he?”

The brat had donned his school uniform. Well, if a white shirt could be considered as a uniform. He hadn’t even tucked it into his black skinny jeans. Although, the jeans were tight enough without a shirt stuffed down them – not that Levi was really paying that much attention to Eren’s nether regions. His hair was mussed and untamed and slightly damp, protruding in multiple areas in spikes. He doubted the look was intentional, but Levi’s personal opinion approved wholly of the boy’s appearance in the morning. Listen to yourself, he thought shamefully. Have some goddamn tact. He's still a child.

Hanji smirked at him before following his line of sight. “Just your type, then.” Levi kicked her shin beneath the table, and she strained a somewhat pained giggle. “And since when did having a lip piercing make someone a punk?”

“You’re too old to understand.”

“Are you really going to bring our ages into this, Levi? I know you’re self-conscious enough already, baby.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But that’s a name some lovers give to one another, baby. It certainly wasn’t a jab at your age.” Hanji held his clenched fist, rubbing his knuckles with faux adoration.

“Fuck off, Hanji,” he bit, snatching his fist away. “And we’re not lovers. That’s actually illegal.”

“Screw the system!” She yelled shockingly loud, alerting their presence to the table beside theirs – more specifically, where the brat had just taken a seat beside Armin. “My love for you extends beyond age, my dear! Let it be known to the world!”

Levi stretched across the table and pulled her to him by her collared shirt. “Hanji, I swear to you, I will fucking end you if you don’t shut up right now.” Apparently his hushed, dangerously sinister whisper wasn’t enough to convince her to cut the shit.

“Oh?” She glanced down at Levi’s hands bunched up in the smooth fabric of her shirt. “Oh, Levi, I know you like it rough but don’t you think it’s a little too publicised?”

“You’re fucking dead, Hanji.”

The brunette’s throat bobbed at the threat, but she managed a grin nevertheless. She nudged closer to him, and this time spoke quietly. “How would you react if,” she paused thoughtfully, glancing at something beyond Levi’s shoulder. “Hypothetically, of course...Eren Jaeger was currently staring at your ass and he looks really, really pleased by the sight?”

See, he wouldn’t class himself as a particularly ‘prone-to-blushing’ kind of guy. He was once a Captain of a Legion for crying out loud, and he’d definitely never been flattered by that fact. Not even proud. When Hanji told him this however, he didn’t know what reaction must’ve been visible on his features. From her incredibly feminine squeal, he’d suppose it was a little more expressive than he would’ve hoped. He bit his lip and held his tongue, not being able to hide the thick grimace decorating his façade as he turned to peer over his shoulder, immediately finding the green-eyed culprit’s eyes pinned on his rear. Fucking shameless. His stomach flipped. Eren’s eyes caught his own and may he be damned, because the fucking brat chose that moment to wink directly at him, pulling the damn lip ring between those pearly whites before turning back to his table. Levi fell back into his seat, suddenly unable to stand. Perhaps he had high blood pressure, hence making him feel light-headed.

He certainly wasn’t weak at the knees because Eren fucking Jaeger had just winked at him.

“Honey,” Hanji muttered, appraising him. “How long have you had the hots for that boy?”

Levi scoffed, avoiding her demanding gaze. “I do not have ‘the hots’ for that shit-head, you ridiculous imbecile.” He frowned. “And who the ever-loving fuck even says that? ‘The hots’. The fuck does that mean?”

“Urban dictionary says it’s to ‘experience romantic or sexual attraction to someone’.” Petra suddenly appeared, reading from her phone. “So, who has Levi got the hots for?”

“Oh, drive a fucking knife through my heart and spare me from this bullshit.” Levi snapped irritably. “I do not –“

“Eren winked at him and now he’s broken.” Hanji confessed.

“I’m not broken, you twat.” He turned to Petra, hoping to find a more understanding reaction from the orange-haired woman. “Petra, don’t listen to her –“ She didn't listen to him.

“Levi has the hots for Eren?” She piqued, pulling up a chair towards Hanji and leaning in close. “Tell me everything.”

The raven’s tea was cold by the time they’d stopped gossiping, and if he was already not a morning person, then he really wasn’t after this turn of unfortunate events.

 

* * *

 

 

He had to admit, not getting into a fight was a little harder than he’d anticipated with horse-face McGee sitting opposite him. In fact, if he hadn’t been so interested in the raven behind him, he might’ve actually punched the guy for undoubtedly saying something annoying. He shouldn’t have been so easily triggered by ash brown-haired individual, but there was just something about the guy that was so painfully, excruciatingly irritating.

After being caught staring at the raven – for the second time, goddammit – Eren turned back to his table. Armin had introduced him to everyone, and they all seemed nice enough. Granted, Jean often talked like a self-esteemed dickhead and Connie wouldn’t stop bobbing his knee and knocking the table, but at least the girls were nice. Historia, a petite, admittedly cute blondie with a smile that could probably light up the darkest of rooms, and Mina, a sweet dark-haired girl. Mina had been stealing glances at him for a while now, but he tried not to overthink her blushing reaction when he’d caught her glance, or the shy smile that quickly followed. She was beautiful, but it wasn’t her ebony locks he had on his mind.

He’d been nibbling on the same piece of toast for the past twenty minutes, content in listening to Armin and Historia bicker relentlessly over something they’d apparently discussed in class a couple of days ago. Eren didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, but they both seemed equally knowledgeable on whatever it was. He nearly choked on his swig of water when he received an abrupt, solid kick to his shin beneath the table.

Jean was wearing a smug smirk. “Hey, Jaeger. Did it hurt?”

Eren frowned. “What? That kick?” He challenged. “Man, I’d have to be a real pussy for that pathetic attempt to actually hurt.”

The horse-faced prick scowled. “Watch your mouth, asshole. And no, I was talking about your piercing, idiot.”

“Don’t know honestly,” he admitted, fiddling the dark metal between his fingers. “If I hadn’t done it myself, it probably would’ve hurt a hell of a lot less.”

Connie gaped, and Eren nearly cringed to see a half-chewed pancake wedged between his molars. “You did that yourself? Yo...” He shook his head, impressed. “That’s mad. You did it with what, a sewing needle?” He joked.

Eren nodded. “I mean, I sterilised it first –“

“That’s awes-“

“Stupid.” Jean supplied, wrinkling his nose at Eren. “That’s seriously stupid. Are you an idiot? What, you too poor to get it done professionally?”

His deep teal-eyed gaze narrowed. “You think I’d be at a school like this if I was poor? Are _you_ an idiot?”

“Well, I don’t know, you look scruffy enough. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Erwin got you from the streets.” He snorted, smirking at his retort. Eren tried to keep calm. His temper had always been an issue. He’d tried to keep his anger at bay. But that horse-faced bastard had it coming. “Jesus fucking Christ!” Jean yelled, dropping a hand against the table while the other reached down to grab his assaulted shin. His accusatory glare turned on Eren. “What the fuck?”

The brunet arched a thick brow. “Did it hurt?” He questioned, mastering a replica of the other’s previous smirk. “Let that be a reminder to you, Seabiscuit.”

“Seabiscuit?” He reiterate loudly, swallowing a curse. “What the hell is that?”

Eren shrugged. “An American racehorse. Made a film about it in 2003.”

Jean scoffed. “You’re fucking weird, Jaeger.”

“And you look like a horse.”

“Is there a problem here, gents?” Hanji towered over them, hands on her hips, and looking like the authoritative figure Eren had never known her to be. Reminded due to her sudden appearance, Eren tried to turn to look at the raven once more but was abruptly stopped by the brunette’s pen on his chin, facing him back in her direction. Did she always have a pen on her? “No more ogling at a cute ass for you, darling. Class is starting in T minus three minutes, so get your ass to your tutor room.”

“Tutor room?” Eren reiterated, trying to ignore the woman’s previous comment. Shit, even she’d noticed his staring. He didn’t realise he’d been so obvious. Though, the more he thought about it, it really wasn’t so surprising. He hadn’t exactly been discreet.

“Yeah, I told you about it last night.” Armin smiled, rising from his seat. “You’re with us anyway. Just follow me.”

“Hang on,” Jean hissed. “You mean this fucker’s going to be in all of my classes? Are you kidding me?”

Hanji patted his shoulder, feigning sympathy for the guy. “Now, now, Jean. You and Eren will be buddy-buddy with one another in no time. Just you wait.” She sang, turning to walk away, but stopped short. “Oh, and Eren, I’ll come steal you out of class sometime later, alright? I know you’ve been as excited to start our sessions as I have.” Eren’s stomach dropped at the reminder. For a moment, he thought he was normal.

“S-Sure, Hanji.” His eyes skittered nervously over to Jean, wondering if he’d overheard. Of course, he had.

He scoffed. “Problems, man. We’ve all got ‘em. Doesn’t make you special.” And for some bizarre reason, that was probably the least offensive and most effective thing he could’ve said. For that, Eren was remarkably thankful for Jean’s crass commentary.

He doubted his gratefulness would last long though.

 

* * *

 

 

Armin had been eerily silent for the most part of third period, glaring mindlessly at the door that’d been opened only when his best friend waltzed out of it forty-eight minutes prior. The raven had personally counted those forty-eight minutes – still counting, mind you – and vowed to make Jaeger pay for every damn second he had the blond worrying over him. It wasn’t just him either. Silence had promptly followed the brunet’s abrupt exit. Even the goddamn horse had shut his trap, realising not a single soul in that room appreciated his shitty humour in that moment. They were all concerned.

Their teacher, an assigned substitute, had retained utter nonchalance, or incompetence – Levi had trouble distinguishing the difference between them; the two being quite reasonable possibilities – towards the situation. She’d probably forgotten about the student who’d asked to take a toilet break, and had yet to return even fifty minutes later. Armin was just as, if not more, distracted by the brunet’s disappearance as Levi was, and their continuous exchange of shared glances was a sign of that.

It was only when his phone emitted a subtle beep, alerting him to the text message he’d just received, that he broke his eyes from the blond.

 

**New Message from _Brows of Mass Destruction_**

**Received at 12:03PM:**

_**We’ve encountered a small problem.** _

 

**Message to _Brows of Mass Destruction_**

**Sent at 12:03PM:**

_**The small problem being a Headmaster texting a student during class, therefore distracting him from his studies? Yes, that is quite the problem you have there.** _

 

**New Message from _Brows of Mass Destruction_**

**Received at 12:05PM:**

_**Such a fast response from a student so dedicated to his studies, don’t you think? It’s as if you were just waiting for a reason to not pay attention.** _

 

**Message to _Brows of Mass Destruction_ **

**Sent at 12:06PM:**

_**Oh no. You’ve found me out. How terrible. Enough of the bullshit, Smith. What’s the ‘small’ problem? Did Hanji block all the toilets again?** _

 

**New Message from Brows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 12:07PM:**

**Don’t tell Armin. The grounds’ gardener has reported in to us to have spotted a kid wandering around, occasionally screaming or lashing out. Hanji and Petra are on their way to look now. I’d like you to go with them, just in case he’s a lot to handle.**

 

**Message to _Brows of Mass Destruction_ **

**Sent at 12:07PM:**

_**And why aren’t you telling Armin of this?** _

 

**New Message from _Brows of Mass Destruction_ **

**Received at 12:08PM:**

_**Because the description we’ve received matches Eren’s. I don’t want Armin to see his friend in this state. I’ve paged your teacher to permit your excusal. Be quick.** _

* * *

 

He’d briefly chosen to close his eyes, hoping he’d eventually regain control over his fidgeting muscles. He hadn’t intended to lose it completely. Though, rather than seeing the back of his eyelids as he’d craved for, he saw the gory abyss of a titan’s mouth threatening to engulf him whole. He could smell the pungent, foul odour of rotted and mangled corpses, and the enormous, slick tongue that he struggled to grip. There’d been a sight of light in front of him – the mouth was open; he could’ve escaped. But the titan’s head snapped back, and Eren couldn’t find any crevice to grapple on, and then he was screaming. Corpses littered the place, floating on the surface of the blood and, what Eren could only suppose was the titan’s stomach acid. He stood waist-deep in the gunk, and his stomach hurled at the rancid stench that was choking him. Frightened expressions adorned the faces of the bodies – at least, the ones that even had faces. Many were maimed beyond belief; beyond recognisable –

He’d left the classroom a long time ago. He didn’t really know how he’d managed to venture outside, but he was surrounded by trees.

And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.

Something was chasing him. No, it wasn’t just him – ahead, a single rider galloped in urgency; wing-crested cape billowing as the air rushed past them; the familiar raven under-cut ruffled by the wind. To Eren’s side were two others, their faces dripping - almost blurred - by sweat, fear and desperation. The petite strawberry-blonde haired lady amber eyes were large but retained focus ahead of her, regardless of the thundering footsteps behind them.

“Captain,” she said, her voice firm but quavering. “What are your orders?” Twinges of the distress in her demanding tone struck Eren’s spine in terror –

He gasped, collapsing against a tree with his eyes blown wide. It was raining now, but his vision was blurred anyway. Every shuddering intake of air was met with a pain in his chest and head, his knees growing weaker at every passing second. It was agonising. His entire being was in crippling devastation but he didn’t dare shut his eyes.

His hand was raised to his mouth, his teeth gracing the skin tauntingly. One bite. No – he couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t blur the lines between fantasy and reality. He couldn’t bite himself. That wouldn’t solve his problems like it used to.

_Like it used to..._

“No!” Eren yelled, slamming his fist against the ground, choking back a sob as he fell back. “Don’t do this! Please!”

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t shut his eyes. He couldn’t breathe.

Above him, the darkening sky flashed as a bright burst of light cracked beyond the clouds. The rain was really coming down now, coating his front in brutal pellets of harsh ice-cold liquid. Behind him, he could hear a voice calling his name. It wasn’t recognisable – nothing was recognisable anymore. They sounded both frantic and terrified, but that in itself was familiar. Then, a presence hovered by his side. Sharp, gunmetal-grey eyes scanned his own, and his mouth formed words Eren couldn’t quite understand, nor hear. The onyx hair was plastered messily to his pale forehead, droplets of rain trickling down the curve of his face.

He couldn’t hold it back any longer. Eren’s eyes were beginning to slip shut, despite the hand shoving relentlessly at his shoulder. He caved in to the nightmarish imagery and hallucinations that awaited him, mumbling the one title that his lips could remember to form.

“ _Captain_...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ello! I'm back with another chapter for your faces to (hopefully) enjoy!  
> Apologies for this chapter switching POVs a lot - if it's confusing, let me know and I'll make it more clear who's POV we're in. Thus far, it's either Levi's or Eren's, and it's probably going to stay that way.  
> Also, is it as hard to read Eren's hardships as it is to write them? HE DESERVES BETTER - THEY ALL DO, DAMMIT! HAPPINESS IS NEEDED!  
> Whew, sorry. Calm down...  
> Lemme know your thoughts on this chapter! I appreciate all the feedback I receive and am completely welcoming to constructive criticism!  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


	4. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning -- mentions of suicidal thoughts/attempts

“Captain...?” He reiterated numbly, his own voice crestfallen on deaf ears. “Eren.” He prodded the boy’s shoulder. “Eren!” He became more frantic with every passing second; every passing second he received little response from the brat. Not a murmur, a grumble, of acknowledgement, not a flutter of the eyelids. Eren could be dead, for all Levi knew. The mere thought of such rendered his chest painful and achy, and he quickly rid his mind of any thought even slightly similar. Eren’s not dead – the kid wouldn’t die so easily. It’s not possible.

And he only just got his brat back. Fate wouldn’t be so cruel.

They couldn’t stay out here in the piss-cold rain. Levi was already soaked to the bone, as was Eren – though he probably didn’t mind as much as the raven did, seeing as the fucking brat wasn’t even conscious – and his clothes were plastered uncomfortably to his skin. He’d been smart enough to find a coat before Hanji and Petra dragged him out on this manhunt, under Erwin’s orders, and had luckily secured himself a pair of gloves. When he’d first slipped them on, he didn’t realise just how handy they’d be – and no, that pun wasn’t intended.

He glared at Eren’s immobile form and, ignoring the heavy rock developing in the pit of his stomach at the sight, he grabbed the boy’s arm, bringing him to his deadweight feet, and tightened it around his waist, stabilising him. He was surprisingly light – perhaps a little too light, if anything. Though, he had to remind himself this wasn’t the athletically-built soldier he remembered. This was an ordinary – the term used rather uselessly, considering he deemed himself insane and had regular hallucinations – teenage boy. With a really fucking fetching lip-ring. Eren’s head was slumped against his shoulder, and Levi could detect the light pants of warm breath exiting the brunet’s lips against his alabaster jaw, despite the glacial, cutting weather. Similarly, with his body slanted against his own, Levi could feel the brat’s form heating his own. Why was he so warm? He couldn’t take his temperature – he couldn’t do that with gloves on.

He wasn’t a doctor. He was as medically-inept as could be - which was a stupid-ass thing to be - and he’d never regretted not listening to Hanji’s rambles any more than he did now.

He decided, as anxious as it made him, to just grin and bear it; thought it was nearly impossible. “Eren.” He repeated his name, just to ease his conscience. He poked Eren’s side, urging for something – anything – to give him a sort of sign he was okay. If it weren’t for the almost distracting exhales of hot air tickling his neck, Levi would assume he wasn’t, and that scared the shit out of him. From his back pocket, a subtle vibrate diverted his hand back there to retrieve his phone.

“I found him, Hanji. He’s completely out of it. I’m bringing the shithead back now.”

_“You’re not touching him, are you?”_

“No, you idiot. Of course I’m not touching him.”

_“Sorry, it’s just you’re prone to making mistakes when you’re concerned.”_

“Concerned? I’m not concerned. Why would I be concerned?”

_“It doesn’t matter. I’m nearly back, and Petra’s already there, so I’ll meet you there. Can you give me a quick briefing on Eren’s state beforehand? It’s for science.”_

“Like I said, he’s completely out of it. He’s abnormally warm and I can’t wake him up. He’s still breathing but it’s slightly laboured. I mean, he’s covered in dirt and grime and he’s absolutely disgusting, but I think he’s fine.”

_“Okay. Try to wake him up, would you? I’ll see you in a bit.”_

The call ended, and surprisingly enough it wasn’t the raven who’d disconnected so quickly. If Hanji’s short, quipped responses weren’t tell-tale signs enough. She was worried, and that unnerved him endlessly.

He glared at the bronzed hand that sat on his shoulder. “Look at you. You’ve got everybody worried about your dumbass and you don’t even remember who they are.” Levi mused aloud, scowling deeply. “How selfish.” He hissed, bracing himself against the harsh wind.

A broken sob jerked him to a stop. He pushed Eren’s shoulders away to see teal orbs blown shockingly wide, tinted by irritated crimson lines. He looked absolutely lost; his eyes skittering around helplessly. “Armin.” He gasped chokingly. “Armin.” His voice was raspy and didn’t sound like his own.

“Eren, look at me.” He demanded, grabbing Eren’s face in his gloved-hands. “Wake up, brat.”

He wasn’t blinking. It was as if he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open, and it was a harrowing sight.

“Eren –“ The brat swung a fist, and it cracked against Levi’s cheek, taking him back a metre or two. The raven grimaced, recoiling at the unexpected attack. “You fucker...” His insult fell short as his glare fell back on the boy, whose face was in his hands and he was shaking. He was in a state of tears, that’s for sure. “Get up, Eren.”

Through the brat’s fingers, he could see his green-eyed gaze the most damaged and devastated he’d ever seen them. “M-Mikasa...” He choked out and Levi’s blood froze in his veins.

The delicate tone of his own voice surprised him. “Please, just wake up...” The plea was hopeless, but his mouth formed the words regardless. Then, just as abruptly, Eren’s body stopped vibrating and he slumped back onto the drenched dirt path in a heap. Levi’s jaw was clenched, as were his fists, at the sight of him.

Levi had never been this bad. He’d had his episodes – from the days before he remembered, but after meeting Erwin that all changed. Eren had met most people, yet he still didn’t remember.

He frowned deeply. This kid was always getting the rotten end of the deal. He didn’t deserve this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Don’t step out of line, Hanji. This is difficult for all of us –“

“You’re letting him suffer – Erwin, the kid thinks he’s insane! Listen, it’d be as easy as telling him everything –“

“It’s not that simple. You know I wish it was, but it’s not. It may have worked before for the others, but that boy in there is _different_. Perhaps his shifting abilities had hindered his memories and their recovery, but recounting the events of the past may well be enough to destroy him. I’m not willing to risk it.”

“Then what do you propose we do?” He spoke up for the first time, meeting the older man’s cold, hard stare head-on, unfaltering. “Go on. Enlighten us, Erwin, because as far as I’m concerned, we’re the only ones who can help him – you, me, and four-eyes. This is beyond the help of ordinary therapy and you know it.”

Erwin’s tone was dismissive, his face stern. “This conversation is over.” He turned to the bespectacled brunette. “Hanji, your sessions with the boy will proceed as planned. Everything he says; document it. For now, that’s all we can do for him: provide guidance. Understand?”

Hanji’s glare was unrelenting and, quite obviously, pissed off, but she nodded nevertheless. “Understood.” She turned to leave Erwin’s office, as did the man himself.

Levi frowned and queried the man: “Where are you going now?”

Erwin raised a half-hearted wave of dismissal over his shoulder. “I have to inform the pupils: under no circumstances should any of us touch, Eren Jaeger. Skin-to-skin, that is.”

The raven couldn’t resist the unamused, wry chuckle that spilled out of his mouth. “So you’re going to tell Armin, your son, that you’ve given up on his best friend and that he’s to treat him like a goddamn leper?” He then snorted, shaking his head cynically. “Good luck with that, father of the fucking year. He’ll hate you.”

The man faced him; his face as stony as ever. “Unlike some people I could think of, Armin will be more understanding, I’m sure. He’s clever – he’ll know that, at this time, precautions need to be taken to ensure Eren’s health and safety until I determine our next course of action.” Erwin sighed, dry-washing his face. “I know you and Hanji are upset about this, but this was the only viable option, Levi. I just wish you’d recognise that.”

“You didn’t see him, Erwin. You haven’t seen what those godawful hallucinations do to him.” He muttered, thinking back on the sight of the brat writhing in the dirt, quivering in fear and screaming in physical – and mental – agony. “I’ve had a mere glimpse of it and if there’s one thing I do recognise; it’s that they’re tearing him apart. He needs to remember, dammit!” His voice wavered in tempo slightly, desperation nearly overwhelming him.

When did he start caring so much for the brat?

Better yet; when did he start wanting the brat to remember anything at all?

Masking his momentary disbelief at the confrontation, Erwin continued with a blank expression. “I understand the gravity of the situation, but the consequences of the unknown may be too severe to comprehend at this moment in time. Yes, he’s blatantly suffering right now, but it may well be the lesser of the two evils, Levi. Sacrifices need to be –“

“Sacrifices, Erwin? Really?” Levi uttered, scowl heavy. “Have you not learnt anything?”

The bite in his tone was followed by a grimace of evident pain that flashed across Erwin’s features. Levi’s blood froze in his veins, and he was quickly consumed by immense guilt. Erwin had spent most of his life, since he remembered, beating himself up over the sacrifices he’d made in their past life; sending young soldiers to their deaths to fight for a selfish cause. He didn’t need to hear Levi’s disapproval too.

The blond turned away, his shoulders stiff and tense, and he released a sigh. “This conversation is over. You’re dismissed, Levi.”

Pale-faced, Levi’s glare softened, and he looked to the floor in shame. “Erwin, I’m sorry –“

It was fruitless. Erwin’s stride quickened, as if he could feel Levi’s surge of regret.

“You’re _dismissed_.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Dazed and confused, Eren woken up to the sight of fish; swarms of multicolour, drifting peacefully in an oversized, decked out fish tank. It was quite the sight, and Eren had personally never felt more envious of a gilled creature than then. His lower back and shoulders ached horrendously, and the cool surface – it looked like leather, and he could only hope it was faux – his face was pressed against was refreshing to his flushed, heated skin. It was a tell-tale sign of what had happened, even if he couldn’t really remember the events that had rendered him in this position. That, and the painful pissing migraine that elicited a loud, aggravated groan from Eren’s throat.

Suddenly, a face appeared behind the fish tank – their face freakishly altered and misshapen through the glass. He wasn’t proud of the horrified high-pitched squeal that left his lips, and the maniacal cackle that soon followed didn’t pay his headache any form of relief.

Hanji rounded the tank, clutching her stomach as she doubled over in fits of laughter. “Y-Your face!” She bellowed boisterously, howling ridiculously. “Comedy gold!”

“Absolutely hilarious.” Eren snapped, unsurprisingly irritable as he adjusted himself, sitting up vertically and he ran a fatigued hand through his mussed hair, recoiling at the damp texture. Had he drooled _into_ his hair? Probably, but he didn’t think he could generate so much saliva to coat the entirety of his head – and his clothes, he noticed. He winced sharply, catching the sight of raindrops hammering against the window to his side. If he’d blacked out – which he had figured as such – then there might’ve been a very obvious reason why he was drenched.

“Good to have you back in the land of the living, Eren.” Mr Smith – no, Erwin – smiled warmly from across the room.

Next to him stood the raven; small in comparison, but in no way any less intimidating, to the bulk of blond hair. Eren remarked at the sight of him, only with a hint of surprise. A dark, fresh bruise adorned his cheekbone, proving to be a harsh contrast against the flawlessly pale skin. It hadn’t been there at breakfast, he was almost certain of it. Despite having solely paid attention to the older teenager’s ass – and what an ass it was – Eren did have the decency to admire his face, which had previously been magnificently clear except for the dark circles beneath his eyes. For an inexplicable reason, Eren’s gaze narrowed in suspicion. Had he been hurt? If that was the case, he needed to know just who the culprit was – who he’d need to pay a visit. The raven’s posture had a noticeable amount of tension, which only further increased the more Eren stared. Fuck, he _really_ needed to stop ogling.

He realised he hadn’t replied to Erwin, and he stuttered a measly response: “Y-Yes, sir.” By the exchange of glances between the other three in the room, Eren could tell they’d been surprised by the formality.

“And how do you feel, may I ask? You’ve had quite the day, I see.” Most of which, Eren couldn’t actually remember, but sure; “quite the day” was probably a way of putting it.

“I’m okay.” It was a lie, and it was an easily detectable one. His head ached, his stomach performed its own course of acrobatics every couple of seconds and he couldn’t really see straight. But no, he was okay. Completely fine and dandy.

“Bullshit.” The raven announced sharply, glaring at him coldly. “Don’t take the brat’s word for it, kid. You can see he’s not okay.” Eren would’ve flinched at the bite in the boy’s words if he wasn’t so heavily infatuated by the taut, frowning lips; the dark circles beneath this slight, dark eyes and that completely unorthodox hairstyle.

He caught his eyes. “I’m _fine_.” He insisted, revelling slightly at the sight of the onyx-haired teen’s gaze trained heavily undivided on him.

“Like I said,” He spat, grimacing at Eren. “ _Bullshit_.”

“ _Levi_ ,” Erwin barked disapprovingly at the raven. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Go fuck yourself. You asked me to be here.” Levi snapped, scowling. “That kid’s a liar, and it’s not getting him anywhere.”

Eren’s enraptured gaze became an irritated glower. “I’m not a liar.”

“Then stop wasting time and tell them how you feel, you little shit.”

Suddenly, Seabiscuit the racehorse’s number one fan, Jean Kirstein, wasn’t at the top of Eren’s shit-list. He didn’t know who Levi was; only that he had the face (and ass) of a god and the mouth of a prick. And, in that moment, Eren could’ve sworn he’d seen the quirk of the raven’s lips as he realised it too.

“Put away the claws, gentlemen,” Hanji pressed, standing between the two. “I really didn’t expect this from either of you – especially you, Levi.” There was a subliminal message behind Hanji’s statement and, accompanied by her ominous, hard stare, Eren was surprised to see the raven stand completely unfazed by it.

“Don’t be dim, shitty-glasses. You should know me well enough to not base assumptions on how I’d react to shitty, snot-nosed brats like this shithead.”

Eren’s fists clenched. “What the _fuck_ is your problem?”

“You’re my problem.” He growled.

Hanji tried to speak, but was promptly dismissed. “Levi –“

“You just had to show up here.”                             

“Levi, stop it –“

“You’ve fucked us all over, Eren, because you can’t fucking remember –“ The raven stopped himself mid-sentence, his eyes wide and taken-aback by himself. His gaze became ashamed, and fell on Erwin, who’d remained impassive throughout his outburst; then to Hanji, who Eren was surprised to see carrying tears in her eyes; and then, finally, landed on Eren. “I...” His throat tightened, and the brunet could visibly see him struggled to form words. In the end, he settled for nothing, and silently announced his departure via his footsteps exiting the room.

“Shit...” Hanji’s voice cracked, stalking Levi’s back as he left. “Levi – wait!”

And then there was just him and Erwin, standing in silence, listening to Hanji’s yells echo through the halls.

Erwin cleared his throat, claiming Eren’s immediate, undivided attention the moment Hanji could no longer be heard. “Well,” he sighed. “Apologise for the altercation, Eren. Levi doesn’t usually act out of line. Sure, he can be extremely brash and cold at times, but...” Erwin’s expression bore a thick grimace. “I can’t understand why he acted like that actually...”

Eren wasn’t an idiot, and he didn’t think of Erwin as one either. The blond knew exactly why Levi had behaved so horribly, but he just didn’t feel like letting Eren know. And that only succeeding in further pissing off the brunet.

He needed a drink. He’d brought a few bottles of the hard-stuff with him, for this exact reason. Better yet, he could find a place to have a smoke. It was a basic necessity of his after experiencing a particularly rough hallucination – or, in this case, a _series_ of rough ones – and it didn’t exactly ease his tension to then have someone practically bite his damn head off.

He didn’t plan on tolerating whatever vendetta Levi held against him. He didn’t think staring at the raven’s ass was such a crime, but if that was the case, he’d stop.

And if he wanted to have a go at Eren again, he wouldn’t relent. He’d never been one to run from a fight.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Talk to me, please –“

“Stop following me and fuck off.”

“You’re going outside again? Levi, please, where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Out? Out where?”

“Out of this godforsaken school. Away from that godforsaken brat.”

“Why did you lash out? He didn’t do anything –!“

“I know he didn’t, dammit! He didn’t do anything at all.”

“Then why...?”

“Because the little shit’s got a way of getting under my skin, that’s why.” He cursed, bristling once more against the brutal wind. Only, this time, he didn’t have a certain, inhumanly warm brat’s body beside him. “He strolls in here, preaching his insanity with that uncomfortably attractive lip-ring and boyish charm of his and everything’s all fine and dandy except, really – it’s not! He doesn’t remember a damn fucking thing and, Hanji, you didn’t see the state he found himself in earlier today, in the forest. It was horrifying, and you know that’s not a word I often use in the right context.” He was rambling – no, he was ranting. He was venting his frustrations and burdening Hanji with them. He knew he shouldn’t, but fuck it, she was a fucking psychiatrist, wasn’t she? She could take it. “And Erwin, the fuck-wit, demands we sit back and let this happen to him? Fuck that. I can’t stand for that. I can’t let that happen to Eren -”

His session was brought to an abrupt pause the moment Hanji’s arms circled him and held him in a tight embrace. His face was pressed against her chest – which, might he add, was incredibly uncomfortable for him, and he cursed himself for his short stature – and her long-fingered hand drew small patterns on his back. Levi was breathing abnormally heavy and he felt extremely out of breath, probably because he’d never spoken for such a lengthy amount of time. His arms hung numbly by his sides, and he couldn’t even force himself out of Hanji’s hold due to lack of energy.

Instead, he just cursed, sighed, and urged himself to calm down. He listened as Hanji spoke.

“I’m not going to pry on your emotions. You know I like to joke around sometimes, but I won’t this time.” She assured him. Her voice was tender and soft, and he realised he rarely had moments like this with Hanji Zoe – or with anyone, really. It was actually kind of...comforting. “But I need you to promise me something.”

He couldn’t reply. Honestly – he really couldn’t physically reply because, if he tried, he’d get a mouthful of Hanji’s shirt. That wasn’t something either of them would want. Rather than risking that, he grumbled in acknowledgement, hoping she’d catch on and would 1) stop touching him, or 2) she’d continue. Better yet, she’d do both.

She didn’t let him go, but she did continue. “I forbid you from pushing that boy away. He’s got no one, Levi. His parents practically disowned him, shoving him here instead of pulling any legal action to take him off their hands. He’s struggling. There’s more to his file and medical history than he lets on to, but it’s terrible, Levi. You can’t hurt him – none of us can. If Erwin thinks this is the right course of action for now, then we have to believe it is. And you have to be there for Eren. Be his friend.”

“He’s a brat.”

“Sorry to break it to you, shorty, but so are you.” She released him, allowing breath back into his lungs once more. He scratched the back of his neck, running his fingers through the shorter hairs of his undercut above his nape and frowned at the floor. “You’re not his Captain anymore. You don’t have to treat him like he’s nothing more than a weapon.”

“You’re asking me to be his friend,” he scoffed dryly. “I don’t have friends, Hanji. It’s a business I prefer not to concern myself with.”

“I’m your friend. Erwin’s your friend. Armin likes you. Jean, believe it or not, does like you too. Connie’s scared of you, but I’m sure he –“

“Nevertheless, I...” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’ll try.”

Hanji’s expression formed one of optimum smugness, which didn’t fail to annoy him relentlessly. “Good to hear! Now, if it’s not too much trouble for your emotionally-constipated self to do, go find Eren and apologise.” She grinned, leaning down to ruffle Levi’s hair. “That’s an order!”

Levi grimaced and cringed away from her hand and began to comb down his agitated locks with his fingers. “You’d had your fair share of commanding in the last lifetime. You don’t get that privilege this time around.”

“Once a commander; always a commander.” Erwin’s voice entered, and Levi peered over Hanji’s shoulder to see the man standing off to one side, watching their exchange with a small smile. “And once a captain; always a captain. But that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be a dick to people because of it.”

“Would that be abusing my title?” He asked, smirking slightly.

“Absolutely.” Erwin agreed. “Eren sloped up to his room a little while ago. I gave him the permission, figuring he needed to rest up after the day he’s had. I was about to bring Armin out of class to keep him company, but after yours and Hanji’s recent conversation, it seems you’ll be joining Eren anyway.”

“I didn’t realise there was a day in the calendar dedicated to bossing me around. Fuck...” He shook his head, scoffing lightly. “I’m warning you, if the brat starts on me, I’m not going to let him give me another black-eye.”

Erwin smiled. “I’m sure he feels the same way.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren didn’t lack common courtesy. He wouldn’t dare light up a cigarette in his shared dorm room, but he figured it’d be alright outside, on the balcony. At least there, as well as not stinking up the room, he could allow some fresh air in his lungs. Smoking was already a terrible idea – what with his asthma – but it just seemed to help him unwind.

And, for a fifteen year old to say that, he knew how absurd it was. But, Eren figured, he wasn’t like many other kids his age.

His phone sat beside him, carrying a rhythmic tune through its speaker; allowing the nightly, early-evening autumn breeze to levitate the music and take it through the air. He had a love-hate relationship with the night. He didn’t enjoy sleeping and he tried to avoid it completely, but he usually slipped under the dark veil as soon as the night swept in nevertheless. But, similarly, while he avoided sleep like the plague; he’d just sneak out of his window, find a park somewhere local and just sit there, listening to the whistling wind.

Singing softly along to the artist’s voice, Eren’s mind became distracted – drifting to its dark occasional state he disliked with a passionate contempt. His gaze drifted to the ground below him; the several feet of height he had on it. He’d been hospitalised for pulling shit like this, and his parents had nearly been driven to the point of madness by his attempt. They hadn’t been worried, of course. They’d been infuriated. Pissed off beyond belief that he’d even consider pulling a stunt that’d pose such a dire threat to their status.

But, here, they couldn’t stop him. Sure, he might ruin their reputation, but it’s not like he’d regret it – he wouldn’t be able to. It was tempting; to feel the wind whip around him, lashing his bare skin as he fell. Even if the impact didn’t kill him, the pain would suffice. After all, it’s not the fall that kills you.

It’s the landing.

A pit formed in his stomach and his hands began to shake. Did he want this? It’d save him a lot of trouble in the long-run. He wouldn’t need to question his episodes. He wouldn’t need to live his life in pain and confusion; living through suffering and death via his hallucinations.

Ultimately, it wouldn’t take him much convincing to stay.

He climbed atop of the wall, planting his feet firmly on the edge. The music continued, reaching the climax of the song. It was uplifting honestly, and the moment had never felt more fitting. He could finally relieve himself of the nightmares – the questions; the death; the pain; the –

_“This world is cruel.”_

The words fell from the pale-skinned girl’s lips; the bottom half of her chin wrapped up and concealed away by a crimson scarf.

“M-Mikasa.” He whispered, torn. “Mikasa.”

He heard a knock, but chose to ignore it, too enraptured by the sight of her below him, glowing almost angelically.

 _“Eren...”_ She called softly. _“This world is cruel.”_

“Mikasa!” He yelled, crouching down as if that’d take him closer to her. “P-Please...!”

“Eren!” A voice pierced through him, shattering his vision until the raven-haired girl had vanished from below him. It was then he realised just how far he’d leant forward, in the hopes of possibly reaching her.

He lost his footing on the edge and began to topple forwards.

His breath had caught in his throat.

He wasn’t falling.

Instead of plummeting to the ground, fiery shards of agony exploded through his arm and erupted – as if a bomb had been detonated inside of him. He screamed and felt himself be dragged backwards. He fell back onto the balcony.

Across from him, the blurry sight of Levi flooded his vision, wrenching his back as his face contorted into an expression of pain not too dissimilar to his own.

And then he felt a brutal force hit his cheek. He cried out in pain, lurching to one side as a kick was planted against his stomach. Everything fell silent, and Eren could no longer hear the breeze of the night. He could only hear the gasps of agony exiting his own throat. People appeared around him, their faces replicating their horror at the sight of him being beaten up to a pulp. A rifle had been trained on him, and a fidgety-fingered man had a hold on the trigger. But he hadn’t been shot. A man immerged from the crowd, short in stature but was never one to have his strength underestimated – Levi didn’t bear the title of Humanity’s Strongest for nothing.

It was only when Eren thought he was moments from blacking out due to the pain that he found his vision drift back to normality. He was staring up at the blanket of dark sky, breathing heavily and wrapped up in a coat of horrendous pain.

“S-Shit...” Levi muttered, his voice rough. “You were going to jump. W-Why...?”

Eren didn’t answer for a while, too bewildered by the most recent circumstance. He’d never experienced a hallucination so realistic. He was actually there. He remembered faces; Armin, Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Levi. They were all there. _But why?_

He turned his head and met Levi’s gaze, and then it hit him. Literally.

“You beat me up. Why?”

Levi’s stare hardened and, in this minimal lighting, resembled burning hot coals. “If you don’t answer my question, I won’t answer yours.” Eren realised the raven was breathing just as heavily as he was. They were both sweating, just lying on the concrete balcony less than a metre apart. It might’ve been slightly erotic if the brunet wasn’t in so much pain. He released a groan of discomfort. “Shit,” he heard Levi curse. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Is that you admitting to beating me up?” Eren glowered, spitting on the ground to his side – away from the raven, of course; he wasn’t angry enough to spit on him – but was slightly surprised to see not even a trace of blood. “Fuck, I don’t understand...”

“Jumping to your death isn’t going to fix that for you.” Levi ran a shuddering hand through his hair, glancing over at Eren with a hard expression. “Sorry, but that’s the blunt truth of the matter. I know it’s tempting, but it’s not worth it.”

“You wouldn’t know.” His green eyes traced back up to the sky, not wanting to meet Levi’s gaze. He couldn’t look at him – not after seeing a much older, much stronger version of him. “Humanity’s Strongest, my ass...” He mumbled to himself, but nearly flinched as a growl left Levi’s throat.

“The fuck did you say, brat?”

“Can you not?” He mumbled, wiping a hand across his brow, grimacing at the sweat that had gathered there. “You pulled me back and you made everything worse.”

“I should’ve known I wouldn’t get an ounce of gratitude from you, brat.”

“Maybe you should’ve let me fall.” Eren spoke off-handed, glaring.

A snort came in response. “Oh, fuck off. I’m not letting you take the easy route.”

Eren bristled. “No, fuck you. I’ve taken the hard route all my life. You wouldn’t understand –“

“Stop saying that shit, dumbass. We’re more similar than you think, you know.” Levi said, finality seeping into his tone, and suddenly Eren was far too tired to argue. “It was supposed to be a joke; about not letting you take the easy route. I have a shitty sense of humour –“

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” Eren chuckled briefly, a little shocked by the sound. He must be delusional.

“Shut up. In all seriousness, I wouldn’t have let you fall.”

“Thought you hated me...”

“You know nothing, you stupid kid.”

“Like you’re much older than me.”

“I’d reiterate my last point if I weren’t so fucking exhausted.” Levi quipped, stretching his arms above his head. Eren glanced in his direction, taking his lip-ring between his teeth as the raven’s shirt rode up his torso. “Nice taste in music by the way. I expected something a little more...punkier, but I’m pleasantly surprised.”

Eren’s brows flew up and disappeared behind his fringe at the sudden shift in conversation, and he was quickly made aware of the music still pouring out of his phone. He hummed in acknowledgement, leaning back on his crossed arms as he felt the breeze tickle his skin and ruffle his hair.

“Don’t tell anyone.” He muttered quietly, ashamed.

Levi sighed and didn’t response for a short while. Eren counted the seconds.

“I won’t.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had several different versions of this chapter. I'd start one, get a couple thousand words down, and then find myself at an utter loss of where to go next. I settled for this one, because I've been looking for a way of introducing Eren and Levi properly. We're getting a little more insight on Eren's state of mind and where he's at currently and, trust me, it's sad for me to write. I care way too much for Isayama's characters yet here I am; being a dickhead to the main character - who deserves so much more love <3  
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter! All feedback is much appreciated - as is constructive criticism.  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


	5. The Session

When he showed up to class the following morning, already exhausted from his restless night and hectic breakfast, he didn’t expect to see his seat at the back of the auditorium occupied by a scraped-up brunet, nursing a bloody nose with a scatty rag.

“Don’t drip blood on my desk, idiot.” He glared, arching a brow at the seething individual. “Go back to the front. This is my place.”

Eren scoffed. “Calling dibs on a chair, are we? That’s a little childish.” Levi really couldn’t blame him for his biting, sharp tone. The kid had had one hell of a morning, and it wasn’t even ten o’clock yet. That didn’t mean the raven was in the particular mood to tolerate the brat’s crap.

Shaking his head, Levi planted himself in the chair beside Eren. He was diligent enough to do so, reminding himself it was just a fucking chair. “Childish, huh? And the fact that you’ve moved as far away as possible from Jean Kirstein isn’t?” Rather than receiving a reply, Eren only scoffed once more, curling in on himself. Levi could see his nose bruising. “Hanji told you to go to the nurse’s office.”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t care if you’re fine, but you’re bleeding on my desk and that’s disgusting.” He exhaled sharply, pulling out some Kleenex tissues from his blazer pocket. Yes, blazer - unlike some people, Levi did appreciate and fulfil the school uniform’s requirements. Unlike the scruffily careless newbie beside him. He threw several of the tissues at Eren. “He really did land a good one on you, didn’t he...?” Musing with disgruntled appraisal, Levi inwardly grimaced at the pitiful sight. Eren only shrugged.

“Not the worst. Jean was pulling his punches.” He sniffed, only to then hiss and curse. “Fuck. Doesn’t help that I got a cold yesterday.”

“Join the fucking club, kid. Pissing around in a fucking storm for hours tends to have that kind of effect.”

“I didn’t ask you to come look for me.” The brunet bit, growling a little.

“You didn’t, but who’s to say someone else didn’t?” Levi rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair.

“Was it Hanji?”

“Partly. You’ve got the whole staff worried about you, kid. Erwin and Hanji, especially. Be glad I was the one to find you, at least I didn’t threaten to perform some maddening experiment on you like she would’ve.” As Petra walked into the auditorium and waved at Armin and the others at the front, Levi snorted, shaking his head and glared at the desk. “Unfortunately for the both of us, I’ve somewhat been assigned to keep an eye on you.”

Eren’s pierced lips formed a small, inquisitive frown, bobbing an incessant foot against the floor. “What? You’re gonna follow me to the bathroom, or something?”

“Don’t kid yourself, Eren. No materialistic value could make me go anywhere near your literal shit,” he smirked, catching Eren’s green-eyed gaze. “Besides, I heard it’s the vegetarians’ shit that smells the absolute worst.”

“Not true!” The brat practically buried that hole for himself.

Levi quirked a brow. “Oh, so you’ve smelled many a shit have you, Jaeger?”

“Oh, fuck off.” Eren snapped, but it lacked any real bite. He was humoured mostly, and that itself made the raven feel as though he’d achieved something. The brat had been tense since his altercation with Jean that very morning. And after last night, Levi really couldn’t trust Eren to keep to himself. As if noticing his sudden despondency at the mere thought, Eren spoke up. “What’s that face for?”

Frowning lightly, Levi shrugged a single shoulder. “You’re just so ugly. Your stupid mug offends me.”

He wasn’t sure if Eren picked up on his sarcasm, but his response suggested he hadn’t. “You’re a delight, asshole.”

“Damn right. I’m a bloody ray of fucking sunshine.”

“I’m almost tempted to move back near Jean.”

“If you’ll stop bleeding on my desk, then by all means – and for the love of God, stop fucking fidgeting. You’re going to give me a goddamn brain aneurism.”

Eren stopped almost completely. His leg stopped bouncing and fingers stopped tapping. He swallowed thickly, almost unaware he’d been doing anything. “Sorry.”

“You have ADHD or something?” Levi asked, because although Hanji had told him most of the shit the kid had been “idiotically diagnosed with” – according to her – he was still a little curious.

Eren shook his head and huffed out a short, quiet laugh. “Surprisingly, no. But since I refrained from decking Seabiscuit earlier, I have all of this pent up energy. It can’t be helped.” The brat’s mood deflated considerably at that, and for the umpteenth time that morning, the raven cursed Jean’s very presence. “That’s two people who have attacked me for absolutely no damn reason.”

“Hey, at least I didn’t have all guns blazing unlike the horse face.” He tried making light of a very dark situation and he wasn’t sure if Eren appreciated it. He paused, sighing. “Listen, he’s not in his right mind...”

“Who the fuck is Marco?” Eren demanded thoughtfully. “Why’d he attack me because of him?”

Levi frowned, cursing internally. The moment Jean Kirstein had entered the dining hall that morning, a face of thunder, followed by a rueful Erwin, he should’ve known what it was about. Eren had been unsuspecting, and the moment Jean dragged him to his feet by the collar of his shirt and punched him in the face, Levi was immediately up and tearing the two apart. Jean was yelling the entire time:

_“It had to be you! It couldn’t have been Marco – it just had to be you for some unknown fucking reason, and you can’t even fucking remember!”_

Marco Bott had been a part of the 104th trainee squad. Levi had never met him, but was privileged to know his name and to have heard stories of the boy’s kindness. He’d been Jean’s best friend – perhaps a little more. He died long before the rest, in the battle of reclaiming Trost, and it had rendered Jean absolutely torn, apparently. He had been sixteen.

Now, Marco Bott, age: forty-three, had a family. He’d discovered the school. He had contacted Erwin, having remembered the name from the previous life, and asked for Jean Kirstein.

It wasn’t a secret that he’d been craving Marco’s return. Jean couldn’t mention his name without faltering. It was the same for most of them; Historia with Ymir; Connie with Sasha; Armin with Eren, Mikasa too. It was excruciating – as if you’d been missing a vital part of you, all this time.

It wasn’t a secret that Jean was in love with Marco. He had been then, and he was now. The only difference now: Marco was a dedicated husband, and a loving father of three.

“...Marco was Jean’s friend.” He said, but couldn’t really explain any further, because what else could he say?

“Valid reason to attack me.” Eren agreed sarcastically, nodding and clicked his tongue.

"Get over it.” He advised, not at all as soft as he’d hoped. He saw Eren flinch once more at his tone, and the raven inwardly cursed himself. Hanji had told him to be gentle and friendly – this was why Levi didn’t do friends. “Don’t dwell on the idiot’s actions. He’s reckless and rash, I’m sure you can relate to that.”

“Don’t categorise me with him.” Eren growled.

“Don’t kid yourself, Eren. You’re reckless and rash. That’s not just something your therapists have been telling you – it’s the truth.” And it has been for all your lifetimes, you brat. “Try not to get offended. This is coming from someone who’s diagnosed with emotional constipation and is often referred to as a sociopath, so neither of us are winners here.”

Bright emerald eyes flickered sheepishly over to his slate grey, and then something utterly bizarre occurred. An understanding passed between them – Eren’s eyes slitting and brows threading. He nodded subconsciously, clicking his tongue once more, almost speculatively, before he tore his eyes away from Levi’s. “You haven’t... You haven’t said anything to anyone, have you?” He didn’t have to ask what the brat was implying. Unfortunately for him, he already knew – regrettably.

“I told you I wouldn’t, did I not?” He cursed at the sharpness of his own tone, biting his tongue. “No, I didn’t say anything, and I don’t plan on.” He tried again, and this time his voice was softer and less frustrated. He didn’t have a valid reason to be angry at Eren. He couldn’t blame the kid for something that was far beyond his control. Levi decided to try his luck – just to possibly ease his mind. “Will you tell me why –“

“I didn’t jump.”

“What?”

“I-I thought about it. I worked myself up to jumping, but I didn’t – I-I got distracted and I...I slipped. It wasn’t an attempt.”

He wasn’t sure if he could trust that.

“But you would’ve done it?”

“I don’t know.” Eren admitted despondently, shaking his head. “But I didn’t jump. I want you to understand that – I don’t want you to look at me with a stupid pitying gaze. And you don’t really need to pursue this whole ‘babysitting duty’ with me.”

Levi snorted. “What an idiot.” He grumbled. “Do you seriously think I’m the type of person to give someone a pitying gaze? Clearly I’ve been too soft on you. And whether you think it's necessary or not, I have been ordered to keep an eye on you, but I’m not your fucking babysitter, you brat.” He paused for a moment, their silence filled only by the upbeat drawl of Petra’s class down at the front. “Eren. It’s not right to keep these things to yourself –“

Eren sighed. “I know.”

“If you let someone know –“

“Someone does know.” He insisted, turning his bright-eyed, burning gaze on him. “ _You_ know.”

Levi’s throat seized up in discomfort. It’d been a very, very long time since he’d last seen Eren Jaeger’s gaze carry the so ironically misplaced adoration – the hero worship - and it was placed on Levi once more, and the raven suddenly felt deprived of air and it was damn near suffocating. He couldn’t stand the sight. It made him sick. The indirect reliance someone had on him – therefore the added responsibility he had to own. He’d seen it on the faces of civilians as the Survey Corps passed through the mobbed streets. People looked up to him – a fact Hanji found so incredibly hilarious due to his height. People admired him. People like Eren admired him. And Levi was undeserving. He was so painfully undeserving of their admiration. He wasn’t a hero. At the time, the people lacked a true icon. Erwin, in his opinion, would’ve easily sufficed. But not him. Levi Ackerman wasn’t a hero. Not then, and with Eren’s teal eyes sparkling and glimmering, certainly not now.

“Don’t look at me like that, kid.” His expression marred a heavy scowl. “Don’t place your trust in someone who’ll let you down.”

Eren smiled – it wasn’t a grin, nor was it a smirk. It was an honest, sincere and an honestly beautiful smile. “You say that, but you don’t strike me as the type of person who’d let someone down.”

_I let you down._

_I let your sister die._

_And then I ran away._

_You needed someone, and I ran away._

“Stupid brat.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"You wear glasses?”

“Is that really a question?”

“You wear glasses.”

“They’re reading glasses.”

“But you wear –“

“I swear to fuck, kid. Shut up.”

“I didn’t expect you to wear glasses, is all.” Eren admitted offhandedly, twiddling his pen between his fingers like a skilled drummer would do with drumsticks. It was quite fascinating to see just how talented Eren could be with his hands – and that’s uncharted territory that Levi really shouldn’t go further into. “It’s a surprise – a pleasant surprise.”

“I don’t care if it shocked a literal shit out of you, idiot.” He snapped, urging himself to pay attention to Petra’s literature class and forget the brat’s light presence beside him completely. “Just shut up and pay attention, would you? Hell, go back to bleeding on my desk and wallowing in your pit of self-pity and despair for all I fucking care.”

Eren clicked his tongue, and Levi could almost bet money on the brat shaking his head, grinning with that pierced smile of his. “I don’t think you mean that.”

“Of course I mean it. I’ll need a replacement desk anyway now that you’ve been sitting there. God knows what other bodily fluids are on my fucking chair.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting.” He uttered, albeit a little petulantly.

“Excuse me, boys!” Petra, the damn menace, yelled out cheerfully. She’d been spending too much time with the shitty, bespectacled maniac, Hanji. “Don’t think I can’t see you back there! I hope you’re paying attention to my class and not doing anything unsuitable!”

From his peripheral, he snuck a glance at Eren and felt a pit form in his stomach at the small, mischievous quirk of the brat’s lips. “Define unsuitable?” Eren responded, green eyes glimmering in mirth at the roll of Levi’s eyes, rolling the tip of his tongue against the dark metal ring on his lip – and dammit, Levi was paying way too much attention again.

Petra crossed her arms, smiling indifferently. She wouldn’t be flustered by Eren’s reply – she’d put up with Levi for more than a single lifetime; she was well-accustomed to a crude sense of humour. “I’ll leave it to your imagination, Eren.”

“Don’t – my imagination is already clouded by unsuitable thoughts. You’re only fuelling the fire.” By this point, they had the class’ undivided attention, and Levi had practically succumbed to a comatose, ghost-faced state of impassive embarrassment. He shouldn’t have been so flustered – dammit, he was going to murder someone if he was caught blushing.

Apparently Eren didn’t get embarrassed so easily, and the kid’s responses thus far had only further screwed them both over. “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to stab you with this pencil...” Levi threatened, receiving a brief, quiet chuckle and a pierced smirk in response. “Don’t laugh at me, you son of a bitch...”

After a single, dismissive glance sent in her direction, Petra continued her talk – this time; involving the class’ subject and not questioning his and Eren’s behaviour.

“That’s for calling me disgusting.” Eren chuckled daringly.

“That, right there – what you did just now – was uncalled for.”

Eren snorted. “So is your crass language.”

“My crass language is part of my charm, you dimwit. I wouldn’t be such a catch if I didn’t have that.”

“You sure? With those glasses, you could lose your charm and you’d still be the figment of a gay boy’s dreams –“ Eren cut himself off short, mouth hung open speechlessly. “I-I mean...because Jean’s gay, right? Jean talks about you a lot – I think he likes you -”

“What makes you think Jean’s gay?”

“He’s not gay?” Eren honestly sounded surprised. “You’re kidding me!”

“Well, he’s bisexual, but how you could’ve known that since you only met him less than forty-eight hours ago is beyond me.” Smirking lightly, Levi decided to test the boy. “You sounded rather disappointed just now. Don’t tell me you’re attracted to the horse.”

“God, no.” His nose wrinkled and bright orbs glimmered in horror. “I’m not gay.”

“Yeah, and Jean’s not a majestic stallion.”

“No, really – I’m really not gay!”

Flustered state and the tone of denial wasn’t something the raven was at all familiar with. He wanted to push the matter, but it wasn’t his business – even if he’d like to make it his business; to make Eren his business. He inwardly cursed himself, slouching back further into his seat, as they lapsed into a somewhat uncomfortable silence as the second class of the day dragged to a close. At least he’d get a break next – a break from this godforsaken, stuffy room and that damn, closeted brat. And although Levi was thankful for the shift in their conversation, from last night’s dire incident to Eren’s blushing cheeks, he wasn’t pleased by the air between him and the brunet. Eren was already comfortable around him, but not in the sense Levi had been accustomed to. Right now, Eren treated him as a friend – shits and giggles and all that.

Levi didn’t do friends.

“Jaeger.” The unmistakeable drawl of Jean Kirstein hauled him from his pitiful wallowing. Eren was suddenly tense beside him, and beneath the table his hands were clenched in tight fists. Levi swallowed thickly, standing on-guard. He wasn’t opposed to breaking the two apart by force if the fists came flying again.

“Yo.” The brunet greeted in a bored, impassive tone, far too akin to Levi’s own tone. It wasn’t a welcomed change. Eren was frightfully lively and fierce, wearing his heart on his sleeve at every possible moment – he didn’t act emotionless. This wasn’t him.

“I came to apologise. I-I shouldn’t have come after you earlier.” Jean tried, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Behind him, Levi caught Armin’s inquisitive eyes. Clearly the little blond mastermind had been the cause of Jean’s new-found guilt, or at least his reason to apologise. “I was angry, and you were –“

“I was an easy target. I get it, don’t worry about it.”

Jean’s auburn-tinted gaze widened at Eren’s response, and he shook his head frantically. “No. That’s not why at all –“

“I get it, Jean, and I get that Armin’s forcing you to say this shit.” The brat was more perceptive than Levi had thought. “So it’s fine. And between you and me; you punch like a pussy.”

“Sounds like a challenge to me, Jaeger.” Jean spat daringly.

Eren met his demanding glare with a corresponding spite. “Maybe it is, Kirstein.”

“Some fuckwits never learn a goddamn thing.” Levi muttered to himself, shaking his head. He didn’t want to admit how humoured he was by the sight; the two of them, arguing relentlessly, just like old times. It was refreshing, but at the same time, comfortingly nostalgic.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day, he was called into Hanji’s office. He should’ve expected this – after yesterday, it was almost inevitable he’d get hauled in there for a one-to-one session he’d been dreading with a passion. It’d been cut short after Levi had walked out, soon to be followed by Hanji.

There really was no avoiding this one though.

“Yesterday seemed to be a rather peculiar day for you, I think. I hope you’ve had some time to recover.” Hanji sighed dramatically, dislodging her glasses clumsily as she stretched her arms above her head. “How about you tell me what happened exactly?”

Eren’s brows threaded together self-consciously. Pulling his lip-ring between his teeth, he turned his back to Hanji in shame. “I-I don’t really remember what happened. My mind’s blank.” Not being able to remember wasn’t an unusual occurrence. He didn’t always blackout either, but when he did, it usually rendered him quite disoriented - as he was after it happened yesterday.

She nodded and had an understanding glint in her eyes. It was an eerily calm alternative to her usually manic state. “That’s fine. I’ll fill you in and you can answer a couple of my questions.” She grasped a notebook and pen, and Eren’s skin crawled with how akin this was becoming to his usual sessions. “Miss Lewis tells me you disappeared from class for a while. She explicitly told me she temporarily excused you from class to use the bathroom, because you’d requested as such, and then you were spotted by the school’s gardener deep in the grounds. Can you tell me how you were feeling during that class?”

Eren bit his lip, frowning. “Restless. Really, really restless. I couldn’t concentrate on just one thing. It was overwhelming.”

Hanji nodded. “Is this a normal occurrence?”

“Happens pretty much before every episode.” He narrowed his eyes, frowning in thought. “But I don’t remember going outside. I don’t even know how I left the building. I tend to blackout a lot, so I guess that’s an explanation for it. I-I’m sorry...I just don’t remember anything.” Except the vision, he added silently.

“It’s okay, sweetie. Can you tell me anything about the episode itself?”

“They come so randomly, I can’t help it. When it happens, there’s nothing I can do. My body just seizes up and I’m forced to experience it.” Eren’s gaze was fixated on a small crevice in the old, mahogany table, not being able to meet Hanji’s sanguine stare. “I-I was swallowed whole – in s-some kind of mouth and then the stomach. There were bodies everywhere.” And he felt sick just thinking about it. “I know it sounds crazy, but it seemed so real! I know it couldn’t have been, obviously, but...I don’t know.”

“You can carry on. I’m not here to tell you whether it’s real or not. I’m here to listen.”

He took the cue, his memory becoming a little less hazy. “Then I-I was in the forest – the trees were huge and there were horses. Something was chasing us – I mean, me. I don’t know what. I don’t remember anything after that point.” He didn’t think Hanji would appreciate hearing of the faceless, imaginative people his mind had conjured up. One confession to insanity at a time.

Hanji jotted a couple of things down on her notepad. Eren noticed that, unlike his previous therapists, Hanji didn’t tilt the book away from his conspicuous, suspicious glances: he could see what she’d written, and strangely enough, her words didn’t make him seem like a mad delinquent. “Was this one similar to the others you’ve documented?” She asked, pressing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose after they’d fallen. “Your mother informed me you’d been keeping a log of your dreams and hallucinations. I’ve given them a look-over and I must say, this is frightening stuff, kid.”

“You read my log? Never mind, I should’ve figured you would.” It hadn’t been kept under lock-and-key, after all. He’d given up on keeping his record secret a long time ago. He was too desperate for answers to pretend everything was fine. “And yeah, only each time I have one as bad as this, it’s just more realistic every time. Like, I could feel everything. If you asked me to recall a smell - I wouldn’t want to from this one - but I’d be able to tell you.”

“Do you think there’s any reason for this being especially bad?” Hanji queried, frowning as she asked. Her movements had paused, as if she was actually taking an interest; as if she anxiously awaited his answer.

Eren only shrugged. “I don’t think there’s any excuse for my own delusion.”

The brunette’s gaze was so despondent, it was almost pitying. “None at all?”

He shook his head.

Hanji sighed, placing her notebook to one side. “I think that’s all for today –“

“Forgive me for intruding, but does any of this bullshit include me? You dragged me out of my free period for this shit, dimwit, and quite honestly I’d rather not have to suffer through your weirdness any more than I do already.” Eren didn’t know whether to curse or smile at him for entering the room. Their eyes met, and Levi nodded mutely in Eren’s direction in a truce-like way of acknowledging his presence. It was reassuring – there’d be no repeats of the last time they were in this office together.

“As eloquent as ever, my dear, but how nice of you to join us!” Hanji exclaimed, jumping from her position to embrace the shorter, irritated individual. “Eren, Levi. Levi, Eren. Shake hands, embrace one another –“ The raven planted a sharp, rough kick to the woman’s shin, pinning her with a glare. “Or not, because you’re already familiar with each other and Levi’s very fearful of germs and is socially inept and emotionally constipated –“

“Emotionally constipated?” Eren echoed in bewilderment, having heard Levi say the same thing earlier that day.

Hanji glanced over at Eren with a grin. “It’s exactly as it sounds. I’ll explain it to you one day.” The brunette was giving Eren whiplash just by looking at her. How had she not broken her neck from turning so quickly? “And don’t be so modest, Levi. I hate to think what might’ve happened to poor little Eren over here if you didn’t find him so promptly. You’re here because we owe you a favour.”

“You owe me many favours, shitty-glasses. I’ll add this to the list. Actually, it’s more of a damn novel by this point.”

Hanji returned to her spot on the sofa, and the brunet almost jostled at her sudden landing. Eren arched an inquisitive brow. “Why’s he here?” He muttered, unnerved by his godlike friend-but-not-really in the room, standing less than ten feet away from him, and regarding him with a steely blue-grey gaze.

Levi snorted. “I’m the eye-candy. Feel free to take advantage of the sight – not that you’ve needed permission before.”

“Touché.” Eren let out a low whistle, despite his heated cheeks.

“Caught red-handed!” Hanji cackled.

“More like red-faced. God, that blush is darker than Hanji’s ass after Erwin’s spanking.”

“Levi!”

“Don’t deny it, you freak.”

Hanji must’ve noticed Eren’s frightfully astounded expression, for she didn’t dignify the raven’s retort with a response. “This is all in love, Eren. Don’t worry about it.” From the explicit grumble beneath Levi’s breath, Eren doubted it. “Anyhow, the little lollipop has graced us with his presence because he’s your saviour.”

“What?” Eren demanded, brows disappearing behind his fringe. Was this woman capable of speaking normally - without exaggeration? Also, he’d been with Levi all day, and he hadn’t thought to mention any of this? Shit, she wasn’t referring to last night. Was she? Fuck – he said he hadn’t said anything! He promised... “Saviour? Levi? Seriously?”

"That hurts.” He uttered sarcastically.

“We’re short for time, kiddies, so let’s hurry this along. Levi, do you mind...?”

The raven snorted and reciprocated his previous nonchalant, uncaring position against the wall. “Found him in the forest, writhing and mucking around in the dirt like some fucking animal.” He began and, truly, totally didn’t make Eren feel demeaned or offended. Not at all. Well – maybe a little. Especially when compared to an animal. “Wasn’t even conscious, mind you. Your eyes were open but it seemed as though you were still asleep. I’m still contemplating whether or not I witnessed an exorcism.”

“Not the first time someone’s suggested I have the devil inside me.” Eren reasoned sheepishly.

Hanji’s alarmed response came immediately: “Really?”

Levi’s disgusted one promptly followed: “You’re fucking kidding me...”

Eren grimaced. “My parents took me to some local church. I was put in custody there until I had another hallucination or an episode, and well, they sprayed me down with Holy Water a couple of times...”

“Sounds like something Pastor Nick would’ve done, don’t you think?” The question was directed towards Levi, and he responded with a significant amount of bitterness in his tone.

“What a dumbass.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Anyway, you faded in and out of consciousness a couple of times. You even managed to take me by surprise and land a solid blow,” he gestured to the freshly purpled bruise which Eren noticed had blossomed on his cheek yesterday, and he suddenly felt incredibly sick and guilty. “You also kept muttering names... Armin and...Mikasa.”

Eren’s throat closed.

“You know Armin, but is Mikasa someone you’re familiar with, or do you not know the name?” Hanji inquired, notebook aside, her complete attention focused entirely on him.

“M-Mikasa...” He mumbled, feeling his eyes twinge sharply. “I don’t...” His chest ached painfully, as did his head.

Why couldn't he remember?

“Anything you remember. Anything at all.”

_I can't, dammit!_

“Hanji...” Levi warned.

_Crimson cotton draped over the broken girl’s face, shielding her from the bristling evening cold. Her coal-black eyes silvered as fresh, clear tears streamed down her face, and she buried her chin further into the comforting fabric._

_“Let’s go home.” He said, taking her limp hand in his._

“Eren.”

His eyes flew open, and nearly flinched at the sight of Levi’s immediate presence before him, his slate-like orbs slanted in mild concern. “L-Levi.”

“Hanji, don’t pressure him like that again.” He barked, and Eren definitely did flinch at that harsh tone. “Eren, you had another blackout. Blame shitty-glasses for that one.”

“No,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I-I haven’t taken any medication today. I need to – that’s why I had one!”

Levi’s eyes glimmered in disgust. “Medication? Hanji, the bastards had him put on medication?” He demanded incredulously.

“Previous therapists of his did, yes.” Hanji spoke, pacing the room and placing a hand on both Eren and Levi’s shoulder. “Which leads me to our first course of action: Levi, please accompany Eren to his bedroom and clear the place of his medication. Inhaler and vitamins are applicable to stay, but everything else must be in my possession by this evening.” “

Y-You’re taking them away...?” Eren mumbled confusedly. “You can’t do that – I need them!”

“I’ll keep them in a controlled environment, Eren. I’m not getting rid of them but, if you want an honest opinion from me,” she patted his knee. “You’re better off without them.”

“What?” He stammered. “How can I – Hanji, they help me –“

“Don’t be blind, Eren. You can’t honestly tell me they prevent your hallucinations and episodes. You’ve consumed far more than what’s healthy. And, to be frank, I can only presume you’ve been given this medication due to a lack of alternative options, which is a foolish mistake for them to make. It’s not suitable, and I highly doubt they’ve been effective for the past seven years you’ve been taking them.” He’d be lying if he hadn’t had the same thoughts once upon a time. But, at this stage, he didn’t know if he’d be able to let them go.

The raven voiced his concern. “How do you suppose we deal with his withdrawal symptoms, shitty-glasses?” Levi’s presence beside him provided an unnervingly comforting feeling, which had settled in his chest, and he was extremely glad for it. They weren’t touching but he could almost feel the other’s warmth seep through the layers of clothing. He kind of just wished Levi would reach out and take his hand or something.

“Coping mechanisms can be very subjective, so we'll just have to wait and hope for the best. All in due time, my dears.” Hanji clapped, standing to attention. “Now, off to it, boys. I’ll see your beautiful faces in the dining hall later. But, before you leave, can I interest you in a lollipop? I added a bowl of them, just to make this place a little more inviting. It works, don't you think?”

Eren took one. Well, he took three.

Levi snorted. "You're all children, I swear." But he snuck one when he thought no one was watching him - but Eren was, and he was definitely going to use that as blackmail later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm cackling at my own lack of knowledge. Notice how I'm very vague about Eren's medication? That's because I don't know shit about it! Only slightly out of my depth here lmao.  
> Sorry if there's been a slightly longer wait for this one. I've been seriously lacking in creativity, which is just great and all kinds of fabulous when I've just started writing a new fanfic. Classic. So there's a reason for such a dialogue-heavy chapter. Strangely, I've had a lot of ideas for where I could take this story, so if you're a fan of angst and mild trauma, be sure to stick around!  
> Please lemme know your thoughts on this chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcomed, so don't relent! But nice things are also favoured, just to remind me that people actually like what I'm producing XD  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


	6. The Titans

"If you eat so many of those your teeth will rot.” Mentioned offhandedly, barely a grumble beneath his breath, the ebony-haired individual took a bin-liner to the small bottles that covered the majority of his bedside table.

Eren’s hands were fidgeting but he feigned sarcasm, just to remain inconspicuous to Levi’s piercing stare. “Don’t sound so concerned.” He popped another lollipop into his mouth, watching in satisfaction as Levi rolled his eyes and turned away from. It wasn’t just the sight of his medication being shovelled into a plastic bag which bothered him. He was having a slightly difficult time keeping to himself, standing ramrod stiff at the opposite side of the room to Levi, who bent over every few moments to pick up a bottle that hadn’t fallen into the bag.

He really did have a problem with staring. He’d been caught out by the raven more times than he would’ve hoped for, and Eren was starting to think Levi didn’t actually mind – it was so _blatantly_ obvious, Levi must’ve known his ass was where Eren’s attention currently was.

Levi snorted. “Oh, I just wouldn’t want you to ruin such a _beautiful_ smile.” He drawled mockingly. “I mean, if you did, I’d be missing out on a really good thing. You wouldn’t know what that’s like, since your eyes always seem to be trained on my ass.”

Eren couldn’t even bring himself to blush – call him shameless, but he knew he’d pushed his luck. “Sorry. Can’t help it. It’s so...attention-grabbing.” Grabbing? Was that really the right word to use? _Shit – don’t even think about grabbing when it comes to Levi’s ass!_

The raven’s movements paused, before he arched an inquisitive brow over his shoulder and pulled his sweet out of his mouth with a strangely lewd pop. “Are you calling me fat, Jaeger?”

“No! Absolutely not -!”

“Is that why you’ve been staring at my ass so much? What? Do these jeans make my butt look big?”

“...You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

“Sharp as a whip, you are.” He sniggered. Shaking his head, he stalked over to Eren, who had remained fixed in position, as if his shoes were nailed to the floorboards beneath him.

“I was complimenting you.”

“By calling my ass fat.” The raven deadpanned slowly.

“I called your ass attention-grabbing, actually.”

Levi arched a brow once more and, almost suggestively, placed the sweet he’d looted from Hanji’s office back in his mouth – and as soon as Eren caught a glimpse of his tongue, he could feel himself lose control. As long as the raven’s gaze didn’t travel south, Eren would be in the clear, but his throat was bobbing relentlessly and it was probably so horrendously obvious how much Levi turned him on.

And the short bastard knew that. The self-assured, one-sided smirk that appeared on his lips was a sure-fire sign of that.

“Are we done here?” Levi had to ask; had to pull Eren out of his hazy, lustful reverie. The brunet cursed inwardly and cleared his throat, urging himself to calm down and put some distance between him and the raven.

“No, there should still be a couple more bottles in the bathroom –“

“Then pull your goddamn weight, brat. You think I’m your housemaid, or something?” Levi snapped, shoving Eren’s shoulder in the direction of the bathroom after thrusting the plastic bag into his hands.

Eren was going to give him a retort – something snappy that’d redeem him after his rather embarrassing predicament in his nether regions, which Levi thankfully didn’t manage to catch on to – but was promptly interrupted by the popsicle stick that was shoved into his mouth.

And there came his predicament once more. He should really rethink his wording.

“No retorts,” Levi demanded, shooing him away dismissively. “Get to it, bitch.”

He didn’t waste time hurrying himself into the bathroom, thankful just to be out of sight.

That very morning he’d been trying to convince Levi, and himself, that he wasn’t gay – because he _wasn’t gay_. He’d never felt attracted to another guy before; this was an entirely new concept to him, and it’s all because of that one particular raven-haired short-ass. Eren let out a groan of frustration, running an irritated hand through his messy strands of hair. He didn’t want this to become a problem. As hilariously sad as it was to admit, Levi’s sort of the first person he could class as a friend in this school. There was no acting when it came to the raven – no pretending to be nice. He could be as brash and as snappy and as cynical as he liked, and it’d be reciprocated with equal vigour by Levi each time. And it was so fucking refreshing to not feel so fake – to not feel like every word he breathed was a lie.

Like living under the name of Oscar Lawrence: it just felt wrong. With Levi: he was Eren. It felt right. This friendship was the best thing that had happened to him in a long, long time – he wasn’t going to let his temperamental sexuality ruin this one good thing for him.

He just wished his dick would grasp that as his brain had.

Eren’s gaze fell on the mirror hanging over the sink, and he was startled by the sight of himself. He was a mess – he always looked a mess. His nose had a light, albeit still noticeable, bruise blossoming across the bridge from Jean’s punch; thankfully his abnormally quick recovery had rid his face of the cut some barbed wire had given him; but he looked tired. Exhausted. Possibly more so than Levi. He watched as his lips formed a tight-lipped grimace, discomfort thickly etched upon his features. He looked old. He didn’t look like the fifteen year-old he was. He felt old – had he not experienced enough; more than most adults do in a lifetime?

He shook his head, latching a hand onto the basin. No, he hadn’t. Those were his hallucinations – muddling his mind and feigning to be misplaced memories. He tended to confuse reality with what he’d seen in his visions, and he honestly couldn’t remember what was real and not. By this point, there must’ve been a fine line between the two, and it was so excruciatingly bewildering.

Here, staring at himself in the mirror, he had to ask: “Who are they?”

_Armin._

_Hanji._

_Erwin._

_Jean._

_Historia._

_Connie._

_Levi._

_Mikasa._

_Who are they?_

And why had he seen them all before, not really realising it until now?

“Eren Jaeger,” he muttered, following the movement of his lips. “Who is he? No – who am I?”

“If you’re quite finishing wittering on to yourself, Jaeger, get your ass back in here. I sent you in there to do a job – not to stare at your stupid mug.”

 _Right_ , he thought, scrambling to scrape up the final remnants of medication and, with a rueful grimace, he sent them spiralling into the black bag.

“Do you think Hanji’s right in doing this?” Eren had to ask as he stepped back into his room, and he couldn’t help but stare longingly at the bag. “Because, me personally: I’m really not sure this is a good thing.”

Levi was stretched out along his bed, basking in the streams of remaining sunlight as they flittered through the window. He was on his front, holding something in his hands. From the distance between them, Eren could barely make out the unmistakeable figures he’d drawn – the same figures he’d painted on sides of buildings.

“Titans,” he announced, planting himself down beside the raven, who let out an inquisitive grumble. “That’s what they are.”

“They’re terrifying.” Levi muttered a little distractedly, tracing the graphite-marred paper with his thumb, a distant glimmer in his slate-grey eyes.

Eren only nodded.

“Such mindless expressions...it’d be almost laughable if it weren’t so horrific.” He said, and Eren couldn’t help but agree. “Where’d you find the inspiration for these, kid? These...Titans...”

He scratched his nape, swallowing thickly. “I’d have dreams when I was younger of them – giant, naked humanoids that’d terrorise towns, snatching up civilians and swallowing them whole,” he resisted the urge to chuckle dryly, and instead silently remarked as to how strange it was explaining this to someone – and being comfortable in doing so. “For so long, I was convinced I’d read a harrowing story, or I’d watched a horror film way too early on in life, and that my nightmares were an effect of that. But I’m not so sure anymore, honestly. I’ve done my research – Titans aren’t a thing of this universe. Mythology has done them wrong.”

By now, he’d noticed Levi’s stare fix on him as he explained himself, and rather than wilt under the intensity of his gaze, Eren’s confidence grew. “I still dream about them, to this day. I’d see a war being waged against them – Titan vs Mankind, and all of the casualties it’d resulted in. Humanity had hid within these walls,” he took the book from Levi’s limp grasp, and flicked to a page he’d learned by memory. “Three of them: Maria, Rose and Sina. They lived safe for centuries, but the normality and the bliss nonchalance they’d survived under for so many years was suddenly wrenched away from them when the outer wall – Maria – was kicked in by a colossal-sized Titan – easily about sixty meters in height.” He turned to another page where another picture had been drawn. “That’s it. That’s the colossal Titan.”

“Military factions were established,” Eren continued, flicking through the book until they came across the three crests sketched out. He pointed to each as he explained. “Garrison was the largest division. They man and protect the walls. The Military Police remain and restore order within the walls – at least, they would if they didn’t sit with their thumbs up their asses all day.” That hadn’t meant to slip out but, surprisingly enough, Levi actually mustered a short chuckle, sincerely amused. It shouldn’t have been funny to him – he shouldn’t have understood. Nevertheless, Eren’s smile grew as his fingers fell on the feathered crest. “The Survey Corps ventured into uncharted Titan territory on expeditions to gain knowledge on humanity’s long-time enemy. Many soldiers risked their lives to do this – and a lot of the time lives would’ve been lost for the sake of gleaning no information. It wasn’t fruitless though. By giving their lives, they strengthened some of the strongest soldiers, and gave them the resolve to continue living – to live, in their honour, and to end the threat of Titan-kind for once and for all.”

“And you’ve dreamt all about this?”

Eren nodded, suddenly feeling uneasy. “I know it probably sounds weird –“

“You’re right. It does sound weird.” Eren’s stomach rolled, holding his breath, as Levi’s gaze darted up to meet his. “And I’m sorry.”

Green eyes widened in puzzlement. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes,” he ground out through clenched teeth, climbing to his feet and standing at the foot of Eren’s bed. “You’re seeing that shit in your dreams?”

He nodded again, dropping his gaze nervously. “Pretty much all the time. Majority of my hallucinations converge around the Titan-world.”

“I’m sorry.” Levi repeated. “You shouldn’t have to witness that.”

Eren shrugged. “Maybe not, but it’s all I’ve ever known.”

Slate-grey orbs drifted to the movement of Eren’s hands wringing together, exhibiting his discomfort, and when he caught the raven’s gaze suddenly, Levi cleared his throat and looked away. “And what are you parents’ thoughts on these...these dreams?”

“What? Is that something Hanji hasn’t told you?” He watched Levi’s eyes gleam, a light smirk growing on his lips – almost as if he was impressed by Eren. The possibility itself made the brunet’s heartbeat quicken and cheeks inflame, and in that moment he decided he liked impressing Levi.

“No, she’s told me,” he admitted bluntly. “But I’d like to hear it from you – I’m not Hanji, so you don’t have to act around me.”

“I don’t act around Hanji,” Eren lied. “And if I did, what makes you think I wouldn’t treat you the same?”

Levi rolled his eyes, exhaling a brief breath of laughter. “I hate to use it against you, but shouldn’t last night provide enough proof to suggest you trust me more than Hanji?”

Eren cringed, grimacing a little at the raven’s phrasing. “You make it sound like we did something incriminating...”

“It might’ve been incriminating if you had jumped. I might’ve had to bury a body before I became a suspect.” He folded his arms, stalling a little before staring at the ground and muttering a curse beneath his breath. “Sorry. That was insensitive –“

“No, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t bother me.” Eren shrugged, smiling a little. “My parents aren’t great about this – I mean, raising a delinquent child is probably difficult enough, then with everything else I’ve got going on up here,” he tapped his temple, grinning dryly. “I can’t blame them, really. My dad’s pretty detached from all of it, only occasionally giving a shit when my mum does.”

“They don’t care,” he continued, frowning at his hands. “They care only when it affects them, so as long as I don’t wreak havoc at school or get hospitalised or cause a public disturbance; they don’t care. Putting me on all this medication and sending me to several therapists was just about all they’ve ever done to help me - but even that's questionable.”

“And so they sent you here?”

Eren nodded. “And so they sent me here.” He agreed, scratching the back of his neck. “Probably to get me off their hands. Like I said, I really don’t blame them –“

“Don’t do that.” Levi interrupted, scowling. “Don’t defend them.”

“I’m not defending them. Trust me, I’m not. But I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t be the same in their position. They’ve given up, Levi, and so have I –“ He paused and immediately regretted that last sentence, and he hoped to God that Levi didn’t notice his slip-up. “I mean, so _had_  I. This place is my last hope.”

Neither God, nor luck, was ever on his side. Levi’s eyes narrowed, honing down at him. “Your last hope? And who’s to say we won’t fail you here too? What will you do?” The accusatory tone his voice had adopted was slightly alarming and almost guilt-tripping.

Eren’s gaze dropped once more, dejected. “I don’t think I can answer that...”

Levi’s expression bore a heavy frown, which suited his persona completely and saddened Eren, suddenly realising he was yet to see the raven smile and that certainly wasn’t going to happen if they continued to talk about this. Levi grabbed the plastic bag and started for the door, throwing a glare over at Eren. “Let’s take this shit to Hanji before our free period is over. I’ve wasted an entire hour with your idiotic-self.”

Eren scoffed. “Don’t act like this hasn’t been the best hour of your life,” he chuckled, obviously joking. “I mean, what could be better than spending time with a problematic teen, talking about all the things joyful in life?”

“I could be jogging, working out, wanking, or spending time in the studio. All of which are endlessly better options than spending time with you.”

“Okay, I’m only slightly offended by that.” Eren laughed, shaking his head. “And what’s this about a studio? Do you sing?”

“No, idiot. An art studio.”

Eren’s hope lifted. “There’s an art studio here?”

“Did Arlert not give you a tour?” He frowned thoughtfully. “And yeah, it usually holds sessions there since, I don’t know, some people find it therapeutic and manageable. Speaking of, you might find it quite useful in there. I think you’d like it.”

“Will you show me?” Eren asked, because he didn’t know if Levi planned on sticking around or not, and the brunet wanted to spend more time with him – even if he was pushing his luck.

Levi sighed. “Sure. But we need to get to Hanji first. I refuse to have her hunting our asses down because you decided to take a detour.”

“Well, technically speaking, it’d be you leading the detour since I don’t know where I’d be going, so doesn’t that mean -?”

“You’re a smartass and I hate you. Stop talking.” The raven snapped.

Eren’s grin widened, completely amused by the short, irritable teen.

He almost startled when Levi uttered out a small, barely audible comment. It must’ve been directed towards him – it wasn’t a mumble to himself, but it was so quiet it might as well have been:

“I hope this place works out for you, brat.”

His heart clenched almost painfully. Levi’s hand was millimetres from his own and he’d never felt such an overpowering urge to reach out and grab it. He refrained, but only barely.

“Me too.” He responded, truthfully. And a little part of him had faith – he’d change. He’d get better.

He had to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You’ve spent an entire day with him?” Hanji had seemed pretty incredulous, as if she didn’t believe him when he told her as such later that day.

Levi rolled his eyes. “That’s what I said, no?” He cracked his neck and moved his joints. “That brat’s absolutely exhausting.”

“You haven’t been...” She paused, pondering with a frightful expression. “You haven’t been exerting yourself with him, have you?”

He quirked an eyebrow in question. “Hah?”

“You know, like...” She wiggled her brows in response. “ _Exerting_ yourself. With him. Exerting yourself with Eren. Have you?”

“Hanji, if you’re trying to infer that Eren and I have been fucking like rabbits all day, you’re lacking in more brain cells than I’d thought.”

“But, you’ve been together...this whole time?”

“You sound as though it’s been more than a couple of hours, which it hasn’t.” He folded his arms, casting a sidelong glance at the brats’ table, where Eren was actually – _occasionally_ \- partaking in conversation, albeit a little uneasily. It was a step forward at least. As long as he wasn’t Eren’s only friend, he didn’t care who the kid talked about his shit to. “I took him to the art studio. The brat’s got a knack for sketching.”

He didn’t think to mention the drawings Eren had shown him earlier that afternoon. Strangely enough, since it was between just the two of them, Levi found it quite... _intimate_. Personal. He didn’t like the idea of sharing it – especially with someone of the likes of Hanji, who’d question him relentlessly for hours and feel the need to know every single fucking detail.

He certainly didn’t want to mention the pages he’d ripped out of the boy’s sketchbook while he took his sweet time in the bathroom – only a couple; detailed and observational portraits of a young, dark-haired girl with a red scarf, and another of a frowning, unmistakeable individual. _Him_. He didn’t want Eren to look back on them and recognise him. It’d be too difficult to explain, and he didn’t need to give Eren any reason to believe that as well as being mentally unstable: he was also a psychic.

Opposite him, Hanji was twiddling her thumbs, wearing a rueful pout. “You know, I’m starting to think I called a wrong move.”

Levi sighed sharply, dry-washing his face with his hand. “What are you on about? Saying your shitty thoughts out loud again?”

“Taking Eren off the medication. Even though they were doing _zilch_ to help him, the kid’s been on them for over seven years. I mean, look at him now.”

In his honest opinion, Eren didn’t look any damn different. His behaviour was just as suspicious; just as questioning and just as infuriating as always. Still he had that piss-poor state of fidgeting which put Connie’s ADHD to shame, and the dwelling frown of an expression present on his face, or in Levi’s mind – the look of constipation, to the point where it must be painful.

“He always looks like that.” He noted, frowning. “And he hasn’t even been off them for a day, Hanji, yet you’re having these thoughts now? You’re supposed to be a medical professional –“

“Correction: I’m a psychotherapist.” She interjected.

Levi snorted. “I don’t care. Either way: you’re supposed to be smart. You’ve clearly fucked up if you’re doubting whether he’s okay. Are you sure its withdrawal, already?”

“Look at him, he’s fidgeting.” She observed.

“He’s always fidgeting.”

“No, but look at his uneasy expression. He’s obviously pained –“

“Constipation.” He uttered sarcastically. “If he’s obviously pained then you shouldn’t have fucking taken him off his medication.”

“I’m worried about his consumption, Levi! It’s not helping him!” She exclaimed loudly, and Levi had to put up much resistance to not deck her right then and there - especially with Eren less than several feet away, totally in earshot,

He sat back in his seat. “Fuck this. We know how to help him – none of this medical bullshit. Has Erwin come any closer to making a decision?”

“Not that I know of. I’ll have a word with him later.”

“Try to persuade him, will you?”

“I’ll try my best, but Erwin’s quite the immovable mound of stubborn flesh once he’s set his mind to something.” A smirk slowly formed across Hanji’s lips. “Quite attached to the brat, aren’t you?”

Again, he scoffed. “We’re not friends, or anything more, if that’s what you’re insinuating. But if you, or Erwin, think I’m going to let him suffer through this, then you’re severely mistaken.”

“What’s gotten into you, Levi? You’ve never been so protective over anyone before.” She mused quietly.

“I owe it to her.” He said, hating the bitter taste the words left in his mouth. “I owe it to Mikasa.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_It was tradition for them to lead the parade – the march, or whatever form of celebration it was; either way, Levi didn’t particularly care. If he had his way, he’d gladly let his comrades take the honour alone. They were old enough now to not need an old man like him holding their hand._

_Cheers erupted all around them, cries of joy and hollers exploiting their victory. It’d been over year since they reigned victorious over the Titans, but the excitement and immense gratefulness had yet to be sated and, honestly, he didn’t think it ever would. And, ultimately, he wasn’t sure he wanted it to. It was good to see his brats’ faces overcome with happiness – a drastic change to the agony and desperation he’d grown accustomed to, but it was a change he welcomed completely. He marched alongside the renowned Titan-shifter, stealing the occasional glance or two at the eccentric grin his lips bore and the expression of utter contentment. Eren was loving every moment of this – the stupid, attention-loving brat. Beside the boy – no, the man – stood his raven-haired sister, still draped in the crimson scarf she’d worn for years. No longer did it mask her face; no longer could it conceal the heart-warming smile she wore, and her eyes were gleaming at the children waving at them all, screaming praise and thanks. Ahead of them was Armin, their new Commander after the recent passing of Hanji Zoe, whose hair had grown out through his age and now had to be tied back into a short ponytail at the back of his head. Behind him, Jean and Connie were hollering, chanting and applauding themselves. Levi would’ve smacked them and given them an irritated chastising if they didn’t deserve the congratulations._

_They’d made it – his brats, his comrades, had survived._

_There had been many losses. Many excruciating, irreplaceable losses he couldn’t possibly think to ignore. As he walked down the cobblestoned pavement, streams of confetti and little flowers raining down on him, he thought of them._

_He thought of his old squad – Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther._

_He thought of all the soldiers he’d lost in battle – the thousands of names he didn’t know or remember, but God, would he have liked to know those who gave their lives._

_He thought of Erwin, and the ultimate choice he’d made. The man was a villain – a selfish, cut-throat Commander. But, to him, he’d always be a great man. Among the Capital, he may have been a villain, but those in the Survey Corps knew the truth; that no man deserved to discover the secrets hidden, locked away in Eren’s basement, more than Erwin Smith._

_He thought of Hanji. Like Eren, she’d be revelling in this. Her elation may well have been enough to bring a smile to Levi’s face._

_“Captain, why don’t you smile?” Eren had asked, peeling away from Mikasa’s side to stand closer to him, resting a hand on his forearm. “This is a celebration in your honour. The least you could do is smile.”_

_Levi snorted. “Not all of us love being the centre of attention like you, Eren.” He deadpanned, his cynic not being enough to smite Eren’s enthusiasm._

_“But, Captain –“_

_“Stop calling me that.”_

_Eren’s lips formed a smirk. “Can I call you by your first name?”_

_Levi shook his head, scoffing. “Knock yourself out, kid.”_

_“Don’t think that’s something you should be encouraging, Captain.” Jean Kirstein interrupted, pushing his way between Eren and him, and then clapped a suddenly flustered-looking Eren on his back. “We haven’t even raided the tavern yet. The lightweight will knock himself out all in due time.”_

_“I’m not a lightweight, Jean. I can’t even get drunk!” Eren shoved his shoulder, situating himself back next to Levi. “So, Levi, will you be joining us in the tavern later?”_

_“Like Hell I will. You brats don’t need an old-ass fucking pensioner like me to supervise you.”_

_“You’re barely even forty, sir – Levi, sir.” Eren nudged him, smiling politely. “And I’d really like it if you were there. We’re celebrating. You should be celebrating.”_

_Levi shook his head. “I’ll have to decline. I’m visiting Erwin.”_

_He wasn’t visiting Erwin. Erwin was dead. He was visiting a monument dedicated to the old Commander, and he was going to stand before it until he grew tired or cold, and then he’d head back to the Survey Corps’ HQ - alone._

_“May I join you?” Eren surprised him by asking, taking him aback momentarily. “I-I’d like to talk to him. And...Thank him, I guess, for all he did.”_

_The raven shrugged. “I’m not going to stop you. But if you show up even the slightest part tipsy, I’ll beat you.”_

_Eren groaned in exasperation. “I’m physically not even able to get drunk!”_

_“Don’t sound so disappointed.” Levi grouched, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't nearly smile at the fond sight of Eren Jaeger pouting._

_The festivities continued into the late-afternoon and the atmosphere didn’t die down. It was truly electrifying, but also extremely exhausting._

_Due to his fatigue, he almost didn’t notice the shadowed figure skirt along the rooftops adjacent to his squad._

_Due to his age, and his reflexes not being quite what they used to be, he almost didn’t notice the gun suddenly pulled out from beneath the cape of a Military Police uniform._

_Due to his utter terror at the gun trained on Eren’s chest, Levi was almost stunned to stone as if Medusa herself had stepped out from the crowd._

_Due to his upmost concern and inexplicable adoration for the boy, Levi threw his body into Eren’s just as a gunshot rang through the cheers and chants, successfully silencing every little utter of joy._

_He and Eren collided and both hit the ground roughly, unscathed by the bullet._

_Another body fell to the ground not too long after them; dark red blood seeping from beneath her Survey Corps jacket, staining her white shirt in a horrendously similar colour to the crimson scarf she’d worn for years._

_Eren’s wail deafened him, and Levi couldn’t hear anything but the sobbing. “Mikasa -!”_

He shot up in his bed, covered in a sheen of sweat, gasping for air.

He couldn’t stand that dream – he couldn’t bear to witness the harrowing sight he could’ve prevented. He should’ve taken that bullet. He should’ve protected his comrade –

His throat closed and his stomach rolled. Throwing himself out of his bed, Levi rushed into his bathroom, promptly disposing the contents of his stomach in the toilet.

He could’ve saved her. He could have – and he didn’t.

Once he’d finally managed crawl out of his shower later that morning, after rinsing off the stench of vomit and remnants of the nightmare, he couldn’t look any of the brats in the eye – especially not Eren, who seemed irrevocably erratic but still looked extremely tired that morning. He didn’t approach Levi at all, but Levi could feel the brunet’s searing green-eyed gaze follow him as he entered the room, looking worse for wear. The questioning glances made his stomach roll queasily and his morning tea didn’t seem as appetising as it usually did.

Deflating in his chair, he allowed himself a few moments to breathe – to fruitlessly remind himself that this was a mistake of the _past_. That yes; he regretted the mistake of not taking the bullet himself – the mistake of only thinking of Eren, and not a damn soul else, which costed him a life. But he couldn’t get the brat’s piercing scream out of his head. The devastation and almost maddening shriek. He’d fucked up and, even a lifetime later, he couldn’t overcome his regrets.

_Just like Farlan and Isabel –_

“Levi.” Hanji’s hands slammed against his table opposite him, startling him out of his sorrowful wallow of self-pity. “Have you heard from Erwin?”

He grunted unpleasantly, her presence having put him off completely from his tea. “What about, shitty-glasses?”

“We’ve found another,” she announced, caution leaking into her tone. “We found Annie Leonhart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OoOoOoOoH SHEEEEET MANNNN OHOHOHOH  
> Also, there were so many innuendos in the beginning of this chapter, and I had to be careful as to how I worded it. But, what is this? Don't tell me...Levi and Eren are...bonding? SHOCK HORROR!  
> I wrote this chapter pretty quickly, so please let me know if there are any grammatical mistakes or if the syntax is a little funky.  
> As always, lemme know your thoughts on this? Feedback never fails to encourage me to write!  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


	7. The Studio

“Levi –“

“Erwin,” he seethed, massaging his temples as waves of irritation flushed through his entire being. “You’re not honestly defending that titan bitch. You can’t be. You’re not _that_ dim-witted.”

“She was a child. She was then – and she’s an even younger one now. This is her second chance –“

“Stop preaching your self-fucking-righteousness, Smith. I’m not fucking buying it.”

He wasn’t bitter. He wasn’t acting out of order. This was completely justified.

“She did some...questionable things, I know. But, Levi, that was a lifetime ago –“

“’Questionable things’?” He voiced in disbelief. “Is that what you’re really calling it? I’m not so fucking sure about you, Erwin, but I’m quite certain she caused the death of hundreds of our comrades – my bloody fucking squad included, you moron. So forgive me if, unlike you, I can’t dismiss that shit so easily.”

Erwin’s thick brows threaded. “I’m not dismissing what happened –“

Levi’s temper flared. “Then why the hell have you offered her a fucking place?”

Before Erwin could fashion a response, Armin Arlert cleared his throat, stepping forward. “You’re missing the main point in this.” He mentioned, his statement directed to Levi.

He quirked an irritated brow. _“What?”_

“Annie remembers.” Armin supplied bluntly, as if that was the answer to the world’s problems. “She remembers. She’s a shifter – no, she _was_ a shifter, and she remembers. Everyone we know remembers.” He faltered, his crestfallen blue gaze slipping to the floor. “Except Eren. Didn’t we think it may have been due to his titan powers, and how it may have affected the recovery of his memories? We know that can’t be true – at least, it may be to a certain extent, but then there’s Annie...”

“Great. So, what, that’s eliminating the only possible theory we had as to why Eren’s memory is equivalent to that of a goldfish?” Kirstein grumbled, and for once, Levi actually agreed with him. He voiced his agreement in the form of a half-hearted grunt, stopping his incessant pacing to take a seat.

“That’s why we could really use Annie on our side,” Armin continued, standing beside Erwin. “Her memories may have been recovered in a slightly different method to ours, and that could give us the answers to helping Eren. Plus, it may well be the safest way of doing so –“

Levi scoffed. “What is it with you people? You’re actually willing to forgive her.” He took in each person’s expression and suddenly had the overwhelming urge to laugh. “No - you’ve already forgiven her.”

Hanji’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. “We can’t hold it against her forever. We’ve all made mistakes.”

And that was the truth. Of course it was, and Levi recognised that.

But he’ll be damned if he ever admitted that.

He stood, exhaling sharply. “I say you’re all fucking dimwits. And let me tell you, if Leonhart proves to be absolutely useless in helping Eren, I’m going to give each of you fuckers hell.” He couldn’t be around them anymore. Not with Armin’s sharp and annoyingly wise intellect and Erwin’s good intentions.

Annie Leonhart killed his squad, as well as hundreds of others. Surely a person like that didn’t deserve a second chance. He couldn’t call himself morally-pristine either – especially referring back to the past life, of course – but she was an enemy of humanity. She had a chance to redeem herself. She could’ve surrendered, at any point. But, no, rather than giving up; the bitch concealed herself in a crystallised shell with that shitty power of hers. Levi didn’t even live long enough to see her leave it – was she not dead in there?

Her resilience and sense of self-preservation would’ve been almost commendable, but he couldn’t admit to that. Not after what she did.

Levi was returning to his room, preferring not to return to class after this latest discovery, when he heard a sharp string of curses. His attention piqued at the sound, which was quickly followed by a number of yells from down the hallway. He couldn’t quite make out the four figures – because, yes, his eyesight wasn’t quite what it used to be – but he was pretty damn sure three of those he could see were surrounding the other, singling them out.

“Listen, you’re new here, and already you’ve pissed off most people.”

“Did you think pulling a stunt like running out of the school would get you some kind of rep here?”

“You need to learn your place. We saw your fight with Jean yesterday. You can’t get away with shit like that.”

“Let me guess: I’m missing out on some kind of hierarchy in this shithole, aren’t I?” Levi cringed at the pained, antagonised tone of Eren and, as he walked closer, he could visibly see the brunet’s arm circling his waist as he hunched over slightly.

“There’s no hierarchy. We’re all here because normal schools can’t handle us, and that makes us dangerous.” One of the boys uttered, shoving Eren against the wall. “Maybe not everyone. You strike me as a pussy.”

Eren laughed, seeming earnestly amused. “I’d say you had a good point, but I’ve always been taught that I shouldn’t lie.”

“Is that fighting talk?” Another chuckled sinisterly, glaring down at Eren’s doubled-over form as he fisted the strands of the brunet’s hair. “I think he’s wanting a fight, guys.”

“We’re not ones to disappoint.” The third sneered, throwing a punch to Eren’s stomach and sending him back against the wall.

“If you’re wanting a fight, then stop shoving me like a pansy.” Eren chuckled, fixing himself upright, grinning devilishly. “Fucking _hit_ me.”

They looked as though they might have, but they really didn’t stand much of a chance as Eren propelled himself forward, tackling one to the ground in a fit of flying fists and fury. Levi almost found the sight amusing – Eren taking on three taller guys at once, grinning all the while like some kind of masochist – but after a punch was delivered to the side of Eren’s head and a kick to his chest, he really didn’t see much entertainment to it.

If he’d been angry after finding out about Leonhart, and Erwin’s plan to bring her to the school, then Levi was downright fucking furious now.

Pulling one back by the shirt on his back, he sent him sprawled onto the ground and planted a kick to his stomach for good measure. He may not have the strength he used to, but he still prioritised taking care of himself. If he didn’t exercise at least twice throughout the day, he felt disgraceful and lazy – as if his routine from the past life was still ingrained deep into his mind. And before coming to this school, he’d been in his fair share of fist-fights. Perhaps not as many as Eren, but certainly a shameful amount nevertheless. He didn’t like people; people didn’t like him. It tended to make socialising quite difficult, for obvious reasons.

He kicked the tallest away from Eren, who’d certainly gleaned a couple bruises and was hopefully regretting the decision of antagonising these bastards, and, using the boy’s collar as leverage, hauled his face closer to his own. “Listen, fuck-face. You’re going to walk away, and I’m going to let you. If you come back; I’m going to break you.”

“I’d like to see you try, midget.” The boy spat tauntingly.

Levi smirked, glowering up at him. He nodded, stepping away. “Okay. I see.”

The moment he turned his back, he felt an arm around his neck, and of course he’d be an idiot if he didn’t predict this. His smirk only grew as he grabbed the hand, dumbly hanging by the boy’s side, and tugged sharply on his thumb. The moment it dislocated, the arm around his neck dropped, and Levi turned around to kick the boy’s stomach, taking him to the floor.

“So fucking predictable.” He grimaced, shaking his head spitefully. “Now, have I made myself clear?”

He presumed he did – if the three boys’ scampering figures was anything to go by. Turning his glare down to Eren, who was still on the floor clutching his stomach and returning the raven’s glower, Levi raised an eyebrow.

“I had it under control.” Eren bit.

“I saw that,” he scoffed sarcastically. “You were getting beaten.”

“I had them!” He insisted, hoisting himself up to his feet with the support of the wall. “I fucking had them!”

Levi rolled his eyes. “No. You didn’t, Eren. They were crushing you.” He took in the brunet’s hunched over stature, his chest clenching painfully. “I wouldn’t take it personally though. You took on three of them – weren’t you ever told to choose your own battles? Meaning, not getting into a fight with three fucking mounds of flesh?”

“They were kicking me around like some kind of degenerate,” Eren scowled, carding a slightly bruised hand through his unmanageable hair. “I wasn’t going to let them treat me like that.”

“Good. You’re not some sort of pushover.” Levi praised, smirking mockingly. “But you’re still an idiot for taking on three of them.”

Eren glared bitterly at Levi, but even he could see the underlying pride glimmering in his green-eyed glare. “And what about you?” He asked curiously. “Shouldn’t you listen to your own advice, since you did just fucking break a guy’s fingers? Can’t you get expelled for that?”

Levi surprised himself with a short-lived huff of a laugh. “Eren, this is a school for delinquents. It takes a lot more than a few broken appendages to get someone expelled.” He assured him. “Plus, I’m an excelling student. Erwin letting me go would hurt him more than it would me.”

That was little white lie. There wouldn’t be a party left unhurt if that was the case.

He shook his head, exhaling. “Anyhow, let’s pay the doctor's office a visit before those cretins do, shall we?”

“Fuck...” Eren muttered, grimacing. “I told myself I wouldn’t get into any fights here – at least, not this early on.”

“Not good at keeping to your resolutions, clearly.” Levi chuckled, and Eren’s presence suddenly tensed beside him. “The fuck is wrong with you now?”

“Sorry,” Eren shook his head, a little bashfully. “I’ve just never really heard you smile – or laugh. Your chuckle just now surprised me, is all.”

Levi frowned at that. “Fucking hell. How hard did that guy hit you on the head? You’re annoying enough already – I’m not having you getting a concussion and start blabbering this bullshit.”

“It hurts, but I’m almost certain it’s not a concussion.” Eren laughed, swaying lightly on his feet, contrary to his words. "But if it’ll take a concussion to compliment how nice it was to hear your sort-of-laugh, then I’ll happily knock myself out.”

And he’d be lying if he didn’t want to smile right then, as a pleasant kind of warmth flooded his entire being. Rather than humouring the boy, he only frowned harder, scoffing. “Sharpen your charm before trying to woo me, kid.” He thought he’d frowned – he honestly did. But, beside him, as Eren’s grin widened into a toothy smile, he realised he may not have. Heat coloured his once alabaster-skinned cheeks, and he turned away from Eren. “Go fuck yourself.”

“You should smile more, Levi.” Eren smirked, suddenly bringing them both to a standstill. “Seriously. You have a really nice smile. It’s...”

He could’ve said anything after that. He could’ve made Levi feel empowered so simply. But he didn’t. Instead, his bright eyes rolled back and he dropped his head onto Levi’s shoulder. If the raven hadn’t impulsively wrapped an arm around Eren’s waist, he would’ve taken them both out.

Levi huffed a strained laugh, smirking a little too fondly into the mess of Eren’s hair. “The lying mother fucker did get a concussion then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Three restless days later, Eren couldn’t quite bring himself to concentrate on anything. If it wasn’t the obnoxiously incessant tremoring across the entirety of his being or the excruciating headaches and the near-constant feeling of queasiness he felt in his stomach that he could only assume were symptoms of his recent withdrawal, then it was the overwhelming curiosity and concern over his raven-haired friend. He hadn’t seen him today – well, he’d had a glimpse of the boy before class had started, but he hadn’t attended any period that day. Eren shouldn’t have been as concerned as he was, but he really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

Maybe it was no one’s fault but his own. Eren had been concealing himself within the walls of the art studio since class had ended. He skipped out on dinner too, which he figured he was allowed to do here. The studio was barren, and making journeys to the storeroom plugged into his music had been comforting. He’d been sketching out a meadow originally, but like many things he did, it somehow shifted into more of a despairing scene; blood splatters coating the petals of the flowers and swords impaling the soiled ground. The landscape had been stuck in his mind for some time, as if begging to be presented on a canvas before him.

He startled only slightly when his phone buzzed, alerting him to the text message he just received.

 

**New Message from Armin**

**Received at 19:34:**

**Is everything alright? You weren’t at dinner and I came back to our room to look for you but you aren’t here either.**

**New Message from Armin**

**Received at 19:35:**

**Also, Levi’s looking for you.**

**Message to Armin**

**Sent at 19:39:**

**Sorry about that – wasn’t really up to eating. And I’m in the studio. Please don’t relay that to Levi if he plans on killing me...which, now that I think about it, he probably will after he sees the state the studio is in.**

He tended to slip into some hazy, prone-to-making-a-massive-mess stupor during his frequent bursts of creativity, with little care for his surroundings. It wasn’t a great characteristic to have, and he certainly was not exaggerating when he said Levi would kill him. The guy was a clean-freak and even Eren, who’d known him for barely more than a week, wasn’t oblivious to that – that is, if his possessive nature over the state of his desk was anything to go by.

 

**New Message from Armin**

**Received at 19:41:**

**I’ll forewarn him for you. He’s not in the best of moods, so I suggest try cleaning up a little bit? Don’t fuel his hatred.**

Eren didn’t think he had much choice in the matter. Fuelling people’s hatred just came naturally to him. He was setting his equipment and oil paint palettes away when his phone buzzed once more.

 

**New Message from Armin**

**Received at 19:48:**

**And I know we didn’t talk much about it earlier, but I want you to know that if there’s anything you want to say, then I’m here to listen. I know you have one-to-ones with Hanji, but please don’t feel alone in this.**

Clutching his phone a little tighter in his hand, Eren winced as he was reminded of the occurrences which took place that morning. He’d woken up, quilted in a cold sweat, with Armin hovering cautiously above him. The moment Eren saw him, his vision subsided and suddenly –

_Heat. Blistering, defiant heat. Temperatures he’d never experienced before, and his best friend was receiving the brunt force of them, valiantly giving up what he’d offered when joining the Survey Corps: his life. Eren couldn’t see the blond hair on his head, nor could he see much of anything that’d tell him his friend was okay – that he was still alive._

_The brunet’s arms were weak, as heavy as lead, as he held his friend’s corpse; his skinless face littered with the tears falling from Eren’s distraught emerald orbs. He shouldn’t have let this happen. He shouldn’t have agreed to Armin’s plan. Screams echoed around him, but fell mute on his ears. He couldn’t hear his own screams. He couldn’t hear much of anything, nor could he see anything but Armin – or, at least, the burnt shell of Armin. The air around them was thick with the grotesque stench of the aftermath, sickening Eren to his stomach, but not more than the sight of his friend already had. He’d had a choice. He could’ve told Armin no; that they’d figure out some other plan; that it didn’t have to end this way._

_Armin died braver than anyone had –_

It didn’t make any goddamn sense! That had been his initial thought once he’d finally resurrected himself from his time away in _la-di-da crazy land,_ and it’s the same thought on his mind now. How could he envision someone’s death in such vivid – almost _hilariously_ vivid – detail? How could he still _taste_ the aroma of charred flesh, and how could he see Armin’s body like it’d been engrained into his mind?

This was why he painted. Whether it be in the form of graffiti – totally not vandalism, dear officers – or acrylic paint, it helped. They were physical, explicable examples of the shit in his head; really, his works of art were the only way he had of expressing himself. And if taking advantage of that got him trouble with the law – seriously, it really wasn’t vandalism! – or made the elderly cry and curse the youth, then so be it.

A throat cleared from behind him.

“I think I just had an aneurism.” Levi’s voice quipped coldly, and though his back was turned to the raven, Eren could almost definitely feel the weight of his glare on the back of his head.

“I told Armin to give you a warning.” Eren chuckled, smirking at a ramrod-stiff, wide-eyed Levi behind him.

Levi’s eternally disturbed gaze met his. “He did give me a warning, but this is a little much.” His attention roamed over to the crimson-stained table top, wearing a thick grimace and hazarded a guess: “You got into a fight with watercolour or some shit?”

“Close.” As he dragged a hand through his fringe, he quickly cringed remembering it was covered in coats of colour. “That’s not watercolour. I got into a fight with acrylic. Though I did stain the sink with –“

“I don’t want to hear it.” Levi snapped, shaking his head in disgust. “I shouldn’t have introduced you to this place. Look at you; tainting its cleanliness with your filth.”

Eren raised his hands in placation. “Bordering a little close to offensive there.” He cautioned amusedly, taking in Levi’s slightly dishevelled appearance. Clearing his throat, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he turned back around to cleaning his palettes. “You’re not... You’re not looking so good today.” It’d been a steady slope taking the course over these past three days, and Levi had been looking a lot more tired and a lot more irritable throughout. Eren would be an idiot not to notice. And he’d be even more of an idiot to not be only slightly worried.

Behind him, Levi let out a quick rush of breath, which Eren figured to be a laugh. “Christ. Here I thought I’d spend some time with an ignorant brat who wouldn’t notice and give me shit for it.”

“You’re more insulting than usual,” Eren frowned. “It’s a little hard not to notice how much of a prick you’re being.”

“I’m always a prick,” he scoffed, coming up beside Eren to place some brushes beneath the stream of water. “Idiot. Use soap, otherwise you’re not getting this shit clean.”

“Yes, Captain!” Eren muttered sarcastically, ignoring Levi’s heavy-lidded scowl with a grin. “Pass the soap then.”

“Get it yourself. You’d make such a lazy cadet, Jaeger.”

Eren gaped. “I’d make a great cadet! I’ll have you know, teachers have commended me in the past for my ‘unwavering determination to strive and prosper’.” He grabbed the bottle of dark green liquid, pouring a considerable amount – okay, perhaps a little more than what could be considered considerable – into the basin.

“Sounds ridiculous to me.” Levi muttered to his side. “You’re a lazy brat with anger issues. If I was your Captain, I’d discipline you on your first day – in front of a crowd; make it humiliating for your lazy ass.”

“You’d make a horrible Captain.” Eren pouted. “Besides, don’t you think you’re a little on the short side? Aren’t superiors supposed to be...I don’t know, strong and burly?”

He could tell he’d struck a nerve, even if it was unintentional. But he should’ve learned to watch his mouth by now – especially when it came to Levi’s height, or lack thereof.

It all came crashing down – literally – when Eren was doused in soapy water.

“That’s what you get for being a little shit.” Levi grumbled, smirking triumphantly at the now soaking brunet.

“You bastard!” Eren laughed, cupping the water in his hands before throwing it at the raven. “You’re so childish, Levi.”

“You retaliated – you’re the childish one.” He deadpanned, continuing to pelt Eren with splashes of water.

“What’s this if not retaliation then?” He groused, taking the bulk of the assault – solely to further humour Levi, whose mouth was fixed in a satisfied smirk, so close to being a full-fledged grin.

“This isn’t retaliation, brat.” Levi threw a handful of bubbles at Eren’s face. “This is discipline.”

And Eren didn’t mind it at all. Levi had walked into the studio, looking as if he wore the weight of the sky on his shoulders. How he’d gone from that to this alarming state of a near-smile was a mystery to Eren. But for someone who had many unanswered questions in his life and had a strong distaste for anything mysterious, the case being Levi was certainly welcomed. From his ebony under-cut; his taut but short physique to his milky-white skin and unamused expression, Eren was so damn grateful.

He felt like he’d seen so much of the raven, despite having only known him for a week, but he hadn’t seen him smile. And right then, that felt like the most important achievement he may have the honour of owning.

After a while, the two seemed to realise just how stupidly childish and uncharacteristic of them it was to piss around with bubbles and paints, and they toned down the brat-like nature to a minimum – which was harder for Eren than it was for Levi, for reasons that were obvious.

“You’re in a good mood,” Levi remarked lowly, smirking lightly at the brunet. “Must admit; I half-expected you to be in a mess when I showed up here. What with your recent withdrawal and shit.” He paused, musing to himself for a moment. “But, much to my disappointment, the sodding art room is the one in a state – not your sorry ass.”

Eren snorted, briefly flicking his piercing with the tip of his tongue. He was a creature of habit. “So sorry to cause such an inconvenience to you.” He murmured, tidying away the last of his paints. “You were right about one thing: this place is helping me. I guess finding an outlet for my creativity is sort of a release for me."

“So it seems,” Levi uttered to himself, his attention drifting over to where Eren’s painted canvas stood tall. “That’s...disturbing.”

“You don’t think it’s joyful?” Eren questioned, sarcasm laced in his tone. “Damn, fucked that one up then, didn’t I?”

“Either you fucked it up, or you’re secretly a sadistic shit who likes to paint fucked up shit to later wank-off to.”

Eren’s mouth dropped open. “...You have a dark mind. Anyone told you that?”

“On several occasions.” Levi shrugged mindlessly, leaning against a nearby worktop. “Anyway – less beating ‘round the bush and shit, I came here for a reason.”

He fruitlessly tried to ignore the slight blip in his heartbeat as it flinched in disappointment. Was it really so unlikely that Levi came to the studio, maybe because he actually wanted to see Eren – which he’d been avoiding to do all fucking day?

“It’s nothing important, so don’t look so solemn, brat.” Levi’s eyes scoured the skin beneath his nail, scornfully scowling at the blue paint now hidden there. “Just a word of warning to you: a little blondie’s joining our class tomorrow and it’s more than likely that she’ll be here for a while. Do me a favour and don’t go near her, will you?”

Eren’s brows threaded in suspicion. “Why? You called dibs on her something?”

“Did I call dibs...?” Levi voiced bitterly, somewhat disbelievingly. “No, idiot. I did not ‘call dibs’ on the new girl, you twat. Just fucking listen to me and don’t go near her – don’t do anything stupid like touch her or something.”

“Do you treat all newbies like shit, or was that special treatment for just me and now this girl?”

“I’m not giving anyone special treatment.” Levi groused, pushing off from the desk and heading to the door. “The others are watching some film in the rec room, so hurry your ass up and get down there.”

Eren nearly jumped to attention. “Will you stick around to watch too?” He questioned, and the slight amount of hope that seeped into his tone was a little more obvious than he’d planned it to be.

Levi seemed to notice it too. A small, but definitely existent, smirk crept across his lips as his dark eyes skittered over to Eren’s optimistic expression. “I might – only if anything intrigues me.” Just as quickly as it’d appeared, Levi’s smirk vanished, but the amused glint in his gaze remained. “Hurry up, dipshit, or I’m leaving without you.”

The brunet’s heart blipped once more. He wasn’t an idiot – at least, he wasn’t unbearably oblivious to Levi's possible insinuation.

He managed a grin, following the raven out of the door. “Yes, Captain.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to call this chapter a "Segway-to-more-plot" chapter, which is also just a pitiful excuse of a filler chapter, but HEY fillers can be welcomed...sometimes...right?  
> This chapter was so uneventful, I actually struggled for a chapter name.  
> Forgive me - and I hope you enjoyed anyway?


	8. The Female Titan

The young girl sat opposite him, curled in on herself as if protecting herself was her highest damn priority in that moment.

It’d take one glance at Levi’s expression to understand why.

Annie Leonhart had outlived them, locked away in that godforsaken crystallised shell of hers. Now, barely the age of fifteen years old, she was the youngest of them all; donning the face of innocence and sorrow in replacement of the unamused, cold façade she used to bear. Hanji and Armin stood by her – the former’s bespectacled gaze narrowed in suspicious caution at Levi, whose scowl was growing by the second.

He’d been pulled into this shitty office once more. Levi had situated himself a considerable distance away from the short blonde, wanting to postpone this as much as possible. Annie more or less remembered, but to help her adjust just that little bit more, Erwin had commanded they breach the ‘no skin-to-skin contact’ rule. He and Armin had done so without hesitation. It’d rendered Erwin mostly unaffected – he didn’t know the girl as much as they had. Armin had pulled a brave face at the time, but even Levi could see the damage it’d wreaked on his body. Now, he rested a comforting hand on Annie’s shoulder, smiling tightly whenever she looked his way. Levi didn’t know the relationship between them, but he sure as hell wasn’t fond of the shared glances and muted connection.

Jean had also partaken thus far. Annie’s strength was commendable; the fact she’d managed to last this long, after experiencing this much all in one day, was almost unbelievable. But Levi had learned not to underestimate Leonhart – so much was proven in the past. Petra and the other members of Levi’s first squad were a hell of a lot more forgiving than he was, but had been advised to keep their distance until Hanji had investigated further. Annie had smashed them to pieces – recovering and reliving those memories may have incredibly severe fucking consequences, and Levi was not about to let that shit happen again. That’s something he would _not_ relive.

Eren was beyond bewildered by it all, Levi knew. As of right now, he would still be in class, likely wondering where he’d disappeared to with two other classmates. Curious shit.

With the brat plaguing his mind, Levi sighed loudly, scowling. “Let’s get this bullshit over with then.” He stated before stalking over and grabbing Annie’s thin, pale wrist, admittedly a little roughly in his hand. He barely registered the look of fear on her face before he was thrown back, spikes of ice shooting through his fingertips.

He didn’t have any memories of Leonhart before her Titan, so there was no gentle leading up to the sight of his four friends’ corpses, beaten and bloody, mangled along the forest floor. He sailed above them, masking a face of utter indifference despite his heart tearing itself to pieces. Eld, Gunther, Petra, Oluo...

His vision wavered between the ceiling of Hanji’s office and the bloody scene of the forest, finally settling on the latter as Leonhart’s Titan stampeded ahead of him, carrying Eren Jaeger in her jaw. His stomach churned as Mikasa appeared beside him, dark eyes matching his in equal ferocity, insisting that Eren wasn’t dead – he was alive; he couldn’t be dead.

Without her, then, he probably would’ve been. Levi didn’t know Annie’s intentions at the time – hell, he didn’t even know it was her in that big-ass Titan – but if there was one thing he was sure of: it’s that Eren was alive in there, if Mikasa’s remarkably trustworthy intuition was anything to go by. Ordering the raven-haired female to get in front of Leonhart, which she complied quickly and quietly and commendably, Levi propelled himself towards the Titan. She noticed his presence – like he knew she would – and turned to throw a large, skinless fist over her shoulder. Levi’s throat seized in adrenaline as he jumped the attack, spiralling his blades along the length of her arm to her shoulder, and then promptly hurling his two swords directly into her eyes before restocking. Shortly afterwards, while she was temporarily blinded, he embarked on rendering the Titan as injured as possible. He sliced the muscle of her chin, forcing the jaw to fall agape, revealing a disgustingly dirty, slime-covered brunet boy. It was relatively successful until Mikasa’s rage-consumed-self barrelled towards Annie, with enough burning intent to almost stun Levi, but it was all wrong – the Titan would attack Mikasa –

Leonhart wasn’t stupid.

Releasing a loud, infuriated shout, Levi lurched out onto the Female Titan’s arm to grab the back of Mikasa’s cape – the action itself causing an explicable amount of agony and forcing a pained cry out from his throat. He threw the raven-haired girl back, grabbed Eren himself and ordered the retreat, knowing that now he had Eren; Mikasa would follow closely.

He snuck a glance back at Annie – almost startling mid-air at the sight of large, bulky tears slipping from her eyes.

A slap to his cheek revoked him from the memory, and suddenly he was being ripped away from Annie’s now fragile, trembling tearful frame.

Armin stood beside her, holding her shoulders as she sobbed.

Hanji brought Levi to his feet, still slightly shaky and his ankle now aching like a motherfucker.

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t do any more today-!” Annie choked out, desperate to control her breathing. “I-I’m so s-sorry-“

“It’s quite alright,” Hanji assured her, rubbing the blonde’s denim-clad knee. “You’ve done plenty. I’m really quite astounded how well you’ve handled this –“

Erwin cleared his throat. “Armin. Take Annie out for some fresh air. I need to talk in private with Hanji and Levi, if you don’t mind.”

Nodding dutifully, a pained grimace on his face, Armin continued to hold Annie tightly as they both left the room. Without Annie’s loud sobbing wracking the room, the only sound to be heard was of Levi’s own heavy breathing. He took Annie’s place on the chair, groaning quietly.

“That was fun.” He muttered.

Sighing, Erwin huffed a chuckle. “Certainly.” He returned in a significant amount of sarcasm, taking a perch on Hanji’s desk chair. “Thank you for doing that for her, Levi. She –“

“I didn’t do it for her,” He spat. “Don’t think for one second that I did that for her.”

Hanji frowned. “She’s trying to make amends. Don’t make her any guiltier than she already is.”

“She has every goddamn right to feel guilty!”

Even as he said it, a flash of her Titan’s tears came barrelling into his mind, making his chest wrench painfully tight.

“Nevertheless,” Erwin spoke up, as if sensing the argument threatening to start. “Thank you. If not helping Annie; you’ve helped Hanji.”

The brunette perked up dramatically at the mention of her name. “Yes. We’re steadily learning more of the lasting effects the Titans have on –“

“’Have’?” He echoed dryly. “What are you suggesting?”

“You didn’t see it!” Mirth danced in Hanji’s manic stare, glimmering dangerously. “Annie started steaming – like, physically, producing actual steam – while you were both trapped in the memory! She did the same with Armin, Jean and Erwin and I! How fascinating is that! I prodded her this time around and look –“ Hanji tossed out her finger in his direction, nearly taking his fucking eye out in the process. “I burnt myself on her!”

“Fantastic.” Levi ground out spitefully. “So, what? The Titan-shifters are still somewhat active?”

Hanji squealed in mirth. “Imagine that! They could turn into Titans again!”

Levi threw out a kick to Hanji’s shin, ceasing her mad excitement. “Are you mad? Fucking hell, don’t say that shit, you idiot.”

“As ridiculous as it sounds, Levi,” Erwin muttered, dry-washing his face with a grim smile. “Hanji might be right. We know so little about all of this. At this stage, I wouldn’t rule out a possibility as horrendous as this.”

At this, Levi sank deeper into the cushioned chair. “What a bombshell.” He chuckled dryly. “What now, then? Catch up the others – except Eren – with Annie and see how it goes?”

Hanji nodded agreeably. “Catch up the others – except Eren – with Annie and see how it goes. I’ll pry as much information out of Annie as I possibly can."

Erwin's eyes beamed. "There'll be no prying, thank you very much."

"Not even a little probing -?"

Levi flinched at the sound, and vibrations, emitted from his phone. Begrudgingly, he brought it out of his pocket, unsurprised by the Caller ID. No one else ever called him. He didn’t excuse himself as he left the room; his entire body had seized at the ringtone, and he was far too anxious to even announce his exit to Hanji and Erwin.

He answered the call but couldn’t bring himself to speak.

After a few moments passed, the person across the line sighed tiredly. _“... Is this Abel?”_ Her French accent was just as thick as he remembered it to be.

Levi cringed. God, did he hate that name.

“Speaking.” He grumbled, tapping his foot impatiently on the carpeted ground. “Unusual for you to ring me, mother.”

_“You told me not to ring you –“_

Levi gasped in faux horror. “I would never do such a thing.” He waited a few moments before: “Oh, wait, yes. I would do such a thing. With that being the case, why have you rung me?”

His mother sighed once more. _“Abel, honey, I can’t argue with you today –“_

“That’s a first.”

 _“Your father’s condition has worsened_.” She stated bluntly, sounding teary-eyed. _“We’re at a loss. We're taking him off life-support. He would – we all would – like for you to be here...with your family, Abel...”_

Levi’s hand clenched the phone tighter, but otherwise displayed no reaction to her news. His father didn’t deserve a reaction. His mother didn’t either.

“I’m very busy. It’s unlikely I’ll find time –“

 _“Abel,_ please _.”_ She begged brokenly. Her sniffles made Levi cringe. _“I understand you may not want to –“_

“Damn fucking right I don’t.” He spat. “Listen, you don’t understand anything. That man – your husband – is a bastard who deserves worse than fucking death, alright? Pull the plug on him without me.”

He disconnected the call before he could hear his mother sob more than she had already, and nearly hurled his phone at the opposite wall.

Bastard thought he could get away with hitting him every fucking day of his childhood and expect Levi – his dear son, Abel – to start giving two shits now that his smoking had finally got the better of him?

Bastard thought wrong.

He might've actually thrown his phone if not for the text message to suddenly arrive, startling him.

It was from Eren.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After spending a considerable amount of time debating his chances, an extremely bored and reckless brunet snuck out of a window.

Pretty stupid, right? Eren tended to act pretty stupidly when not only bored out of his damn mind, but when also under the influence. He didn’t intend on drinking until five o’clock in the morning – but sleep-deprived times call for sleep-deprived measures. He should’ve asked Hanji about keeping a hold of his sleeping pills, but instead of doing so, he took matters into his own hands, and he needed to drink as much of the alcohol he’d packed with him before a room inspection. Eren didn’t even know if they did room inspections, but in a school full of teenaged delinquents, he figured they might be necessary.

Class had been dragging and, to make matters worse, he’d lost his favourite study-buddy, Levi. It was as if he’d disappeared off the face of the earth – or maybe not actually, but to Eren’s slightly drunken mind that was most definitely the case – and it didn’t make Eren a happy camper at all. His raven made things better –

He swayed and tripped over a branch, giggling all the while.

A sudden idea sparked in his hazy, tipsy, sleep-deprived head as his youthfully excitable state gazed longingly at a climbable tree. He would always climb trees when he was younger – it would piss his parents off beyond belief when he’d come home with dirty and shredded clothes, but that was the sole reason why he continued to do it. Even now though, he couldn’t contain the childish giddiness at the conveniently placed branches that certainly didn’t look strong enough to hold his adolescent weight.

But, if there’s a philosophical  lesson to be learnt here: Eren should not climb trees whilst under the influence. Very philosophical.

Approximately seven minutes later, Eren was regretting every single choice he had ever made in his nearly sixteen years of life. Climbing trees was a hell of a lot more fun knowing that he’d return to extremely irritated parents, and not to a school that’d most definitely exclude him for pulling this shit.

He texted Levi – just to reassure him he was okay, and only a little otherwise preoccupied, if the raven decided to worry about him at any point.

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 10:34:**

**_Houston. We have a problemf._ **

 

He whistled a jovial tune, admiring the cool breeze sweeping through the atmosphere. It was nice. He liked forests. He liked to imagine him soaring through the canopies, attached to some sort of wires and gas canisters, letting the trees guide his way –

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 10:39:**

**_Copy that. What is this alleged “problemf”?_ **

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 10:40:**

**_Ok so somehow I got stuck up a treez. Don’t ask me hoh – shit hpapenz._ **

****

Typing was a little difficult when he couldn’t see straight.

He didn’t get another text from Levi. Instead, he got a phone call. How did he even get service out here? Maybe because he was so high up...

“Yellow!” He answered, grinning dopily.

_“You fucking brat...”_

“Oh, Levi! How nice of you to call!”

_“Pleasure is all mine, you fucking dipshit. Where the fuck are you?”_

“In a tree. Gee, do you ever listen, Levi?”

_“Fucking Christ, you’re absolutely smashed, aren’t you?”_

“I was sad, Levi...I needed something.”

_“So you turned to alcohol.”_

“It helps!”

_“And now you’re stuck in a tree, Eren. How does that fucking help?”_

“Mm, I dunno...” He murmured tearfully. “I’m sorry – I can’t help it sometimes. Hanji took away all my medication and I’m not good at pretending to be okay with that –“

_“I’ll get you something, Eren. I don’t agree with what Hanji did – she should’ve been more careful with it.”_

“She’s right though... I don’t need it – I never needed it.” Eren hiccupped. “She doesn’t think I’m insane, does she?”

_“Of course she doesn’t, kid. You’re not insane –“_

“She thinks I’m making this up, doesn’t she? She thinks I’m doing this for attention!”

_“No, Eren – Christ, she doesn’t think that!”_

“She does – you all do! That’s why you’re all so nice to me – you’re all liars!”

 _“I swear to fuck, kid, as soon as I find you, I’m hauling your ass out of whichever tree you’re stuck in and I’m going to –“_ Levi cut himself off with a sigh into the phone, and the sound made Eren’s ear tingle. _“You know, you could’ve pulled this shit any other day – any other fucking day, Eren, and it would’ve been fine. Just not today.”_

Eren frowned sadly. “I’ll try get down, but I don’t think –“

_“No. Stay up there. I’m coming to find you, alright? I’ll get you down and – and we’ll talk about this. You’ve got things on your mind and you need someone to hear them.”_

Eren nodded.

_“Eren? Are you there?”_

“Oh! Sorry. I nodded, but I forgot you couldn’t see me.”

Across the line, Levi chuckled lowly. _“You’re a bloody idiot, Eren Jaeger...”_

“Hurry up ‘n find me, Captain,” he taunted, swinging his legs playfully. “I’ll guide you to me with a bird call.”

_“Please don’t do that –“_

Eren placed both hands against his mouth, forgetting one was still loosely holding his phone, cupped them and then whistled.

He shouldn’t have bothered. His phone had already fallen out of the tree at his point – not that he knew.

 

In the time it took for Levi to actually find him – while Eren made his moronic attempt at sounding like a bird – he actually sobered up quite a bit. Perhaps it was the biting cold weather or the eerie loneliness he felt, but seeing Levi’s lethal glare from below him; Eren couldn’t help the grimace marring his features.

“Nice to see you...” He muttered awkwardly.

Levi’s glower intensified as he held up Eren’s phone between two fingers, quirking an unimpressed brow.

“Yeah...I dropped that...”

“Really?” Levi spat sarcastically. “It’s not like I could tell. I spent an unworthy amount of time worrying about you, thinking you’d fallen out of this damn tree or some shit like that.”

Eren’s cringe worsened. “Ta-da...? I didn’t fall out of the tree...?” He waved his hands magically.

Shaking his head, Levi scoffed a laugh. “I’ve really got my hands full with you, Eren Jaeger...” He muttered mostly to himself, likely unaware that Eren could most definitely hear him. “So, are you ready to stop being a little spider monkey and come down, or do you want to be up there when the rain starts?”

“I think you want me to be up here when the rain starts...”

“Damn fucking right I do, you twat. Get your ass down here right now – if you slip I might catch you. If I feel like it.”

“Quite reassuring.” Eren mumbled uncertainly.

“Not supposed to be. This is the response you get for acting like a little shit.” The raven quipped, blatantly irritated.

Eren tried. “I didn’t mean to –“

“Don’t test me –“ Levi’s threat was interrupted.

Eren tried again. “I shouldn’t have called you –“

Levi’s voice was the most expressive Eren had ever heard it – and fucking hell, he was _angry_. “Yes, you should’ve – I’m glad you did, Eren, but your timing is absolutely horrific.”

He tried one more time. “I’m sorry –“

“Don’t apologise. Get down." Levi demanded, crossing his arms and turning away as Eren made his descent, a little less wobbly than before.

 

Once Eren had both feet planted firmly on the ground, Levi threw the brunet’s phone at him – roughly. Surprisingly, it had been unaffected by the fall, but it still packed a painful punch as it whacked his chest, eliciting a sharp gasp from his lips. He turned to glare at Levi, only to see the raven’s form already retreating.

His shoulders were hunched and his hands were buried inside his pockets. Eren didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so...despondent. And it was his fault.

He jogged to catch up with Levi, and found himself reaching out to grab the sleeve of his coat, bringing the raven to an abrupt standstill. “I am really sorry – I shouldn’t have forced you out here. I shouldn’t have expected you to –“

Levi’s hand snaked up to the collar of Eren’s shirt, tugging him down to his height. “I swear to all things fucking holy, if you don’t stop fucking apologising, I’m going to rip that fucking piercing out of your damn lip.” Eren almost felt himself drifting closer until Levi shucked him away, pacing backwards. “What the fuck were you thinking, Eren? Why would you do this?”

“It’s stupid – I know it is,” Eren cursed, stepping closer. “I couldn’t sleep and my visions were getting physically painful to watch and Hanji confiscated all of my medication and I – I don’t know what else to do, Levi! It’s my only way of gaining control –“

Levi snorted cynically. “Oh, so you sneaking out of class to go climb trees was controlled, was it?”

“I was able to make a decision!” Eren yelled, spiteful tears pricking his eyes. “I had control over drinking – I made the choice to drink! I have no control over my visions – I-I can’t make them disappear and it’s excruciating! Drinking dulls it to an extent and I don’t care anymore – if I put myself in a fucking coma; that’s even better. Levi, when I have these hallucinations, I can’t stand to be alive – I want to di–“

“Don’t fucking say that shit.” The plea was suddenly muttered into his shoulder, Levi’s arms circling Eren’s shoulders.

“L-Levi...?” Was he _hugging_ him?

“You’re not allowed to say that shit. Understand?” He demanded, holding Eren almost tightly.

Eren’s mouth had fallen open, and tears were definitely congregating in his waterline. “O-Okay.”

Just as abruptly as it had happened, Levi shrugged himself away from Eren, scowling at the boy. “Whenever you’re in that situation – and I mean, _whenever_ – you will come to me, alright?”

“Levi –“

“That’s an order, Jaeger.” He spat, glaring pointedly at him. “I don’t give a shit what time it is or what absurd hour of the morning it is; you send me a text or give me a call. Hell, I’ll give you the spare key to my room and you can wake me up – I will _not_ let you go through this alone. Understand? Tell me you understand.”

“I-I...” A tear fell, quickly followed by a second, then a third and fourth. “Thank you, Levi – thank y-you so...”

Levi’s voice was abnormally gentle, and his tone made Eren’s heart wrench. “Let’s head back, dipshit. You’re lucky Erwin didn’t send out another search party looking for you.”

Eren nodded mutely, not trusting himself enough to not start bawling his damn eyes out.

Beside him, Levi released a rush of breath. “Cut that out, kid. You’ll be alright.”

“I-I know.” He didn’t. “I just wish I didn’t bother you so much.”

“You don’t bother me,” He paused, smirking lightly. “Well, that’s a lie. You do bother me – a fucking lot actually.” Eren’s hope deflated immediately, and it must’ve been noticeable. “How could you not bother me when you have those constantly tormented green eyes of yours?”

Eren scoffed. “Oh, I’m sorry – should I take my eyes out for you, sir?”

Levi’s eyes glimmered darkly. “Don’t do that,” his lip twitched, hinting at the smile threatening to cross his lips. “The sooner you realise that you’re not a bother to me; the sooner you’ll notice that I don’t plan on leaving you alone, brat. Especially not after today.”

“I don’t need you to be a bodyguard –“

“I’m not,” Levi insisted, shoving Eren’s shoulder before stalking ahead. “I’m your fucking friend, idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot happened in this chapter, so I cut it a little short.  
> Writing a sad Eren is so painful - I honestly don't know how Isayama can bear putting his characters through so much grief.  
> Don't get the wrong idea from this chapter. I actually really admire Annie's character, but obviously she needs to be redeemed in some people's eyes - cough, Levi, cough - and not so much in others' - cough, Armin, cough cough.  
> Also, some of Levi's current family life was much needed, and hell yeah it's going to cause problems for him. I added the 'Past Child Abuse' for a reason.  
> Thanks for reading!


	9. The Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Brief Past Mentions of Child Abuse. Nothing too severe, but this may be a reoccurring tag.

Another day passed with barely a sign from Levi. In the raven’s defence, it was the weekend, and although Eren knew he didn’t leave the school even then, they didn’t share any lessons together that day. But, unless he’d been playing a sick practical joke on Eren, Levi did say they were friends, right? It was almost hilariously stupid how light and dizzy the brunet felt when he said that – he couldn’t get so star struck just by an irritable pint-sized prat who referred to Eren as his friend. It wasn’t possible.

But that’d be the only reasonable explanation as to why Eren suddenly felt like hollering and fist-bumping the air in celebration.

He was back in the studio, having been given the permission – because Eren was a good kid now; he actually _asked_ for permission – to use one of the particularly big canvases. The head of the art department, who was also the only subject teacher there, seemed like a decent enough guy. His name was Eld Jinn, and Eld had a pretty sick goatee and a short braid in his blond hair. Eren didn’t usually base his respect on a person’s appearance, but the goatee alone had him smitten. Eld had even allowed him to use the spray paint they had and, fortunately for Eren, didn’t comment on how easily it was for the brunet to tackle the canvas with it.

It was his usual tag, but this certain design had a special sort of cleanliness about it – the ebony black and crimson red flattered the soothing white of the canvas, and it had Eren’s lips curving appreciatively. He’d done sketches of the design in his books, but they always left him too unsatisfied because of their small size. Even when he painted on the side of buildings, he never could recreate the beauty of the image in his head – of the raven-haired girl with a thick red cotton scarf. Shitty-looking dirty buildings would never provide her justice. But on this white canvas, she looked beautiful –

She looked _real._

As he stood before the finished design, grinning at his handiwork, an appraising hum from his side pried his attention away.

Armin was perched on a table, wrapped up in a dark green cardigan with a collared shirt beneath, and looked like the picture of fucking sophistication with a hand placed against his chin. Eren didn’t know how long the blond had been there for, but he didn’t really mind.

“Do you like, or do you _like_?”

Nodding, Armin smirked, humming once more. “Honestly, I think it’s amazing,” he sighed, still staring intently at it. “The girl’s beautiful.”

Eren also nodded, agreeing. “Yeah. She is.”

“Have you named her?” Receiving Eren’s blank look, Armin chuckled. “Don’t artists usually name their works?”

“N-No, she has a name,” he insisted, taking a perch on a table opposite him but still craned his neck to stare over his shoulder at the painting. “Her name’s Mikasa...”

“Mikasa...” Armin repeated, smiling softly. “Beautiful name too.”

“Yeah.”

The two of them settled into a sombre kind-of silence, both just staring at the picture until Armin’s sudden gasp startled him.

“I knew I recognised this!” Armin laughed jovially, flinging himself off of the table to run over to a computer.

Eren’s brows threaded in bewilderment. “Recognised what?”

“Look!” How Armin was already on the Internet was honestly remarkable. It took Eren a good five minutes to refrain from raging at the piece of technology and its inability to work when he wanted it to. Maybe the blond had a way with computers – or maybe Eren was just really impatient and angry a lot of the time. “Eren, have you seen this?”

Pulling up a seat beside him, Eren’s mouth fell open at the browser Armin had discovered. “That’s my...”

“Your graffiti – obviously.” Armin’s grin widened. “You’re the unknown artist who’s been terrorising that small town in the west! On here they say you have some sort of Vendetta-type style, and you have a habit of scaring the crap out of the people who find your works.”

The whole website was dedicated to his works and theories surrounding the origin of the beasts – the Titans, but no one called them that.

Eren’s mouth was still catching flies at this point. “I wouldn’t call it terrorising...” he grimaced, suddenly feeling a little guilty. “And I don’t do it to scare people –“

“That’s honestly so amazing,” Armin sighed, shaking his head and relaxing back in his chair. “You’re practically famous.”

“Not exactly the best thing to be famous for – for scaring the shit out of people, I mean.” He muttered, still somewhat offended by that comment. “But, I guess it’s cool that people are seeing my stuff.”

“Eren, I’m sure this site has had more than a million views by this point,” Armin scoffed. “Your artwork is amazing – I’m clearly not the only one who thinks so.”

That much was true. He caught a glance at a couple of comments left by visitors to the site, some saying they might visit his hometown for the sole purpose of seeing the graffiti in person, up close. It flattered him, but also kind of made him uncomfortable. He didn’t realise his work was so...popular. And why should it be? These fuckers wouldn’t even give two shits about the origin – the insanity of his mind. No, they don’t look past the pretty colours and towering figures. They wouldn’t understand –

“Anyway,” Armin drawled, stretching his limbs. “I was supposed to come ask you. It’s a pretty damn nice day today. We’re all heading out to the field for a couple of hours. You have yet to witness the sublimity that is Mike’s sporting ability.”

“Mike?” Eren voiced, almost scoffing. “The chef guy? You’re telling me that he isn’t just an amazing cook, but also an athlete or something?”

“Sounds like someone’s sucking up to get more vegetarian chilli con carne,” the blond chuckled. “But yes – he’s always teaching some kind of fighting technique –“

“That doesn’t sound suitable for this place...”

“He’s really authoritative though,” Armin insisted. “Any insubordination or idiocy and you’re screwed. Ask Connie – he’d know, obviously.”

Eren chuckled, standing. “Alright, you’ve convinced me.”

“You’re going to be so impressed with Petra’s gymnastic ability,” he assured him, leading him out of the door. “And God, if he’s in a good mood, Levi sometimes joins in with Mike and it’s so intense and –“

His attention kind of cut off at that point; his cursed imagination conjuring up images of Levi’s hands, hardened and toughened and scarred overtime by brawling. He’d definitely be lying if he said the thought of his raven fighting it out didn’t intrigue him and also made it somewhat harder for him to breathe.

He really didn’t need to be convinced now.

 

  

* * *

 

 

It was fucking warm outside. He couldn’t complain though – not really. The typically temperamental weather had pulled an unexpected turn that weekend, surprising majority of the fuckers accustomed to the shit-storms. Levi, especially. Jean and Petra – a not-so unlikely pair - had hauled him out of his hidey-hole bedroom with the help of the ever-so patient Historia, suggesting a little sunlight wouldn’t hurt his alabaster skin. He argued that he was naturally this pale; absolutely nothing be concern themselves over. Petra brushed him off, and Jean reciprocated his remark by calling him a pussy, saying he was afraid of getting some colour in his cheeks.

So he emerged from his room, if not for the sole purpose of proving that horse-faced Kirstein wrong – and to relieve himself of Historia’s sad, pouty expression the more he denied the offer. He suddenly realised in that moment why Ymir was so smitten with the petite blondie. Or, at least, why she _had_ been. Ymir was one of the few people yet to be found, and whenever she was mentioned by the group, Historia’s uncommonly expressionless face was kind of fucking terrifying. He really hoped – to whichever omnipotent entity lived up there in the sky – that Historia didn’t end up as heartbroken as Jean had after recently finding out about Marco. None of his brats deserved to experience that pain – they didn’t deserve any pain at all.

He nearly gagged at his own sentimentality. Fuck, normalcy had _changed_ him.

Immediately, he stripped down to his white tee, cursing himself for being a black-jean-only, ride-or-die kind of guy, especially when abnormally sweaty conditions like this arrived. Brats were stretched out along the acreage, some lazing around in the grass like fucking cows and others splashing about in the stream, generally just working up a sweat. It was goddamn disgusting – a reason why Levi despised teenagers and their distinct lack of deodorant. He was not included, of course, his hygiene was as impeccable as ever, obviously. He resisted a small smile at the sight of Historia on Jean’s shoulder and Connie on Oluo’s. His two squad’s got along unsurprisingly well – though, unfortunately for him, they brought out the idiocy in each of them; all of them behaving like childish brats.

Annie was on a slight hill, overlooking the others’ shenanigans with a barely-concealed smile gracing her lips. Against his better judgement, Levi laid out his jacket before taking a seat on the grass beside her and blamed the dizzyingly humid weather for his delusion in doing so. He was slightly shocked by the relaxed posture she had despite his arrival.

“You should join them.” He began, frowning at the group. “You’re looking like one hell of a loner over here.”

Leonhart’s thin lips curved slightly. “If I join in, whose shoulders will I go on?” She asked, scoffing with a shake of her head. “And why don’t you speak for yourself, ‘Humanity’s Strongest’? You’re the loneliness person here.”

“I’m the loneliness person here?” He reiterated dryly, arching a brow questioningly. “What brought you to that conclusion?”

“You’re extremely introverted,” Annie stated, leaning back on her forearms and crossed her legs, still staring at the teenagers – and the one adult: Oluo – pissing around in front of them. “You’re still stuck in the past – thinking you’re the same man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.”

Levi’s mouth formed a frown, brows threading. “Am I seriously receiving a life lesson from a fifteen year-old ex-homicidal monster right now?”

“You sound as though your reputation was as clean as the cravat you wore, which it wasn’t,” she reciprocated his scowl, ice-cold blue eyes narrowing. “I was in your position too. Like you said: I’m an ex-homicidal monster. That’s got a lot of guilty connotations that I’m not exactly proud about.” Her tone was detached and so painfully similar to Levi’s own, and it somehow managed to make him rethink a lot of the things he’d thought of Annie Leonhart. “We’re very similar, Levi. We were back then; both fighting for what we believed to be right, and we are now; both living as guilty people.”

He caught the sidelong glance and he repressed a grimace. “Arlert told you, didn’t he?”

Annie shrugged. “He’s told me a lot of things – I really missed a lot, being inside that crystal and all, and Armin filled me in. He just managed to let that slip out...” She sighed, tugging on the grass at her side. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have saved her.”

He could have – _he should have_.

“Wish I could say the same to you, after what you did to my squad and all of those other people.” He deadpanned, coldly unforgiving.

“I understand if you choose to bear this grudge on me,” she appeased quietly. “Hell, I understand if your hatred towards me isn’t even a choice for you to make anymore. But I hope you’ll come to realise that we’re very similar. And, honestly, I admire the shit out of you, even to this day. Even though you are a weak son of a bitch.”

Levi’s muscles contracted. “Weak? Leonhart, the one who shied away from punishment in a fucking indestructible crystal, is calling me weak?”

“And you, the most-esteemed soldier, aren’t denying that?” She shook her head, huffing a laugh. “I’ve done a lot of shit, Levi, and I probably don’t deserve a second chance at life, but I hope to redeem myself. That means forgiving myself and others. Stop living in the past.”

“Levi! Annie!” Kirstein suddenly hollered, stealing the silence which Levi had been stunned into. He galloped – well, not literally – up to them, brushing his fringe out of the sweat gathered on his forehead. “Don’t you two look like the happiest sons of bitches?”

They only stared blankly.

Connie jogged up to join them, forcing a laugh. “No offence, but you guys are kinda scary-looking.”

Jean nodded. “Adams family shit, right?”

“That’s literally what I was just thinking! Man, it’s like you read my mind -!”

“Adorable. When’s the baby due?” Annie deadpanned.

“Hey! I’m like the only straight guy here – don’t take that badge away from me!” Connie protested.

“Connie wears that badge with pride,” Jean smirked. “With _straight_ pride.”

“Armin’s not gay.” Annie supplied, feigning disinterest. “So what? Are there two badges?”

Jean snorted, and he might as well have whinnied. “Of course you’d know Armin’s straight. You two have been getting seriously close recently.”

The blush trekking across Leonhart’s cheeks was almost comical. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about –“

Levi didn’t see a point in sticking around much longer. He really couldn’t care less about Annie’s crush on Armin. They’d be together sooner or later – after all, Annie wasn’t the only smitten yellow-haired teen. He picked up his jacket, strolling over to where Hanji stood over Petra, somewhat mesmerised as the woman performed an assortment of stunts – splits, roundoffs and such. When Erwin discovered her existence in this life, she had been an avid gymnast in her early twenties, performing in local competitions and always excelling. Levi had never thought to ask her why she quit professionally to become an English Literature teacher for them. As selfish as it was; he was too glad to have her back to have her leave.

“Saw you talking to Annie...” Hanji mentioned offhandedly. “You weren’t causing her too much grief, were you?”

Levi shrugged. “The grief-giving was mutual.”

“Look how tense you are,” Petra tutted in that chastising tone of hers. “Levi, you need to relax. I have a few pointers, if you’d like to –“

“Petra, for the final time,” he sighed. “I’m not interested in Yoga.”

“I think you’d benefit from it –“

“Let the boy be a lazy bastard if he pleases, Petra,” Hanji let out an extravagant sigh of disappointment. “My, what is becoming of today’s youth, I ask? Absolutely hopeless –“

Levi’s frown intensified. “Hey –!“

Petra joined in. “Oh, Hanji. Remember the good old days, where our youth was full of strapping young gentlemen?”

“Oi -!”

“My faith is deteriorating!” She wailed, falling to her knees dramatically. “Curse you, youth! Curse your cursed laziness! Damn you –!“

“Where the fuck is Mike?” Levi snapped, crossing his arms. “Enough of this bullshit. I’m not lazy, and you’re just being flat-out disrespectful now.”

“Looking for Mike, eh? Going to show us a few of your moves?” Hanji taunted.

“Yes, and then I’m going to use those moves to beat your godforsaken arse if you don’t shut the hell up.”

“Ooh!” She squealed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, nearly heaving him off the ground. “I hope Eren sees – the sexual tension will be off the charts!”

“Hanji. I swear to fuck – just stop talking.”

 

 

* * *

  

 

The lawn had developed a crowd; floods of the boarding student body flocking the scene actually happening before them all. A teacher – well, a chef, but a respected adult nonetheless – fighting, hand-to-hand, a student, both wearing the most competitive and deadly serious expressions they ever did see. A normal student would likely be terrified; if they weren’t terrified they were pulling out their phones to get the good shit on video.

Safe to say that Eren wasn’t an ordinary student.

He was, in fact, possibly the most turned on he’d ever been in his life.

Mike, probably the tallest individual Eren had ever met, threw a punch, which the raven dodged, sliding beneath, to attack Mike’s balance for the umpteenth time. It should’ve been a predictable move by now, but he was so quick and his movements were absolutely flawlessly carried out; it was damn near impossible to anticipate Levi’s next move. Levi, Eren’s raven-haired friend, with the mouth of a sailor, had the moves of a soldier - an impeccably-bodied, experienced soldier.

Eren’s mind was swarmed with images of him, as calm and collected as ever, whilst he slit one nape after another, ridding the world of the Titan-scum which plagued it. His forest green cape billowed around him, framing his short and strong frame. The winged crest on his back made him seem like some sort of angel.

And, right then, watching him fight, Eren could understand why. Levi may have a disgusting sense of humour and an overwhelmingly foul mouth but, indisputably: the raven was the picture of grace. From his discrete and intricate footwork to his outlandishly horrific manoeuvres as he jumped another attack from Mike – he was beautiful.

He was beautiful until the raven held up a hand, sweating magnificently in the warm weather – the moisture glistening in the sunlight and _holy fuck_ Eren was so turned on - and in one swift movement, he stripped the shirt over his head. It fell to the ground as a dangerously sexy smirk fell onto his lips, and holding his hands up in front of his face once more, he was right back at it again. Eren watched in stunned silence, shamelessly enraptured by the insufferably smooth-looking alabaster skin, coated in a light sheen of sweat – and _fuck_ , if he hadn’t covered his lap with Levi’s jacket which he somehow managed to get a hold of, then people would get a good look at the almost painful tent restrained in his skinny jeans. The raven was lean and toned and it was utterly brilliant – Levi, just all of him, was fucking amazing.

The unmistakeable sound of someone capturing a photo made his skin crawl. They didn’t have the right to take pictures of something so godlike – simpleminded bastards weren’t fucking worthy of this mastery, Eren included. Levi was too beautiful to be seen. And this abrupt realisation – as if he hadn’t noticed how goddamn hot he was before – made this a lot harder – literally – for their friendship. Eren had a crush on him before this, and that was only barely manageable at the time, but now...? This changed _everything_.

Eren couldn’t quite believe the sudden end to it all. Levi’s back hit the ground with Mike towering over him, both of whom were grinning madly and breathing rampantly. He couldn’t say he was surprised that Mike had won – the guy was a bloody monster in a fist-fight – but Levi had put up one hell of a fight and had barely gleaned any injuries, unlike the former. In a real fight, Levi may well have been the one to take the lead. Everyone cheered good-naturedly as Mike grabbed Levi’s forearm, hauling him to his feet, both laughing.

“You were pulling your punches this time,” Mike chuckled, clapping the short teen on the back. “You nearly had me at one point.”

“Just the one?” Levi grinned, shoving Mike’s shoulder. “Can’t have that. Want to go again?”

“Kids with their fucking stamina these days,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry, Ackerman. Maybe next time.”

Ackerman, came Eren's fleeting thought. Why did that sound so familiar? Ackerman...

“Next time I’m beating you.”

The older and taller man wiped at the blood gathered on his bottom lip. “I’d say you beat me pretty good this time. Look, your number one fan practically drooling over there.”

Eren nearly remarked over the fact they weren’t talking about him, but in fact Hanji, who popped out of the crowd, wearing his shirt over her head like it was a medal.

“My son!” She hollered, picking him up in her arms. “You’ve made me so proud! You beat up a man, just like I always raised you to do! It brings tears of joy into my eyes!”

Adrenaline must’ve been thrumming through his veins because he smiled – yes, Levi fucking _smiled_ , toothily and perfectly – and didn’t fight until Hanji placed him back on the ground, where he then tossed the now-dirty shirt back over his head. He strolled over to Eren, whose brain had pretty much turned to mush and whose grip on the jacket in his lap tightened dramatically, still grinning dopily.

Surprisingly, Eren was the first to speak – which was really quite impressive, considering he’d been pretty much tongue-tied since the fight began. “You... You have a scar on your shoulder blade?” His words were really quite unexpected however, as he didn’t even realise he’d noticed it until then. A congratulations probably would’ve sufficed – but no, as this was the ever-curious, ever-nosy little shit named Eren Jaeger, of course he had to ask about a potentially damaging question. “I mean – that wasn’t supposed to be a question,” he assured him frantically, struggling to his feet slightly awkwardly. “It was just an observation. You didn’t need to – I mean, you _don’t_ – need to answer it, because like I said: totally wasn’t a question.” He resisted the urge to face palm. Was he really so pathetic that, after a mere glance at Levi’s build – which he could’ve probably found a similar one on a porn website if he searched enough – he actually became a bumbling mess?

To his utter bewilderment, Levi’s grin only lessened to a small, sly smirk, taking in Eren’s flustered appearance. “I wouldn’t have taken my shirt off if I cared so much about people seeing it,” he stated, shaking his head through a scoff. “Of course, I should’ve expected a nosy brat like yourself to ask about it.”

“It wasn’t a question – just an observation, actually.”

“Right...” Levi drawled out; slow and sarcastic. “Well, seeing as you asked – or rather, didn’t ask – I’ll tell you a little something: you’re not the only one with shitty parents.”

Eren wasn’t given much of an opportunity to let that bombshell sink in, for Levi was already trekking back up to the school, presumably to clean off the grime and sweat he’d gathered in the last half an hour’s events. Startling, Eren chased him down.

“Hold on,” he rushed out, holding up his hands. “Your parents did that to you?”

“Of course not. They didn’t do it together – it wasn’t some kind of team building exercise for the family.” He rolled his eyes, scoffing dryly. “Dad held the knife and mother held me down, both drunk off their arses.”

“How...” Eren swallowed, feeling a little ill at the recent developments. “How can you talk about it so calmly? Levi...that’s horrible -”

“I can talk about it like this to you, because you’re possibly the only person with a worse upbringing than my own.” He chuckled briefly, catching Eren’s perplexed gaze. “After everything you’ve told me; it makes my family life seem almost normal.”

Mouth agape, Eren’s eyes widened. “But my parents never hurt –“ He cut himself off, realising that although he hadn’t been physically scarred by his parents as Levi had, his mother had certainly brought a hand on him a couple of times. But of course, they couldn’t regularly abuse their child – that’d cause too much speculation from the public eye.

“Your parents practically disowned you. My parents only insisted on loving me – still do, to this day – despite the shit they pulled on me when I was younger.” He paused for a short moment, pondering with a frown. “Granted, the fuckers may have disowned me too if I hadn’t flown the nest before they had the chance.”

“You ran away?”

“You sound surprised by that. You wouldn’t have done the same in my situation?” He plodded up the stairs, Eren trailing behind in tow, up to the floor of his bedroom. “It wasn’t bad though. Living on the streets isn’t exactly a foreign concept to me,” Eren didn’t know what he meant by that, but he thought better than to pry into the raven’s business more than he already had. “- And it wasn’t long until I found Erwin. He took me in, just after he opened up the school, and gave me a permanent residence here, as long as my parents knew where I was. He left it up to them to come see me; they never have.”

“Is that why you’re so close to the staff here?” Eren asked, standing awkwardly outside of Levi’s bedroom, not wanting to intrude if he didn’t have permission. “I mean, I can’t think of any other reason why Mike would let you throw a punch at him if not.”

Levi’s impatient gaze snapped over to him, glaring sharply. “Stop loitering out there like a lost mutt and just get your ass in here.” Eren complied, incredibly awkwardly, as he practically fell over himself, shuffling into the room quickly and slamming the door behind him. Levi cringed at the loud sound. “Stupid brat. And yeah, I guess you could say that. Or maybe the school’s chef is secretly hiding a fetish for beating up kids.”

“If that’s the case, he should meet your parents –“ Eren cut his snide remark short with a hiss, quickly followed by a muted curse. “Shit, sorry. It's just...- What you told me is really fucked up, and it's sort of a lot to take in.”

Levi only smirked, shifting over to his bathroom. “Hate to hear my inappropriate sense of humour is rubbing off on you, kid. I’ve condemned you to a lifetime of sensitive enemies.” He chuckled, throwing a half-hearted wave over his shoulder. “Feel free to outstay your welcome. My showers take half an hour at least, so don’t stick around. Don’t go wanking on my bed whilst you picture me naked in the next room.”

The door shut behind him, leaving Eren incredibly flustered and irrevocably turned on by the thought – no; the _reality_ that was Levi, completely nude, with droplets of water cascading down his desirable figure.

He could assure him he wouldn’t do anything right then – but later, Eren wouldn’t be able to say the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had second thoughts about this original chapter, so I changed it. Sad to say; the original chapter had more...suggestiveness than this. But hey - who doesn't love a good slow burn, aye?  
> There's no excuse for this chapter. It's just an arse-load of possibilities for this story. But we have some Eren and Armin bonding over the former's artwork, and some Levi and Annie reconciliation, kind of - so there's that. And, as we have come to notice, Eren is gay. He is so very, very gay for a certain little bastard, who has some serious daddy issues.


	10. The Raid

In his head, he formed a plan of action. He’d broken into places before – many times before. Aside from the potential high-tech security system, this would be no different. It’d be a breeze. He’d pick the lock with the set he bought – well, stole – a while ago; would swing into Hanji’s office; track down his meds and he’d be out in no time. There’d be no risk of getting caught as long as he didn’t trigger any alarms. He wasn’t used to alarms. Abandoned buildings, he could handle without a problem. They didn’t have alarms.

This school, unfortunately for him, was not abandoned. And if he got caught, he’d be expelled – he’d have to go back home, to his parents. Somehow, that was a more terrifying prospect than getting in trouble with the police.

It’d come to a certain point of the night that constantly tossing and turning just wasn’t cutting it for him anymore. Armin had been resting, sleeping soundly and quietly snoring, looking utterly relaxed and blissful, and Eren had been stuck in a disoriented place between agony and envy. He couldn’t sleep – he could never sleep.

Except that was a lie. Although he hated it; there was something that could help him. The only thing that stood in his way was a locked door and the absolutely terrifying risk of expulsion.

It really didn’t take him much convincing.

Nearing three o’clock in the morning, Eren hauled his deadweight-exhausted self out of the uncomfortable cushioned hell he’d resided in hours ago. He was on a mission. And whether it landed him knee-deep in horse shit or not; he needed to get back his pills. He shouldn’t have thought about bringing Levi down into the cesspit of trouble with him, but a part of him didn’t want to do this on his own.

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:26:**

**_You still up?_ **

 

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:27:**

**_Regrettably. And so are you, unsurprisingly. Rough night?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:28:**

**_You could say that. I need to talk to you._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:28:**

**_Sounds exhilarating._ **

****

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:31:**

**_Are you waiting for a fucking invitation, brat? I expected you to be up here already._ **

 

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:31:**

**_But it’s late. I don’t want to screw up your sleep._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:32:**

**_Sleep? What sleep? Come on, brat. Sleep is for the weak._ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:33:**

**_In which case, I’ve never felt more envious of the weak than now._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:34:**

**_So what? Are you going to text me until you fall asleep or are we going to be insomniacs together?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:34:**

**_Sounds like you actually want to see my mug in your bed ;)_ **

****

A rush of nausea suddenly hit him like a tonne of bricks, hurling his arse into his and Armin’s bathroom as the contents of his stomach – or lack of – was reintroduced to the toilet. Reintroduced as, yes, that was the second time that night Eren had upchucked his last meal. It barely fazed him by this point, but he was still too concerned of waking up Armin with his own dry-heaving.

He cleaned his teeth once more, grimacing at his appearance in the mirror. He looked horrible – which, honestly, was to be expected, all things considered.

****

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:35:**

**_Cheeky shit. Who said you could come anywhere near my bed? You’ll get the armchair at the opposite side of the room, farthest away from the bed – if you’re lucky._ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:36:**

**_I’m touched! :D_ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:37:**

**_If you’re not up here in five minutes; the deal is off._ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:37:**

**_Hey now! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves! Gimmie a minute. Text me words of encouragement to leave this room._ **

****

_Because at this rate, it’s unlikely I’ll be able to make it five steps before keeling over_ – he added silently, scoffing at himself.

****

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:38:**

**_You’re the one who wants to talk to me. Is my company not enough encouragement for you?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:38:**

**_O_o_ **

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:39:**

**_What? OK, here’s one – if you get your voluptuous ass up here now, I’ll give you a goodnight kiss if you fall asleep in my bed._ **

****

Sarcastic bastard. Sardonic – and cruel, so _cruel_. And dammit, Eren’s stomach still flopped as he read over that message.

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:40:**

**_I thought I wasn’t allowed in your bed???_ **

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:41:**

**_Shit... Are you mocking me rn?_ **

**Message to LEVI**

**Sent at 02:41:**

**_Hang on – what do you mean my ‘voluptuous ass’??? ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT????_ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 02:42:**

**_It’s been five minutes – the deal is off._ **

****

 

* * *

 

 

Spending the majority of the night startling awake after every time he shut his eyes hadn’t been his intention, and he didn’t choose to be coated in a horrendous amount of sweat. He’d ruled out the possibility of it being a fever a couple of hours ago and, since then, he had indulged in five cold showers, fruitlessly trying to wash away the remnants of whatever-the-fuck was currently happening in his head.

Levi had given up on sleeping. It didn’t seem like a wise choice anyway – not when every time he did drift off, he was met with his memories; the ones that had been selectively chosen by his lack of conscience to terrify the shit out of him. Take the man, for example – with his crooked smile; long, greasy inky-black hair and ratty clothing; with his certainly questionable motives and lack of moral balance. Not a bad man but, for the only reasonable older figure the young Levi had to look up to, probably not the best candidate – not like there had been anyone else. No one, especially in that Underground hellhole, would take in a street brat. Lest the runt of the pack like himself. But Kenny... He took him in.

If it weren’t for Kenny Ackerman; Levi would be dead. With his mother, choking on his own vomit in the darkest pits of the Underground. As fucking dead as can be.

He repressed a shiver, urging himself out of his disgustingly damp bed. He’d need another fucking shower at this rate. Levi wasn’t usually one to deny himself the pleasure of a nice, warm drenching – but at two o’clock in the fucking morning; the idea seemed a little less desirable. Instead, he exchanged his dark thin sweatshirt for another – for the umpteenth time that night – and, passing the mirror opposite him, caught a glance of the scar stretched across a single shoulder blade; the roughened skin glistening in the strip of light exiting his bathroom. A grimace was soon etched onto his features, and his throat suddenly became quite tight. He shouldn’t have been so shaken by the sight. After two lifetimes, you would’ve thought he’d grow accustomed to gleaning scars – and shitty parents, for that matter.

Shaking his head, scoffing lightly out of his self-pitying stupor, he dropped Eren an impatient text.

**Message to The Brat**

**Sent at 02:42:**

**_It’s been five minutes – the deal is off._ **

****

What he didn’t text Eren was just how much he wanted him to hurry up and be by his side already.

An expected knock against his door jarred him out of his sentimental bullshit. After his offer to the brat a week prior, Levi deemed it only a matter of time before Eren came to him. Arrogant, but true, and he was glad for it to happen now – after a night of tossing and turning, Eren’s presence just seemed appealing. And he’d be damned if he ever admitted that shit to the kid.

He opened his door, not truly prepared for the sight that met him. Bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils; mussed-up hair – well, considering the messy brat it belonged to, that wasn’t really too surprising – and heavy bags beneath those disoriented orbs. Eren’s hand was clutching the doorframe tightly, desperately, and his breathing wasn’t at all even. Too similar to his own, his forehead was marred with a sheen of sweat and fucking hell – the brat was practically _tremoring_. Nevertheless, despite his piss-poor state, Eren was grinning.

“I made it on time, I assure you,” he breathed, chuckling lightly. “Was just waiting out here – for dramatic effect, you know? God, my legs are tired though.”

Levi didn’t know, but he absolutely refused to believe that Eren’s disgustingly terrifying appearance was due to him legging-it to his room. It was a flattering thought, but a shitty lie.

“You look like utter shit.”

Eren’s grin faltered, and he mustered an awkward laugh. “Uh...thanks? I mean, honestly, you don’t look too great either –“

“It’s nearly three o’clock in the morning. No one looks good at three o’clock in the morning.” He deadpanned lowly. “But you – you look especially shitty. Your eyes are really red. What drugs are you on?”

It was supposed to be a rhetorical question. He didn’t expect an honest answer. “Drugs? No drugs – at least, not right now. And that’s the problem.” Without warning, Eren pressed further into Levi’s room, closing the door behind him, as if he was under the suspicion that someone might hear him. He must’ve forgotten that, like Levi had reiterated many goddamn times and would continue to do so until it got through the brat’s thick skull, it was _three o’clock in the bloody_ – “We need to raid Hanji’s supply.”

Levi just stared blankly.

Eren returned his gaze expectantly, nodding enthusiastically. “I’m not kidding. I had the idea on my way up here,” he stated earnestly, further confusing him. “We need to get my sleeping pills.”

“Eren,” he said slowly, narrowing his tired stare. “You’re planning a drug raid – at this hour?”

“Yes. It’s the perfect opportunity. Hanji’s going to be asleep, surely, and so will most people – unless they’re like you and I and are total freaks, which isn’t all that unlikely since we’re in a school for mad delinquents, but that’s just a minor technicality. Point is: sleeping pills are the only form of medication that actually does something useful to me and honestly, running on less than three hours’ worth of sleep is slowly killing me.”

Silvering-blue eyes continued to stare, utterly bewildered. “Did you even take a breath just now?”

“Levi –“ Eren’s voice was almost begging now. “You’re either with me or you’re against me on this. And if this is considered criminal, then I can’t have you ratting me out to someone.”

“The fact that you’re suggesting I’d rat you out to anyone is actually quite insulting, Jaeger,” he smirked, shaking his head and leant against the closed door with a relaxed posture. “So? You’re using me as an accessory to an illegal stunt.”

“Let’s say that for argument’s sake, it’s not illegal. I mean, it’s not exactly _moral_ – but fuck that,” he paced the width of Levi’s room, restless fidgeting and fisting his hands in his hair. The raven didn’t know whether to grimace or chuckle at the sight of him, because though it was immensely endearing in a strange way, it was also extremely terrifying. This must’ve been the withdrawal’s effects taking its toll on the brat. “And you’re not an accessory – but if things do head south and we get found out; you’re really friendly with Hanji and Erwin so you could probably bail me out, right?”

“That’s essentially what is meant by an accessory, you little shit.”

Eren practically growled, frowning deeply. “Please, Levi –“

“I never said no,” he interrupted quietly. “But as long as it’s just the pills to knock you out, I don’t see a problem with you just asking Hanji. She’ll understand.”

“No – she won’t understand.”

Levi’s brows threaded at the brat’s certain tone. “What? Why wouldn’t she understand?”

“She’s just like the others,” Eren spat scornfully. The shift in his demeanour was almost startling. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I’ve noticed how she acts. She assures me that I’m not insane – that there’s a more reasonable explanation for the shit in my head –“

“There is a reasonable explanation.”

“Levi, how could this possibly have a reasonable explanation? I see people dying; I wake up with the taste of blood and flesh in my mouth; I hear voices in my head; my name isn’t even my own – how could any of that have a _reasonable explanation?”_ Eren’s voice was getting louder, desperation seeping into his tone, and Levi found it utterly excruciating. “Hanji’s hiding something from me. I know she is. And whether she’s doing it to spare my feelings or postpone the inevitable being my admittance to a psych ward – I hate it, Levi. I fucking hate it. She does not understand.”

Levi’s voice nearly shook as he spoke, but he managed to remain steady. “Don’t you think you should be telling these things to her? You don’t open up to her, Eren – tell her these things and she can help you.” He couldn’t bear to see the wet glisten of tears in Eren’s eyes. The more he took in the brat’s tormented appearance; the more painful the pangs in his chest became. “Why the fuck do you tell me and not her? I can’t help you, Eren.” _Stop relying on me, brat. I’m not someone you should look up to._

Eren’s gaze flamed in temper. “You’re my friend, Levi – why shouldn’t you be able to help me?” Silence took its cue, and his eyes widened a miniscule amount. “You don’t want to help me. No, you shouldn’t need to –“

Shaking his head, Levi’s voice sounded pathetic to even his own ears. “Eren, no –“

“Fuck. I get it,” he sneered, chuckling dryly. “They’d put you up this shit, hadn’t they? You’re really taking that ‘bodyguard’ business seriously, aren’t you? You don’t care about me – it’s just as long as I don’t get into trouble, isn’t it?”

“You’re being dramatic –“

Sighing quickly, Eren let out a mumble of a curse and grabbed his hair in his hands, pulled on it for a brief second, before releasing and stepping towards the door. “I shouldn’t have texted you. I’m sorry if I woke you up – and I shouldn’t have asked you to do this with me.”

Levi wondered if Eren was going to shut up; if he was going to pipe the fuck down; snap out of this attitude; then they could go back to their usual insulting banter and occasional tender moment. But he realised, as the door slammed shut, leaving him alone in his bedroom that it wasn’t going to be like that. He shouldn’t have been expecting anything – but if he had, it certainly wasn’t that. In his mind, Eren Jaeger didn’t just walk away from things. Eren Jaeger was a determined little shit who fought for what he wanted.

This Eren Jaeger was lost.

And maybe, as his chest ached; throat constricted tightly and stomach formed nots – maybe this Levi Ackerman was lost too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A thick settlement had been in his stomach ever since Levi had told him about his parents – that piece-of-shit father of his – and although he’d like to say it hadn’t affected their friendship, he’d be lying. He couldn’t help but worry uncontrollably over him, and Levi could probably tell. Eren knew it was hypocritical of him to want to know every little detail about his raven-haired friend. If Levi was sparing some details, he wasn’t the only one, and Eren should respect that he wouldn’t want to share them.

But God, did Eren want to be the person Levi could find comfort in. Until now, he thought that maybe – just maybe – Levi felt the same. That, behind that tough exterior, was someone with no alternate motive – he just wanted to help him. But it didn’t work like that. This wasn’t a film. Eren had pushed the suspicion to the back of his mind; the suspicion that Levi was just following orders and had befriended him to keep him out of trouble. Levi didn’t really strike him as a order-abiding guy, but now that he thought about it, their entire friendship just seemed so unrealistic. Eren was insane. How could Levi befriend him?

Eren couldn’t have friends. Not when, in his head, he saw distorted, dismembered figures of them. Not when the suffering in his head – all the death and agony – circulated around them. It was sick. And the thought of him even being friends with anyone was sick too. One day, he might have an episode. He’d never had control over his actions during them, so what if he did something to someone in one? What if, driven by the mangled corpses and man-eating monsters in his head, he _hurt_ someone?

He was a fool to like Levi. He was a goddamn idiot to let it get to this point.

A door closing nearly startled him out of his damn skin, and he skittered to the side, pressing himself as firmly against the wall as possible, as if that would hide him from the horse-faced teenager exiting his room. Immediately, the met each other’s eyes. Jean’s brows arched speculatively towards him, and still pressed against the wall Eren returned his blood-shot stare with an awkward grin.

Beneath his breath, Jean muttered to himself through a scoff. “It’s too early for this weird shit.” The taller teen dry-washed his face, and Eren certainly wasn’t expecting to hear the shuddering breath that passed through his lips. “What are you doing, Jaeger?”

“Good question,” he nodded, still grinning. “What are your thoughts on lock-picking?”

Jean let out a loud, quipped burst of laughter. “Oh, you know. It’s a hobby,” he responded sarcastically.

“And committing potentially illegal acts?”

“Bloody fantastic.”

“Great. Let’s go raid Hanji’s drug cabinet.”

“It’s three o’clock in the morning, and you want to go on a drug-raid.”

“Uh, yeah? It’s prime time, my horse-faced friend. Prime time.”

Jean shook his head, scoffing. “Well it’s not like I have anything better to do at three o’clock in the morning.”

“Sleeping’s not working out for you?” Eren guessed sheepishly, to which Jean nodded tentatively.

“You too?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah,” he drawled, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, raid?”

A smug smirk etched its way onto Jean’s features. “Sure, Jaeger. But if we get caught; I’m handing your arse in.”

“We won’t get caught,” Eren chuckled breezily, feigning a relaxed position opposite Jean. “Trust me, I’m a professional at this shit.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So, unlike most teenagers, you don’t spend your spare time doing normal things. You know, like playing video games, binge-watching shitty-arse shows on Netflix, and that. You spend your time lock-picking shit.”

“Well-observed, Jean. Aren’t you a clever little pony,” Eren sneered, finding it a little hard to concentrate with a horse breathing down his neck and grumbling those stupidly sarcastic remarks. “Now, just shut up, would you? I’m trying to do this...” Several tentative moves later, the door clicked, and Eren let out an overjoyed bark of laughter. “Fucking finally! I’m a bloody genius!”

“Alright, Scooby-Doo. Maybe instead of rejoicing like the loud bastard you are, you should figure out a way to, I don’t know, dissemble the fucking alarms?!”

“Chill, Seabiscuit. We’ve been through this. I know what I’m doing.”

“Have you ever been convicted, Jaeger?”

“Not yet.”

“That’s really surprising actually.”

Eren’s cautious footsteps placated his racing heartbeat. Triggering alarms really wasn’t part of his ideal situation. He couldn’t help but think if he had Levi by his side, he’d be a lot less skittish in the situation. But no, Jean’s nervousness had by this point exceeded Eren’s, and his presence just wasn’t really all that comforting.

Hanji’s office was a mess. That wasn’t especially surprising, given that Hanji, as amazing as she was, really didn’t strike Eren as a tidy person. Which, now that he thought about it, may be another reason why Levi always seemed to hold a grudge against her. Dude was one hell of a clean freak. Papers were strewn about her desk; some decorating the carpeted floor which, around her desk, was also littered with coffee stains. At least, Eren hoped it was coffee. By the state of it all, he wouldn’t be surprised if Hanji actually lived in this room. It certainly looked as though something was inhabiting it.

Across the room, a familiar cupboard glimmered like some holy artefact, and Eren practically lurched in its direction. “Jean, look for a key,” he said, back-tracking quickly over to Hanji’s desk to do the same. As soon as he had his sleeping pills in his hands, they could ditch this place before any alarms were triggered. Although, upon entering the room he didn’t come across any alarms, but he decided it’d be in his best interest to not push away the possibility.

“A key,” Jean repeated doubtfully. “Any particular kind of key?”

“Skeleton would be preferable.”

“You’re such a nerd, Jaeger. Give me a serious answer.”

“I don’t know, Jean! Just find a key and try it in this lock, alright? Come on, you don’t need me to hold your hand, dammit!”

“You spend too much time with the short-arse.” Letting out a contemplative grunt, Jean’s hand found an expensive-looking paperweight, which he tossed around carelessly. “Why don’t you just break the lock?”

Eren paused his scavenging to snap Jean a blank look.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, it’s not a bad idea.” Jean shrugged, setting the paperweight down on Hanji’s desk before he smashed it.

“Jean, that’s a fucking terrible idea.”

“We break it; you get your drugs; we fucking leg-it out of here; ransacked office gets blamed on some kleptomaniac kid. Simple. What’s so terrible about it?”

Eren let out a rush of breath. “Because –“ His gaze fluttered downwards subconsciously, and his eyes landed on a little black notebook. “Shit – that’s –“

Jean’s hands grabbed the book. “You’re not allowed to do that.”

“Jean, that’s the book she writes shit about me in,” Eren laughed, reaching out to steal it away from Jean. “Come on, let me see it!”

“No. You can’t.”

“What the hell, Jean?” He frowned. “What’s your problem?”

“You need to let Hanji help you. You can’t just read her observations on you. That’s cheating.” Jean, endlessly irritating Eren in doing so, stuffed the notebook down his trousers, out of Eren’s reach. “Keep looking for the key, dammit. Don’t get distracted like that.”

“Give me the book.”

“Nope.”

“Jean –“ Eren was interrupted by the sharp wail of an alarm, and the two froze. “Shit...”

“Shit is right,” Jean yelled in a hush whisper, grabbing the paperweight in his hand.

In a matter of seconds, he brought in down forcefully on the lock, breaking it off completely but smashing the paperweight in the process. Eren dashed in there, regardless of lack of footwear and shards of glass now on the floor, and scanned the shelves for a familiar bottle of pills. An explicit mantra fell from his lips, presenting his colourful vocabulary, until his gaze fell on the goods. He lunged and, ignoring the sharp pang of pain in his foot, grabbed the bottle before fleeing the fuck out of there.

“Eren, you fuck-wit. You’re not wearing shoes!” Jean fumed, dragging them both out of Hanji’s office.

“Safety is not my priority right now!” He yelled in aggravation, limping on his left foot. He refused to look down, knowing the sight that’d await him. “Shit!” The hushed, whispered profanity passed his lips in a rush. A breathless, absolutely screwed rush.

“My thoughts exactly,” Jean hissed, shoving Eren’s back. “I swear to God, Eren, if we get caught because your fat-arse was slowing us down, I’m going to –“

“Maybe if you’d stopped pissing about with the fucking notebook the entire damn time, we wouldn’t have this problem!” Eren growled out in reply, fruitlessly ignoring the shrill alarms continuing down the hallway, following them. “We’re fucked. We’re so fucked.”

“Damn right we are, idiot. And whose fault is that? And all because you wanted some fucking sleeping pills!”

“Yes – a necessary fucking sacrifice! At least we got the fucking meds!”

A shout cried out from below them, down a single flight of stairs, flagging them down. Eren’s bare feet ached from running. “Okay – shit – we need to split up. You take this floor – just get to your room. I’ll take the next.”

“Next floor is staff-only, you cretin! You’ll get caught up there!”

“It’ll be fine!” He assured him – and himself – and shoved Jean’s shoulder. “Just go. Gallop away. It’ll be fine.”

“Fine. Just don’t bring me down in this bullshit when you get caught.”

Eren cursed loudly, shaking his head, as he turned away from Jean and took the next flight of stairs in haste. His legs burned from this shit, and his pockets felt all the more heavy with the small bottles of sleeping pills taking refuge there. Behind him, the shouts continued, and he cursed once more – this time for his atrocious luck. Of course he’d be the one they continued to chase down – and on the staff’s corridor too.

He was so fucking screwed.

A hand clutched the back of his shirt and tugged him to the side and, before he could even consider tearing himself out of its grip, he crashed against the carpeted floor, breathing heavily. The sound of a door slamming followed, forcing a grimace onto Eren’s features, which only thickened when he heard an all too familiar, incredibly pissed off, rush of breath.

“I let you leave for one fucking hour, and this is the shit you get yourself in to?”

Above him, Levi’s face was the literal embodiment of aggravation.

Beneath his breath, Eren groaned quietly, willing the floor to swallow him whole. “Forgot you were on this floor...”

“Oh? So, after one tiff – in which you storm out like a fucking child – you already plan on ignoring me? Come on. Grow a pair, Jaeger –“

Eren sat up in haste, glowering up at him. “Can you not shut up for _one_ second?”

“Look at you. You’re a mess, and now you’re angry. Going to throw a fucking fit and leave again?”

Eren shouldn’t have allowed the thought to enter his mind. But as soon as he rose to his feet and was more or less eye-level with the raven, and as he took in Levi’s blood-shot eyes, all sense of irritation flew out of the damn window. Was Eren severely pissed off, and was he not a force to be reckoned with in that moment? Abso-fucking-lutely. But did that mean he lacked the common sense to realise that maybe – just maybe – in his frustrated departure, Eren had upset Levi? The thought was almost laughable, but the proof was here – right in front of him; staring at him as an internal battle was being fought in the dark eyes of his raven.

He swallowed subconsciously, regretting the position he’d claimed in front of Levi, mere centimetres separating them.

“I upset you.”

“Fuck off,” Levi scoffed.

“I shouldn’t have left.”

“I couldn’t care less.”

Eren nodded slowly, doubtfully. Then, slowly and really fucking unintentionally, his gaze slipped briefly to Levi’s lips.

“We shouldn’t be friends.”

Levi’s unyielding stare trailed after his own and – fuck, had he moved closer? “Do you hate me?”

_“No, Captain. I understand you did what was necessary.”_

_Shut up._

“No,” Eren stated. “I couldn’t hate you.”

“Then why shouldn’t we be friends?”

“Because you’re...” _You’re in danger. I don’t want to hurt you._ “Because you’re...” _Because you’re probably lying to me. No one’s friends with the unstable kid._

“If you can’t form a coherent enough sentence, then you shouldn’t come up with stupid proposals.” Levi breathed a short sigh, putting a fair distance between them as he strolled over and locked his door. “You might be able to walk away from this, Eren, but I think I’m a little too far into this to let it go so easily.”

“I’m insane, Levi. We shouldn’t be friends.”                                                                            

“I know that you think you’re insane, and you think there’s no reasonable explanation behind it, but you’d be surprised, Eren. And I get that you’re scared, but there’s not a damn soul in this place who isn’t fucking terrified.”

Eren’s brows flew upwards. “You really don’t think I’m insane, do you?”

“The only shit-stain in this place who I think is actually insane is Hanji.” Levi chuckled quietly. “And unless you lose your dick overnight; grow your hair out and adopt a pair of glasses, then I’m pretty sure you’re not Hanji. And even then you wouldn’t be on a similar level of psychotic as she is.” He dry-washed his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’m assuming you got your pills. Enough of this sentimental bullshit and let’s go to bed. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“You’re letting me stay?”

“You think I’d kick you out?” Levi arched a single brow, scoffing. “Christ, I’ve really made a shit impression on you, kid. I wouldn’t send you out – at least, not when someone’s hunting for your arse outside. Which, shit, the entire school’s gonna be given hell for that stunt later.”

“Necessary sacrifice.” He repeated, for the second time that morning.

Levi snorted, collapsing beneath the sheets. “If you spread-eagle out on my bed, I’m kicking you out.”

“Guess you’ll have to make room for me, then.”

“I mean it. And the same goes if you’re a blanket-hog. I don’t like to share, and it’s weird enough having someone in my bed. It’s not exactly common.”

Eren scoffed. “Liar.”

“Why’d I be lying?”

“You’re a fucking catch – there’s no way you’ve never bedded a girl before.” Eren chuckled. “Or a guy, you know – I don’t know. You might be into that.”

Levi let out a short laugh, the noise being alarmingly loud in the quiet room. “Jaeger, you wouldn’t be coming onto me right now, would you?” Eren could practically hear the smirk in his tone. “And no, there have been no girls – or guys, you little shit – in this bed. Well, maybe Hanji, but that’s a long story. But as far as I’m concerned; you’re the first person to stay.”

“Not a fan of sleepovers, I see. I guess that’s why you don’t have a roommate. A tad antisocial, if you ask me,” Eren smiled into the pillow, and couldn’t help the warmth spreading across his cheeks. “I’m honoured to be your first, Levi –“

“Be very careful with your phrasing, brat.”

He grinned nevertheless, watching amusedly as Levi’s brow twitched in annoyance.

“Stop smiling.”

Immediately, he pulled a faux pouty frown. “Is this better?”

Levi sighed, planting a cushion between them, shielding Eren’s face from his view. “Much better,” Levi then stated, continuing in spite of Eren’s whine of protest. “What? Now I can actually talk to you without having to look at your ugly face.”

“Fucking rude.” Eren mumbled into the pillow against his face, being held there by Levi’s hand. “This is smothering – you are legitimately _smothering_ me.”

“You’ll live,” Levi quipped, leaning closer until he too was pressed against the cushion, as well as scrunching his fist in the fabric - much to Eren’s lack of awareness, it wasn’t just the raven’s hand holding it in place any longer.

A few silent moments passed, accompanied by the quietly comforting breathing and warm presence by Eren’s side. He ached to just reach out; to clutch Levi’s hips and just bring him closer to him. The urge to take the medication that he and Jean had risked their arses for subsided, as did the stinging pain in his foot. In fact, just about everything faded to a dull throb, like an incessant nag at the back of his mind.

That is, until something suddenly occurred to him. Before Jean had snatched Hanji’s little black notebook out of his reach, he’d read something; something he’d forgotten, too distracted by the alarms and intense pain in his foot.

 

_‘Oscar Lawrence, formally known to us of the recovered Corps as Eren Jaeger, is still displaying amnesiac qualities, despite having surrounded himself with past acquaintances and friendship over the course of the past few weeks. For now, we remain uncertain of what he does remember, but Erwin’s decision is –‘_

 

What else had it said? What does she mean, dammit?

_Past acquaintances and friendships?_

_Amnesiac qualities?_

What did he not remember?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bloody mess, as is life at the moment.  
> Sorry for the late update. Hope you're not too disappointed with this shit-fest.  
> Also, sorry America.  
> Next chapter, the plot should swiftly kICK IN HELLS YEAH


	11. The Deal

At one point he did, miraculously, manage to fall asleep. Perhaps the regularly soft little exhales from his side provided its soothing assistance to force him into sleeping, but at some point in the night, it’d been as if someone had turned off a child’s lullaby – a sweet song being played to them to distract them from the stormy weather outside.

The moment he stepped out of the safe confinements, Eren’s gaze snapped open, following Levi’s retreating figure as he hurled the door open, rushing into the bathroom. Immediately, Eren heard the tentative stream of water from the shower splashing against the tiled floor and a long, prolonged but still distressed sigh of relief. As curious as ever, Eren pulled back the sheets, not tearing his gaze from the fully-clothed figure beneath the shower’s relentless spray in the bathroom.

Levi’s eyes were wrenched shut as the little droplets of water cascaded down his face, absolutely drenching him; his clothes plastered to his figure, revealing the taut muscles of his back, as if he was really tensing. From the sight of his tightly balled fists, Eren figured he must be.

A smirk crossed the brunet’s lips. “Are you sleep walking?” Eren mused aloud, crossing his arms as he leant against the doorframe, appraising the sight. What? It’s not every day he’d get to see Levi in the shower. Sure, he was wearing clothes – but, as proven, Eren had a very vivid imagination.

A single blue-grey orb opened, peering over his shoulder as his lips parted, a heavy sigh leaving them.

“Eren...” He mumbled, his voice raw, as if he’d spent hours screaming.

The brunet startled, thick brows drawing together as his mouth fell open. “What’s wrong...?”

“I’m...” Levi blinked confusedly, bleary blue eyes dancing in the lack of lighting, skittish. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“I shouldn’t have left you.” A hand of his grasped fruitlessly against the slippery tile, followed by his head falling against it. “I’m sorry that I left you.”

As a visible shiver passed through the raven’s frame, Eren’s mind clicked as he moved forward, shutting off the water and grabbed a towel. “You’ve never left me, Levi,” he said and, cautiously, draped the towel over his shoulders, pulling it over his chest. “Why would you say that...?”

“You don’t remember.”

Eren’s jaw clenched. “Don’t remind me.” He sighed loudly, dragging a hand through his brown mess of hair. “Levi, you’re absolutely soaked.”

“It’ll dry.”

“Well you’re not coming back to bed like that,” Eren argued, slightly exasperated. “Look, clearly you’re not in your right mind which, you know, is totally fine because you’ve witnessed my doped-up moments too, but normal-you would not want damp sheets.”

A rush of breath escaped his parted lips. “Normal-me?” Shaking his head, Levi pulled the towel taut and chuckled briefly. “Dimwit, this is the normal-me. We’re all in this shithole for a reason – you’re not the only one with nightmares.”

“That’s what that was? A nightmare?”

“I’ve lived a nightmare, Eren, and now I’m reliving it.”

It was inexplicable. The subconscious sense of understanding was almost like something had clicked, but he just didn’t realise what that something was.

Eren’s eyes stung, and he couldn’t understand why. “It’s going to sound really fucking shitty of me, but God, I’m glad you said that.”

A small – miniscule, even – smile fell upon Levi’s lips, his eyes blinking back into focus after having been lost in a disoriented haze the entire time. “G-Good,” he stammered, clearing his throat quietly. “We should probably go back to bed.”

“You’re still wet.” Eren wasn’t even hearing himself, too astounded by the fact that, not only had the short bastard smiled, but he had also just stammered - fucking stammered! This wasn’t a nightmare, this was a dream – because Levi had stammered and pretended to clear his throat as if it’d never happened!

Levi’s brows furrowed, mouth curving downwards ever so slightly, as his typical scowl took its place. “Yes, normal-me does realise that, you stupid brat.” He sighed restlessly, bringing the towel over his head to dry his hair – and totally not cover the pinkish tint of his cheeks in the process. “Go get me a change of clothes.”

“Don’t you think I should stay to supervise you?” Eren smirked, arching a brow. “I mean, I’m still not sure you’re in your right mind and, well, I don’t trust you enough to dress yourself without – Ouch, fuck!“ Being pelted by a box - of what appeared to be contact lenses, which Eren didn’t know how to feel about – kicked his arse into gear and he reared out of there before he could be further abused.

But hey – Levi didn’t say no, right?

 

 

* * *

  

 

He woke up to two slightly (read: extremely) concerning, if not quite alarming things. The first being the sole reason for his abrupt awakening: to beat the living shit out of the arse of the person pounding on his door, singing his name with that same, annoyingly enthusiastic tone they – read: she – had in the morning, too influenced by a certain bespectacled brunette maniac, no doubt.

The second concern he opened his exhausted eyes to was the tanned, slightly scarred skin encircling his frame and resting on the pillow beside his head. The consciousness realisation of just how close they were had his skin prickling, shooting electrifying pangs along his body, reminding him that if they were any closer, he’d remember everything. Slow, contented exhales of breath brushed the nape of his neck, enforcing the rise of goosebumps along the expanse of his exposed neck from where his jumper had been tugged down by – surprise, surprise – the arms of the shit-stain brat, who’d had the ingenious idea of hugging him in his sleep. Levi was pretty damn sure he hadn’t consented to that shit.

He couldn’t deny it though; being in the brat’s arms – that being one of his first conscious thoughts after waking up – wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling. Really – it wasn’t. Dare he say, he could actually get used to –?

“Levi!” Came the impatient screech of the short, strawberry blonde-haired woman from the hallway. “This is urgent! Open this door or I’ll break it down – and don’t think I won’t because, let me assure you, I will!”

Breaking out of the cage Eren had engulfed him in – which proved to be especially difficult seeing as he couldn’t allow their skin to touch – he yelled an aggravated response, “You spend too much time with Hanji!”

He didn’t hear Petra’s response as he took his vantage position above Eren which, to humour himself only, happened to straddling the brat’s hips. Like he said – just to humour himself. The brunet’s blazing green eyes burst open at the sudden intrusion of his personal space – not like the kid had any concept of ‘personal space’ – and was greeted by Levi pressing a finger against his own lips, urging Eren to stay quiet.

“I suggest if you’d like to avoid Hanji’s wrath for the rest of your life, fucking hide. Got it?”

“Good morning to you too.” Eren let out a disgruntled, muffled shout as, by the shirt, Levi hauled him out of the warm confinements of the bed and shoved him in the bathroom’s general direction. “You’re really not a morning person –“

Throwing his hands in the air in exasperation, Levi pointed demandingly to the door. “Shut the fuck up and hide, Eren.”

“Christ. You’re making me feel like I’m some sort of toy –“ Before he could close the door to the bathroom and shield himself from view, Levi poised a shot and a pen hit the back of Eren’s head, eliciting a sharp yelp from the brunet. “Stop pelting me with volatile objects –“

Petra burst into the room, a little red-faced and out of breath. Levi stood to the side of her, arching a quizzical brow.

“You weren’t trying to break in here, were you?”

“You were being especially quiet,” she explained, brushing a strand of light hair out of her face. “Normally you’re yelling abuse at Hanji and I. Even now, you’re not cursing my existence for waking you up –“

“Is it really so absurd to think that I might just be in a good mood?” Levi questioned, his thoughts subconsciously drifting back to those few minutes ago, waking up surrounded by Eren’s warmth – _listen to yourself, you pathetic excuse of a military man; all gooey-eyed over some brat._

For a moment, Petra responded with a blank expression, before she must’ve thought ‘screw that’ and burst into a giggle. “That’s ridiculous. Absolutely impossible. You’re the grumpiest sod alive! You’re never in a good mood.”

“Well I’m sure as hell not in one now,” he grumbled.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Petra scoffed, shaking her head as all trace of amusement vanished from her face. That’s something he’d always appreciated about her, and one of the very reasons he’d had her on his team in the first instance. When appropriate, Petra could be the most optimistic, cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl and yet, in the blink of an eye, she could be as stone-faced as him in a matter of seconds. “I trust you heard the alarms this morning. Pretty loud - at around three o’clock?”

Levi shrugged, folding his arms. “I’d have to be deaf to not have heard them and, against popular belief in this shithole, I’m not bloody deaf.”

Petra nodded slowly, doubtfully, chewing her lip to hold back a chuckle. “Right. Selective hearing –“

“Not even that. People talk at me; I ignore them. It’s not that I don’t hear them – though, that’d be quite nice actually. Maybe then, if I was deaf, I wouldn’t hear you hammering against my door at an utterly ridiculous hour of the morning.”

“An utterly ridiculous hour? Levi, it’s nearly eleven o’clock. You’ve missed nearly two periods of class.”

“What a shame, that is,” he grouched sarcastically.

Petra hummed. “Eren’s also missed it – his one-to-one with Hanji too. She’s busy with another student currently, so I’m trying to find him for her right now actually.”

Levi frowned, quirking an inquisitive brow. “And you came to me because...?”

“Because Hanji’s office has been ransacked. I did a recount of the medication cabinet and, unsurprisingly, a bottle of sleeping pills is missing.”

“And you think Eren did that?” The fuck was he doing? Defending that idiotic brat was not on his list of things to do that day – Eren was not, despite what he’d said in the past, his responsibility.

“Security camera picked up two lads, both a similar height.”

“Right. As if this school isn’t full of boys.” Stupid fucking brat should just own up.

“Hanji’s notepad – the ones used for Eren’s sessions – is also missing.”

Levi’s heart skipped a beat, and he mustered indifference in spite of it, scavenging his mind for the memories of last night. He’d hauled the brat out of the corridor, having heard the loud little shit’s footsteps from a damn mile away, and he fell against his floor – bottle of pills falling out of his pocket –

_Pills – the fucking bottle must still be in sight somewhere._

But had he had Hanji’s notepad? He couldn’t have. It wasn’t in his hands, and the book wouldn’t have fit in his pockets. But if it was missing -

“Which is why,” Petra continued, severely serious. “If you have any idea where Eren is, you need to tell me, or Hanji, but preferably me since I’m here – immediately.”

_Fucking brat. Risking my arse for your stupid, idiotic self._

Levi sighed, a rush of irritated air from his nose. “I don’t know where the brat is but, if it puts your mind at ease, just give me a minute to change and I’ll help you look for him. Have you checked the studio?”

Petra’s eyes narrowed speculatively. “I was on my way there next. But –“

“Alright. Go there now and text me if you find him. If you don’t, I’ll bet he’s in the damn woods again. The stupid brat’s probably got himself stuck up a tree again.” He could’ve sworn he heard Eren scoff at that from inside the bathroom, but that might just have been his paranoia acting up. After a few moments, Petra remained rooted to the spot, chewing on her bottom lip a little nervously. “Petra, we’ll find him – we’ll get the book back –“

“It’s not that...” Petra mentioned cautiously, scanning Levi’s eyes. “Renée’s been reaching out to Erwin again, I hear. Doesn’t know when to give up, does she?”

At this, Levi couldn’t deny the pang of pain which sprang in his chest, his body threatening to recoil at the mere mention of his mother.

“Tell Erwin to let the phone ring. He’s not to answer her. I’m ignoring her, as should the two of you,” he ordered, turning his back on Petra, averting his gaze to track down this bottle of medication before she saw it first.

Behind him, she sighed. “We can’t ignore her, Levi – she’ll sue the school. Remember, legally, you’re still under her –“

“I don’t give a shit. If she sues the school, we’ll have her prosecuted for child abuse. End of.”

“You should consider talking it through with her, at least –“

“Petra, drop the subject. Eren’s our top priority now.”

“Levi, Eren could be running a riot on the streets of London and you’d still be our top priority.” Petra let out a prolonged sigh and, as he peered over his shoulder, slightly concerned for her, she shook her head tiredly and headed towards the door. “I’ll text you if there’s no sign of him.”

“Yes. We’ll find him, Petra. And the notepad. And...” He took in the gentle, saddened gaze she bore and his heart clenched. “And I’ll consider speaking to Renée. I know what she wants, and she knows that there’s no persuading me to go through with what that is. But...I’ll try come to a compromise.”

Petra nodded, smiling. “I hope you’re right about Eren – for everyone’s sake.” She turned to leave but, at the last second, arched a shaped brow at his bed. “Do you have nosebleeds often, Levi?”

Following her line of sight, Levi’s throat constricted, and he had to clear his throat before speaking. “Not often, no. I’ll get the sheets clean.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Petra stated, evidently somewhat amused, and left shortly after. Not before muttering, “Clean freak’s gonna blow.”

She was fucking right about that.

The barrier between him and the brat swung open, revealing Eren’s shocked expression as he peeled away from the doorframe, having most definitely been listening to his and Petra’s entire conversation.

Before Eren had the chance to open his mouth, Levi posed a question. “Jaeger. Tell me, do you have a vagina?”

“N-No, sir,” Eren stammered, chuckling uneasily. “I mean, no – at least, as far as I’m aware I don’t.”

“Then, please, having ruled out the possibility of you owning a vagina and it being that special time of the month for you,” Levi’s voice tightened, as had his grip on the doorframe separating them. “For the love of God – mind tell me why my bedsheets are fucking drenched in blood?”

“Okay, before you kill me, I have a few questions –“

Levi’s hand fisted his shirt and Eren’s back hit the wall.

“Fuck your questions, Eren – why the fuck does my bedroom resemble a crime scene?”

“That’s a pretty kinky crime scene – okay, okay.” Eren grinned cautiously, hoping to extinguish Levi’s enflamed gaze. “Last night, Jean may have smashed a paperweight-snow-globe thingy on the lock of Hanji’s medicine cabinet and – and, on accident, I may have ran barefoot through the pieces of glass...” He looked at Levi expectantly, but continued shortly after receiving a blank – albeit unimpressed - expression. “Okay – but in my defence, the alarms were on and we needed to get out of there proper speedily and I couldn’t just leave the –“

“But you made enough time to grab Hanji’s notepad.”

Eren sighed. “I don’t –“

“You can’t read that shit, Eren. It’s important to her findings that you don’t know –“

“Funny, because Jean said something like that too, before stuffing the book down his pants out of my reach.”

“So you don’t have it?”

“Again, down Jean’s pants – not my own. I keep my dick in there; not a vagina or a notebook.” He scoffed, smirking at Levi’s briefly taken-aback expression. Eren’s gaze clashed with his own and, despite still being pinned up against the wall, he grinned a little bashfully, tugging on his lip-ring. “Thanks for doing that, by the way. You didn’t have to –“

“You’re right. I didn’t,” he grumbled, strolling over to his wardrobe before flinging a shirt over his head, regardless of Eren’s presence in the room – he didn’t mind anyway, Eren had seen him in a lot less clothes a few times before in the other life – before selecting a new one to wear. “But, unfortunately for me, I did. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m supposed to go look for a certain ungrateful brat before –“

_“Can Eren Jaeger please attend a short meeting with Erwin Smith in his office in the hour commencing. Alone would be preferable. Failure to attend will result in an escorting to there. Thank you.”_

“Who was that?”

“Nanaba,” Levi replied shortly, fixing the collar of his shirt in the mirror, clenching his jaw in speculation. “Erwin shouldn’t be calling you out like that. That’s not something he’d do.”

“Is excluding a student who broke into a medication cabinet something he’d do?” Eren voiced nervously.

Snapping a glare towards the suddenly fidgety brunet, Levi checked his phone. Nothing but a few incredibly passive-aggressive messages from both Petra and Hanji, but that wasn’t exactly a new occurrence. “Bastard hasn’t even told me about this,” he groused, brows threading as he dropped the blond man a text before pocketing his phone. “And he won’t exclude you. He’s a pussy cat.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard him threaten to slice open Hanji’s arse cheeks the other day –“

“Like I said: he’s a pussy cat. You’re not going to be expelled.” Across the room from him, Eren had become still. A thick brow was arched upwards, quizzically, at his own foot as if its very presence had offended him. Levi’s frown became accentuated, having forgotten that Eren’s rendezvous with Jean and Hanji’s medicine cabinet had left him with a glass shard piercing his damn foot. “Is it that bad?”

“N-No...” He cleared his throat. “It’s...gone.”

“Gone?” Levi reiterated snappishly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...it’s gone – it healed.”

Levi couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of nostalgia which washed over him, drenching him in a sickeningly cold sense of disbelief and horror.

“Show it to me,” he demanded.

Eren cautiously, incredibly aware of Levi’s sudden flush of uneasiness, bent his foot over in his direction, letting him view the sight, or lack of. It certainly looked to be in quite the state; dried blood having tinted the light skin a strange pinkish colour but, alarmingly, not but a trace of the cut. A small thin white line had been left in its place. It’d scarred over already.

_“So, what? The Titan-shifters are still somewhat active?”_

_Hanji squealed in mirth. “Imagine that! They could turn into Titans again!”_

It was too early for this shit.

 

 

* * *

  

 

“Eren. Thank you for joining me on such short notice. Sorry for being so prompt about it, but the younger students have been wreaking havoc on my free time recently.”

“That’s alright, sir.”

“Erwin’s just fine, Eren. Alright. So, an uber has been arranged to meet you outside the gates on Saturday morning. It’ll take you to the station at o nine hundred hours, where you’ll then have another waiting for you –“

Eren had to interrupt - he couldn't stand this. “Sir, am I being expelled?”

“Expelled? Certainly not, Eren. Not even breaking into Hanji’s supply cupboard could get you expelled – sorry if that’s disappointing news to you. I was under the impression that your parents had contacted you about it.”

“No, sir – I mean, no, Erwin. I haven’t spoken to them since coming here.”

“Well then. I suppose I’ll just have to fill you in, won’t I? About a week ago, your mother phoned; asked if you could spend a weekend back at home for a change.”

“Why?”

“Is it a crime to want to spend some time with their child on his sixteenth birthday?”

“Bullshit," he scoffed sharply.

“Language, Eren.”

“Shit – sorry, sir. I mean Erwin.”

“But you are quite right. Your mother gave me two reasons; they only wanted me to tell you that one. The other she gave me was that she and your father have received a promotion and they’ll be moving. They’re hosting a celebration – a family get-together, of sorts – and they need you to attend –“

“To avoid suspicion. I get it.” For an important occasion like this, people will only ask questions. And of course, they want to be the main focus – the topic of everyone’s conversation. Not Eren. Not like he’d be angry about that. He had to admire their efforts; going out of their way to bring him back home for a couple of days, only for him to spend that time in the shadows, gleaning their disappointed and judgemental stares, and then return to the school.

“It’s not my place to say,” Erwin’s fingers intertwined as he leant on his elbows. “But you don’t have to go. I can pull a few strings; say you have an important examination and you can’t not sit it.”

Eren shook his head. “No. You can’t do that. It’d be lying.”

“If it’s what I believe to be right, I’m not opposed to lying in order to achieve it, Eren.”

“That’s not a very Headmaster thing to say.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” He chuckled deeply, relaxing back in his chair. “It’s up to you, Eren. Have some time to think on it, then come back to me and –“

“I’ll go,” he frowned determinedly. “Truthfully, sir, being here has made me a much happier person and, even though the thought of going back home for just two days terrifies me, I’ve avoided them for this long. After this, I won’t need to see them again, will I?” Erwin didn’t have an answer for him. The blond man just faced him, almost expressionlessly, except for the warmth of impression in his blue eyes. “I’ll go. This is something I need to do.”

“You’re a good lad, Eren. Smart too.” Erwin sighed, jotted down a sequence of numbers on a square of paper and handed it to him. “In case of emergencies. Ring any of those –“

“This is Levi’s number,” he observed sceptically. Whether it was because the number belonged to him, or if Eren was just that good at remembering pointless shit, he didn’t know, but Erwin seemed pretty amused by his knowledge. He didn’t recognise the other two, but assumed one might’ve been Erwin’s – the other maybe Hanji’s?

“Well deduced. Rather foolish of me to not consider you already having his number, seeing as you two have been getting quite close recently.” Perhaps it was a trick of the light – Erwin Smith was most definitely _not_ smirking at him. “Not that I’m insinuating anything but, it seems to me that you happen to be helping him a great deal.”

Eren’s brows furrowed. “I am?”

Erwin nodded. “More than you know, it seems.” Eren expected Erwin to enlighten him on that but, never ceasing to do so, Erwin surprised him. “It’s important to stay in contact with people here, especially if things at home get to be a little much. Levi, as you probably know, isn’t much of a shoulder to cry on – so to speak – but he’s obedient and he listens. He’s a good friend.”

“Are you two good friends?” Eren couldn’t help but ask.

“Would that be strange to you? A grown-arse adult man and a teenager, being good friends?”

Eren shook his head, chuckling briefly. “There are a lot stranger things than that.”

“And rightly so,” Erwin agreed, standing. “As much as I’d love to discuss the bizarreness that is the modern world with you, Eren, I’m afraid I must actually do my job and attend shitty board meetings.”

Snorting, the brunet grinned. “You speak like him, too.”

“Knowing someone for as long as I’ve known Levi does have that effect.” Before Eren could head to the door, Erwin cleared his throat, emitting a loud, demanding tone. “And Eren. Next time you have difficulty sleeping, feel free to contact Hanji. At whatever time, I can almost guarantee you she’ll be more than happy to fetch something for you. Breaking and entering really doesn’t seem like your forte, especially with Jean Kirstein as your accomplices. Understood?”

Eren grinned. “Understood.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

He slid beside her, grabbing her arm and spoke lowly.

“I have a proposal.”

Hanji - not ever seeming to grasp the point in his whispering to remain inconspicuous - squeaked loudly, startled by his sudden appearance. “Short-stuff, I didn't notice your short-self. And gosh, you’re moving a little quick aren’t you, Levi? I didn’t even realise marriage was still on the table between us!”

“What do you mean 'still'? It was never on the table - for the love of God, be serious, four-eyes. I have findings.”

“Findings? I love findings! What kind of findings have you found, little one?”

“Concerning Eren and Annie and their titan-shifting abilities. You mentioned something about – something about them still being somewhat active?” Hanji’s eyes gleamed. “Eren broke into your office earlier this morning – don’t act surprised; you took away his sleeping medication, you idiot – and, yes, smashed a paperweight or a snow globe or some shit. He cut his foot on a shard of glass. Blood was all over my damn sheets. But, an hour or so ago, I saw his foot, Hanji. It’s scarred over already –“

“Shit.”

“Yes. Shit is right. I’m glad you understand the severity of the situation –“ His phone bleeped for the umpteenth time during his conversation with Hanji. The same cowardly bitch of a mother was bombarding him with begging messages concerning his piece of shit father, trying to guilt-trip him still. Pathetic. “I know it probably breaks every rule of this school but – if she’s willing and, even if she’s not willing – could we test Annie?”

“How?”

“I don’t know – cut her or something. Just do –“ It took all of his self-control to not hurl his phone at the opposite wall as, yet again, he received another message. He hadn’t blocked her. Why the hell hadn’t he blocked her already? He should block her.

“I don’t think this is something we need to test. I understand that you’re probably concerned for –“

“Of course I’m fucking concerned for the brat, dimwit! Hanji, the kid’s got serious anger issues, and it’s a bloody miracle he hasn’t triggered some sort of transformation yet – if that shit’s even possible.”

“Levi, stop. God, you’re such a worrier with that boy.”

“I can't not be worried about -" Sucking in a deep breath, Levi reigned in his frustrations. Now was not the time to confess just how much the brat had been getting under his skin recently. "The past is making it difficult to remember that he’s not my responsibility anymore.”

Hanji smiled. “No. It’s the past that’s making it difficult for you to accept that – just maybe – you’re allowed to care a little more for him than what you were used to.”

“Fuck off.”

“Accept your feelings, young one! Embrace the –“

“I swear to fuck – Hanji, if you don’t learn to shut up soon, I’m going to smother you with Petra’s arse.”

Petra spoke up at the mention of her name, sending a quick wink in Levi’s direction. “Nothing that hasn’t been done before –“

On his way out, Levi slammed the door and did all in his power to block out the hyena-like laughter that followed his departure. Fucking women.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 22:56:**

**_Alright. Stop dodging the subject. What’d Eyebrows want?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 22:58:**

**_He wants me to go home._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 22:59:**

**_What? He’s actually excluding you?_ **

 

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:01:**

**_No, ffs. Just for the weekend. Parents are getting promoted and are leaving my hometown, so they want me to be there to seem less suspicious._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:02:**

**_You could’ve told me that shit before I broke into the bastard’s bedroom, idiot._ **

****

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:03:**

**_So your parents are using you. What’s new?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:05:**

**_Nothing else is new, I guess._ **

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:06:**

**_I mean, it’s stupid but_ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:06:**

**_But what?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:07:**

**_But it’ll be my birthday, and I sort of really wanted to not be stuck at home this year._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:08:**

**_Then don’t go._ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:09:**

**_I think I have to. Not because they want me there. I feel like after this, I’ll never need to see them again._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:10:**

**_Why can’t you just end it already? You don’t need to see them again. Period._ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:13:**

**_It’s not the same. I think a part of me is hoping that if I do go, then there’s still a chance that they could...I don’t know...redeem themselves, I guess? If they do, that’s great. If not – well, only then will it be the end. You know?_ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:14:**

**_No. I don’t know. What do you want me to say, Eren?_ **

****

 

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:15:**

**_Kind of want you to tell me to stop being a little bitch about it tbh. Tell me to suck it up._ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:18:**

**_I’ll do one better than that._ **

****

****

**Message to LEVI**

**Delivered at 23:19:**

**_Whut??_ **

****

 

**New Message from LEVI**

**Received at 23:20:**

**_I’ll make you a deal, Eren Jaeger._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour/Bonsoir and all that.  
> In French, the meaning behind the name Renée is “born again” – thought I could do it for the laughs, even though she has no relevance to the plotline lol. There's a fun fact for the day.  
> Also, is it possible to have too much Eren and Levi interaction in an Eren and Levi fanfiction? Because if so, that's about to change within the next few chapters. But don't worry, our soldiers won't let distance come between them! LOVE WILL CONQUER!  
> I'm still sleep deprived. You can probably tell.  
> Lemme know your thoughts on this chapter! What do you think of this Titan-shifting business still being active? Will it lead to the demise of everyone? No - I mean, probably not. This is just a fanfiction - this isn't as brutal as the actual manga/anime *glares at Isayama*


	12. The Book

“You’re acting like I mowed down a child with a vacuum cleaner. Stop, would you? It’s annoying.”

Having a domestic in the middle of the train station hadn’t been his ideal scenario. But of course, the brat just had to make it that little bit more difficult. Fortunately for them, people more or less kept to themselves. Most of them didn’t have time for shitty teenage drama. He had another train to catch, as did Eren, but both were rooted to the platform, reluctant to leave.

Levi wasn’t one for initiating conversations with grouchy brats, hence why the majority of their first journey into the city was spent in complete silence; Eren, being the grudge-holding shit-head, refusing to even look at him for more than a second. Nevertheless, he couldn’t contain his frustration towards the brat’s behaviour. A brat – because that’s what he was acting like. A fucking child. And now, standing opposite one another on the platform, scowling intently, Levi didn’t know who’d be the first to break because although he wasn’t sure about Eren, Levi really didn’t want to leave things like this – not with the kid hating his decision. He didn’t need any more grief on the topic.

Glancing at the large monitor projecting train times, he muttered a curse beneath his breath, and deemed it necessary to throw caution to wind and speak his mind before he ran out of time.

“I have ten minutes before my train arrives, and you have a quarter of an hour. Say what you want to say; hit me if it’ll help – just, for the love of God, stop pouting like a fucking toddler.” He really didn’t feel like sparing the brunet’s feelings now. Not when, after he proposed the deal, Eren had gone completely silent on him. Literally. It’d nearly taken Levi to Eren and Armin’s room just to demand a response out of him.

Apparently now, it seemed that demanding a response wouldn’t be a necessary cause of action.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Levi’s brows raised slightly. “That was only a little expected –“

“This is the most idiotic thing you’ve ever done – which says a lot because, well, you’re friends with me and that’s one hell of an idiotic thing to do.” Eren’s hands clenched at his sides. “Seriously – what are you thinking? You shouldn’t do this – the fact that you’re honestly considering this is fucked up –“

“I’m not just considering it. I’ve bought the damn tickets already. It’s a little late to go back now.”

“You don’t need to go – you don’t need to do this for me –“

“I’m not doing it for you,” he quipped shortly, glaring at the time on the monitor’s schedule. “If you think I’m here, standing on this godforsaken grimy-arse platform for the likes of _you_ , then you’re wrong.” Levi really wasn’t sparing the kid’s feelings now and, even he was spouting mostly bullshit, he didn’t feel guilty for it.

Eren didn’t even look offended. Just confused. “Then why are you here? Why are you going to see them, after everything they did to you?”

“For the exact same reasons that you are.”

“I’m going because I don’t have a choice –“

“No. You’re going to end it,” he spat, dark eyes clashing with the ever-bright, ever-expressive vibrant orbs of his. “After this, you’ll never have a reason to see either of them again. You’ll take closure in it being over. It’s the same for me. Do I hate them for what they did to me? Sure, but the man is going to be dead by tomorrow. It’ll be the end, and I’ll never have to see his face again.” He didn’t feel anything towards them and, as ridiculous as it sounded, he never had. To him, they’d never been his parents. Without them, he still would’ve become the exact same person he was today – the person he was before, just in a different life.

They weren’t his parents. Levi didn’t have parents. And he never had – not really.

Regretfully, he caught sight of the time and turned back to Eren impassively. “I don’t care if you’re angry. Just...” His stare roamed across the lightly tanned expanse of his face; a pang of discomfort evoked within his chest at the distraught green eyes following his gaze. It hurt to see him like this. It served as a painful reminder to the last time he’d left Eren in a vulnerable place, sobbing over Mikasa’s body; bleary eyes begging for him to stay.

Levi’s throat closed up and, before turning his back on the boy, he spoke up. “Just stay in touch, brat.”

A hand grasped his gloved one, halting his movement.

“Idiot. My train is –“ Eren’s other hand grabbed the lapels of his coat, quickly managing to shut him up. Suddenly realising the short distance between them, Levi’s pulse skyrocketed.

“You really don’t need to tell me to stay in touch. You won’t be able to keep me away.”

His height placed him at a convenient position in front of Eren’s lips and he watched, utterly infatuated by the lip-ring being taken between his teeth. He didn’t know what to do – he didn’t know how to move away. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to move away. Not when every fibre of his being was demanding him to stay, enveloped by Eren’s heat. It didn’t occur to him that the brunet’s arms had circled him until his head was pressed against his shoulder, and he then began to relish in the closeness. It was as if his mind had been consumed by a single thought: Eren. Just Eren. Nothing else – no one else. Consciously, he recognised his arms were winding around Eren’s back, his hands clinging a little too tightly to his hoodie, willing to wish the world away just as long as he could stay in this position. He craved this closeness and the closure it provided, and he’d be greedy to want it always. Against Eren, every sense of responsibility dispelled, leaving just the two of them.

Tentatively, Eren’s hand drifted downwards, taking a hold on his arm. Bringing it down, he then linked their fingers – his long, tanned digits and Levi’s gloved ones, intertwining. Warmth spread through Levi’s cheeks, tingling ever so slightly, as Eren tightened his grasp on his hand, gently.

“Call me later.” The words were practically mumbled into his shoulder, and he could almost feel the brat’s cocky smirk against him. “And you can’t say no.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it’s my birthday. You wouldn’t deny me of my one wish.”

“Cheeky brat’s finally growing some balls, huh.”

Levi felt a breathy, low chuckle against his ear. “I’m a big boy now.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he voiced, a little flustered. “I really can’t afford to miss my train...”

“Come home with me.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure your parents would love that.”

A deep grumble left the boy. “Fuck it – the expression of their faces when they learn their only son is a faggot for a short-arse would be absolutely priceless.”

“Priceless, sure – but not worth the repercussions, kid,” he chuckled, mustering up the self-control to tear himself away from Eren’s embrace but even then, the brat’s arms remained lightly draped on the raven’s waist. No longer pressed against his shoulder, shielded away from questionable stares of bystanders, a tinge of red crept along Levi’s cheeks. “You know, I’m not really a fan of PDA – and there’s actually an old man glaring at us behind you.”

“If you didn’t have a train to catch I’d probably keep you here, like this – just to spite you, of course. And to see you blushing like that.”

Levi scowled, shoving himself away from the brunet as Eren reached out to pinch his cheek. “I am not blushing, arse-face.”

Eren snorted. “Right. Of course not. My mistake, sir.”

Neither of them spoke for a few moments; still, neither of them made a move to leave, going their separate ways.

“It’s ridiculous but,” Eren’s teal gaze flickered to his, determined and glinting with emotion and, once more, he stepped closer. “I’ve only known you for a month and yet – God, no, this is such a cliché.”

His alabaster skin prickled, anticipating the brunet’s next words. “Say it.” He was playing risky business – he knew he was. He was taunting his subordinate, urging him to remember, and he couldn’t help it. Eren was here – alive. Humanity’s saviour had been born again and had inflicted the impossible; he’d rendered Levi utterly speechless and yearning – yearning to hear the brat’s voice. To know him, in a second life. And Hell, as his gloved hand slotted against the curve of Eren’s neck, Levi ached to touch him; to feel the warmth of the living boy.

“Levi, I...” Eren breathed a shuddering breath, brows threading. “I feel like I’ve known you for much longer than a month.”

One touch – bronzed skin against milky white, a beautiful contrast – and he’d remember. He’d learn that the horrors of his nightmares, the reason for his parents’ neglecting him and for all of the claims against his mental health, were true. It’d be excruciating, and Levi couldn’t let that happen. Not to him. Not to his brat.

Taking a breath, he stepped away, recognising the flash of hurt cross Eren’s features. Levi’s heart was breaking apart at the sight of him. At the war being waged in his mind, utterly conflicted and eternally bewildered, as he fought for something more to say; as he fought to remember something. Anything.

“I’ll call you,” Was all he muttered before, regretfully, Levi turned his back on the boy.

This time, Eren didn’t stop him. He let out a sigh, tightening the strap of his overnight bag on his back and headed for his platform. He took out his phone.

 

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered at 13:11:**

**He needs to know, Erwin. I can’t do this anymore.**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 13:15:**

**You know this needs to be done. Don’t let personal feelings cloud your judgement.**

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered at 13:16:**

**I can’t keep lying to him.**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 13:16:**

**You can, and you will.**

 

 

* * *

  

 

Levi’s luggage was growing heavier by the second. Directing his Uber driver to a place that’d been resided to the back of his mind proved to be a more difficult task than he’d anticipated since it hadn’t been a journey he had needed to make in years. To him, his home was the school – it was with Erwin, Hanji, and the brats. The modest suburban house, with the pleasant exterior to an average streetwalker, was the home to his parents. It may have been the house he was raised in, but a day didn’t pass where Levi hadn’t wished to be on the streets. He could handle the streets – he’d been one of those brats once before, a lifetime ago now.

But he couldn’t handle that damn family – his parents, and the bipolar fucking behaviour that rendered him spending nights freezing and alone; cooped up in the dank basement, cradling his arms. Contrary to belief, the recollection of his memories didn’t make it that much easier. In his head, he saw a leader. He saw a man, idolised by many, practically worshiped and praised to be humanity’s strongest man alive. He was that man – or, at least, he was supposedly him. Abel, as was his birth name in this life, was weak. A pathetic excuse of a legion’s corporal, let alone humanity’s strongest.

Levi didn’t exist until Abel left. On the streets, it was in Levi’s element that ensured his survival - recalling tricks of the trade he’d learnt to master in his youth of the past life, scurrying along the dirtied floor of the Underground. A street brat didn’t simply forget; his skin wouldn’t magically soften, regardless of how pampered he had once been. He belonged to that life. It was all he knew – it was all that had remained the same.

Planting his feet firmly against the concrete step, he placed a series of harsh knocks against the wooden frame. As a heavy settlement flooded his gut, he suddenly found himself regretting the offer of Petra’s accompaniment which he denied. He told her the same he did Eren; that this was something he had to do, and it’d be the end. He couldn’t care for a shoulder to cry on, or any form of comfort. Just knowing that the brunet had a lot more shit on his plate gave him the assurance that he needed. Eren didn’t have anyone either but he didn’t complain. He didn’t throw a tantrum like he might’ve done a lifetime ago. He sucked it up, choosing to suffer in silence instead. And Levi hated that. He wanted his vocal brat back – he wanted to see the raw emotions flicker behind those blazing bright eyes of his. But Eren had been alone in this life, and couldn’t remember enough of the previous life for his behaviour to naturally revert back to that of his past-self, so suffering in silence was all he’d ever known.

Cursing aloud, he dry-washed his face and exhaled a deep sigh.

No one was home.

“They’re at the hospital.” A voice piqued suddenly, prying his attention from the side. A petite, wheel-chair bound lady was perched on her porch, regarding him with a heavy-lidded gaze. “Your mother’s not expecting you.”

Levi’s stare narrowed. “You know who I am?”

“I know of you,” she said. “Haven’t seen you in years. Finally built up the courage to leave, did you?”

Apprehensively, he nodded but said nothing in return.

“It’s not a secret around here. About what they did to you, I mean.” Her hard-eyed gaze softened, regarding him with a despondent frown as she prepared to rear back behind her door. “I suppose an apology wouldn’t do you much good now.”

Before she could disappear, Levi cleared his throat. “Where is the hospital?”

“Just at the end of this street, then take a left. Can’t miss it.”

He nodded once more and, overnight bag in hand, he turned back down the driveway, his stomach growing sicker by the second.

“Abel,” the woman yelled, and it took a moment for Levi to register that it was him she was calling for. “You’re brave for doing this. They don’t deserve it.”

Levi shrugged. “You’re right. They don’t.”

But he was doing it anyway. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d hazard a guess to say it was a certain bright-eyed brat that he was doing it for.

And he’d be damned if the kid wasn’t having a shittier time than him already.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Upon entering, he decided against announcing his presence and headed to his bedroom, the only place he knew wouldn’t have been disturbed in his disappearance, nor would he be bothered in there. Setting his phone against the table beside his bed, Eren sighed. He stripped himself of his jacket and collapsed on his mattress, lazily tracing patterns on his untouchable ceiling with tanned fingers whilst cracking open his first bottle of beer with his teeth.

As he slumped into the stiff mattress, an immediate groan tore its way out of his throat at the sudden pain in his lower back. With an aggravated grumble, he retrieved a small burgundy book that he had fallen on. For a moment he didn’t recognise the unfamiliar pad of paper, but after he revealed its contents, an irritated itch clawed its way onto his hands. Charcoal sketches on loose pieces of paper collapsed onto the bed, staining the sheets with its black residue. He must have forgotten to pack this one. He took the paper by his knee and held it up, bringing it in under closer scrutiny. The intended sketch was nearly beyond recognition as the charcoal had been smudged; the paper crinkled, but it still held the slightest sense of familiarity to him.

It was an unmistakable drawing of a figure. Akin to many of the figures he drew, this person had their blades drawn, one of which was buried in the land next to them. Their face wasn’t visible, but they never were. Eren would have such vivid images of them but, as his luck would have it, it’d be their damn faces that were blurred. Not the garish bloodshed – no, that was clear, as if he enjoyed the sight of mutilated corpses. The only identifiable features of this figure was the slim build; the winged crest on their cape and the uncommon military-cut hairstyle. Eren’s stomach churned the longer he looked at it for reasons unknown to him, and the initial irritated itch spiralled across his body like an urge that couldn’t be sated.

Confused, he reached for another piece of paper, only then realising his shaking hands. He voiced an unrecognisably incoherent sound, clutching his hands to his chest as he stared at the number of papers strewn across him. All charcoal drawings; all of the same figure. He snatched up a particular sheet and nearly glowered at the sight of him, and the tell-tale inevitable frown etched across his slight features. From the deep furrow of his thinly-shaped brows; the sharp, protruding cheekbones carved out of the ivory skin to the glimmer of azure in his silvered eyes, it boiled Eren’s blood.

It couldn’t be –

All of these drawings were of him. But that couldn’t be possible. Eren choked back another gasp as he caught sight of a sketch, much messier than the others as if it’d been drawn by a shuddering hand. The ebony-haired man’s torso was bare, making the assortment of scars and open wounds marring his skin seem all the more visible, and was arched revealingly. His throat was bared; his head hanging by his shoulder that had deep engravings from where his manoeuvre gear straps would have –

It wasn’t him. The man in these sketches couldn’t be him.

At the time he must’ve drawn these detailed pieces, Eren hadn’t met Levi. Though they showed uncanny resemblance to the seventeen year old, they couldn’t actually be of him – not of Levi. Levi was younger, and much less built than this man, even if everything else was remarkably similar. It wouldn’t make any sense –

Abruptly, his mother’s voice carried through the house. When he heard it, he scurried to clear his bed of the pictures, finding them almost incriminating. “Guests will be arriving in a few hours, so it’d be in your right mind to get dressed now.” As she passed his door, she craned her head only to startle at the sight of him drinking lazily from the bottle. Eren, if not for discovering the sketches that left his mind reeling, probably would’ve smirked at that the look of disgust on her made-up face. “Pathetic, Oscar. I don’t see you for a month and, when you do come home, you’re already on the alcohol.”

“Tragic – I know. Congratulations for raising a fuck-up.”

Across from him her eyes flared, clearly affronted by his snappy attitude. She composed herself in a matter of seconds, mustering an impassive façade that only reminded him of Levi, and the comparison made Eren grimace internally to himself. “The least you could do is be sober for tonight. Try not to make a scene.”

Eren scoffed, feigning offense. “Wasn’t this supposed to be my celebration?” He rolled his eyes, slumping against his bed. “Don’t tell me you forgot about your dear son’s birthday. I’m hurt.”

“Stop pratting around, boy. Get clean. I don’t know what filth you’ve been with at that godforsaken school, but I will not have you behaving like this around our guests.”

“Filth? God, I know a guy who’d murder you for even insinuating such a thing.”

“Do I make myself clear, Oscar?”

“Crystal,” he placated, his tone practically dripping with sarcasm. When she muttered her disapproval through a curse and left him be, Eren groaned aloud and collapsed onto his back. Draining the rest of the bottle, he turned back to the sketches. A hysterical chuckle fell from his lips, his hands fisting the strands of his hair.

So, what? Was he a psychic now? His therapists hadn’t come up with that diagnosis yet, but he wasn’t beyond ruling out the possibility.

A distant mutter was voiced through a choked sob, much against his knowledge. A single word – a name that had been on the tip of his tongue.

“C-Captain...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**New Message from Levi**

**Received at 18:38:**

**I could do that phone call now.**

**New Message from Levi**

**Received at 18:40:**

**Actually, no. I could REALLY use that phone call right now.**

**New Message from Levi**

**Received at 18:44:**

**Brat. As soon as you see these, call me.**

By the time Eren had managed to tear himself away from his parents’ colleagues, friends, and the people thirsting for a sneaky glance at their money – most of whom seemed strangely interested in talking to him – he finally caught a glance at the messages. Really, Eren hadn’t ever mastered a welcoming façade for so long before. It was getting to the point where he was almost certain his faux smile was beginning to look borderline murderous and, honestly, he wasn’t opposed to it. It got people away – and that’s what mattered.

Beneath the relaxed strum of the music playing, Eren mustered a quiet curse before reeling the hell out of the limelight. He couldn’t understand why people had suddenly started paying attention to him, but the fact alone seemed to gripe the shit out of his mother, so there was at least that to be pleased about. He’d been distracted enough to almost forget about the sketches for a brief couple of moments. But whenever his mind diverted back to Levi, he’d be reminded of them, and it’s safe to say that Eren’s mind diverted back to Levi pretty frequently. He had chuckled at the thought of him sneering at the expensive collection of his parents’ wines on display, or the champagne flutes people flaunted with animatedly tipsy gestures.

Once outside, he took refuge beneath the canopy of his porch’s balcony. Eren found a mixture of comfort and relief in the cool breeze; watching peacefully as the serene wind antagonised the leaves on the trees and ruffled his hair. The air was mostly fresh, though there was the slight scent of cigarette smoke nearby. It was calm and quiet, and that was something he was able to relish in for a time. Peeling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly formulated a text to send to his raven-haired friend.

 

**Message to Levi**

**Delivered at 19:37:**

**I still can’t talk. Only just managed to hightail it out of the house. You’d be surprised by the amount of people suddenly taking an interest in the prodigal son’s wellbeing. It’s fucking exhausting.**

 

**Message to Levi**

**Delivered at 19:39:**

**How’d earlier go? Sorry for asking like this. I really wish I could ring you.**

Rereading the recent messages he had received from him, Eren couldn’t restrain the frown slipping its shadowy presence across his features. Visiting his father must have been harder than he’d anticipated – not that Eren was surprised by that but still, he couldn’t help but wish he’d tried harder to talk him out of it. But Levi had seemed hell-bent on this regardless, and wouldn’t be so easily swayed by Eren’s assurances and pleading.

When the raven had proposed a deal, Eren had honestly expected something they would both benefit from, and perhaps he got his hopes a little too high; only to be brutally shot down by Levi’s suggestion. Eren couldn’t understand it. These people – the people responsible for Levi’s upbringing – had abused him. Physically scarred him, even. To Eren, that was a reasonable enough excuse to never see the bastards again. As for Levi, though he blatantly expressed the fact that he wouldn’t ever forgive them, or even begin to tolerate them after what they did; he was giving them a chance.

A chance to end it. And after he said that, Eren understood. He understood because he was in the very same position now.

“Oscar,” his father called out behind him, drawing Eren’s attention over his shoulder to see the older brunet closing the door behind him before stepping out onto the porch, accompanying Eren in the biting cold. “A little nippy to be out here at this time of night, isn’t it? What’re you doing out here?”

Eren bristled. The cold weather wasn’t too bad, but his father’s attempt at making conversation with him was a little startling. “I don’t mind. It’s a little stuffy in there.”

Through a chuckle, his father dry-washed his face, nodding sheepishly. “You’re right about that. Came out here for the same reason myself, actually.” He mirrored Eren’s posture, slouching casually against the railings, staring out across the street. Eren didn’t think he had ever seen his father seem so – so relaxed. “It was your mother’s idea – this whole celebration, I mean. Wasn’t too keen on it myself, but she twisted my arm. Reluctantly.”

“That’s just her, isn’t it?” Eren shrugged. “Thinks she’s got the world wrapped around her finger.”

“I think that’s her plan. That, followed by world domination probably,” he muttered, sighing. “So, kid. Tell me how this new school’s been working out for you. Meet some good people?”

“I guess.”

“Do you get along with your teachers?”

“Mostly.”

“And the students? You haven’t been scrapping, have you?”

“Not as frequently.”

His dad sighed once more, clearly not pleased by Eren’s limited responses. “Are they helping there? You look better. Healthier, I mean –“

Green-eyes narrowed as a grimace stretched across his face. “Parents receive a report on their child’s progress at the end of each week. I’ve been there for a little over a month now. If you took notice, you should know the answer to that already.”

“Oscar,” his father griped. “I’m making an effort here, alright? Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?”

Eren’s brow twitched. “You shouldn’t need to make an effort,” he muttered beneath his breath, exhaling softly. “I appreciate it – but you’re a little late. You’re leaving soon, and I’m being shipped off back to the school tomorrow morning. Why do you bother?”

“Because you need to know.” Wrinkled, crow-footed hazel eyes roamed over his face desperately. “I’m sorry, son. I can’t be excused – no, I shouldn’t be excused for the things your mother and I have said to you. It’s not right – and I-I’m sorry.“ Tears formed in his eyes, and the older man’s lightly bronzed hand gripped Eren’s forearm. “I’m sorry.”

He was so taken aback by the scene, Eren didn’t actually realise his father had started talking again. Well, more sobbing really.

“I reconnected with a close friend of mine recently,” he sniffled, breathing heavily. “A good man – just not really one for fancy celebrations such as this. I hadn’t seen him since we were young and – and I didn’t even realise it until I saw him again. When we were kids, he’d tell me stories. Beasts – Titans, he’d call them – had taken claim on the land, and soldiers were recruited to slay them. Chris would tell me these stories, and he’d get into such a state about them. I could never understand it, so I eventually dropped contact with him.” His father’s eyes narrowed. “Only recently did it occur to me. The things you see; the shit your mother and I thought you’d been making up in some bizarre, childish fantasy – it’s the same as him, isn’t it? You’re seeing the stuff that Chris saw - when he was younger.”

The lump that had formed in his throat made it difficult for him to speak. Not to mention that he was probably just shocked into silence by his father’s words.

Instead of communicating verbally, Eren nodded, feeling a sharp sting behind his eyes.

“Christ, boy.” Abruptly, his father brought him against his chest. “I’m so sorry for not – for not understanding. I should have –“

Eren didn’t reciprocate the hug. He didn’t think he could.

“I don’t know what to do. Just tell me, son – this school, is it helping you? Please. Tell me you feel safe there.”

He nodded once more, frantically, afraid that if he opened his mouth he’d break down.

He wasn’t making this up. It wasn’t just him.

He wasn’t alone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Message to The Brat**

**Drafted at 23:56:**

**Sorry we didn’t get to make that phone call, kid. Seems like the world may be against us on that one.**

**It’s just occurred to me that I haven’t wished you a good birthday. Thinking on it now, it sounds stupid – I mean, it’s you, and you’re stuck with your neglectful parents, so obviously it’s not going to be a good –**

**Draft has been deleted.**

**Message to The Brat**

**Drafted at 23:58:**

**It’s been less than 24 hours and I fucking miss you. What the Hell have you done to me, Jaeger?**

**Draft has been deleted.**

**Message to The Brat**

**Drafted at 23:58:**

**You know what’d be great? It’d be fucking marvellous if you could take your head out of your arse and fucking remember, you shit-stain.**

 

**Draft has been deleted.**

**Message to The Brat**

**Delivered at 23:59:**

**For another year older, you’re still a fucking brat. Goodnight, Eren.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then.  
> I call it plot but realistically, it's just another one of those "Segway-to-Plot" chapters.  
> CHRIS! WHO IS CHRIS? I KNOW - DO YOU KNOW? I DON'T KNOW, YOU MIGHT KNOW, OR YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW.  
> ALSO, I sense some sexual tension coming in HOT VERY SOON, YOU KNOW. One does not simply break apart the OTP and not promptly follow up with sexual tension, I think. Even if they were really only separated for a chapter (or two, heh) because I'm physically/emotionally weak and need ERERI touching-but-not-quite affection.  
> Why do I even write these chapter notes? They're not even notes - it's just a place for my weird ramblings.


	13. The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention sexual tension?

Thick stone walls enveloped the boy, sealing him within a startlingly cold, echoing room. Elicited from his parted lips were shuddering gasps for air, desperate to regain himself. Across from him, bars separated them; the older man’s glower was detached and intense, but burned bright in the firelight emitted from a nearby torch aligning the wall. The man’s lithe, perfectly scarred alabaster appendages gripped the bars, tensing in strenuous self-control. With the familiar scowl etched across his features, his Captain’s gaze wouldn’t falter from the boy’s, and that fact alone seemed to have Eren wilt beneath the intensity and focus on his restraint. Eren’s bronzed skin looked damn-near golden, shimmering with the light sheen of sweat beneath the orange glow of the flames.

“You d-don’t have to be here, sir.” Eren’s voice sounded pathetic; that alone had Levi’s heart clench at the brat’s misfortune. Having been rendered this way by a nightmare shouldn’t have taken such a toll on Eren, and that only encouraged Levi’s concern, and he couldn’t help it. Kid didn’t deserve this – none of it. “Please, sir. D-Don’t stay. I’m alright.”

Captain Levi’s glare didn’t soften, only honed further in on the brat. “I’ll leave when I’m certain you’re not going to spontaneously self-combust. Under my watch, that’s not going to look so good, is it now. Especially if you bring down the entire building in flames with you.”

“I’ll be fine, sir. I’m just a little warm.”

“Hence my concern of you spontaneously combusting, brat. I can feel the heat of you from here.”

“Sorry, sir.”

His gaze narrowed, frown tugging at the curve of his lips. “Don’t apologise for something that is beyond your control, Eren.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And for the love of God, drop the damned formalities. It’s a piss-taking hour of night and you’re still addressing me like that – it’s annoying. Stop.”

“Right. S-Sorry. Levi...?”

“Hmm?”

“Not to be imposing but a-are you not supposed to be asleep? I didn’t think you spent all night watching me.”

“Sleep isn’t a priority of mine at this moment in time,” Levi sighed, watching the soldier across from him clinging to the sheets, fists balled tightly. “I don’t wish to talk to you like this – you behind bars, I mean. It’s not normal.”

He parted with the brat for a moment, tearing himself away from the bars to reclaim the key to Eren’s cell, hung up against the cobbled wall. When he returned, he was met by the sight of Eren’s bright-eyed teal gaze widening, concern seeping into him.

“S-Sir, I don’t think you –“

“Why?” Levi demanded, but didn’t falter when he entered Eren’s room. “What is it, Eren?”

“It could be dangerous, sir,” he breathed. “Levi, if I transform, you’ll be caught in the blast. Y-You need to keep your distance –“

“Dangerous? You’re not a monster, Eren. In the shape you’re in currently, you’d be in no position to transform.” A pleased, almost smug smirk graced his features as he appraised him then. “And, even then, I’d still have the upper hand on you. Do you realise why that is?”

Eren shook his head. “N-No, sir.”

“Because it seems to me, Eren, that when I’m this close to you, you become a little flustered.” As the man said that, his position gradually gained a much closer advance on Eren, closing in on him with the terrifyingly intense glare that made him feel like a cornered animal. Like Levi’s prey. The brunet’s lips parted, eyes darting up to Levi. “Isn’t that right?”

Eren’s throat bobbed as he struggled to find words. “I don’t –“

“Tell me something, Eren. Before, you asked me to leave. Do you stand by that even now, or is there something else you want from me?”

Emerald orbs widened at the insinuation, and a bewildered blush adorned his cheeks. “Captain –“

“Eren,” he snapped, suddenly appearing right before him, placing an ivory-skinned hand on either side of him, caging him. “You know my name. Use it.”

“L-Levi...!” The cry fell from his lips as one of the man’s rested gently against his thigh, showering him in a hailstorm of startling tension; of a dizzyingly overwhelming sensation of him being near – his Captain being so close to him. “What are you -?!”

“Answer the question, brat,” Levi repeated tenaciously, gripping Eren’s leg. “Do you want me to leave? Say the word and I’ll stop. I will.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Do you want to do this?”

Eren didn’t have an answer for him, but from the confident nod, and the sudden grin appearing on the brunet’s lips, Levi could be assured that he wanted this. And, if he needed that little bit more encouragement, Eren’s hands grabbed him abruptly, bringing them together in a quick, desperate –

The firelight danced through the shimmering air, losing and gaining focus, and completely submerged Levi’s vision in its overwhelmingly bright blaze. And suddenly the chilling atmosphere, which had only been sated by the warmth of Eren’s hands skittering against his skin, dissipated.

Levi’s bedroom, at the school – that’s right.

He snapped open his gaze, not realising he’d even closed his eyes, but didn’t remark at the change of scenery. The gentle presses of Eren’s mouth against his neck intensified, skirting along from his jawbone to his collar and sucking lightly. It was distracting – almost annoyingly so, but Levi couldn’t complain; could only release a contented sigh and tilt his head further back until it hit the wall behind him. A breathy chuckle escaped Eren through a pant for air and he smartly repositioned them both, resulting in Levi’s front pressed against the wall and Eren’s hands restricting his behind his back.

“E-Easy, brat –!“ Levi’s voice cut off in a groan, simply not able to complete the chastising complaint with Eren’s teeth grazing the lobe of his ear, nor with the brunet’s crotch pressed against his arse.

Smirking at the reaction he seemed to glean from him, Eren licked the strip of Levi’s alabaster skin behind his ear and, shamelessly, he rocked his hips against him. The abrupt movement shoved him against the wall once more – a consequence that was not taken well by the raven.

“Eren, I swear to –“

Eren’s free hand skirted along the raven’s abdomen, beneath the light tee he wore, and he bit his ear once more, relishing the shuddering breath he elicited from him. “You don’t stop talking, do you?” He couldn’t help but chuckle again, and a really damn noticeable shiver supressed across Levi’s skin as his tanned fingers massaged patterns further down his stomach, only to retreat again whenever Levi’s muscles would clench in anticipation. All the while, Eren continued to mouth at his nape, his ears; wherever his lips could reach, he’d pepper the skin with small graces of his teeth and tongue.

“Eren.” His name was muttered through another content exhale. “Stop being a fucking tease and – and use your hands, damn you.”

“I am using my hands.”

“Not there.” Levi grunted as Eren suddenly released his hold on him, turning him before promptly pressing his back against the wall. A silvered gaze burned a bright azure as Eren’s eyes met his, a smirk positioned on the brunet’s lips. “Eren, please –“

The moment Eren’s hand suddenly plunged beneath the waistband of his trousers, cupping the raven’s erection through his underwear, Levi’s head lolled back. The action rendered his throat exposed, and Levi should’ve expected that the brunet wouldn’t waste the opportunity to latch his lips onto the pale white skin there. Levi’s mouth parted in a plethora of pleasurable sighs as Eren’s hand massaged him, with his teeth practically mauling at his skin, tasting him – _feeling him –_

Levi’s gaze snapped open, utterly dumbfounded by the sight that beheld him.

His bedroom. Not the one at school, and certainly not the one in an old-fashioned jail cell, but the one in his parents’ house. His entire body was marred with sweat and his hair was plastered across his forehead, not to mention the pretty fucking painful erection beneath his sheets. What’s more; not a single trace of Eren was to be seen. He wasn’t beside him, nor was he in front of him, teeth grazing his neck and his hand –

Between his teeth, he held a corner of his pillowcase and, with his spare hand, he fisted the fabric. Restraining a groan was proving to be much difficult as his hand tightened its hold on his hard length, especially when all thoughts converged around the brunet insomniac. Levi paused. Eren’s sharp jaw, pierced lips; those agonisingly emerald coloured eyes and his unruly brown mane of hair – everything about him had Levi’s fucking dick hardening in unrelenting, irrevocable desire. The damn brat was an unstoppable fucking force and, whether he was conscious of that fact or not, Levi couldn’t accept that. Eren’s attractiveness wasn’t a secret kept from mankind, and having known the brat for more than one lifetime, Levi could confidently admit that Eren had a lot going for him.

But he was a kid – his cadet. He couldn’t mishandle his title like this; he couldn’t be doe-eyed for the Titan-shifter, a weapon of humanity – even a life later.

But even before he hadn’t really thought of him like that, had he? Not once had Levi ever regarded Eren as that – as just a weapon. Eren wasn’t his subordinate. Eren was a comrade. And he was a little over twice the brat’s age back then, let alone they’re both male and in the same military squad. Regardless of law of that time period, the world as they knew it was chaos. Cruel, and a living fucking nightmare. Why shouldn’t he have accepted the interest he had in the boy? He couldn’t have pursued it; that alone would have been impossible in the ever lethal circumstances. But it would’ve been nice, dammit. He had at least had the chance back then. And now, he couldn’t even touch the boy. The world had granted him with the opportunity, in at least a legal scenario, but simply laying a finger on Eren’s skin would have consequences.

It didn’t make sense.

And bitching about the shortcomings was most definitely becoming a daily ritual for him. At least he didn’t feel the urge to wank himself off to the brunet as strongly now.

Was the temptation still there? Abso-fucking-lutely. And he didn’t think the urge would be sated any time soon if a certain bright-eyed brat had anything to do with it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He managed another four or so hours asleep after the incident and, for that, he was thankful at least. The last thing he needed was to be getting on a two hour long train journey; not having had any sleep because his hormones were a force to be reckoned with, and being right beside the nonchalant brat responsible for that. And he hadn’t dreamt any more of him – not in that context, at least. Honestly, Levi didn’t know what was worse; seeing Eren’s face covered in splatters of crimson blood, or seeing Eren’s face covered in his –

An added pressure on a floorboard behind him elicited an obnoxiously high-pitched creak. “Abel...?” Renée’s voice pried sheepishly, still a little groggy with sleep. “You’re not leaving already, are you?”

Levi mouthed a curse before turning his back to the door, longing to just reach out and literally hightail it to the train station. Renée’s haggardly worn face greeted him, ridiculously large bags adorning the skin beneath her eyes. The day before seemed to have aged her by about ten years, after the loss of her husband. He didn’t understand that; just like he couldn’t understand the crowd that had been by Michael’s bedside, all teary-eyed and exchanging pitifully remorseful glances. How many of those people knew? How many of them cared? Levi, or Abel, had always been considered the black sheep in that family, but did they honestly believe he deserved to be isolated in the house’s cellar, locked away until, hours later, his bastard parents remembered they had thrown him in there? Abel had been a good kid and deserved a good family. But maybe, because he was Levi, that couldn’t be possible.

Ultimately, Levi didn’t deserve the good. He’d committed enough bad in the past-life to last him the many more to come, so it’s all he’d ever known – and all he’ll ever know, for the lives to come.

“My train’s due at the station in a couple of hours.” He glanced at the time. “And, I’m due to meet someone there. He goes to the school, so we’re going to head back together.”

“But, Abel.” Her watery eyes glistened, clashing desperately against his. Begging. “Y-You’re going to leave me...? Like this? Abel, your father –“

“Your sister’s in town, Renée. Ring her. You don’t have to be alone,” he assured her, cringing at the darkening of her gaze.

“You won’t even call me your – Abel, I am your mother. Y-You shouldn’t need to use my name!”

“Ring your sister. I need to leave.”

“Abel –“

“Stop calling me that.”

“Call me your mother, Abel.”

“You’re not my –“ Levi’s gaze widened, following the indiscrete motion of her hand as she grasped something from the kitchen countertop. “What are you doing?”

“Just say it, Abel,” she begged, shuddering as tears flooded down her cheeks, smudging the black make-up she’d had on her eyes from the day before. Renée’s sudden laugh reverberated throughout the room, sounding almost hysterical as she uncovered the knife behind her back. “Call me your mother, Abel. Please.”

“You need to put that down,” he placated, dropping his backpack against the floor. “I’m not going anywhere – I’m not leaving, see? But you really need to put that down, Renée, before you hurt –“

Renée shrieked aloud as she drew closer all of a sudden. “Call me your _mother_ , Abel!” She flung herself into him, crashing past him and against the stairs’ bannisters. The knife clattered against the ground, promptly stepped on by her bare feet. She didn’t seem to notice and, in a frantic hurry to grab the knife from the floor, Renée slit her hand on the blade.

He grabbed her arm. “Put the knife down!” He yelled, but the demand seemed to fall on deaf ears. She struggled, flailing against him, screaming. “ _Mother_ , put the knife down!”

At this, Renée stilled in his arms. Her knees buckled and both she and the knife clattered back to the floor, her dreary grey eyes hazy and unfocused. Her forehead fell against the basement’s door, and another abrupt cackle fell from her lips. “We used to put you in here, didn’t we? For playtime, I mean.”

Levi’s brow twitched. “For playtime? Are you fucking insane?”

She smiled dreamily, resting her hands against the wood. Her fingers splayed out across the surface. “If your father were here, he’d put you back in there –“

“And would probably beat me with his belt whilst you held me down, right? Fun times.”

“He showed his love in such a wonderful manner.” Her gaze dropped to the knife at her side. “He shouldn’t be dead.”

“A lot of people shouldn’t be dead,” he spat. “But, want to know something? They’re fucking dead, and there’s nothing you, nor I, can do about that.”

“No!” She screeched, driving the knife into the door before her, carving into the wood. “H-He’s a good man! A g-good man!”

“He abused his son,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, glowering at the shuddering hand which held the blade. “Renée, he abused you too. It wasn’t just me that came beneath that bastard’s hand. You know that –“

Cutting him off with a wail, a pitched scream not dissimilar to that of a banshee, Renée came flying at him, flinging her arms about the place. Taken by surprise, Levi only just managed to dodge out of the way of the knife, watching as she hurtled into the opposite wall. Whilst her back was turned, he attempted to relieve the knife from her hold. But she was strong, and her dark eyes gleamed azure in sweltering strife. Her fingernails tore skittishly at Levi’s hands, screaming at him all the while. He cursed at the stinging pain, but didn’t falter. He could have ended this by now but he didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to resolve this through injuring her. If he could just grab the knife and then restrain her –

When Renée clipped his cheek with the blade, Levi decided to ignore his own advice. “Fuck it,” he muttered scornfully before wrenching the woman from the wall and hauling her over his outstretched leg, sending her sprawled against the floor. Seeking the knife-wielding hand, his booted foot planted a kick against it. The action sent the weapon scattered to the opposite side of the hallway and, from the harrowing shriek ripped out from her throat, also might have broken a few of Renée’s fingers.

Cradling her hand against her chest, Renée sobbed horrendously, curling in on herself.

“Disgusting.” Levi scrutinised, sneering at the mucus streaming into her mouth. “Are you done throwing your hissy fit now, or do I need to knock you out cold?”

Barely recognisable beneath the ratted onyx hair covering her face, Renée’s snotty face grinned up at him. “W-When your father comes home...” She heaved a breath, choking on the tears leaking out from her eyes. “When he comes home – he’s going to kill you. H-He’s going to –“

“Renée,” Levi scowled. “Your husband is dead.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No. The cigarettes he’d smoke every day beat me to it.”

“Did you want him dead?”

Steely grey eyes clashed against those crazed, antagonised orbs belonging to the woman. “Did he want me dead?” He challenged.

“Of course,” she laughed, tossing her head back. “We both did!”

Levi frowned, scoffing silently as he swiped his foot against the side of her head. She slumped against the ground, unmoving. “Let’s hope that answers your question, because I’ll be damned to Hell before I next see you again.” After picking up his bag he shouldered it, grimacing at the unconscious woman against the floor. “Be sure to clean up the place a little when you wake up. You’ve left it in a state.”

As he exited the house for the final time, a voice called out to him.

“Don’t close the door.” The wheelchair-bound woman from the day before appeared in his peripheral, shaking her head with a sombre smile. “She’ll go to the police. If you’d make it seem like a burglary and leave the door open, I’ll make up a cover story. Every son of a bitch on this street knows she’s mad, so they’ll believe an innocent elderly citizen rather than her. No one will even suspect you.”

Levi’s brow arched in her direction. “Sounds like advice from an experienced thug.”

The woman’s lips curved upwards, almost smugly. “Maybe in my prime.” Her gaze darted to the cut on his cheek. “That looks pretty deep. Hope you got a couple of good hits on her too.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t do anything. It was the burglar, remember?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Look at him. Can’t you take him to the barbers? That mop of dirt on his head can’t be called hair, Arthur. Bearing in mind where he’s been, it’s probably lice-infested.”

Eren’s father sighed. “Give the boy a break.”

“And that piercing – I sure as Hell don’t remember permitting that metal monstrosity. Just look at him; it’s a wonder why our guests didn’t leave early last night. I asked him to clean up; he throws on a creased button-down and combs his hair with his hand. We didn’t raise him like this, Arthur –“

“Claire. Cut him some slack for once.”

“Look at his eyes. They shouldn’t be so red. You know what that’s caused by? Drugs. Arthur, he has brought drugs into my home – I could smell them on him the moment he stepped into this house. He is harbouring illegal –“

A chuckle slipped out of his lips and, shaking his head, he cast them a glance over his shoulder; arching a brow in question. “Drugs? You’re referring to the ones that _you_ put me on, right?” He scoffed, tightening his bootlace. “I quit them. The medication that you prescribed wasn’t working. I’m clean now.”

His mother’s sparse brows rose up, disappearing beyond her pampered fringe. “Oh. Did you hear that, Arthur?” She repeated, bitter sarcasm lacing her tone. “Oscar is _clean_ now. Don’t be mistaken; the rugged crack-head look he has is _au naturel.”_

“Claire –“

“I’m not quite understanding your sudden bouts of compassion, Arthur. Or is it pity? You know, I have said it before and I’ll gladly say it again: that boy does not deserve our pity.”

“I don’t want your fucking pity –“

“Watch your tone,” she snapped, unleashing an icy glower in his direction. A gloomy expression on his behalf was returned. “Oscar, your behaviour was unacceptable last night. You weren’t brought back here to hold conversations. You were to stand, make your presence acknowledgeable and that is all. I had to trail around those unfortunate people who you had spoken to, just to ensure that you hadn’t repulsed them enough to make them leave. They are our potential clients, Oscar. _You_ weren’t supposed to speak to them.”

“My bad,” he muttered, fixing a cruel smirk on his lips. “I had only one intention; talk to all of the pretentious bastards you’d probably sucked off for your promotions. I did it to bring you down, obviously, because I’m sick in the head and a vengeful son of a bitch.” He stood, outstretching his hands in exasperation and scowled spitefully. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to be spoken to. Those pricks came to me. They wouldn’t leave me alone –“

“You threw a drink at someone.”

Eren’s brows shot up. “She spilt her drink – on herself. The deranged cow was drunk!”

“And how about that man, asking about your education? What did you tell him? The truth, or did you lie?”

“I told him that I’m studying at a boarding school.”

“So you lied.”

“What the Hell is the truth if not that?!”

“That place isn’t fit to be a school, Oscar. It’s more of an orphanage than anything.”

He stilled. “Is that it? That’s what you think?” Sighing, Eren’s limbs suddenly felt like lead. “So, now that it’s an orphanage you’ve sent me to, does this mean it ends here? Are you signing me away – am I a fucking orphan now?” Moisture pricked at his eyes as it dawned on him: they were disowning him. Was it going to be years until he next saw them? Would he become a kid of the system, practically adopted by Hanji and Erwin, just as Levi had been? The questions flooding his mind were endless, taunting and deafening.

Eren turned to his father and a sharp, dry chuckle bubbled out of his throat. “What do you have to say?” The older man’s haggardly exhausted gaze trailed slowly after his own, glinting sadly. “For crying out loud - say something, damn you! Are you waiting for her permission?”

A frown pulled at his lips. “Eren –“

“No,” he barked, his glower unfixing. “Not now. You can’t use that name. Not when you’re letting her speak on your behalf. Not when you’re doing this to me.”

“I’ll speak to Chris, kid – he’ll talk this through with you. He’ll be there for you. He’ll help you more than I ever could –“

“Don’t waste your breath, Arthur. It’s fruitless. He’s beyond help. He’s ill.” Each word leaving her mouth was a punch to his gut. Eren was breathless, as if suddenly winded. He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t speak. He wanted to laugh.

“No, Claire.” His father’s voice had risen, taking up a commanding tone that Eren hadn’t ever heard him use before then. “I haven’t given up on him. You haven’t either – because you never had faith in him. You neglected him when he wasn’t convenient for you and – and I also played a part in that. I won’t deny it. But he’s my son, Claire – he’s our son, and he deserves so much better than us.” Turning his way, Eren’s throat seized up at the sheer intensity of his father’s earnest. “Eren – I’m calling you that from now – listen, son. If you’re ever short of anything or – or even if you’d just like to talk to me, then give me a call, all right? I can’t apologise and I can’t expect you to forgive me, but I have added an amount into your account. I’ve been a terrible dad to you, so it’s the least I can do –“

Her cold gaze blown comically wide, Claire’s hand latched onto her husband’s forearm. “What are you saying? You’re giving our money to him – the money that we have earned?”

“No. Not our money. My money.”

“Your money is my money –“

“Do not embellish our wedding vows, Claire. It’s meaningless to me now,” he said. “Eren is our son. If you’re not ready to take responsibility for him, as a parent should, then I am entitled to cover his future payments and purchases and help financially in any way –“

“Y-You can’t do that -!”

“Yes. I can. Now, for the love of God, shut up.”

Eren couldn’t gather the escalation of the situation. His parents seemingly holding a domestic in their hallway; his father practically calling a divorce on his marriage, and it was because of him. It was because of Eren, and the nuisance he had become, that this was happening, playing out like a bad soap opera as he tied his shoelaces. He’d been angry – devastated that, rather than hoping to fix their relationship, his mother remained stubborn and offended by his very existence. But now, sensing that he wouldn’t see either of his parents for a while, Eren found the sight of them fratching over him hilarious.

It was the end.

As he started out of the door, regarding his mother’s thunderous glower stalking his back with amused nonchalance, his father placed a hand on his shoulder. He too ignored the woman’s explicit rantings and, with a roll of his eyes, he slipped a piece of paper into Eren’s hand. For a moment, he held his hand briefly; a solemn despondency in his stare.

“Be safe, Eren,” he spoke, letting the brunet step out of his reach.

He nodded, an honest and thankful smile pulling at his mouth as he stepped out of the door. Behind his father, Eren’s mother had furrowed brows and a watery gaze. For a moment she almost looked guilty and, as if sensing her own display of vulnerability, she turned away and disappeared into the house.

In his hand, a number was scrawled down onto a small snippet of file paper.

The older man loitering anxiously in the doorway cleared his throat. “Call him.”

Eren’s gaze flittered up to him. “I will.”

There was someone else like him. Someone else who shared the same nightmares. It couldn’t be a coincidence – it had to mean something. Maybe Eren wasn’t really crazy, and he’d never felt so damn relieved to think that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I mean, aside from that minor altercation, it went just as terribly as I’d imagined.”

_“So, Renée has finally lost it, huh?”_

“Apparently so,” he exhaled sharply, holding up a hand in gratitude towards the driver and stepped out onto the curb. “She was absolutely mad before but I think the her husband's assisted euthanasia business may have just shoved her over the edge.”

_“Bummer for her. We all handle death differently, I suppose.”_

“Even then, I’m pretty sure losing your goddamn mind isn’t the most common way of dealing with the whole eternal sleep bullshit.”

_“Maybe we’re too accustomed to it.”_

“There was enough bloodshed to last me through all of my potential lifetimes.”

_“Sheesh, try not to jinx it.”_

“Don’t sound so disappointed. You loved it.”

_“I didn’t love it. I may have hated it just a smidge less than everybody else – but I still hated it.”_

“I think you’re the crazy one. Get locked up, four-eyes.”

_“Who else would you share your homosexual fantasies with? My being locked up would hurt you more than me, short-stuff. You’d be lost without me.”_

Levi bristled at that. A cold settlement passed his spine as he remembered the situation he had woken up to that morning. Not a damn homosexual fantasy. It was different – it was most certainly not a damn fantasy. He would not fantasise about Eren fucking Jaeger.

But of course, his mind and dick seemed to be conspiring against him on that one.

He snickered dryly, urging himself to pay it no more attention, because he might just go mad if he did. “Watch me give two shits, Hanji.”

_“I’m kidding – not about the sexual fantasies; I definitely wasn’t kidding about that – but I’d be lost without you too, baby!”_

“Hanji –“

A body crashing into his interrupted his spiteful remark. He reached out to grab the man’s arm as he threatened to topple over, steadying him. The man was tall and probably shouldn’t have been rendered unsteady by him, but he seemed to be quite old. Not an elderly man, but old. 

“Apologies, sir,” Levi bowed his head sincerely.

Fortunately, the man only exhaled a laugh, readjusting his circular-framed spectacles on his nose that had fallen crooked by the jolt before placing his hazel-eyed gaze on Levi. “That’s alright, son. I –“ For a fraction of a second, the brunet’s bespectacled orbs narrowed and his quizzical brows drew together. “I’m sorry, but do I know you? You have a very familiar face.”

Truth be told, Levi didn’t recognise the man. But his gaze held a familiar gleam that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. “I don’t think so,” he said, tilting his head in speculation. “I don’t believe we’ve ever met before.”

The man’s eyes darkened. “Right. Sorry. My mistake, son.” And with that, the man steered himself away, decked out in light blue hospital scrubs.

Putting his phone back to his ear, his gaze followed the retreating figure, hearing Hanji’s questions flying out of the little device at a pace similar to rapid-fire. “Stop yelling. I can hear you.”

_“You just went silent! I thought you’d been pulled over by the police, or maybe someone thought you were a street hooker!”_

“A street hooker? The fuck are you on, Hanji?”

_“You’ve got the arse for it. Just saying.”_

“Great. I’ll bear that in mind the next time I'm homeless on the streets again.”

 _“I love how dark and twisted our friendship gets nowadays,”_ Hanji sighed blissfully. _“Oh, my reason for ringing you; I spoke to Annie about the thingy, and she didn’t claim to have any knowledge on the thingy. At all. No bueno, mon petit garcot. She's been acting quite strangely these past few days, now that I think about it -”_

“Firstly, you’re giving me colloquial whiplash. Stick to one language, all right? Preferably English, thanks.” He wrinkled his nose. “Secondly, don’t call me that. I’m not your little boy. That shit’s weird, even for you.”

_“Quite the little Frenchman, aren’t you?”_

“Don’t sound surprised. Renée is French.” He sighed, raising his spare hand to massage his furrowed brow. “On the subject of Leonhart. Aside from Eren, she’s our only lead. I’d let it slide if we weren’t discussing the fate of their Titan-shifting abilities. We need answers, Hanji. I don’t care how you get them – rip the nails out of her fingers if it’ll get answers out of her.”

 _“If she doesn’t know anything, torturing her won’t do us any good,”_ Hanji, the persistent fuck, sighed in that bizarrely motherly tone of hers that Levi absolutely despised. _“I know you’re concerned about him but, honey, you’re projecting your frustrations – sexual and other – a little –“_

Rolling his eyes, he hung up on the brunette. It wasn’t Eren he was worried about especially. It was the damn thought of those fucking monsters, the ones he had once dedicated his previous life to exterminating, roaming the land again. He would gladly consider this life his retirement from that bullshit. Even if this time, they only came in the form of the shifters, he couldn’t care less. Some were still enemies of mankind; they had still annihilated his comrades. Levi had lost too much, as had others. Those kids deserved a life without the concerns of Titans. Hell, he thought even he himself deserved that.

And yes. Perhaps he thought that Eren didn’t deserve it; the pressures; the responsibilities – none of it. He was just a child, dammit.

But still. He was not projecting his frustrations – sexual, nor other.

He swayed on his feet slightly, suddenly experiencing a strong sense of vertigo. He cursed his luck, thanking the crazy excuse of a mother for the abrupt ache stretching across one temple to the other, and even at the back of his head. It was as if the universe was against him that day, for a certain green-eyed brat chose that moment to close in on him. Eren cleared his throat behind him, and Levi had to brace himself for the inevitable interrogation he and the child molester-like scar would glean - again, no thanks to his good-for-nothing mother for that one.

Levi’s dark gaze flittered over to him tiredly. “Eren –“

Eren's expression seemed to convey his muscles seizing up at the red mark stretched across the expanse of Levi’s cheek, accompanied by the darkening patch of skin beneath both of his tired grey eyes. “Levi...” He stood, rooted to the tiled floor, unable to avert his alarmed gaze from Levi's skin. He tried not to wilt beneath the intensity of Eren's barely restrained fury.

“Don’t overreact. Not in a public area.”

“I’m not overreacting.”

“Eren, you’re glaring daggers at me.” Levi chuckled, pushing himself away from the wall he had taken refuge against, not trusting his own damn feet to hold him up straight. “Could you look any less murderous? Seriously. People are going to think that you did this to me, and not my batshit mother.”

Eren’s brows furrowed as a scowl took its place. “She did that to you?”

“Yes. Now, if you’re quite finished delaying us any more than you already have, let’s get out of this shithole of a city.” Taking an abrupt turn for the worse, a sharp grimace shot across Levi’s face as he toppled on his feet. Eren lurched out and secured a hold on his arms, steadying him. Levi let out an impressed grunt. “Mad cow got a couple of good ones on me. Lucky. Nice reflexes though, kid.”

“I know you’re probably concussed and everything,” Eren frowned down at him, concern and suspicion still lingering. In return, Levi’s dark eyes flickered up to him, and he arched a quizzical brow. He couldn't say he wasn't impressed. He had half-expected Eren to work himself up into a frenzy, and Levi was only slightly disappointed that wasn't the case. “But could you, I don’t know, distract me from finding the bitch that did this to you?”

Levi scoffed out of amusement, shrugging himself out of Eren’s reach. “I wouldn’t worry, kid. She’ll be out of action for at least a couple of days. I promise you.” For a brief second, a small, tentative, but assured smile pulled at Levi’s thin lips and, coyly, he reached up to run a gloved hand through Eren’s hair. He forced away the thought of feeling it beneath his own fingers, without his gloves, but wondered if it'd feel softer than he had imagined in his dream earlier that morning.  “It’s good to see you again, Eren.”

Eren arched a brow. “It’s been just over twenty-four hours. Not exactly a long time,” he mused gently, toying with his piercing between his teeth as he grinned.

_“I feel like I’ve known you for much longer than a month.”_

The raven’s expression softened. “Feels like it’s been longer than that.”

"I know the feeling."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitty parents are shitty.  
> This chapter was a bitch to write (almost as much a bitch as Eren's "mother" heh) so if there are any grammatical mistakes or just general reflections of my own idiocy, let me know!  
> I hope you all had a great holiday, whether you celebrated anything or not. And make way for impending plot coming in VERY HOT (slightly misleading, I mean soon). Thanks for bearing with me on this!


	14. The Liars

For the entirety of the journey from the station to the school, he and Levi had been exchanging an assortment of amused, if not a little awkward, grins. Eren hadn’t paid it much attention at the time, but he honestly could’ve sworn the raven had inclined his entire body in his direction, placing himself closer. He couldn’t complain; the past day had been like a twenty-four hour shit-show, and just having Levi’s body beside him once more brought him a noticeable amount of relief.

The second he passed the robust steely gate however, a substantially deafening wail tore through the forest surrounding the school’s premises, emitting a resplendent aureate and emerald flush that nearly stripped the trees of their leaves. A fierce, inhuman scream pierced through Eren like icy shards of glass and a horrifyingly familiar sensation consumed him. With an alarmed expression evident on his features, and without the consent of his own legs, Eren ran towards the blast.

“Eren!”

“I know that sound,” he uttered breathlessly, transfixed by the bristling of the leaves, hustled by the influx of steam and heat ahead of him. “I know what that is.”

An added pressure hit his heel and, in a flail of limbs, Eren fell to the ground, and was immediately tackled by the weight against his back. His arms were taken behind him, restricting him, and he fruitlessly tried to free himself. He knew that scream – he’d heard it before. How could he have not known it when it terrorised his dreams, and was responsible for the majority of his hallucinations?

“L-Levi...” Eren struggled beneath him, wrestling against the rooted floor. “That sound – it’s one of them! You heard it too –“

“You need to stop moving.”

Glancing behind his shoulder, he startled at the barely restrained glimmer of anxiety seeping into Levi’s glower. He snapped his head back to the direction of the blast, noticing the birdlife fleeing from the scene. Eren’s body tensed, terror spiking situating him immobile. “This isn’t a hallucination,” he croaked, gaze growing wider. “This is real – Levi, that’s a –“

“Mike, take him inside.”

“It’s Leonhart.”

“Of course it is.”

“It’s a Titan,” Eren groused, animosity lacing his tone as, from his peripheral, he observed the exchange between Levi and Mike as the raven handed his gloves over to the taller, broader individual. “Levi – it’s a Titan! It’s one of them, I swear I'll kill –“

“Go with Mike, Eren.” An apathetic mask concealed his face, and the imperturbable command fell from his lips on second nature. “Don’t make this any more difficult –“

Indignation coursed through his tone, “Listen to me – you don’t know -!” Mike’s gloved hands took a rough hold on Eren’s arms, and hoisted him off the ground. “No!” He grappled, wrestled and kicked against the burly man, but it was to no avail. As he was led towards the school, Levi stepped at a leisurely pace to the blast – towards the Titan. Petra joined him. “Levi, Petra – don’t go! Please!”

“Just go inside with Mike, Eren. It’ll be alright. Trust us.”

_“Have faith in us, Eren.”_

_“Have faith in Squad Levi.”_

The next few moments passed in a blur and, before he had a chance to register the situation, his back hit the carpeted floor, and he was back on his feet in seconds, running to the door as it slammed in front of him, clicking shut. An unintentional sob threatened to tear its way out from his throat and his hands flew uselessly across the hardwood panel. He didn’t know how he got there, only remembering the horrific blast from outside – how was he back in the school already? Scanning his blurry gaze across the room, frenzied terror consuming him, he hightailed it towards the window, surveying the treeline for any reflection of what might’ve just happening; what may still be happening, and what Levi and Mike and Petra had forbidden him from seeing.

A Titan-shifter. It must have been. But he couldn’t see anything. From this distance, he couldn’t see any sign of it being one. But it had to be –

Once again, he found himself gagged by the rancid stench of mutilated bodies as his vision tunnelled, draping him in thick crimson curtains. Snapping his gaze open, not aware he’d shut his eyes in the first place, Eren’s body jerked at the pool of guts he was chest-deep in. The blood was crawling up his spine, circling around his globed shoulders and searing up towards his neck, strangling him. His throat was raw, and the more he screamed; the more he could sense his own life draining. His faint pulse was thrumming desperately, in its last moments it seemed, and Eren could feel his body shutting down against his will.

An unfamiliar hiss ripped through his throat and reverberated throughout the room, deafening himself. Across from him, a mirror glinted tauntingly, and he wouldn’t have thought anything of it if he hadn’t caught a glance of brightly gleaming emerald orbs reflecting back at him. Perplexed curiosity drew him closer until he realised, if it hadn’t already been obvious, the eyes glowering back at him were his own – but that couldn’t be possible. It couldn’t be – his tensed fists clenched against his closed eyes, rubbing frantically, to clear his vision. But he opened them again and was met with the same ghastly sight. This time, he couldn’t conceal the ragged heaves of breath leaving him, and as his hands fisted into his hair, the strands of dark brown seemed to grow.

He ran at the mirror, an infuriated shout on the tip of his damn tongue, until he saw the transition of his own ears, elongating and appearing out of his longer mane of hair. He stopped, an almost immediate scowl tugging at his features, and could only feel his mouth dry, draining him, as his vision shook and malformed razor-pointed teeth sprouted from his cheeks, peeling his mouth across his face.

He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even scream –

His sight tunnelled and, once more, he was in the stomach of the Titan. He was dying.

He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let them win.

He’d promised to kill them – to rid the world of the vermin that had kept humanity caged. All he needed to do was bite.

Teeth broke the skin below his thumb, shredding through the flesh as desperation streamed through his veins. And then an excruciating, damn near blinding light tore its way out of him and an inhuman, thundering roar left his lips as his body surged in an unfamiliar strength; the agonies of his missing arm and leg long forgotten.

_He would kill them all –_

Eren let out a strangled gasp as he slumped against the office desk, gaze hazy and unfocused on his hand. For a moment he could imagine teeth marks adorning the flesh, but then they would disappear as if they had never been inflicted upon him. But he had – he had brought it up to his mouth and had taken a bite out of his own damn hand, and then an unknown power had consumed him. He had torn through the Titans, annihilating them with a strength above that of a human.

That wail he had heard, the horrifyingly loud screech – almost like an animalistic cry for help – had been familiar. It was the Female Titan, the one who had terminated the hundreds of soldiers in the forest. Eren knew it. He knew it because he had heard it before.

From his own mouth, no less.

And the reflection he had caught in the mirror – that was _him_. Some twisted, animalistic hallucination that was no less Eren. He looked just like one. A Titan, but he couldn’t be – he couldn’t have been one of them. No – this was all in his head. He was fooling himself. It couldn’t be real. This had to be some delusion –

No. It couldn’t be just another delusion. He wasn’t the only one who dreamt of a monster-ridden world, full of corruption and carnage, and he was certain of that now more than ever. Perhaps it was that hopeful, self-assured mind-set that triggered a click in his head, like two fragments of his memory suddenly piecing together after having been previously overlooked. During his raid on Hanji’s office, he had caught a glance of something in the little book. A statement about his case. Eren’s memory was pretty shit to say the least, habitually taking notice of pointless bollocks like people's phone numbers but rarely ever words, let alone sentences, so it was to his surprise that he could still recall few words that stood out among the rest.

_‘Oscar Lawrence... known to... recovered Corps as Eren Jaeger.’_

Eren could remember explaining to Levi the pictures in his sketchbook and hadn’t acknowledged how unsurprised, not even remotely fazed, he had been by the tales.

_“The Survey Corps ventured into uncharted Titan territory on expeditions to gain knowledge on humanity’s long-time enemy.”_

_‘Past acquaintances and friendships.’_

He had recognized them – Armin, most of all. On his first night at school, Eren had a vision which, for one of the few times in his life, wasn’t a terrible one. He and Armin had been cozied up together beneath cotton sheets, the latter reading to him with a large string-bound book with pictures of the salty waters they had dreamt of seeing. In fact, upon arriving, Eren had never felt the urge to befriend Armin, not needing to. It all seemed too natural; as if it had been done before, like they were already close.

_‘Is still displaying amnesiac qualities.’_

If he hadn’t been frustrated before, the diagnosis Hanji had mutedly suited to him certainly pushed him over the edge. Amnesia had seemed a little too excessive, even with his shit memory... but now? Eren wasn’t so sure anymore. It wouldn’t make sense, but nothing had made sense so far. It wouldn’t be the most probable lead, but it was all he had.

_Not the only one._

Mustering enough restraint to steady his breathing, Eren’s hand seized up as it fell on his pocket where his phone, and a number was written on a piece of paper. There was no one else and he needed to hear it from someone. He needed to hear from someone who had at least the faintest idea what was going on, and who could confirm his suspicions. Eren scowled down at his clenched fists, determination flooding through him.

These people – the people in this fucking school – were keeping something from him. He’d be damned if he didn’t find out.

A husky grunt of a greeting filled his ear. _“What’d you want?”_

Eren’s gaze narrowed. “Is this Chris?”

 _“The one and only,”_ he seemed to mutter almost scornfully. _“Now, are you one of those telemarketing sons of bitches – because, let me tell you now, I can almost guarantee I can’t afford whatever a mother fucker like you is trying to sell to me –“_

“I’m Arthur Lawrence’s son. You were friends –“

_“I didn’t know the bastard had gotten himself laid, and here you’re claiming to be his son. That sly fucker...”_

“Chris, my dad – Arthur said that you’d be able to help me.”

_“If you’ve got the money I’ll be able to help with anything. I mean, I probably won’t – but if you’d be willin’ to pay, then sure. What can I do for you, kid?”_

“I need to talk to you about...” With an unshaking intake of air, he braced himself and could only hope for the best. Hope was massively overrated, he knew, but it was all he’d ever had. “...about the Titans.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Emerging from the clearing, he didn’t have time to remark at the situation before Hanji was by his side, bombarding him with information and overzealous hand gestures. Despite the animated exclamations pouring from her lips, Levi couldn’t tear his sight away from who lay ahead – or, rather, _what._

Leonhart’s unconscious body was situated a distance away, evaporating steam shrouding her. Nanaba was beside her, bracing herself against the heat that Annie had no control over stopping. Nanaba seemed to be the only person active in that moment. Everyone else’s gaze remained fixated on the depleting mass of skinless muscle at the edge of the clearing; the large arctic blue eyes practically melting out of their sockets; patches of hairless flesh marring its mutilated scalp. Subconsciously, Levi stepped closer, utterly dumbfounded by the harrowing sight.

“Would you mind explaining to me,” He reluctantly tore his glower from the bust of the Titan, fixing an infuriated scowl on Hanji. “Why I am seeing the Female Titan, before I lose my goddamn _fucking_ mind?”

Hanji’s expression sated, as if only then realising that this was most definitely not something to be excited about. She cleared her throat. “Well, you see – we don’t actually know why.”

His gaze narrowed accusingly. “You don’t know?”

“No. But I told you that she’d been acting strangely earlier, didn’t I? Incredibly skittish, and at one point Connie claimed to have seen her literally steaming – which I found remarkable bearing in mind it’s been as cold as Santa’s arsehole recently –“

“Get to the point, Hanji.”

“Right. As I was getting on to saying, the homicidal little blondie seems to have known more than she was letting on. She seemed to be fully conscious of the fact that a shift was taking place, allegedly against her control, and that’s really the only reason how we managed to get her out of the school before all Hell broke loose.”

“She didn’t trigger it in any way? You’re telling me that the blonde fucker just spontaneously transformed?”

“Well, yes. But I wouldn’t consider this a transformation, Levi. Look at the Titan – yes, it’s evaporating now, but immediately after it happened I could tell it was something else. The flesh was decayed and old; just the bust had been produced and even then, patches of muscle was missing –“

“As if it hadn’t been completely formed,” Armin said, standing beside Hanji. “Which raises the question: why didn’t she form a fully functional, responsive Titan?”

“Is she still not conscious?” Hanji queried, narrowing her bespectacled gaze as she peered past Armin’s shoulder.

“She’s coming around, but I don’t know if she’ll be in any state to answer your questions.”

“Leonhart doesn’t have a choice in that anymore.”

“Levi –“

“Shut it.” Shoving his way through the crowd forming around Annie’s semiconscious body, his hands immediately fisted the collar of her shirt and he heaved her from the ground. “You have ten seconds to start explaining.”

Dazed cold blue-grey eyes flittered about, fear seeping into her gaze. “I-I don’t –“

“Don’t feed me bullshit excuses. What the _Hell_ have you done?”

“I didn’t have control, I swear – it just happened!”

A bitter scoff fell from his lips as he loosened his hold on her shirt. She stumbled, collapsing back against the ground as he glowered down at her. He opened his mouth, an undoubtedly sincere threat on the tip of his tongue, but was interrupted by a large placating hand on his shoulder.

“Annie,” Erwin began, crouching on the ground beside her. “You told Hanji that you didn’t know anything. Is this still the case, or do you wish to confess something now before you turn everyone else against you?” He paused, matching the girl’s cold gaze with a glacial one of his own. “Again, that is.”

With great acerbity at that, Annie’s pointed glare remained confidently fixated against Erwin. “I’m not your enemy now. Don’t hold the past against me.”

“If that’s how you feel, then I suggest you start talking.”

“And then? What if you don’t like what I have to say?”

“Even if we don’t like it, it’s still better than not knowing at all,” Armin said, regarding her with a hard look that didn't betray his soft-spot for the girl. Armin wasn't a cry-baby, and he certainly wasn't weak. When he could, he'd be the younger embodiment of Erwin, and Levi didn't know whether to blame it on their blood-relation, or the stone-cold bastards they had both grown to become.

Annie rolled her eyes. “How many of us have you found?”

“What? Those of us in the legion?”

“No. Us – as in Eren and I, Titan-shifters. You haven’t found any others?”

Armin remained silent at that and, sensing the blond kid’s uncertainty, Levi spoke up. “No. There’s no one else.”

Barely a mutter beneath her breath, “Bastard didn’t even try to contact you then.” She sighed, a disgruntled and impassive sound, as if she could think of a number of things she’d much rather be doing then. “I’m not about to turn in a friend, and in respect for their decision I’m not going to reveal their identity, but Eren’s not the only shifter I’ve found. They’re older, and they warned me about this. It happened to them, it’s happened to me and,” Annie’s gaze took up a sudden despondency, hesitantly flitting up towards Armin. “It’ll happen to Eren too.”

“What? This?” Hanji questioned.

“They told me it’s like a final transition – like the body’s trying to get rid of the last of the Titan inside, as if it’s a virus and your immune system is eliminating what remains of it.”

“That explains why the Titan you produced wasn’t full-fledged, or even a functioning one, at least.”

"Before this - whilst the Titan was still in my body - the abilities existed. Abnormally quick healing had alerted me to its presence, but I had never thought more about it. I didn't - I didn't want to be reminded of it."

His gaze settled on the final remnants of the Titan, steaming and distorting the air like an apparition; as if it wasn’t really there. Briefly, Levi wondered if this was what Eren felt like – seeing inexplicable, terrifying humanoid beasts shimmering around him – and disgrace clawed up his spine, throat constricting. Beside him, Petra’s stature had immobilised, a gentle, faraway look in her eyes as she regarded Annie, but the tell-tale gaunt paleness of her skin and droplets of sweat adorning her hairline confessed to her terror. He found her hand, clammy and cold, and held it in his for a moment. She nodded, allowing a reassuring smile onto her features, but she wasn’t fooling him. He didn’t say anything on the matter, only held her hand a little tighter.

In his mind, he revaluated Annie’s confession. If this friend of hers was correct, then, as the last of the Titan’s bones collapsed and evaporated into the air – that really was the last of it. He could feel the tension seep out of Petra’s body, a belated, shuddering sigh leaving her. Across from him, his old comrades each wore a grim expression, a thick darkness taking over their eyes as they watched. Annie’s impassiveness was diligent, but even Levi could see the despair lurking beyond her cold, calculative stare, the guilt of her past crimes still haunting her, even as her Titan's remains vanished for the final time.

He wasn’t aware of who it was that broke the silence, finding himself being rendered completely out of it for a couple of minutes, which he would blame his probable concussion for if anyone thought to ask. Only as Hanji approached Annie, gingerly placing the back of her hand against the girl’s forehead to check her temperature, did Levi break out of his solemn reverie. The brunette’s bespectacled gaze became unfocused, lost in thought, over Annie’s shoulder.

“What are you thinking, Hanji?”

She didn't meet his stare. “This is beginning to explain Eren’s lack of response to coming off the medication,” she pondered aloud. “I mean, if his healing ability had only ever rejected the medication, then it’s really not surprising he didn’t face any physical withdrawal symptoms. He didn’t feel the effect of them as he took them, so he wouldn’t notice the difference without. Except the emotional side of the withdrawal – he built up a dependency, a mind-set, because he’s had to take them for most of his life. Not because of how they made him feel. A placebo drug would have spared him a lot of his turmoil –”

Levi nodded and allowed his attention to drift, considering Hanji’s hypothesis as it was the only damn conclusion she had drawn that he could be sure of.

To his side, he caught pieces of a private conversation between Jean and Connie, both appearing to be deep in thought.

“You don’t think it’s one of them, do you?”

Connie sighed. “I don’t know. It’s hard for me to believe that either Reiner of Bertholt could be alive again.”

“That’s why Annie didn’t tell us a name,” Jean bristled, grimacing at the broken twigs beneath his shoes and kicked at the rocks. “Whichever one it was, the bastard’s probably too ashamed to come back.”

Historia joined them, unshed tears glistening in her sapphire gaze. “It wasn’t either of them,” she muttered with the utmost certainty, smiling softly. “It’s Ymir.”

Connie fixed her with a perplexed stare. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know Ymir,” she stated simply, a stray traitorous tear falling down her cheek. “And I know that as long as I’m here, she won’t come back. She’ll think it’s best for me – for her to stay away.”

As Jean brought her into his arms, only in the hope of comforting her, Levi turned away. He wouldn’t watch this; he wouldn’t watch his comrades falling apart and not be able to do anything about it. Not anymore. Footsteps followed him, and he flickered his gaze over his shoulder to remark at the sight of his first squad following him. As he stalled in surprise, they each fell into step beside him, radiating the warmth and solidarity that he would never admit to craving. Eld and Gunther exchanged a firm clap on the shoulder with him; Oluo’s fingers were intertwined with Petra’s, a sweet softness in the playful glare he regarded her with, and Petra’s arm linked with Levi’s own.

Nothing more had to be done, nor did anything else need to be said.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So, now not only should we concern ourselves over the possibility of him never regaining his memories, but his final transformation that’ll more than likely wreak havoc unless restrained properly.”

“Future isn’t looking too bright. Luckily for you, you know how to resolve one of those issues –“

“You’re too blunt to be discrete, Levi. I know what you’re inferring, and I know that you’re still angry.”

“Let him remember, Erwin. What good is there in prolonging the inevitable? Come on – even your patience must be wearing a little thin by this point.”

He had snuck past the receptionist – to be honest, he didn’t really know what Nanaba’s job entailed, so he thought a receptionist would be close enough and have to suffice - and had pressed his ear against the hardwood panelled door. He’d intended on knocking, like any sane person would, but retracted the idea as soon as he heard the conversation being had on the other side. Inside Erwin’s office, the man himself sounded like he was receiving a lecture, ironically, from Levi. Eren only heard pieces of their conversation, but felt discomfort and an intense, searing anger about it nevertheless.

He should have been glad to hear his suspicions confirmed and, to an extent, he was. But to hear the raven-haired teen even utter the words – to know that Levi had befriended him, yet refrained from telling him the answers to his entire damn life's questioning – filled Eren with a sickening betrayal, and it took all he had to not storm the place right then and there. No – to do this, he had to be smart. He needed answers – the full story – and he’d only get that if he did this.

“He can, and he will. He’s strong,” Levi insisted, his voice hard.

“He’s mentally unstable,” Erwin stated coldly. Eren’s chest tightened.

“You know that’s not true.”

“I do, but he doesn’t,” he mused, but sounded distracted.

“You’re letting him spiral out of control, you –” Suddenly cut off from whatever insult was likely to leave his lips, the two men in Erwin’s office fell into silence. Eren narrowed his eyes, bewildered, and startled a little as the door abruptly opened before him. “You have a seriously special type of incompetence, Jaeger. Listening in on others’ conversations – that’s really mature of you. Truly. Kudos to you, shit-head.”

Eren straightened his back and glowered. He didn’t say anything to the older, shorter teen as he shouldered his way into Erwin’s office, greeting the man with an impatient frown.

“Eren,” Erwin motioned him to the seat in front of his desk, straightening the collar of his shirt. “Please. Take a seat.”

Noticing that the raven had yet to leave the room, Eren rejected the offer. “Sir, I’d like to talk to you, as soon as possible, really.”

“That’s fine, Eren, but students usually need to request a meeting. I could have been extremely busy.” Levi rounded the desk, taking his leisurely position against the wall behind Erwin.

Eren’s scowl hardened, and he really did try not to acknowledge Levi’s presence in the room. “Sorry, but this was urgent –”

“If it was really so urgent you wouldn’t have been cowering behind the door listening in on us, brat.” The abnormal defensive nature he had adopted since Eren’s arrival only confirmed his suspicions. It hurt – God, did it hurt – but he had to do this. Levi had lied to him – they all had. He couldn’t matter to him anymore.

In spite of the disappointment seeping through him, Eren’s frown steeled at him, and he took great satisfaction in seeing Levi’s gunmetal gaze soften in guilt. “You really don’t need to be here,” he stated, arching a brow at Erwin. “This is a private conversation, sir – can’t you send him away?”

Eren expected a sarcastic scoff, or maybe a bitter jab at how immature he was acting, from him. He didn’t expect the sudden frustration littering Levi’s tone, his eyes suddenly alight and offended. “What the Hell is your problem, Eren?”

He almost laughed. “My problem?” He questioned. “Right now, you’re my problem. Piss off.”

The thick scowl marring Levi’s features only grew heavier. “Eren,” his voice was hard, but had an off-putting edge to it. “Don’t do this – tell me what’s wrong.”

_“The sooner you realise that you’re not a bother to me; the sooner you’ll notice that I don’t plan on leaving you alone, brat.”_

_“I’m your fucking friend, idiot.”_

_“It’s good to see you again, Eren.”_

The raven’s words sounded in his mind, inflicting all the more pain in his chest.

_“Go with Mike, Eren. Don’t make this any more difficult.”_

The apathetic mask that had overtaken the raven’s expression was too natural, too familiar. Levi hadn’t even faltered in the slightest – not once could he even reassure Eren, and not a glimpse of that impassive façade had splintered to offer him a smile; not once. Levi had left him. He had ignored Eren’s plea to not go towards the blast, to stay by his side and let Eren protect him. He didn’t even cast a glance at him as he walked away.

When Eren needed him. And that wasn’t a foreign feeling. It had happened before – he knew it. But he couldn’t fucking _remember._

“I told you not to go,” he breathed, frustrated igniting a plethora of itches along his skin. “I begged you not to go, and you didn’t listen to me.”

Levi’s brows drew together, a frown tugging at his lips. “There was no reason for you to worry –“

Stop lying, Eren thought bitterly, resisting the urge to pull at his own damn hair.

He had to do this.

Eren sat back resignedly.

“Levi,” Erwin voiced. “I think you should leave.”

“What? Erwin –“

“That’s an order.” The sternness of his tone reverberated throughout the room, but Levi didn’t wilt beneath Erwin’s hard glare.

“As you fucking wish, _Commander_.” An unfaltering silvered glower matched the blond man’s in intensity. He didn’t look at Eren – Eren wasn’t sure if he was glad for that or only disappointed by it – and exited the room, signalling his departure with a deafening slam of the door.

Erwin shook his head briefly and turned on Eren, not sparing him from the scowl marring his features. “What is it, Eren?”

“I’d like a permit to leave at the weekend – just for an afternoon.”

His blue-eyed stare narrowed. “For what purpose?”

“I’m seeing a friend.”

“Can you not make-do with your friends here?”

Eren’s lips curled, bitterness decorating his exasperated tone, “With all due respect, sir, with pricks like him here, I’m not really working out with any of them.”

“What’s really the issue here, Eren? You and Levi are –“

“Nothing. We’re nothing.”

He frowned. “I thought you were close.”

“Sir, we’re about as close as a superior officer and a private,” Eren snapped, and accusatory indignation caused Erwin’s brow to furrow, taken aback. “We’re not close. We never were.”

Not in this life, nor the one before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been three weeks? Shit.  
> I am so fucking excited for the next chapter. Like, fuck. Shit is hitting the fan, and there's really no stopping it now.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter - sorry it took so long to update!   
> Until the next instalment (yes, I am chuckling like a homicidal maniac just thinking about it), 'ave a good one!


	15. The Actor

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:23:**

**What’d he have to say then?**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 16:42:**

**We are not abusing my student-teacher rapport of confidentiality to fuel your gossiping desires.**

 

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:44:**

**What the fuck does that even mean?**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 16:47:**

**It was a private conversation. It’d be out of my protocol if I told you.**

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:48:**

**You’re not actually a teacher, dipshit. Tell me, or I’ll singe your eyebrows off.**

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:48:**

**That’s not a threat – it’s a promise. Hanji will hold you down.**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 16:50:**

**We arranged for him to see someone on Saturday. There’s a family friend of his that he’s been introduced to, and he’d like to meet them. I told you that because I didn’t plan on keeping it from you. Your threats have been lacking recently, Levi.**

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:53:**

**Family friend? Erwin, the kid’s parents are pricks. Their friends probably are too. It’s the most bullshit excuse I have ever heard, and I've heard some shit ones from Baldy.**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 16:56:**

**He didn’t tell you about his father’s change of heart then? I suppose not.**

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 16:57:**

**No. He didn’t tell me anything about that.**

**New Message from Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Received at 16:59:**

**You should give him some space. If not for your sake, then do it for his; he’s beginning to remember, Levi. It’s safer this way than for him to do so with other pressures.**

Scrolling through their conversation earlier that day, he couldn’t dispel the crunching and coiling of his gut as disappointment clawed at his mind. He couldn’t sleep; could only stare, squinting at the illuminated screen as he read and reread the messages like an obsessive stalker.

Guilt had been gnawing at his chest all day, replaying the one line spouted from the brunet, hurt and despairing, with those all too expressive teal orbs of his.

_“I begged you not to go, and you didn’t listen to me.”_

It only hurt as much as it did because he was aware of the memory it had attached to it. As Mike hauled him away, away from the Female Titan’s remains, Levi’s stare had found Eren’s; the latter’s expression mirroring the one he had worn a lifetime ago, crouched over the bloodied corpse of –

He had no fucking right to be surprised by Eren’s behaviour. Eren had heard Annie’s cry, and Levi had blatantly dismissed his heightened concern, despite the noise having caused such an inevitably traumatised response. He might as well have told the kid it was imagination acting up, or that he had experienced another blackout – Hell, Eren probably would have believed him too. But he didn’t – he didn’t do anything to dispel, or at least subdue the terror consuming the brunet. He ignored him, reverting back to his cold-blooded, heartless state of mind and focused on getting him out of the open; not even considering for a fucking second how his decision would affect him.

Levi had walked away. Again.

He had made the wrong choice. And he had been aware that he was making it. He knew that the decision would hold the most regret and he made it regardless. His change of character was fucking sickening. This life had made him soft.

 

**Message to Eyebrows of Mass Destruction**

**Delivered 23:01:**

**Fine. But I have one condition.**

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren was bundled up in layers of clothing, bristling against the biting cold with a prominent scowl marring his features. He shouldn’t have found the pinkish flush adorning his cheeks as endearing as he did, but he really couldn’t help it. A week had passed, and neither of them had exchanged so much as a few words with each other, if any at all, and Levi’s frustration had been growing into a twisted sort of longing for him. Eren hadn’t made any attempt at speaking to him – but that wasn’t the irritating part; that was only to be expected, he knew – but the shit-head hadn’t been attending his classes, nor the one-to-one sessions with Hanji, and Armin had confessed that he had only seen Eren in their room a number of times. Eren had the entire fucking student body of ex-soldiers terrified, especially following Annie’s statement on the ‘final transition’, and he probably wasn’t even aware of high-strung atmosphere he had caused. On numerous occasions, Levi had spoken about hunting the brunet down and forcing him to look at the toll he was taking on his friends, and he had to be held down to stop him from actually doing so.

Erwin wanted him to give Eren some space. He wanted everyone to give Eren space. And, despite his unbending respect and loyalty to the blond man, Levi was probably about an inch away from following up on his threat to singe the man’s eyebrows off his frustratingly handsome face. And Hanji really would hold him down too – the woman had been waging an internal conflict in her mind, debating on whether she should go on a solo-woman mission and help Eren herself, or if she should bide her time and stand by Erwin’s decision. Ultimately, similar to Levi, Hanji trusted Erwin’s intuition above all else, despite the pain it caused her to do so.

Despite his assurance to keep his distance from Eren, Levi’s one condition was what resulted in them strolling along the barren street in the dainty little village near the school; Eren’s face being one of thunder and irritation, ever the tantrum-throwing brat he was.

Another huff passed his lips, and Eren’s body visibly tensed as Levi scoffed, “This tantrum has lasted longer than any other you’ve had before. Ready to grow up a little bit and stop being an immature bitch?”

Indignation flickered through his emerald orbs, and he damn near snarled, “You’re calling me immature? Levi – you’re an absolute joke, man. Can you not take a fucking hint and piss off?”

“You’re so full of shit – clean out your ears, shit-for-brains, and listen to me, would you? I am not here by choice.”

“Bullshit you’re not!”

“Boys!” Petra yelled impatiently. “Had I known you’d continue to fratch like children like this, I would have turned us back twenty minutes ago.” She trudged ahead, tucking her hair behind her ears and sniffled. “And stop cursing. It’s too fucking cold for this.”

He needed to remind himself that Eren’s attitude was justified, and his was not. But if Eren knew that he was guilty – if even a smidge of the guilt coiling in his chest was made noticeable – then he would become suspicious; he’d know that Levi had something to hide. He had to keep it as natural as possible, which was lucky for him, since Levi had always had the knack for pissing people off.

“Look, kid. Why don’t you explain to me the faults of my incompetent abilities and we’ll put them to bed, huh?”

“The fact that you don’t know just makes it even worse.”

_Trust me, brat. I know._

“So, what? Are you just going to continue to huff like a petulant snot-nosed brat whenever I’m close?”

_I wouldn’t blame you if you did._

“That’s the plan. And are you going to insist on burdening me with your unwelcome presence?”

_That’s the plan._

“Don’t give yourself so much credit. I’m not here by choice, Jaeger.”

“I don’t believe you.”

_I know._

His gut twisted, his mind flooding with images of Eren’s vibrant teal gaze reflecting the mirth he had felt during their parting at the station. Levi having been surrounded in the kid’s warmth, lean arms circling him; the press of Eren’s pierced grin against his shoulder, amused and flustered. Levi hadn’t ever felt like that before, not so content and – so young. With Eren, in that moment, he could almost feel like his age, the seventeen-year-old he was. And he didn’t have to feel so embarrassed by the flush across his cheeks, his heart pounding out of his damn chest and the smile pulling at his lips – because it was him – it was Eren. Not the Titan-shifter, fighting his limits with the fate of humanity on his shoulders. Now, they didn’t have even that. The warmth in his stare had been replaced with malice and bitterness, the torments of his sleepless nights reflected on his face now more than ever. Eren’s thick brows and lips were etched in a perpetual frown, not at all dissimilar to his own, heavy and irritated and just _so fucking tired_ –

A tight grip on his arm suddenly pulled him out of his observations on the boy. He cast a glance down to where lay a pale-knuckled, tanned hand, unflinchingly grasping his clothed wrist. Eren’s gaze bore into his, unrelenting and somehow rendering Levi feeling powerless. “Why are you here?” The finality in his tone was harsh and unforgiving. “Please – just tell me honestly. Would it really be so difficult for you to tell me the truth – just this once?”

Then, he realised, that he didn’t need to keep up this façade. He thought he was sparing the kid in some way, but he was wrong. Eren was already suspicious. He knew he was being lied to – he knew that he was the one caught up in a giant, fucked-up and complicated web, and he thought Levi was to blame. He wasn’t wrong. Not really.

“You’re my – my friend...” He said – tried to say – honestly, utterly floored by the weakness of his own voice.

Eren scoffed, tightening his hold on his arm, and took a step closer to him. “That’s great,” he deadpanned. “Now tell me the real reason.”

Levi’s brow twitched as his glower narrowed, and he also stepped closer. “That is the real reason, dipshit,” he practically sneered, steeling himself. “I care about you a lot, you fucking brat. Hell knows why I do, but that means I’m not letting you walk out of this –“

“Goddamn it, Levi – there is no ‘this’.” Scoffing, Eren stepped away and shook his head, a pained expression painted on his face. “There might have been. Shit – I would have loved for there to be _something_ but...“ Frustration crossed him once more, glare pinning Levi like a traitor as it turned on him. “Why do you have to keep lying to me, Levi?”

A steely, impassive glower was received in response. “I’m trying to help you.”

“In that case, you’re doing a shit job at it,” he said, turning away from him. “You’re not helping me, Levi. You’re fucking _killing_ me.”

Eren began to walk away.

Levi stopped him.

“Eren, listen to me,” he begged, vulnerability in his voice making itself evident as he grabbed Eren’s shoulder. “I want you to – I shouldn’t have ever let this happen. You should know the truth – but...” He paused, stilling as the blood froze in his veins. What was his reason for keeping this from him? As much as he trusted Erwin, the man couldn’t understand the shit that not remembering was putting Eren through. Levi had witnessed the kid’s struggle first-hand. It wasn’t Erwin that was stopping him. Not really, not anymore. “You’ll hate me, Eren. I don’t want you to know what I did –“

“Levi,” Eren deadpanned, shrugging off his hand from his shoulder. “I don’t think I could hate you more than I do now. Just tell me.”

Behind him, a trench-clad, lanky man leant against an unlit streetlamp, casting an ominous shadow across his haggardly patchy shaven face and making him appear to be a figment of a child’s nightmares, his thinly-shaped glower cold and prying. Rectangular spectacled had taken purchase on the bridge of his nose, most of which was buried beneath the dark coloured mismatched scarf around his neck. His hair, an inky sleek splay at the back of his head, had been tied up into a top-knot, multiple oily strands falling loose, with the underside of his head shaven, not completely different to Levi’s own. His comparison to a villain in a child’s nightmare suddenly seemed too ironic to be true. Most ironic of all, he appeared to be healthy. For all of the years he’d known the man, Levi would never be so ignorant to think of him as healthy.

His stomach coiled and his throat tightened, his hand fisting the back of Eren’s jacket as he brought them both to a standstill.

“We’re leaving.”

Eren shrugged himself out of his grip once more, scoffing. “You’re out of your mind.”

“You idle-minded – Eren, I’m serious.” Not relenting his unmoving stare from the figure ahead, he called out, “Petra. Get him out of here –“

When Eren’s hands fisted the collar of his coat, he shouldn’t have been surprised by the unrestrained, irresistible anger lurking there. “Don’t you dare do that again,” he seethed. “Who do you think you – just – fuck you, Levi. Fuck you.”

“Levi,” Petra questioned, tone thick with foreboding. “What is it?”

“The man.” He jerked his chin in his direction, clasping his gloved hands around Eren’s own and holding them tightly, fruitlessly ignoring the kid’s thrashing and protesting. “Chris – or whatever bullshit he gave Eren. That’s not him. I know him – he was from before, Petra. In the other li-“ Receiving a knee to the gut, Levi let out a frustrated grunt of surprise, snapping an unimpressed glower up at the tormenting teal eyes. “Behave, Jaeger.”

“You’re not making sense,” she mediated, her eyes wide. “Who _is_ he?”

“It’s –“

A rough hand fell on his shoulder, ripping him a fair distance from Eren, whose murderous glare stalked his every movement, breathing heavily.

And then he spoke. The familiar, gruff husk from the man himself.

“Is there a problem here, gents?”

 

 

* * *

 

  

“Is there a problem here, gents?” His lips had curled into a somewhat amused smirk, although his thin, dark scrutiny held the slightest concern – likely for the fact that Eren was mere seconds away from killing the raven-haired liar.

“No,” Eren spat. “There’s no problem.”

A sheepish bout of laughter left him, a cloud of condensation in its wake. “Wait – you’re him,” he pointed out, mirth lingering in his tone. “You must be Oscar, right? Lawrence’s kid.”

He choked on his words, embarrassment colouring his cheeks. “Y-Yeah. You’re Chris?” Damn it – the man himself, the man Eren had been waiting to meet, just had to be the one who’d happen upon him, a scruffy punk, about to tear a short-arse to pieces. Way to make a great impression. Damn it – no, damn him. Damn Levi, the lying bastard.

“The one and only, kid,” he chuckled, his voice rough. “It’s good to finally meet you, Oscar. Your dad spoke highly of you.”

“I’m not sure I can believe that.”

“No – really, he did.” Chris’ stare creased, crow-feet forming at the corner of his eyes, as he grinned. “I understand if you don’t believe me but – I’m being honest here, kid – your dad’s a bucket of laughs without his wife around.” His free hand rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Spoke to Arthur the other day, you know. Said he’s proud of you. And that he’s sorry – and that he feels like a right pillock after...everything.”

An unsure chuckle left him, a half-hearted smile placing itself on his lips. “That’s, uh, good to hear, I guess.”

Chris grinned, nodding agreeably before his eyes widened. He turned to Petra, holding out a hand with a charming smile on his face. “Oh – hey, sorry. I’m Chris, a friend of Oscar’s father.”

The strawberry-blonde haired woman startled, a conflicted expression on her face as though she expected something terrible to happen as she took his outstretched hand. “Petra Ral,” she introduced, a relieved smile adorning her lips. “I’m Oscar’s supervisor – and English teacher, if you want to get into the specifics. It’s a complicated business.”

“I imagine so,” he laughed wholeheartedly. “Truthfully, I’d been concerned when Arthur told me that Oscar had been sent away, but if you’re any reflection of the staff at the Academy, then I’m not too worried about him staying there.” To this, Petra’s cheeks blossomed, a flattered gleam in her light eyes. “Sorry, and you are?”

Eren had to take a moment to regain himself before realising that Chris had approached Levi, a hand stretched out before him, and an expectant expression on his face. Both ravens held their posture completely indifferent to one another; whereas Chris was relaxed and at total ease, Levi was uptight and tense, regarding Chris with a hard, calculative and cold stare.

“Abel,” he said at last.

Frowning, Eren spoke up. “It’s Levi. He’s lying.”

Levi’s head snapped up, wide-eyed and alarmed, casting an expectant look in Chris’ direction.

Chris blew a raspberry, tossing his hands in the air. “Well, whether it’s Abel or Levi, it’s great to make your acquaintance.” A few moments of silence passed, tension thickening between them all, before he spoke up once more. “So, Oscar, do you want to get going? Thought I saw a nice café over there, if you’re interested.”

A disquieting expression took over the shorter raven, masking Levi’s face in a newfound severity. “Oscar.” The name on his lips was absurd and completely wrong – they both knew it was, and it evidently brought them both discomfort to hear it. “Can I speak with you?”

Eren swallowed back a curse. “What more could you have to say?”

“I’m...” Levi met Chris’ gaze; sharp, gunmetal grey stares clashing together. “I’m sorry.”

He bowed his head and turned his back on them. He started away. “Keep an eye on him, Petra.” He paused momentarily, casting an expressionless at the concerned confusion written across her features. “And check your phone.”

“Where are you going?”  

Eren felt compelled to ask, but really wasn’t surprised when he received the cold shoulder in return, Levi turning away from the group.

He didn’t look back – not once.

“Well,” Chris grumbled, a bark of gruff laughter leaving him. “Now that the runt’s gone, how ‘bout we get to business, Jaeger?”

Eren hadn’t mentioned his real name at any point. As fear clawed at his spine, he turned to cast a glance over his shoulder at Levi’s retreating figure, only to see the raven had no intention of coming back.

 

* * *

 

  

_“How long have you known?”_

_“What do you remember?”_

_“Do you know who I am?”_

Eren didn’t know at which point he had fallen into this predicament; Petra’s defensive figure in front of him, protective, as Chris paced restlessly about the place, now abandoned, after a subtle but bone-chilling glower sent in the owner’s direction. The stout man had relented, against his better judgement and his wife’s shaky advice, and had since landed him on the floor, a smashed plate decorating his hair and the empty space surrounding him, unconscious. His poor wife hadn’t moved from his side, quivering in fear, and Eren stood nearby, supplying the onyx-haired man with a level, anticipant and guarded stare.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Eren hissed, refusing to wilt beneath the man’s freakishly vacant glower.

“Don’t,” Petra warned him, pressing her arm firmly against his chest.

Chris’ gaze snapped over to him, and the beady silvery orbs bore into him, a wicked smirk playing on his lips. “You’re right. I didn’t – but c’mon, it was sorta fun to watch, right?” He chuckled heartily, and took an obscene amount of enjoyment in tempting Petra’s patience. “C’mon, ginger-nut. I’m not gonna hurt the brat –“

“No, you won’t – I won’t let you close enough to touch him.”

“Petra...” Eren muttered mutely, concerned. He didn’t want to underestimate her – but this was Petra, barely pushing five foot two, against a bloke indefinitely larger than six foot. The odds wouldn’t be in her favour, even if she did have the most lethal glimmer in her glare.

“You must’ve been close, then,” Chris mused thoughtfully, placing a contemplative forefinger against his chin in speculation. “Two short-arses, thinkin’ they can take on the big guns, I see. Enlighten me, lady – how’d you know the infamous runt of a thug?”

An unrestrained glint of temperament was suddenly alight. “Don’t you dare speak about him like that –“

“Well that settles it.” Chris surged forward, and rather than startling at the sudden movement, Petra’s position in front of Eren stood its ground, her chin raised gallantly. “You were fuckin’ him, weren’t you? The thug and the ginger-nut – oh, hey, it does have a nice ring to it –“

“Stop this,” she demanded. “Who are you?”

“Alright – I might’ve cleaned up for the occasion, but you can’t recognise me?” Chris paused, amusement settled beneath his timeless stare. “Oh, that’s hilarious,” he deadpanned. “Tell me – had we ever met? No... I would have remembered such a pretty little face.”

When Chris’ finger ran along Petra’s chin, Eren couldn’t stand idly. He dragged Petra’s figure back, placing himself in front of her, before she could even protest. “Don’t touch her, you bastard.”

“Eren!”

Chris’ eyes glinted. “Eren. Eren. How familiar. Eren – Eren Jaeger, the esteemed Titan-shifter. Hey, how’s your buddy Krista? Or does she go by Historia now?”

Eren returned the glower doggedly, jaw clenching. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“’Course you don’t remember. Not much fun, are you?” He grinned, peering over at Petra. “You, on the other hand – you have a story to tell, don’t you missy? C’mon – tell us how it happened!”

Petra’s glare narrowed. “Tell you how what happened?”

Chris’ lips thinned. “How did you die? Were you just another runt in the Underground? Is that where you met Levi, or...” Leaning forward, his dark brows threaded together, sympathy lingering beneath his tone. “You got turned into Titan shit, didn’t you?”

Behind him, he could feel her body freeze up. Eren could feel his own lips curve into a snarling frown.

“Dammit,” Chris scoffed. “Got to everyone, didn’t they? Even the precious Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest, I’ll bet –“

Abruptly, before he had time to register his own actions, Eren’s hands were fisting Chris’ jacket, shoving the grown man against the countertop. As plates and dishes and saucers and cups shattered against the tiled floor, Eren growled out, “What do you know?”

“You shoulda gone with your friend, Eren,” Chris laughed, unfazed by the hands pressing against his neck. “He knows me – I taught him everything I know. He _lived_ because of me –“

Eren’s scowl thickened, glare straining as tears threatened to build. “Who _are_ you?”

Chris’ hands suddenly came up, snatched Eren’s out of his coat and held them tightly.

_“Kenny Ackerman –“_

For a moment everything was silent.

And then the ground began to shake beneath him, and Eren’s vision wavered. Petra’s yells seemed like background noise now.

And as the itches across his skin ignited up once more, agony coursing throughout, alight like flares, Eren screamed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Bristling himself against the wave of warmth emitted from the café’s dainty fireplace upon entering, he scowled at the sight that beheld him for the second time that day. The man’s grubby boots had taken refuge on the chair opposite him, trailing smudges of dirt across the dark wood, mannerisms be damned. His chapped lips peeled as a wicked grin stretched across them, his dark eyes darting up to meet with Levi’s.

“Still haven’t changed much, ‘ave you?” A boisterous chuckle fell from his lips, white teeth gleaming. “Expected you to ‘ave at least a couple more inches on you. Less of that malnourishment shite, aye? But you’re still the runt of the litter, seems to me.”

“I should’ve killed you the moment I saw you. I knew it was you, dammit - fuck your ability to act.” He glowered. “Where are they?”

“And whom might you be referring to, dear nephew?”

“Petra and Eren,” he demanded, training his glare on Kenny as he strolled through the aisle of table tops, sliding a butter knife beneath his sleeve. He’d severed a man’s finger with a blunter blade once before. Any weapon would suffice. “Spare this bullshit, Kenny. Where are they?”

“You know, I’m still unsure ‘bout one thing.” Kenny’s fingers curved around a plate’s rim, dancing skittishly – tauntingly. “This memory business. One touch, and he remembered. Ain’t that clever? You gotta give it to the masterful lord, brat – that shit’s ingenious!”

Levi wouldn’t allow himself to act in haste at the news, despite the now overwhelming desire to drive the knife he wielded into Kenny’s jugular. He couldn’t think about Eren’s memories, but it seemed likely that their inevitable return would be much sooner than he had anticipated.

“I’ll ask again, then,” he spoke. “Where are they?”

“Brat ran off. Little bitch was crying his eyes out – just a bit dramatic, if you ask me –“

“Had your memories of torture just resurfaced in the most painful way imaginable, I wager that you’d be the same.” A grimly humoured grimace pulled at his lips. “Luckily for you though, I’ll gladly re-enact such torture, if that’s what you’re after.”

Kenny sneered, dragging his feet down from the table. “Glad to know you’re looking for a brawl, runt. Just like old times, eh?”

The almost discrete, miniscule movement of his hand taking a hold on the plate nearby was anticipated, but not thoroughly thought out. Kenny’s hasty attempt at blindsiding him with a china set was lousy, and Levi swerved the hit and, in turn, grabbed the hilt of a knife from another table top and threw it at such a speed, its bluntness forgotten, it hit him. Wailing a cackling cry, Kenny disregarded the slit adorning the skin beneath his eye and kicked the table in front of him, the strength supporting the kick carrying the table into Levi, who then narrowly avoided getting pummelled by a collection of condiments.

As luck seemed to be against him, he didn’t take note of the situation until a chair greeted him head-on, smacking into him at a force that sent him to the ground. Kenny’s grin appeared above him, daring and amused, as he planted a rough kick against Levi’s chest.

“Can’t say that I’m impressed, brat. You’ve forgotten the tricks of the trade.” Kenny shook his head, a disappointed sigh drawled out from his lips. “And here I thought I’d been a shit guardian to you.”

Levi shook his head, breathless. “The worst thing you did was leave. That’s all on you, Kenny.”

A brief, very brief, flicker of despondency ignited in his tired grey eyes for a moment. “I taught you everything I know. I knew you’d be fine –“

Kenny’s eyes nearly bugged out of his sockets as the blade that had been hidden beneath Levi’s sleeve was suddenly pressed against his throat, applying an amount of pressure that managed to draw blood. Only a thin line of a cut; unlikely to scar over, if Kenny were lucky.

“You taught me everything I know,” Levi agreed, adding to the pressure on Kenny’s throat with a gloved thumb. Knocking his feet out from beneath him, Kenny fell like deadweight to the floor, and Levi towered above him. “But, had you stayed, you could have learnt a thing or two from me.” His voice was steady, he knew, but he could feel a rasp beginning to form as an iron fist took a hold of the deceitfully timeless organ in his chest and clenched around it.

He didn’t need to touch Kenny’s skin to be reminded of the Hell they had lived through. The illness and the disease, and rancid stench of blood and sex and vomit lingering on the streets of the underbelly, corpses littering the ground. All of it was like second nature to him, even now, and to see Kenny again only reimbursed the life before Erwin had recruited him – before the Survey Corps, and before the Titans.

It wasn't life.

It had been a living Hell.

 

 

* * *

 

  

 

Kenny had let him leave. The man’s enjoyment in initiating the discourse had only lasted for so long before he grew tired of it. Levi didn’t give him any word of warning. Even if he did deem it necessary, Kenny wouldn’t take heed. Despite the small part of him that still claimed optimism, Levi didn’t think it would be the last time he would lay his eyes upon Kenny Ackerman.

Arriving back at the school, he took a brief moment to revel in the comfort of his bed’s confinements against his uptight and tender body, thoroughly screwed over in his journey returning. He supposed being shoved up against multiple coffee tables hadn’t exactly helped his predicament either, but he was much too exhausted to turn over the day’s events any more than he had done so already.

He allowed himself a moment’s rest in placing his face in his hands, elbows on knees, and released a shuddering exhale that, to his own ears, confessed to the weight on his chest as if the coiling of his gut didn’t do so already. Levi could only hope that Petra had managed to find Eren in time – he trusted her, but he didn’t like the odds. Eren could be anywhere, absolutely anywhere and, most of all, had just experienced his own titbit of Hell in regaining the memories of Kenny and the torture inflicted upon him. The unanswered questions, the familiar faces – the unimaginable recollections of his entire fucking life – would only worsen now.

Levi cursed aloud, rising to his feet. He shouldn’t be here, dammit – he should be out there, knee-deep in horseshit if it would lead him to Eren. Erwin’s reasoning and cautiousness be damned, Eren needed to know. He couldn’t know one portion of his life and nothing more – especially when that one portion included the goddamn torture Kenny had put him through. Eren needed to know. He wouldn’t hold back now, not for anything. Not even for the secrets he’d prefer to be kept locked away, hidden from the brat, for the rest of eternity.

Eren needed to –

Interrupted by the soft buzzing in his pocket, he reached for his phone, quickly reminded of his concern for Eren’s whereabouts. Had they found him? Was he all right? Where was he?

“Hanji –“

_“Levi! Are you back at the school?”_

“Yes. What’s the problem? Where is –“

_“Levi – it’s Eren. He knows.”_

“What –“

_“He’s in the school – we don’t know where he is, exactly, but Mike and Nanaba are looking to detain him –“_

“Hanji, stop –“

_“He knows everything. If you want to protect him from the truth, and about his sister, then you need to leave. Armin thinks – shit – Armin says Eren’s looking for you. We need to stop him as soon as – shit, he’s remembered too much! It’s not –“_

The moment his door flew open, he hung up.

Shit – why didn’t he lock the door? He always locked the fucking –

Despairing droplets clung to his eyelashes, simmering by the waterline, with intermittent and shallow heaves of breath wracking his frame, Eren entered the room. Despite this, his expression bore no weakness, only sheer, unrelenting animosity. He shook with every breath, fatigue evidently having taken a toll on his body already – which left him wondering just how many people Eren had –

“Armin, Historia, Connie, Jean,” Eren’s voice tremored, hysteria attached to every damn syllable. “Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Oluo, Petra.” He finally broke as he said her name, tears beginning to fall. “Everyone – you all knew, didn’t you?”

Levi’s tone was hesitant. What he could he say? “Eren –“

“No,” he snapped spitefully, betrayal aligning his rage. “You lied to me – you all lied.”

“We had to.” Taking an experimental step forward, shivers marred his skin, anticipant and anxious. “Eren – we knew you’d react like this. We had to be careful –“

“You could have –“ Eren’s hands fisted his hair, exasperation seeping into his tone. “Fucking Christ – why didn’t you -?”

“I wanted to. I really did –“

“Levi –“ His voice wavered, desperation lurking beneath his anger. “You’re – I don’t know who you are. All I know are glimpses of you – you, with Hanji and Erwin, and Petra and Eld and –“

“You know who I am.”

“I don’t – but I need to know. Captain,” Eren begged, hand grasping at his shirt. Pleading. “Levi, please –“

Eren’s hand was mere inches away from his own – stark alabaster and a contrasting tawny bronze, both shaking in a taunting mixture of fearful apprehension and overdue solace.

Levi took his hand away.

Teal, pleading and watering eyes consumed him, devouring him whole. _“Please.”_

He couldn’t breathe. The weight on his chest had expanded, and he couldn’t breathe. Eren’s tormented gaze only provided more weight than he could take. He could see the boy’s mind reeling in the depths of his vibrant orbs, the reawakened memories of his friends’ perishing and rotting and some living. He could see the unanswered questions lingering, his desperation for answers overbearing him – destroying him. The hatred he beheld for him in that moment was evident and suffocating – and Levi couldn’t fucking breathe -

“Not like this...” He muttered, despising the twinge of sharp pain behind his eyes. He placed his hands on Eren’s shoulders, fingers curling into the thin fabric of his shirt and relishing in the warmth seeping through, static igniting shivers across his entire body. Taking a step forward, he leaned upwards, angling his head towards Eren’s and mere millimetres away from gracing their lips together.

Levi had never claimed to be a selfless man, and that alone had never been more true than now. If Eren was going to hate him - which he will; that much was inevitable - then he would allow himself this much. Before it all had to end.

“Like this.”

Suddenly engulfed by the unforgettable scent of his skin; the softness of his lips; the metallic taste of his piercing; the tension dissipating from his body; consumed by him completely, he wouldn’t – no, couldn’t – doubt this for a second. Him – only him. An unrestrained, irrevocable groan came elicited from his throat, stomach coiling in indefinite contentment as Eren reciprocated the addictive sound, teeth grazing his own in a flawed, uncontrollable attempt in ravaging him senseless. And for a moment he could have almost forgotten the familiar tingling at every fibre of his being – the entire expanse of his body aligned with the tell-tale itches, remnants searing along his unscarred skin. He could have forgotten about it completely – until he couldn’t even think about much else than the hands fisted insistently in his hair, the tongue coaxing at his own, at all. And once more, Levi was pulled beneath the deathly draping, the chaos and the carnage and the terror of the other life taking over.

Bringing Eren, entangled in his unyielding grip, with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.  
> The fact that it has taken me 70,000 words to get to this point is honestly shocking.  
> I tried so hard to give this chapter the justice it deserves but tried to maintain this fic's regular (ish?) update pattern. I just hope you all liked it - especially after I had hyped it up so much!  
> Also, briefly, can I just say how amazing the most recent manga chapter was? Of course, as such was to be expected since Isayama does not ever disappoint - but SHIT MAN!  
> Alas, thank you for the support! It's still overwhelming to me!


	16. The Memories

The fields ahead of them glistened, the emerald mounds of land glimmering golden as the midday sun bestowed its unyielding bouts of insufferable light upon them all. Aligning them was a circumference of forest and shrubbery, dense and tall woods that covered hectares of ground, its expanse consistently thick and most of which remained uncharted.

He compelled himself to concentrate, to maintain his focus on the vast and beautiful lands ahead of him, but as such was increasingly difficult to do so with a vicious fever clawing at his skin, tearing at his muscle not in a dissimilar fashion to the blade at his limbs. Then all too soon was he ripped out of the nape, plastered in his own sweat and boiling temperature, and he heard the disgruntled curse from the man to his side, standing above him with an expression of the utmost displeasure.

Eren internally disgraced himself. Another day, another disappointed stare, he thought despondently, thoroughly drained by the unsuccessful experiment. Even Hanji, the most eccentric and downright manic when it came down to these trials, seemed to be losing hope – if the fatigued mask on her expression was much to go on.

“Don’t feel so hard done-by, Eren,” she sighed, crouching beside him to place a placating hand on his knee. “We’ll keep trying.”

“I-I can try again,” he agreed, attempting to plant himself upright in spite of the disorientating vertigo throbbing about him that made it difficult to see straight. “Just – give me a minute please, Hanji. I’ll – I can try again –“ When the ground disappeared beneath his boots, his face hitting the grassland with a dissatisfying thump that seemed to resonate in his head like an echo, he heard a sharp scoff from above him.

“You ought to wait until your limbs grow back,” came the man’s chastising retort, clicking his tongue before tacking on a quiet murmur, “Lizard freak,” for good measure.

Eren nodded, albeit solemnly. “Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

Levi’s gunmetal glare shone, caught by the beams of sunlight cast upon them, as he regarded him with a tight-lipped frown. Eren had been apologising a lot as of late, and each time he did; little response he would receive from his Captain. It didn’t satisfy him though – not at all. He didn’t think he ever would be. For the rest of eternity, Eren would be in the hopes of consoling him, as fruitless as it seemed, in spite of the indifferent grunts of acknowledgement he would only ever glean. Not another soul among them seemed to consider the Captain’s wellbeing. At least not like Eren did. Granted, had they been in his position: stumbling upon his Captain pressed against the stone late one night; shoulders trembling as concealed sobs silently wracked through him, fists clenched and nails drawing blood, then they might regard him in a way similar to the one that Eren did. The night that Eren had seen him in such a state, a memory that would surely be engrained into his mind for the rest of eternity, had once been a time that he, Eren, and the others in Squad Levi would spend together. Whether that time be spent listening to Oluo and Petra’s petulant bickering or hearing of Eren’s ventures as a child in his hometown of Shiganshina, it didn’t matter. To be in each other’s company was all they minded, and that was a value that even Captain Levi must have possessed dearly.

When they died, no one had been unaffected. Not a damn person in the Corps hadn’t mourned the loss. Not even him, despite his attempts to feign indifference – to pretend that losing them hadn’t torn him apart; like he hadn’t lost them at all.

Eren couldn’t stomach it.

 

Later that afternoon, having recuperated the use of his arms and legs, he tried again, and then he tried again. And then he lost control completely.

For the umpteenth time that day, he was torn out of the muscled confinements, dehydrated and overworked and exhausted, and yet after one glance at his Captain’s expression, barely concealed disappointment and impatience betraying his usual state of impassiveness, Eren shrugged away the prying hands and concerned remarks.

“One more time,” he begged. “Let me try once more – please!”

Hanji shook her head, lids heavy, as she ran a wayward hand across her face, dislodging her glasses from the position on the bridge of her nose. “Eren,” she sighed. “You have done more than enough today. Considering your last performance, it wouldn’t be safe –“

“But –“

The protest faltered on his tongue as the strong metallic scent of blood flooded his senses as his head swayed, throbbing with malicious intent, and his entire body suddenly seemed much too heavy. He dropped to his knees, eyelids fluttering sleepily as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

“That settles it then,” Levi remarked, positioning himself on one knee to Eren’s side, frowning. He delicately untied the pristine cravat situated against the collar of his shirt with nimble, practiced  fingers and Eren barely had the time to appraise the muscled alabaster flesh of his Captain’s exposed neck and clavicle before the fabric was pressed to his nose, disposing of the droplets of blood that had appeared. “You’re done for the day.”

Eren tried to shake his head, but doing so proved to be rather difficult with Levi’s hand locked firmly in his hair to hold him in place. “Sir, I –“

“Don’t complain, you brat,” he spoke, tightening his hold on him. “You’ll be of no use to us if you manage to kill yourself before the enemy has the chance to.”

“We’ll need to monitor the bleeding,” Hanji agreed, hovering by Moblit’s side as he offered out a small notebook to document the day’s findings – or lack thereof. “This isn’t the first time that this has happened. At this point, I think it can only be assumed that it is due to Eren overworking himself.”

“Once again, your abilities of deduction are striking, Hanji –“

“Oh – thank you, Levi –“

“Which is why I find it so difficult to understand how you could be so careless with him,” he finished drily, his crass tone of voice making itself very evident. “The boy has his limits. Don’t push him.”

“Sir,” Eren mustered, a little taken aback. “I-I don’t mind –“

“You don’t mind that you’re weakening your own health for these godforsaken experiments?”

“If I’m helping –“

“You’re not helping anyone by destroying yourself, Eren.” He disregarded his futile protests, choosing to rather take his attention off Eren completely, leaving him a fuming ball of energy and questions. “Hanji, have him well-supported on route back to the base. I won’t have him lagging behind or falling off his horse.”

“He’ll ride with me, sir,” a female’s voice called out.

“Very well, Ackerman.” Levi nodded, saddling up his horse in preparation to leave. “We’re heading out. Stay on guard.”

 

Much later that night, Eren had been late in retreating to the bathhouse following his belated supper, having been ordered – by Captain Levi, no less – to spend the remainder of the evening resting up on the day’s events in preparation for the next. Eren deemed it unnecessary, to be quite honest with himself, but hadn’t refused taking the liberty of sleep that had been graciously offered to him – an offer that he was not often given, and he’d be a fool to refuse it. What might’ve been a quick nap turned into a couple of hours of a deep and pleasant slumber, and by the time he reached the mess hall, it was mostly cleared out of soldiers. Armin had waited for him, as had Christa; the two wanting to make sure he ate something before tomorrow, knowing he would need all the energy he could muster.

The halls were steamed, glistening in a watery residue as condensation littered the stone and the firelight flickered like flaming currents in its reflection. He didn’t think there would be anyone else in the bathhouse at this time, but he didn’t mind the lack of privacy. He’d grown uncomfortably accustomed to the nakedness of his comrades, and had learnt never to look in one direction for much longer than a few seconds. Armin had found that out the difficult way – and Jean only pretended not to be amused by the flustered dusting of rosiness adorning the blonde’s cheeks.

He kept to himself, ushering himself towards the opposite end of the washroom to avoid confrontation. Following the events of the 57th expedition conducted by the Corps, Eren was not the most favourable name to adopt the role of humanity’s hope – a title he had not chosen to bear, by any means, but had learnt to accept to boost civilisation’s morale. He didn’t dare introduce himself to anyone and tried – tried being the key word here – to ignore the levelled glares thrown his way at the mess hall or during training, but people really didn’t disguise their hatred towards him. He didn’t blame them. Not really. He couldn’t say he deserved any better. Not after losing Petra and –

Eren relished beneath the pitying spray of the showerhead, not disliking the lukewarm luxury of the water that coated his skin, and he attempted to erase all thoughts from his mind.

He was unsuccessful.

It wasn’t just his squad. Others – so many nameless, some now even faceless, soldiers had lost their lives. Potentially hundreds of them, and for what cause? He had been unsuccessful and of absolutely no use to any of them. He should have saved them. He would have.

_“I don’t know the answer. I never have. There was no telling how things would turn out.”_

_“So, just do the best you can, and choose whichever you’ll regret the least.”_

Bitter, despairing droplets clung to his lashes, burning as they made their tracks down his cheeks and a choked sob clawed its way out of his throat, “I made the wrong choice.” His fists curled against the wall, eyes wrenching shut. “I-I couldn’t save them.”

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there, clinging to the wall as his shoulders shook with every tear that fell, but before long his skin was met with a towel’s itchy, faux cotton fabric. Through his bewildered, blurred vision, Eren could barely see the figure shake his head, ebony hair sopping wet and plastered against his forehead, as a grumble resonated above the relentless shower’s spray, “You’ll catch your death if you’re under there for much longer, Eren.”

Shutting the water off, Levi dried his hands on his own towel, wrapped securely about his hips, and stepped back to regard Eren, whom now shivered and his skin bristled as the cold air tickled his bare arms and chest, with an untouchable look in his gunmetal gaze.

Eren spluttered to clear his throat. “I-I’m sorry, Captain,” he tried, but with a now congested nose he found it hard to speak. “I thought I was alone, sir.”

“As I did too – until I heard your little meltdown over here.” His nose wrinkled. “You look terrible. Disgusting snot-nosed brat.”

“S-Sorry –“

“Do I need to pry into why you’re in such a state, or can I trust you to finish up in here and head back down to basement?”

“I-I’m done – I’ll go back soon,” Eren insisted, nodding dutifully as, equipped with his towel and clothes bunched in his hands, he made a move to exit sharply. “Didn’t mean to disturb you, Captain.”

He heard a harsh sigh before, “Eren. Wait.”

Eren stopped – nearly skidded across the wet floor in his haste to leave. “Sir?”

“Do I need to speak to someone?” He asked, brows threading. Receiving only a quizzical response from him, Levi continued. “Has someone mistreated you here? Is that why you’re in a state?”

Taken aback by the mere abruptness of the question, Eren couldn’t help but clench his jaw as he regained himself. “Are you kidding me?” He spoke out of turn, realising he had done so when Levi’s glare snapped towards him.

“Pardon?” He pried, eerily toneless.

“S-Sorry, sir. But – you were inclined to ask that rather than just assume – Sir, with all due respect, but you might be able to feign indifference towards what happened that day, but I –“

“I supposed it would be that,” he allowed a short-lived, dry chuckle to pass his lips, shaking his head.

“What?” He spat. “Then why did you -?”

“I wanted to know if you’d choose to bring it up, or if you’d lie through your teeth and scarper,” he admitted, shrugging. “If that’s something you’d like to discuss, I can offer only Hanji’s guidance, but I’d be more inclined to tell you to be with your friends –“

“Why are you pretending that you didn’t lose them too, sir?”

The movement, although miniscule, of his body tensing told Eren he had struck a chord and that he should better stop talking completely. He didn’t though – he never did. Behind his eyes came the familiar burn, tears beginning to gather at the waterline as he frowned, dark brows threading.

“Why aren’t you blaming me?” Eren muttered, a shallow whisper beneath his breath, as pain wrenched his chest. “I could have saved them – and I didn’t.”

“Do you want me to blame you?” The Captain questioned suddenly, busying himself with taking a perch on one of the few benches nearby, towel-drying his sopping wet ebony hair. For such a topic he disregarded Eren’s presence completely, didn’t even spare him a single glance and wouldn’t allow a glimpse of emotion into his tone. He didn’t even look at him – and Eren hated that. “Be truthful, Eren. Are you really to blame for this?”

“H-How can I not be?” He demanded rhetorically, uncaring of his raised voice and the tone he used before his superior. Speaking out like this could be classed as insubordination, but he didn’t care – he _couldn’t_ care. “You told me to choose – You told me to make the decision I’d regret the least and,” his voice wavered, pitching slightly as few droplets fell through the floodgates. “I chose wrong – this is my fault!”

The older man stood. “You’re right,” he nodded, catching a glimpse of the turmoil lurking in Eren’s despondent and watery gaze. “It is your fault.”

“I know,” he mumbled.

“And it’s my fault,” Levi continued, surprising him after a brief moment’s silence. “And it’s Petra’s fault – and Oluo’s and Gunther’s and Eld’s and Erwin’s and – and need I continue?”

Eren’s head snapped up, utterly confused. “S-Sir?”

“Because I’m not acting out; I’m not throwing tantrums and I’m not accusing people of the part they played in their deaths – and I won’t start,” he added, falling into place opposite Eren, his glower heavy-lidded, clouded and empty. “Just because I’m not doing any of that – you think I’m pretending that I didn’t lose them. Is that correct?”

“But –“

“Tell me, Eren. Is that it?”

“Well, yes!”

“We had been given orders, Eren,” he snapped, his tone growing impatient. “They followed them. They protected you with their lives. And you – are you doing them the dishonour of being ungrateful for giving their lives to protect you?”

“No – I wouldn’t –“

“You’re not to blame for this,” he spoke in earnest and, perhaps it was the intensity of the man’s stare that made it so, but Eren found it difficult to break his gaze in spite of the tears flooding his cheeks. “The sooner you realise that; the sooner you can stop wallowing and trying to exhaust yourself into your damn deathbed. They gave their lives for you, brat – don’t let their deaths be meaningless.” He finished, and made a move to exit the bathhouse. Evident discomfort had his pale, alabaster skinned shoulders uptight and tense, and Eren supposed he hadn’t done much to ease that and didn’t think he ever would.

Eren wondered how he could be so easily disillusioned. His Captain held up a front before him, some sort of wall to block out all of his own emotions from being made visible to those around him. Who saw him, completely unguarded and so exposed? Could anyone? Eren wasn’t sure, but – seeing him, beneath the clothes of a military persona – an icon, and a symbol of hope and the strength of humanity – with the treacherous scars embedded into his skin, nostalgic to the remnants of the past and the struggles that he, a _human_ man, faced – Eren didn’t think many had seen the great Captain Levi so exposed, so vulnerable.

“How do you do it?” Eren asked, moments before the man exited the room. “How do you feign this strength – this strength that no human could possibly possess?”

Levi stilled but didn’t face him.

“More times than I can count,” he muttered, hand clenching against the doorframe. “I have had act inhumanly to survive.”

“Why?” Eren demanded, not really expecting a response.

But he got one.

“Because I believe, in this godforsaken world, no one is truly human, Eren. Not a damn soul.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Eren’s breathing exited his lips in harsh, rugged and uneven pants, drowned in the colossal noise erupting all around them of the cavernous ceiling caving in. His skin was inflamed, body alight with shards of affliction piercing his body, and a loud, unprovoked and unrestrained yell of frustration escaped him.

They were going to die in here. “I’m sorry everyone...”

A choked cry wrenched its way out of his throat as he sank back, collapsing against the stalagmites in a pathetic slump. “I was never humanity’s great hope...” He sobbed, clenching his eyes shut. “I was useless... I’ve always been useless from the very beginning.”

A hand clasped his shoulder, hard enough to invoke his eyes in flying open. Beside him, he expected to be greeted by the cold, typically emotionless stare that never failed to jar his heartbeat and send shrills of bitter ice through his veins, but certainly not the silvered, almost a dulled blue gaze that held the most despair Eren had seen. Thin brows drawn together, a prominent crease between them, and a thick frown etched across his lips, Levi’s hand tightened its grasp.

“I’m sorry for always doing this to you, but...” Flooding his tone was guilt – so much guilt and despair and pain in forcing Eren to act alone on this once more, depending on no one but himself again. “Eren. You have to make a choice.”

_“The only thing we are allowed to do is believe we won’t regret the choice we made.”_

Eren stood, shaking on his feet.

_I’m sorry..._

He felt Levi’s presence beside him drift away as he stumbled forward and began to break into a run.

_I want you to let me do it... Just once._

A horrible scream tore out of his throat as the familiar metallic taste flooded his mouth.

_Let me believe in myself._

An arm tensed over the back of his chair, her eyes gleaming brightly in mirth as they regarded their friends; most of whom were fratching over the dealer’s choice of hand, the horse-faced bastard grinning smugly at his. Eren shook his head, a light chuckle escaping him, grateful that this hadn’t been taken away from them, too premature. He was glad to have them all here, safe for the time being. Historia’s crystal gaze met his, amusement dancing beneath her bright irises, as she nodded in warm acknowledgement, an action that Eren willingly returned, a passive message of confidentiality between them.

_We’re safe._

_We all are._

At the obnoxious clearing of a throat Eren felt Jean lightly kick his shin beneath the table. His gaze flickered up questioning, having been previously fixed on the indented wood of the table, lost in deep thought, and saw that Jean had a pointed look to something behind him, as had everyone else.

“Eren,” the voice announced clearly. “I see that you are settling back all right – as are you, Historia?”

Not something – _someone_.

Historia nodded, underlying humour still lingering. “Yes, sir.”

“That’s ‘Your Majesty’ to you, Captain,” Connie bantered, snickering aloud and exchanged his amusement with Jean, who scoffed at the remark and glanced at the now blushing Historia.

Levi nodded, a disconcerted sombre sort of smile resting gently across his lips, before his focus sought for him, coming to reside on Eren in a questionable manner. He appeared deep in thought, almost scrutinising him with those profoundly abyssal inexpressive orbs of his, and his brows were etched together, like a million thoughts were running through his mind and Eren couldn't read a single one. Most of all, the Captain seemed at a loss for words. Not that he couldn’t speak – they all knew him to be outspoken, and at times unjustly so – but rather he couldn’t find the right words to say, almost like he didn’t know what he wanted to say. Eren didn’t intend on appearing expectant but, in less than a mere few minutes within his presence that evening, he could sense the developing feelings he had for his impassive Captain expand greater. If he had been smitten before, after the recent turn of events, Eren was now downright screwed.

“Right.” Levi seemed discontent on settling with. “You brats better not fall into this sort of routine. You’ll be back on the field tomorrow, shit-heads.” With that he turned on his heel, just as abrupt and unannounced as his initial arrival had been.

Eren didn’t realise he had been up on his feet and following the man until he called out, “Sir – we’re dealing a hand. Want to play?” His dissatisfaction of his Captain’s exit was surprising to even him, and from the quietly subdued cynicism in his stare, it was clear that Levi had not expected it either.

He scoffed. “You don’t need an old man to supervise you in playing cards, kid.”

“No, that’s not it,” he replied quickly. “I would – I mean, we’d like for you to play. Please, sir. It’ll be...fun?”

“Fun? You don’t sound so sure about that yourself.” The brief chuckle that left his lips rendered Eren speechless for a moment – and he hoped to God he didn’t appear as gormless, or at least as boneless, as he felt as a result of the sound. It was addictive – he must hear it again; many times in fact; again after that too, just to be certain that it wasn’t a trick of the mind. “I’m due in Erwin’s company soon and I’m fucking exhausted. Get back to your friends, Eren.”

He opened his mouth to protest. “Captain Levi –“

“What is it?” He snapped impatiently, with a gaze that bore into his own; that sought out the heart beating wildly in his chest and seized it with those flakes of cobalt and mercury and –

“I want – Nothing, it’s nothing. Never mind,” Eren could only reply with, shaking his head before performing an ashamedly half-hearted salute. “Goodnight, sir.”

He stepped away quickly, embarrassed by his emotions and the feelings he had for his Captain, and stalked back to his friendship group at the table.

And for the sake of his heart’s wellbeing Eren pretended he didn’t hear the light mutter of a response that soon followed.

“You too, brat.”

And if Eren allowed a small smile on his lips, receiving questioning stares from his two friends at either side of him, then no one would need to know.

 

 

* * *

  

 

Blood adorned his hands, tainting the skin with a horrific flesh-coloured replica of the fabric beneath him. All existence had dulled to an afterthought, barely registering Armin’s pale hands, pale face – pale skin, growing gaunter with every passing second; her red scarf falling limp in his hands as he was hauled away. Distant yelling resonated like gentle whispers compared to the brutality of his own heartbeat in his ears, thrumming and deafening him and he couldn’t tear his eyes away – even when Armin’s hands grabbed at his face, large blue eyes red and puffy and demanding and he couldn’t look away.

He screamed – he didn’t think he had stopped screaming. He could only see crimson. Crimson scarf; crimson lips; crimson blood; crimson ground. He hated the colour. He couldn’t stand the sight of it.

Hands pulled at his clothes, dragging him further from her.

 _No,_ he wanted to scream. _She’s my sister,_ he needed to say, but he couldn’t speak – he couldn’t anything.

He could only stare.

When the gunmetal gaze found his, obstructing his view, he could only remark at the stark difference between them. Years had passed, and Eren had always responded emotionally and in haste; strongly opposed to the older man’s emptiness – the familiar blank expression, void gaze, that Eren now bore at the sight of him. His alabaster hands were quilted in the crimson too, seeping through the gaps between his fingers like the tears falling from his eyes – the eyes that wouldn’t move from him, and his wouldn’t move from him, for he stood in the way of her.

Levi didn’t say anything. He turned on his feet and –

 _“Levi!”_ Was the name he yelled – his name, between the screams of hers – and more hands grabbed at his clothes, holding him against the ground, but his insistent writhing continued, just as he continued to watch the raven as he ran, blood staining his hands.

Blood staining his hands like the blood staining the cobbled floor ahead of him, her dark gaze no longer glimmering in mirth as they had been; no longer submerged in energy and life and _pride_ as they had been.

There was nothing. Nothing in her dark eyes, like the nothing to be felt as Eren slumped against the floor, emptiness containing him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Gasping aloud, his immobile slump against the wall was startled into action, his eyes blinking rapidly as he readjusted himself to the warm and familiar hues of his bedroom. Aligning every inch of his body were itches, still crawling its escape beneath his skin as the memories he had witnessed began to diminish, leaving him in a painful and resentful state of wanting to suppress a shiver that couldn’t be halted.

For a moment he didn’t recognise the situation, forgetting how and why he lay against the carpeted ground, a really fucking antagonising migraine building on him, with such a prominent sense of foreboding –

“Shit,” he bit sharply, eyes widening. “Eren?”

Across from him, mirrored in a similar slump on the floor to what he must’ve been in moments prior to waking up, Eren lay unconscious, and Levi would have taken comfort in the relaxed rise and fall of the boy’s shoulders with each breath he took – but that really wasn’t the case.

It wasn’t the case because Eren wasn’t moving.

And then, all too suddenly, they weren’t alone in the room.

Hanji busted through the door, an expression of sincere fatality plastered across her face.

“He’s not moving,” Levi announced, breaking out of the pathetic reverie and rushed to Eren’s side. “Eren? Oi, you brat – can you hear me?”

“Levi –“

“Hold on, Hanji,” he demanded shakily, placing his hands against the softness of Eren’s cheeks. “Eren! Come on, kid – wake up!”

“Levi –“

She placed a hand on his back, light between his shoulder blades, and he flinched at the touch. “I said wait a fucking minute –“

“He’s not breathing.” At this, suspicions confirmed, Levi’s hands stilled, body growing slack. “Do you know how long you’ve been out of it for?” When he didn’t respond immediately, Hanji’s tempered and neurotic voice came louder, and much more frantic. “Get it together, Levi – he’s not breathing! How long were you out of it for?”

“I don’t know.”

_I don’t know._

Barely a mutter beneath his breath, he couldn’t feel Eren’s body pried out of his fingers – didn’t notice Mike, nor the grim expression he bore; nor the fact that Erwin had since entered the room, accompanied by Armin and the others, whom appeared to be amidst an argument with Hanji.

“That boy could be –“

_Don’t say it._

“Eren could be _dead_ because –“

_Dead._

_Eren could be dead._

“Where is he?” He demanded, on his feet once more as if he had suddenly felt a volt of electricity stream through his blood, awaking him. “What did you do with him?”

Erwin’s expression met him, thick with misery that refused to be concealed by the commanding façade he forced. “He’s been taken down to the nurse’s room, and Nanaba is with them –“

“Nanaba is with them,” Hanji interrupted, steely voiced. “Because this dumb shit believes that the nurses will fall for the excuse that one of our students has – ‘ _miraculously, by some tragic turn of events’_ – undergone bloody heart failure –“

“Heart failure?” Jean reiterated in disbelief. “He’s sixteen! It can’t be –”

“We don’t know what it is!” She snapped furiously. “What we do know is that – this man,” she pointed accusingly at Erwin. “Has made this situation possible. By forcing us to keep all of this from Eren – by swearing us to secrecy – you have brought this on him, Erwin! He’s on the brink of death because of –“

“No.” Speaking up had apparently startled Hanji into shutting up, and Levi then decided he’d have to do it more often. “If you’re pointing fingers, then you can blame Kenny Ackerman.”

“K-Kenny?” Armin questioned, tone surprised.

Historia’s brows threaded, watery eyes blinking confusedly. “You don’t mean –“

“Kenny. Blame him,” he echoed. “And if you want to blame someone for letting him anywhere near Eren, then that’d be me. But of all the people who had to get their mitts on Eren and trigger his memories, of course it’d be Kenny – of course it would be the man who tortured him. Had it been someone else – any one of us – then we might have been able to prevent this, take it slow and – and keep him...“

He cut himself off, not being able to think about Eren unconscious, unmoving – _not breathing._

“He’ll be all right...” He muttered, the mumble of a mantra repeated throughout his mind like an everlasting afterthought. “Eren will come out of this fine,” he stated once more, this time doggedly and assuredly. Meeting Armin’s stare, cerulean orbs unsure and quietly fretting, Levi spoke to him, “He will wake up.”

Eren couldn’t be –

Hell – after the life they had been through, the many deaths he had borne witness to and the many times he had delivered a person’s very end, and yet with Eren, he couldn’t even think of him like that. Not the bright-eyed; unrelenting force amongst them all; not the hopeful shit-head; not _his brat._

“Eren will wake up.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So bloody chuffed with this chapter, I must confess. Ironically, despite my impending busy schedule, I finished this chapter one week before the date that I usually post - so, although it was my intention to get ahead of schedule with my writing, I just really wanted this chapter out. So here it is!  
> More importantly, I'm absolutely ecstatic with the responses I got from the last chapter! I'm SO glad a lot of you really seemed to enjoy it! Thank you to every one of you who lets me know your thoughts and that you're enjoying this fanfiction. Every comment I receive is always so encouraging - so, really, THANK YOU!!


	17. The World He Relived

 

 

A breeze fluttered past him, seemingly tousling each fibre of his being as if someone had breathed him in.

_“Eren! Come on, kid – wake up!”_

_“Levi –“_

_“He’s not breathing.”_

Startling, his eyes flickered open, momentarily blinded by the harsh beams of light lining his sight.

His vision cleared. A prominent, looming shadow cast its presence unto him, showering him a grave chill of dread. The ground beneath his feet was bright in contrast to the darkness bestowed upon him; an emerald stretch of glistening lime coloured grass drifted into the foreseeable distance, a rogue tree situated just ahead of him. Sitting below the tree, to his surprise, was the distinguishable features of a young girl, dark-haired and donned in a white cotton dress, a pink cardigan and red scarf. He should have been out of earshot. He shouldn’t have been able to hear the name she muttered aloud from this distance.

Distance didn’t matter here – wherever he was.

“Eren,” her voice reverberated through him as if he was hollow, striking a chord as something began to expand in Eren’s chest, tight and uncomfortable. “Let’s start heading back.”

“Why am I here?” The boy asked, drowsy and still bewildered by the dream he had startled awake from.

“Why am I here?” Eren echoed, his back turning on the two children. Ahead of him, a daunting mass of concrete towered above him. Fear tore through him, vocalised in a horrified, choked sound that didn’t sound human to him. “Why am I here?”

“Were you sleeping that soundly?”

“No. It just feels like I was having a really long dream. I don’t remember a thing.”

“I didn’t remember,” he stated, his legs beginning to feel like lead. “How could I have forgotten?”

“Eren,” said the girl. “Why are you crying?”

He mirrored the young boy’s action, reaching up to press a hand against the wetness against his cheek; their identical teal coloured eyes widening in unison. He was crying. Why was he crying? The dream – what was it? No. Why was he here? He wracked his brain, tearing through his memories – too many memories to count – and searched for them: the school, Captain Levi –

He fell back against the ground; found himself scuttling back – as far as he could be from the harrowing structure – until his back thudded against something. The walls rippled in his wavering vision, shuddering with laughter at the sight of him here – back here, beheld by their ever-growing presence; the reminder of the existence that had once caged his own. Behind him, through the tears drenching his sight, a flag stood tall. It hadn’t been there before. There certainly hadn’t been the splatters of blood adorning the emerald fields as there was now. The flag bestowed the emblem he had always known, the one he’d sketch relentlessly in his books on a second nature’s instinct: the symbol of the Survey Corps, stained crimson.

“I remember,” his voice faltered, sounding hollow to even his own ears. “Why am I here?”

The raven-haired girl and the boy packed away the firewood they had collected. She did most of the work. She always had. They began their trek back to their townhouse in the district of Shiganshina, the young boy complaining about the bullies he’d heroically fight off from his helpless friend, Armin, and the girl would smile knowingly, accustomed to the boy’s eccentrics. A small smile, it may be, but all the more adoring.

How could he forget that smile?

He couldn’t – and he didn’t. Eren would see her in his dreams, in his peripheral, watching him always; of course it was her. Her red scarf; her pale skin; her ebony hair; her familiar, albeit small, smile.

“ _Mikasa,_ ” he whispered, unaware of the broken sob escaping his lips.

He could remember this day. This was the day the world changed. This was the day his mother –

“ _Mikasa! Wait!_ ” He screamed out, a sudden burst of desperation clawing at heart. He started running – running and screaming and yelling and crying.

He reached them, but they didn’t hear him; nor did they see him; nor did they feel the hands that passed through them, unaffected by the boy who had seen this world fall.

Of course they couldn’t, a part of him argued. These children were dead. He couldn’t save them from the experiences they would face. He couldn’t stop any of this from happening. Time was repeating itself. The life he lived – the terrible life he once had – he’d have to endure once more. He’d see himself relive it all again.

He’d see his mother die again.

He’d see all of his friends die again.

The Titans – the traitors... The war...

He’d lose Mikasa again. He’d fail to protect her again.

“Why am I here...?” He turned his face up to the sky, his gaze vaguely tracking the flutter of wings as birds flew beyond the walls. His chest felt tight. His voice felt raw as he screamed, “ _Why_ did you bring me back? I _can’t_ do this again!”

He didn’t receive a response. He didn’t think he would. The world fell silent; the world he had seen fall into chaos and misery; the world he had once seen through his eyes, he was about to see again.

 

 

* * *

  

 

Hesitant appendages trekked across his skin, light to touch, but ever the reassuring reminder that he imagined them to be. Across from him, in his line of sight, a light fixture on the wall emitted its warm glow, an orange hue settling on the reflection of the window. He could make out the sight of himself; onyx hair splayed against his forehead; leg bent at the knee, uptight in tension, and an ever-present scowl etched onto his face. His open palm received the touch of his fingers, but it proved to be a fruitless endeavour in replicating the press of Eren’s skin to his own. From what must have lasted a few conscious moments, the feel had been engraved into his mind, serving to be a constant hole of emptiness in the pit of his stomach.

He shook his head. A brief, momentary gesture that went unnoticed by those situated around him. Those present were too invested in the heated discussion to notice Levi’s unorthodox behaviour and preoccupied attention that would occasionally pique the stinging pain in his head.

“We continue as we are,” Armin suggested, standing at the head of the table. “We continue to monitor his brain activity and blood pressure –“

“We ought to assume the remnants of his ability might have some bearing on his comatose condition,” Mike stated.

“Right.” Petra tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But Eren’s condition can’t be described as comatose.”

“It can’t?” Jean questioned.

“Coma patients don’t exhibit external signs of sleep. Eren doesn’t appear dead,” Hanji explained, adjusting her spectacles on the bridge of her nose. “It’s certainly not normal, but from what I gather, it’d be inaccurate to consider Eren’s condition as comatose. Rather, it’s more like he’s asleep –“

“Just your average seventy-two hour long nap,” Jean snorted.

“He’s not just asleep,” Historia insisted, cerulean eyes wide and compelling. “The sounds he makes – it’s as if he’s distressed. Like he’s having a nightmare.”

“A really, really long nightmare,” Annie agreed distantly, drawing faint patterns on the table top with a finger.

Historia continued. “At times, he sounds so in pain – like he’s dreaming of Hell itself –“

“Or like he’s reliving it.” It had been the first time he had spoken up, and his statement seemed to pierce through Hanji like a sudden epiphany.

“I think,” she began slowly. “In regaining more memories than his mind could possibly handle in such a short timeframe, he has mentally exhausted himself and maybe – just maybe – the newly-acquired memories caused some sort of...chain reaction –“

“And he really is reliving it all,” Armin’s tone was hollow, his expression gaunt and severe. “He’s remembering everything all at once in his sleep.”

It wasn’t the most probable scenario, but it was the only hypothesis they had discussed in the past three days. Attending this meeting, he didn’t expect to leave with any reassurance that they were any closer to sussing out Eren’s condition. Hanji was at the kid’s bedside for as long as she could. If she didn’t have a job to do – if there weren’t kids with serious problems that she could actually help – she would probably remain rooted at Eren’s side on a twenty-four hour inspection. Levi would occasionally receive updates from her, but none of which were remotely extraordinary. The times that Hanji couldn’t make it to watch over Eren, one of the other brats would more than willingly take up the duty, namely Armin or Historia, both of whom were all too eager to help in any way they could.

There wasn’t an issue in finding volunteers. That’s why, not once, had Levi offered to take up the role of supervisor. He hadn’t seen the brat since it happened. He wasn’t a sadist – he didn’t glean pleasure from seeing Eren immobile, eyes wrenched shut as his mind wracked with horrors, unable to wake up.

He disliked pining. The thought of it made his stomach coil, and the thought of him doing so made his throat tighten in discomfort. Because he was pining. To lay awake, too restless to even dream of sleep; to imagine how it would feel to have Eren lay beside him, tracing circles of his palm with those long, bronzed fingers of his – this was pining. Levi could barely stand it. It was an easier alternative, however, than to seek comfort in the reality. His imagination conjured up the most bizarre depictions of the green-eyed brat. Bizarre, because the reality had much less of the intimate warmth. In its desired place was cold. In its place was the repetitive, slow beep of the monitor of his bedside. It reminded Levi of a knell.

“I don’t know how none of you have said this already,” Jean said, shaking his head as a scowl covered his face. “If you really think Eren’s reliving everything – then that’s, what, more than ten years of his life? Is he going to be in this coma-thing for that same amount of time?”

“We can only hope not,” Erwin held a hand against his furrowed brow, a thick frown masking his expression. “Bear in mind, Kirstein, that when any one of us shared memories with someone, it feels like years are being relived. But in reality, only a few moments have passed. “

“Sure – but it’s been three days! And he’s not showing any signs of waking up!”

“He knows that, Jean!” Hanji finally snapped. “We all know that – don’t think for a second that anyone needs reminding.”

“Why can’t we just wake him up?” Connie demanded, concern seeping into his hazel-eyed stare.

Levi scoffed. “You’re an idiot to think they haven’t tried to already.”

“Try harder then!”

It took all he had – which wasn’t much to begin with – to not deck the kid then and there. “Listen to me, you bald-headed –“

“Levi,” Erwin barked, demanding his attention. “It’s all right. He’s worried for a friend – leave him be.”

“Surely Connie’s right though,” Jean piped in, insistent. “Why are we sitting here, doing shit-all to help Eren? Erwin, you did this to him before – by doing nothing and hoping for the best, you put him in the position he’s in now. Why don’t you realise –“

Within less than an arm’s distance of him, Levi fisted the collar of Jean’s shirt and pummelled the shit-head’s face against the table.

“Levi!”

“What the Hell is wrong with you?”

“Stop it!”

He was wrenched away from the bastard before any more damage could be done, not that he planned to permanently screw up the horse’s face – as tempting as it was. He pulled out of the hold on his arms, rolling his shoulders as the tension continued to build in his back and the irritating licks of pressure on his temples expanded.

“Any more stupid questions, Kirstein?” He dared, revelling at the sight of a thin trail of blood leaking out of Jean’s bruising nose.

As opposed to vocalising his aggression, Jean spat at him. Blood stuck to Levi’s shirt – and only then, at the appearance of the crimson liquid against the pristine whiteness of the fabric, did he seem to startle awake.

Levi’s gaze snapped up, greeted by the levelled stares sent his way – the most disgracing of the lot belonging to Erwin and Hanji; disappointment lurking beneath their stony expressions. Historia and Connie both appeared startled, fear glimmering in their wide eyes, and Armin didn’t even dare meet his stare.

He took a subconscious step back – the blood on his shirt causing his vision to tunnel. He left the room, as discretely as he could with all eyes on him, and shut the door behind him before sinking onto his knees. The miniscule amount of crimson had him breathless and shuddering and – and he had to get rid of it. It was an uninvited visitor in his home, or an old enemy he had hoped to be rid of – the blood on his uniform; on his cape; on his cravat.

He tried to regain control of his breathing – tried to be rational about the few specks of blood on his shirt, not nearly enough to warrant this kind of reaction. He didn’t know what had happened. It had barely even occurred to him what he was doing before he caught sight of the blood dripping out of Jean’s nose – an injury that Levi had caused; an injury that he had been pleased to have caused. He had completely lost the fucking plot.

Picking himself up from the floor, he dry-washed his face, only to quickly retract his hand at the wetness on his cheeks. He startled, surprised to feel tears clinging to his eyelashes. This was pathetic – to cry over a few drops of blood? Was this the kind of person he had become?

Indignation coursed through him. Was this the type of person he was even then – a lifetime ago –when he thought no one was watching?

But there was always someone watching – a confession made not long before his sister’s murder. A confession made by a brat who had the effect on him that was not dissimilar to an iron fist clenched around his heart. The brat who had witnessed his breakdowns and still flaunted his admiration towards Levi; idolised him and even _worshipped_ him.

He let out a shallow curse, dragging a hand over his face, shame flooding through him once more. Too infatuated with protecting his own dignity, he hadn’t even bothered to visit Eren. Most nights he’d think about the moment they shared – mere seconds before everything came crashing down on top of them – when he had kissed Eren. In the past life, Eren had appreciated him to such a great extent it was probably the most intimacy Levi had had for a long time. And at times, Eren had needed him to push his limits, to fulfil his duty and release his utmost potential. Eren had needed him. But, in the kiss they shared in those final moments, Levi imagined a reversal. In that moment, Levi had wanted to show Eren – prove it to him that he needed him too. He wanted to worship Eren.

His legs moved to his own accord, strife flooding through him. He needed Eren to know – he needed Eren to know that he worshipped him too and, although he may not have expressed it as well as he should have, he was thankful. For all of the times that Eren looked beyond the stony façade; had seen the true intentions behind his questionable acts – Levi was thankful. Eren needed to know that.

He headed along the corridor he knew Eren was being kept. It was close-by to the school’s nurses’ room, the room itself too small to safeguard a coma patient. He was in a bedroom, unclaimed by any resident at the school, that was modest, to say the least. But it didn’t matter – it wasn’t like Eren would be taking up a lot of space. The bed itself took up a small portion of the room, and the rest was mostly equipment aligning the walls. Walking in there was like the classic bad soap opera scene: he opened the door and was immediately consumed by the consistent counts of an ECG machine.

His hearing tunnelled, focussing on only those constant beeps. Such artificial sounds, providing him little relief. A little hastier than intended, he pulled up a chair to the brat’s side and held his hand in his own, pressing his fingers to his pulse point. It granted him the satisfaction, the closure that he had been craving. To feel the reminiscent tingles of the past skirt across his skin; the warmth that reassured him of Eren’s life that had yet to leave him – it was what he needed.

His throat constricted. “Eren, I’m –“

“Do you think if we retreat really slowly he won’t notice us?”

“I think that might have worked if you hadn’t spoken aloud, dumb-fuck,” sneered a brunet male in response.

Levi retracted his hold on Eren’s hand as Oluo dropped his stealthy stance and stepped back in offence. “Oh – I’m sorry, Gunther. Was I supposed to communicate through eye contact and hand gestures?”

“That would have been the quieter thing to do!”

“You want sign language? Well – read this!” Oluo flipped Gunther off, proud and smug.

Eld placed a placating hand on one of their shoulders, chuckling lightly. “Guys, there’s a time and a place for this, you know.” As if only noticing then that there was another person in the room, he offered a light-hearted smile. “Oh – hey, Levi.”

“Hello, Eld...” He drawled, suspicion drenching his tone as he sent a questioning look in their direction. “Oluo, Gunther. Is there something amiss between the two of you?”

Oluo snorted. “Something amiss? Nah – absolutely not,” he grinned over at Gunther, nudging his arm with his own. “Right, Gunther?”

“I’m going to kill you in broad daylight,” replied the lethal-looking brunet.

“That’s unfortunate. Really. I’m hurt.”

“Not now, but you will be.”

“Well that is embarrassing.” Eld grimaced at the exaggerated faux screech Oluo bellowed as he fled out of the room, Gunther hot on his heels. “I swear to God, they should probably start acting their ages.”

“We have enough brats mobbing the place; two more added to the mix shouldn’t hurt.”

“Can we agree that I’m the most mature?”

“God, no,” Levi chuckled, subconsciously tracing his fingers along Eren’s wrist, mapping the area. “Petra trumps all three of you – and by a long shot.”

“I don’t know how you did it, Levi,” Eld mentioned offhandedly after a few short moments.

“Did what?”

“Put up with us, I mean. We were younger then – Oluo was _nineteen_.” The expression on Eld’s face confessed to how harrowing the thought of a nineteen year old Oluo was to him. “I can barely imagine how much we all bothered you when you first enlisted us.”

He shook his head slightly, reminiscing on the stone-faced soldiers he had seen during their first encounter. The same ones who, on late nights, would make Levi’s job a little less miserable. “You weren’t anything like this. None of you.”

“Well, I suppose that would make sense. Things have certainly changed since then. Everything’s a lot less...”

“Shitty?” He suggested.

“I was thinking something more along the lines of fatal or tragic, but sure – shitty works too.” Eld smiled, and even the raven managed a small grin of his own. “Yeah. I guess we have changed since then. All of us.”

Levi paused for thought, his fingers returning to duty in scouring the perimeter of Eren’s hand; tracking each line and vein visible in the dim lighting. “Not this one.” He broke the silence, allowing an ounce of nostalgia into his tone. “He’s still the headstrong brat that I remember. A little shit most of the time, but a determined one.” His voice lowered. “Too young to carry the weight of so many lives on his shoulders, but he did it.”

“Wish I could have known him for longer. Seems like a good kid.”

“He was.” Dark eyelashes fluttered against bronzed cheeks and thick brows were drawn together with a stubborn frown tugging at his lips, even in sleep. “Still is.”

Eld was giving him a knowing smile. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

“I think I always have but...” His brows furrowed. “Things are a little different now.”

“What? Other than the age gap? Because that certainly is different now - the good kind of different,” Eld exclaimed, a playful smirk toying across his features.

A short chuckle breached his lips, sending an only mildly annoyed and mostly amused glare in the blond-haired man’s direction. Eld tossed his hands in the air, his grin still present – if not growing the longer Levi scowled at him.

Eld stood, shaking his head lightly. “I’d better go check on Oluo – make sure Gunther hasn’t castrated the poor guy and strung his balls from his hair like festive ornaments.”

“That’s profoundly specific,” he mused.

“Hey – Gunther’s words, not my own.” He paused to place a clap on Eren’s shoulder, smiling down at him. “See you later, Sleeping Beauty. Wake up whenever you feel like it.” He shrugged in Levi’s direction. “Teenagers? Lazy bastards.”

Levi quirked a brow, scoffing. “Tell me about it.”

When Eld exited the room, Levi suddenly felt embarrassed to continue from where he had been interrupted. More so than it had before, Eren had his undivided attention, and that really bothered him. He had read that a coma patient’s recovery could be quickened if a loved one spoke to them, told them about their day and whatnot. That they might be able to hear them, and would be comforted to hear a person talk.

Levi was hardly a loved one, but he did have something to say that might comfort Eren.

“I shoved Jean’s face against a table today.”

It was a pretty bad start, he knew, but he could almost imagine Eren’s face lighting up, amusement decorating his voice as he laughed at that. And even though it was a bad start, the image kind of made it worth it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s strange to see yourself grow up. It’s even stranger to remember things that happened a lifetime ago as if they were just from yesterday.

Ultimately, however, the strangest thing of all is to see yourself die.

He’d been the last of them to die. He had lived a far from content final few years of his life, but his end was a lot more peaceful than a select few of his friends had been granted. Without Mikasa by his side, grounding him and his sanity, Eren had bouts of episodes, most of which were long-lasting effects of his PTSD.

In hindsight he found that ironic – that even in the past life, he had undergone some kind of mental trauma.

Without Armin with him in the final few months of his life, Eren had lost the voice of wisdom in his life. He would lash out more often. He was the typical grouchy old man who lived down the street. He was alone. He had seen everyone he loved die – whether that be at the hand of a Titan; a human; of old age or disease. He had watched it all happen, one by one.

Except his Captain.

He hadn’t seen Levi die.

And a part of him was thankful for that.

Years after Mikasa’s murder, after Levi had abandoned them, Eren tried to reach out. He scoured the stretches of land beyond the wall and beneath the cities and asked around. It was ridiculous to think that he would possibly return to the Underground, but Eren wouldn’t leave an inch of land unchecked. He searched for so long. He never found him.

Eren watched – he watched everything. He stood metres away from the scene in every scenario; compelled to just watch as the world fell apart around him, rooted to the ground beneath his feet. He had seen his life – and Hell, had it been a terrible life. But he committed certain moments to memory, not that he’d be forgetting any of this any time soon – not again at least. Moments that he and his friends would share; the laughter he’d hear when Sasha Braus said something particularly ridiculous. The moments when his sister would smile – her small, albeit loving smile – at his and Jean’s childlike fratching.

It had been a terrible life, but he couldn’t forget those moments.

He knew, as he watched, that he was about to see himself die. He didn’t know what would happen next. Would that be the end? Would he return to the school? He had seen himself age, over the course of what felt like years, but still didn’t know how he had arrived here, or what brought him to where he was now.

He wanted to go back now. He wanted to see his friends – the people he had forgotten. He wanted to tell them he was sorry – that he was sorry he forgot about them. He wanted to tell them about what he had seen. He wanted to tell them that he was glad – so fucking glad – that some of his final years were spent with them.

Eren had been alone when he died. More alone than anyone should ever feel. The walls that had caged him for so long were finally being torn down, with the threats beyond them no longer an issue to humanity. He watched as they were demolished, and he watched as people rejoiced in the streets; sending up their prayers to those who offered up their hearts for humanity to get to this point.

As the horizon became bleached in hues of amber and ruby, he could see the ocean glimmer in its spectacular mass beneath the sky. He never had grown accustomed to a view so startling. An emerald gaze had dulled over the years, the will and resilience he had once been praised on was finally draining, but in this moment his eyes were bright with life. His teal-eyed stare began to shimmer with gold beneath the setting sun, wavering to the corresponding rhythm of the salty water ahead. He wanted it to be his final journey. He had been there before – many times in fact. But, in homage to Armin, and to his younger self – he wanted to die beyond the walls. He wanted to die with the tide by his side.

And so he did. With his remaining strength, Eren watched as he saddled up his horse, equipped with nothing but the red scarf around his neck, and set out towards the ocean. All the while, he watched it glimmer enticingly, calling over its words of encouragement. It told him that it was only a little further – only a little further and he could finally rest at peace.

People rejoiced in the streets as he rode to his death. He wouldn’t have had it any other way. He wanted people to celebrate it. The last of the Titan-shifters was riding to his death. He wanted humanity to live on; to remember him and his comrades like a distant memory. He wanted people to tell their grandchildren of humanity’s strongest man who, as the legend says, is actually shorter than most people would guess – and also has a really crude sense of humour – but was a great man.

When he reached the ocean, Eren watched as the life-force spilled out of his past-self, in sync with the tide lapping at the shoreline. He watched himself smile and clutch at the crimson scarf wrapped about his neck with frail hands. He watched himself sink into the grains of gold beneath his feet.

He watched himself die, and that’s really the strangest thing.

And then he saw blackness.

Not even that. There wasn’t colour. There was really no other way to describe it than: empty. It was all just so empty.

He wanted to go back now. He’d seen his life – he remembered now. He could return to the present now.

_“Eren...”_

Her voice came back to him, shattering his soul with the brutal delicacy of her tone. He wanted to call out to her – ask her if she was with him now.

_“Eren. Wake up.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

“When he does wake up –“

“ _If_   he wakes up,” Jean intercepted, nasally.

“No. _When_ he wakes up. Try to be a little optimistic, Jean.”

“It’s hard to be ‘a little optimistic’ when your nose is broken, Armin,” the idiot whinnied, steeling a pointed glare in Levi’s direction, only to be rewarded with a flippant and rude gesture from the raven-haired teen.

“As I was saying,” Hanji continued. “We all must bear in mind Annie’s comments about this transition. We need to look out for any warning signs that a shift may be taking place, or any unordinary behaviour he’ll be displaying.”

“And if it’s beyond our control?”

“We’ll look to detain him – in the safest way possible. Annie only formed the Titan’s bust – it could be that Eren produces even less than that,” Hanji suggested, combing a hand through her hair. “Section off a part of the woodland. As long as we keep it out of sight of the other students here, then it shouldn’t be an issue. We just can’t allow it to happen inside the school, or anywhere near the students. Understood?”

There was a chorus of half-arsed salutes and sarcastic remarks. Levi remained silent throughout it all. He didn’t want a repeat of the last meeting held a couple of days ago, so he vouched to keep his thoughts – and fists – to himself. And with Jean’s uncalled for, utterly piss-taking quips, it was incredibly difficult to do so.

Erwin cleared his throat, drumming his fingers along the table’s surface. “Five days ago, Hanji and I decided that if an entire week should pass without any developments on Eren, we would transport him to a hospital in the city. His father would also be informed of his condition and he would likely be taken out of our hands.”

“What?” Connie spluttered, red-faced as outrage tinged his tone. “You’re joking!”

“You’re just going to let Eren go?” Historia questioned, evidently shocked and, only a little less enraged than Connie, it seemed. “What if we never find him again?”

“Eren has a family, Historia,” Levi spoke up. “Rather, he has a father who cares about him. He’s not our responsibility.”

“How can _you_ say that?” She demanded.

Petra stepped forward and placed a hand on Historia’s shoulder. “Historia, you know he’s right –“

“He can’t just take Eren from us! This is the man that sent Eren here in the first instance!”

“The guy’s probably a douche-bag – you can’t just send Eren to him.”

“Jean, he’s the one who introduced Eren to Kenny – he started all of this!”

“Will you three shut the fuck up for a moment?” Armin demanded spitefully. “I know you’re angry – and I know you’re upset. But don’t you realise? This is illegal – keeping a kid’s condition from his parents. What if Eren doesn’t wake up? What if Jean’s right? What if Eren dies? It is illegal to keep this from his own family!”

“Armin,” Annie said, perplexed. “Why are you saying this? Eren’s your best friend-”

“Exactly,” the blond stated. Levi had to avert his gaze as the boy’s cerulean eyes filled with emotion, turning his attention to the window. “And I want Eren to be in the best possible place. The Academy only has so much equipment for patients, none of which are especially for those in a coma. Eren is in severe condition. He needs a hospital. I want him to have the best chance of survival -”

“To be honest, I think you’re all exaggerating the seriousness of this.”

He thought it had been a trick of the light that had placed the boy in the reflection of the window. Until he heard his voice, Levi had thought his mind was fooling him – a sickening trick that had his heartbeat faltering.

He turned in his seat and felt his chest expand.

“What?” Eren asked, teal-eyed gaze searching and confused. “Did I walk in on something important?”

Hanji’s dark eyes began to shimmer with wetness. “Eren, you’re –“

“Eren,” Armin walked towards him, hands visibly shaking by his sides. “Do you remember?”

For a moment he appeared perplexed. But as his eyes began to fill with tears, a watery smile crossing his features; Eren nodded. He barely had to utter the words before Armin crashed into him, a sob breaking out of his throat, as he hugged him. Eren’s arms circled the blond-haired boy’s shoulders as he pressed his face into his shoulder, tears falling out of his tightly shut eyes.

“I remember,” he sobbed, shuddering into Armin’s shoulder. “Armin – I remember everything.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, welcome back. How have you been?  
> This is certainly a little shocking, I know. I really didn't expect to be writing this right now - at least not so soon. And I know it hasn't been "soon" exactly, but as the next few months of my life will be extremely difficult for me to find time to write, I want to let you all know that updates really won't be so regular. I hope they won't be months apart (like this one) but I only want to put out the best chapters for you to read, so it may take me a while to do that in between my packed schedule.  
> To those of you have supported me through this stump in writing, THANK YOU!! SO! MUCH!!! It means everything to me <3  
> So, although I don't know when the next update will be, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The story certainly isn't over yet! Just hang tight fellas - we'll get through this!  
> Thank you for reading and supporting this story!


	18. The Man He Had Become

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Elements of self-harm (I.E. burning)

Amber glimmers contained his vision, streaming through the exposed crevices of the treeline, chanting towards him with the city’s compelling hum of vibrancy. The steady, light rainfall doused him, coating him in a sheen of coldness which, accompanied by the carrying night-time breeze, proved to be a blissful relief to his enflamed skin. The stench of cigarette smoke was present but not overwhelmingly so, too drowned out by the rainwater against concrete to be too noticeable. His hair clouded his line of sight but, unremarkably, he found himself unable to raise his hand and push it out of his eyes. He couldn’t because his dominant hand remained on the cigarette, too dependent to release it, and his gaze was rooted –thoroughly fixated – on the wavering lights of the city, rivalling that of the fireflies hovering by the clearing.

He sighed, stubbing out the cigarette on the edge of the roof beside him. His only vice – the one which, for years now, he had believed to be slowly killing him, and for which he had been grateful. One small stick’s poison infiltrating his body – an act of self-damnation – had been the least of his problems. When he smoked, he could fool himself into believing that he was sure of one thing for once. That being: this was killing him. But even that wasn’t the truth. Even now, in stubbing out his third cigarette of the night, the toll it would take on his body hadn’t been as he once hoped. Its poison would prove fruitless in damaging him, he knew that now. He knew that now – he couldn’t be poisoned, for the pre-existing venom he had within him would not allow it.

His only vice – the one which, for years, he had believed to be slowly killing him, and for which he had once been grateful– repelled against his body. He was immune to its condemning properties. And it was because of his ability – a curse he had thought to have abandoned a lifetime ago. An ability, a curse, which, as he had found, was still in possession of his body. He belonged to it – to his Titan. And he hadn’t known about it. For his entire life, he had dreamt of the nightmarish creatures, he had lived cognizant of the terror they inflicted; a part of him aware that he too was one of those monsters. It was one thing to find that life to have existed. It was another to find that he still had that venom within him, making him one of the monsters he feared the most.

He scoffed, gripping the lighter which occupied his hand. With a sharp press of his thumb, the flame flickered before him, glimmering in a similar infatuating dance to that of the city lights ahead of him. He held the flame against the palm of his hand, finding sick amusement in the knowledge that the burn adorning his flesh would heal. He didn’t acknowledge the pain it wreaked on his skin – he couldn’t notice it because he couldn’t bring himself to, even as the tawny skin blossomed with a sweltering redness. He couldn’t care. As the lighter he held began to crush under the weight of his clenched fist his stare rooted itself back to beyond the treeline; his jaw beginning to lock with the intensity of his scowl.

They were out there. Previous possessors of the serum, the enemies he had devoted his life to decimating, were out there – somewhere. And they too belonged to their Titans. If he believed what Erwin Smith had told him to be correct, then each of the shifters would have the ability until their final transition struck – an act which would occur against their will. But until that happened, they would remain in possession of their Titan. Which surely meant that, if it ever crossed their mind, they could shift. The same condemned bastards could still be active – they could be dangerous, dammit – and Eren had only just been informed of this. When he had raised the concern, he had received a grimace in return, and –

“’We don’t know’,” he muttered, a bitter taste in his mouth.

He had gleaned the same response for another question he had asked – the one which he had been asking, over and over, and receiving nothing but a perpetual, grim silence in return for his entire life.

_“Where’s my sister?”_

_“We don’t know.”_

He couldn’t stand this. The feeling of being utterly helpless, and having been absolutely clueless for so long. An unanswerable question, once more, being why he hadn’t remembered. No one knew how to answer that one either. He had been in the dark for so long and, to have finally recovered his memories, he expected to glean some clarity. Anything at all.

But he remained beneath the thick, asphyxiating veil of insatiable ignorance. And he couldn’t stand it.

He wanted to find Mikasa. He wanted to ensure that she was safe. He wanted her to know that he hadn’t meant for her to get hit by that bullet – the very bullet which had been destined for him. He needed to find his sister. He needed to know that she was safe.

Behind him, a door shut – the sound almost deafening to Eren’s ears. He didn’t turn his head, knowing it to be Armin who had stumbled upon him sitting at the edge of the roof. He hadn’t meant to leave him in such a haste, but beneath the thoughts weighing on his mind, Eren was finding it difficult to breathe. He had needed to find a place that he could be to himself for some time, and told Armin not to worry. But as he figured, it was still in Armin’s nature to worry for him, as it always had been.

To his surprise, it wasn’t Armin who planted himself by Eren’s side. When his eyes found his, something seemed to be set alight in his mind, a spread of warmth igniting the air of coldness aligning his body. The very man who, to his sudden realisation, had not crossed his mind since waking up. He didn’t know why that was, especially since the mere sight of him in that moment made Eren feel more alive than he had in a long time. Fatigue had been plaguing him; the breeze and patter of rain lulling him into a semiconscious, almost comatose state. Any remnants of that had abruptly dissipated in the raven’s arrival. For a moment he could almost picture his Captain, staring up at the sky with a detached, sombre gleam in his stare; huddled in his wing-crested cape as the fire before them burned on.

He could _almost_ picture it. He could _almost_ fool himself into thinking differently of what he saw.

Eren’s gaze flickered up to him, startled in meeting the shame – the embarrassment beyond the calculating gunmetal of his eyes, and he couldn’t fathom why. He found himself bewildered by the complexity of the emotions lurking behind his gaze, all of which were outspoken and deafening and Eren couldn’t quite believe it. His brow furrowed as Levi turned his face from him; atramentous strands, drenched in rainwater, obscuring his view.

“I’m not him anymore, Eren,” came the hoarse, shallow whisper. “You can stop looking at me like that. I’m not the man you idolised. Not anymore.”

He wore anguish like skin, but beneath that – beneath his skin – Eren could see the depths of an insatiable intensity, invisible to the naked human eye. In the darkness Eren, for once, could honestly see him. He could see Levi, for all that he had to him; for all that belonged to only him, beneath his own skin. Eren could finally read him. It was as if he had peeled back a page into his mind, uncovering the uncharted insecurities which lingered beneath his silvering stare.

Eren’s heart ached. Restlessness blinding him, he yearned to touch him. To feel his skin; to feel his pulse; to be reminded of the fact that he was alive and sitting beside him. He was there – and that was all that Eren had longed for in the final years of his own life. His hands reached for him. Bronze fingers curled around marbled wrists, thumbs gracing the cold skin as though it was adorned with precious rhinestones. His unscarred skin was an unfamiliar treasure, reminding Eren of the past. The past, when even humanity’s strongest soldier had unhealable wounds, and the weakness he wore on his skin as armour had no bearing on his sheer, indisputably extraordinary self. Levi’s expression faltered, perplexed, and if not a little overwhelmed beneath the intensity of Eren’s observations.

“I don’t care,” Eren said simply.

His surprise was evident and, for one of the few rare moments in his life, he almost appeared speechless. Without a witty, or a blatantly crude remark to use to discard his true intentions, Levi seemed shocked.

And so he unleashed his guard. He snatched his hands out of Eren’s overbearing ministrations. In the tenebrosity of night, his stare became a deeper obsidian; completely void as he uttered the tenacious demand, “Why?”

Seconds drew into moments; moments stretched into minutes, and Eren didn’t grant him a response. A shallow curse was grumbled from the raven, barely audible amongst the pellets of rain thundering against the ground and the harsh gale rustling the arms of the forest, groaning and howling with each shuddering breath. His stare was placed on the treeline, unfaltering in the pressure on his furrowed brow. Grey orbs gleamed tiredly, completely spent. Eren reciprocated the movement, vouching to turn his gaze away from the raven, but he remained ever so conscious of the lithe body beside him, with their shoulders barely gracing one another; he found it increasingly difficult not to take his hands again.

“You left,” Eren stated, deciding not to keep the questioning edge out of his tone. He had questions – and he was sure that Levi could answer them. “Where did you go?”

He sighed, as though he had been anticipating the question for years. He probably had. “I don’t know the specifics. I didn’t know where I’d go. All I could think was that I needed to get out. So I did,” he said, mindfully catching crystallising pearls of rainwater in the palm of his hands. “I can barely remember anything after – well, after I left. I just walked. I walked until I couldn’t anymore.”

“You could have turned around,” Eren mumbled, distraught, as the other stood up.

He turned his face up to the sky; droplets of rainwater trickled downwards of the curve of his cheek, mirroring the tears which he wouldn’t let fall. “I couldn’t turn around.”

Eren stood also, disliking the settlement of discomfort in his stomach the further the raven would distance himself from him. “I searched for you.” It carried through the wind as Levi’s ebony stare drifted shut. “After Mikasa was murdered I tried to find you. I spent years – just asking around; asking travelling merchants if they had seen you in passing. Some demanded payment in supplying me with information, but they were _all_ false leads. It was as if you just...disappeared. No one knew where you went.”

An alabaster jaw had clenched, a charcoal stare heavily trained ahead of him; straining to see through the mist developing in the clearing. Eren wasn’t a fond believer in the concept of pathetic fallacy, but the thick fog arriving seemed to be an unlikely accomplice to the uncertainty which enveloped his thoughts.

“I wanted to tell you,” he mumbled, memories flashing before him. Crimson staining his hands; her face; the cobbled ground. “What happened to her wasn’t your fault. I wanted you to know that – that I didn’t blame you. At one point I tried. I wanted to be furious at someone – I wanted to blame someone for what happened, someone whose life I could ruin. You had gone and – and it made me so mad that you had just...” He cut himself off, a bitter scorn forming across his features. “I wanted to blame you, Levi. But I couldn’t – I couldn’t blame you. What happened to her couldn’t have been prevented. Not by you – or me.”

“She wasn’t the target,” he confessed, a brittle whisper nearly lost to the night.

“I know.” His gaze grew damp at the hoarse tone of voice that Levi had adopted, the pain of the past coursing through them both. “But you couldn’t have known. In saving my life, you couldn’t have known that she’d lose hers.”

Levi’s brow furrowed taut. “But I took the risk.”

“You can’t predict the outcome,” Eren reasoned, a wry grin pulling at his pierced lips. “You taught me that.”

Sprigs of cobalt lighted his stare, gleaming delicately as he turned to face Eren, a contemplative expression present on his face. Eren’s sight trained on the acute trajectory of his face, from the natural contour aligning his cheeks; the sleek curvature of his jaw to the exposed crook of his alabaster neck, its definition claiming his attention. He could only remark, silently, on how dissimilar he was to the statue that humanity had erected in his honour. Apathetic stone could never capture the sheer intensity of his gunmetal stare, nor the occasional gleam of the lightest of blues that could be seen within it.

“For most of my life I’d dream about a faceless figure. I couldn’t understand why, but every time I saw him my chest would just sort of...swell with pride, I guess?” As chance would have it, Eren’s pocket grew heavy with the weight of one of his sketches. He must have pocketed it the last time he visited home. He scoffed lightly, shaking his head as he uncovered the picture. “I didn’t know who he was, or why, sometimes when I woke up, I would draw him relentlessly, like I couldn’t even stop myself. I couldn’t explain it but – for some reason – I didn’t hate that it happened.”

Levi took the piece of folded paper from him; his stare trained heavily, guarded and speculative, on the portrait of himself.

“When I was younger, I’d wake up from a nightmare, or maybe a hallucination, and I’d be absolutely terrified. But I could think of him and begin to feel safe again – because, though I didn’t know him or understand why I would see him all the time, I knew that he would protect me.” Eren shut his eyes, scoffing a short-lived chuckle. “Even a lifetime later I still seemed to worship you like a hero.”

“Stubborn brat.”

“I know.” He turned to him then, desperate to convey his next words very carefully. Levi was ashamed of who he was. The infamous Captain; the cold-blooded but compassionate man that must have been passed through generations as a legend or a myth. The one who gleaned the title of humanity’s strongest; proving his worthiness every condemning day; never asking for much else in return. None of that was him – not anymore. And he was humiliated by that. Eren couldn’t stand it.

“I don’t care about who you were a lifetime ago, Levi,” he said. “I care about who you are now – right now. And, from the dreams of the unfamiliar, faceless man I’d have as a kid; you’re so much more than who I’d hoped you would be.”

Levi regarded him for a moment with an explicit emotion that Eren couldn’t quite place. Seconds later, such a look disappeared, replaced with a grimace: wrinkled nose and all. “It’s cold as balls out here. What were you doing?” He asked before snorting. “Except from smoking, that is. I guessed that from a mile away. You fucking reek.”

“Normally, after being complimented, you’re supposed to respond just as nicely. Or, at least, not by telling them they smell.” He chuckled, trying to feign offence. “I mean, come on. It’s common courtesy.”

“What would Eren Jaeger know about common courtesy?”

“You make a fair point,” he muttered, still smiling to himself a little. “And I was just thinking. Needed a moment to myself, I guess.”

“Erwin said you didn’t seem to take the news well,” he agreed shortly.

“How could I have possibly taken this well?”

“Fuck if I know, brat,” he scoffed. “I expected you to have burned this place down in anger by now.”

“Really, I’m tempted to.” Ahead of them, a particularly violent burst of wind shook the branches of the trees, hustling out multiple complaints from the owls that had resided in there, taking shelter from the rain. “Is that why you left the room? To stay as far away as possible from me?”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t get off on seeing the people I care about suffer, brat.” He seemed to be taking the brunt force of the direction of the wind, and he didn’t appear to handle it very well. Eren almost wanted to offer him his hoodie, but ultimately decided against it. He didn’t think Levi would appreciate the cliché, and Eren wouldn’t exactly be happy himself without any clothes on his back. “Which is why, actually, I grabbed Leonhart before you spotted her and had the chance to tear her to pieces.”

“Again, I’m still tempted.”

“And under ordinary circumstances, I’d probably let you. But since we’re stuck in a perpetually shitty existence, the possibility of you even touching Annie could result in dire consequences. It might trigger your Titan, which really isn’t something that any one of us here want to happen. It’d endanger the life of every brat in this damn school. Letting you anywhere near Leonhart isn’t a risk that’s worth taking. Sorry to disappoint you.”

Eren stared at his hands, the burn marks embedded into his skin already beginning to scar over, a patch of roughness adorning the flesh. It hadn’t crossed his mind, and that fact alone disgusted him. It hadn’t occurred to him that when his final transformation struck, if not dealt with properly, he could cause significant damage to the school and those within it. He couldn’t be responsible for that. But how could he ensure that he wouldn’t be? How could he ensure that nobody got hurt because of him?

A muttered scorn tore him out of his detrimental thoughts; a cold hand reached for his own, and Eren tried not to think about how nice it felt to have him touching him. Levi’s thumb brushed against the hardening skin, pink in contrast to his usual tan colour. Whilst he brought his hand under close inspection, Eren allowed himself a moment to blatantly stare at the raven, an amused smile toying by his lips at the dusting of pink gracing his cheeks, likely due to the now blistering cold wind. He entertained the thought of kissing him then. With every fibre of his being demanding that he do so, Eren felt his body comply to his desires as he leaned in and –

“If you start steaming I’m going to kick you off this fucking roof.”

“What?” He startled back to his original position, bewildered. Then he realised that Levi’s attention was still fixated on his hand, and only then did what he had said start to make a little more sense. “Oh. Well –“

“Were you going to kiss me?” Levi asked, a humoured smirk appearing on his lips as he looked up.

“Absolutely not.”

He narrowed his gaze. “It looked a lot like you were.”

“How would you know? You weren’t even looking at me.”

“Don’t be so defensive. It’s suspicious.”

“I wasn’t going to kiss you.”

“Good. It wouldn’t be appropriate.” He stood back, placing distance between himself and Eren. “You’ve just relived a life of us treating one another like soldiers. It wouldn’t be right for us to –“

“Careful, Levi. You’re beginning to sound really defensive.”

He gave him a look for that. Eren only laughed and turned his sight back to the city ahead.

“I can’t believe you wear glasses now.”

He didn’t see but he could most definitely envision Levi rolling his eyes at that. “We’ve had this discussion before. They’re reading glasses.” Then, he felt a pressure against his side. He felt Levi’s thumb press against his lip before he saw it. “Says the brat with the shitty piercing in his lip.”

It was a low murmur and, with the cold whipping about them both at an antagonising speed, the acquired vehemence at his side proved to be an almost nauseatingly great relief, especially as the faint touch of Levi’s fingers entangled with his own. Eren turned to him, lips parted as the metal ring seemed to apprehend the raven’s undivided attention.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, his voice quiet. “I guess we’re both pretty different now. And that’s okay –”

Levi’s lips on his was an almost indescribable feeling and it happened in an instant.

His thoughts tunnelled. It made him think. It made him think of what might have happened. If Levi had stayed – had he not disappeared – they could have had this. He and Eren could have spent a lifetime together. Neither of them would have had to die alone, questioning what might have happened had they made different choices. They might have been happy. In the life that they had lived, the luxury was remarkably rare, but it hadn’t been impossible – even for them. And now – now, they had a fighting chance. A chance to alter their past mistakes. Eren had the chance – at last – to show Levi what he meant to him. That his affections extended beyond some petty, childhood hero worship bullshit.

Eren had the chance to show him he loved him – the man he had become. And he’d be damned if he didn’t take that chance.

With the press of his mouth against his, Eren could almost feel himself smiling; wrapping his arms around the raven as he brought him impossibly closer. One alabaster hand was knotted in Eren’s hair; the other entangling itself in the fabric of his hoodie. In spite of the dismal conditions – the brutal gale and ferocious downpour which only seemed to strengthen the closer they became – he could not have imagined it to be this great. He had a pretty impressive imagination, that much was obvious, but even he could not have possibly envisioned this. Nothing he could conjure up in his mind would ever be able to compete with the small sounds escaping the raven as Eren’s fingers threaded through the shorter strands of hair, nor the sensations reverberating through his body as, in pulling away from him, Levi’s lips tugged on the piercing adorning his mouth. The action elicited a quietly unrestrained groan from the back of Eren’s throat; an almost astonished look on his face as his stare found Levi smirking slightly.

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound apologetic. “Was that too much for your little –“

Eren didn’t let him finish. He didn’t appreciate the distance between them before his lips were back on his, only now realising that he had been wanting this for a lot longer than he thought.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Once before had he woken up in Eren’s company. Falling asleep entangled in his tawny limbs wasn’t all that abnormal to that experience. He had his back turned to him and, barren of a shirt to conceal it, the scar aligning his globed shoulder was uncovered. It had been gleaning the attention of Eren’s touch for the majority of the night they spent together, rendering an unsettled sensation noticeable at the bottom of Levi’s stomach and an uncomfortable dryness in his mouth. He could imagine the vibrancy of Eren’s bright orbs dulling – darkening the more he observed the weakness etched into his skin. It wasn’t just the scar that acquired his attention. Dotting his skin were misplaced, disorganised placements of burns. More specifically, cigarette burns, which the father figure of this life had bestowed upon him in a drunken haze. He wasn’t proud of the marks. How could he have been? He found them to be the ever-present reminder of who he was, and who he wasn’t anymore.

Eren had told him that he didn’t care, and hearing that from the brunet had been one of the most astonishing statements he had heard in his life. Eren didn’t care that he hadn’t been able to protect himself from his father – he didn’t care because he didn’t expect that of him anymore.

He wasn’t anybody’s hero anymore.

And that was fine.

“Levi...?” His name was murmured into the night’s silence, and it cut through him as though he was hollow. He couldn’t get used to Eren addressing him without a title – not now that he knew everything. It was unmistakably personal; intimate – as was sharing a bed with him, shirtless and with his secrets exposed openly to him. “Can I ask you a question?”

Rather than muttering a response to that, he turned to face Eren, the boy’s emerald stare finding his almost immediately. The brat’s unruly mane was splayed against the pillow on which he rested his head; his fingers now fidgeting with the slightly frayed edge of its case. The moonlight spiralling through the undrawn blinds of the window lighted Eren’s despondent gaze, making his timelessly intricate eyes appear to be almost glassy.

“Do you think I’ll find Mikasa?” He asked.

One of his ashen hands reached up to capture Eren’s; turning his palm over to uncover the mark which tainted the tawny skin. He grazed his thumb against the almost unnoticeable burn, unstartled by the hastiness of his recovery. Levi sighed, allowing Eren to intertwine their fingers, knotting them in a permanent fixture of solidarity. Looking into his eyes, Eren knew Levi couldn’t tell him that he would find her. He couldn’t make such a promise to him. Already did the impression of renunciation occupy his stare, and Levi wouldn’t lie to him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I know that you’ll try. You always do.”

Eren’s brow furrowed. “Will you help me?”

Levi’s throat bobbed; his crass behaviour dwindling beneath the intensity of Eren’s grief. The brat had always had that effect on him. Eren’s attitude made him want to care. It ignited some semblance of courage, of compassion within him. It had been the same a lifetime ago. Even then, he had admired Eren’s ability to discover hope in the most dismal of situations. He knew that his brat would pull through, regardless of the shit-show he faced – in whatever case.

“You know I will.”

The smile that pulled at Eren’s lips was small, miniscule at best. And it had his breath catch in his throat.

Beyond the confinements of the room, the gale continued to howl, and the rain proceeded to drench all the land had to offer. Blissfully unaffected by the ailments which lurked beyond them, Eren pressed his lips against ivory knuckles.

“We’ll find her,” he stated assuredly, determination glinting in his stare. “We will.”

To the raven, it was that very determination, his strength of will, which seemed to emit a resplendent hue about the room, never failing to cast an insatiable impression of hope and resilience. He could feel a fist tighten its hold on his heart. Eren had the power to preserve all life that Levi had to his being. He had been the driving force behind Levi’s strength; the very reason for his stability. He hadn’t been the only one dependent on Eren for his sense of purpose. Levi didn’t think there had been a soul untouched by the abrasive resolve that Eren Jaeger possessed.

The brunet began to turn on his side, placing his lips against Levi’s knuckles one last time. “Goodnight –“

Before he had the chance to, Levi pulled the brunet to him. Eren’s body melted into him; his lips curving upwards as he smiled into the kiss. His hand placed itself against Levi’s jaw, unwavering as he only seemed to respond to the kiss harder. The pale-skinned male pulled away, only slightly, but far enough to rest his forehead against his. Eren’s teal orbs flickered amusedly, taken aback by the suddenness of the kiss.

“What was that for?” He grinned, pulling the metal piercing between his teeth.

Levi rolled his eyes, not even remotely tempted to stroke the kid’s already inflated sense of self-importance. Cocky shit-head. He didn’t say anything more, instead choosing to rest his cheek against Eren’s shoulder whilst favouring not to listen to the laugh escaping the brunet. With one hand still captured in a bronzed hold, Levi brushed his thumb against Eren’s rough knuckles, staring towards the gentle rise and fall of the boy’s chest as sleep finally claimed him. He allowed himself a moment – a moment in which a small smile graced his lips.

Once before had he woken up in Eren’s company. Falling asleep entangled in his tawny limbs wasn’t all that abnormal to that experience. His first and last conscious thought correlated to one another effortlessly.

He could get used to this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a gay. Sorry - *what a day, is what I meant.  
> I'll admit. This chapter had been rewritten more times than I would have liked it to, but shit - I'm pretty fucking pleased with this. These boys are absolutely wonderful to write, especially with this take on them. I'm glad to hear that so many of you are enjoying this and how I'm depicting the characters. Your thoughts and lovely comments never cease to astound me! I can't say thank you enough.  
> This chapter is certainly the "calm before the storm" for what I have planned, and I almost feel guilty for it. Almost.  
> Thanks for reading!


	19. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Elements of OCD (towards the end of the chapter)

It was the distant sound of crumpling paper that tore Eren from his blatant reverie; not the crucial lecture Hanji was leading at the front of the room, stood before a large whiteboard with a rough sketch of the school building. He should have been listening – this was about him, after all. But he couldn’t bring himself to focus. Not with his painting of Mikasa having been shoved into the corner of the room to make room for them all, at least.

He cast a sidelong glance towards the sound that gleaned his scattered, unreliable attention. Eren’s glassy, half-lidded gaze fell upon a pair of alabaster hands, fingers twiddling the miniscule piece of parchment in his hold. From the distance between them, he couldn’t quite make sense of the inky scrawl across the paper – but whatever it said, it seemed to acquire Levi’s eyes wholly.

“Eren,” Hanji’s voice pried insistently. “Are you listening to any of this?”

Truthfully, he wasn’t. His unfocused stare trained on the linen canvas in the furthest corner of the room once more, its white material dotted with the reoccurring paint splatters of red and black. The addition of watercolour brought a pinkish tint to the illustration’s cheeks, as though the artist had tried to bring her to life. Eren’s gaze hugged her own – her charcoal, glimmering stare which seemed to speak to only him.

“I’m listening.”

“Good, because it’s absolutely vital that you’re aware of this,” Hanji stated, taking her ruler to the diagram she had sketched out of the building. It reminded Eren of sitting in a classroom and revising the scouting formation. He could never really pay attention during that either. “Should you feel yourself transitioning, wherever you are, you need to get to the southern woods – there, behind the building. You need to be out of sight, Eren.”

“I get it.”

“Trust me when I say this: the sight of your Titan – complete or not – will not be received well by the students here. It will frighten them, and some of these kids can’t take that sort of toll on their –“

“I said I get it.” An emerald glower snapped across the room, clashing against Hanji’s stern, unrelenting stare head-on. “The safety of everybody here is completely dependent on me. If I fuck this up, people will get hurt because of me,” he spat out harshly. “I fucking get it.”

“Dry your eyes, brat,” Levi murmured wryly, his tired gunmetal stare stirring towards him. “She’s just making sure it gets through your thick skull.” His sharp eyes intensified on him, his tone lowering. “I know you’re scared –“

“I’m not scared.”

“You’re scared of people getting hurt because of you – because this is something you can’t control,” Levi said. “But you know that Hanji’s only trying to help you.”

Connie cleared his throat. “Hanji, you said that Eren will know that he’s transitioning...” He glanced around at them conspicuously, confusion causing his stare to narrow. “But you haven’t exactly said how he’ll know...”

“You’re right – but I’m not the one who can answer that.” At this, the bespectacled brunette turned her attention towards the petite blonde-haired girl who sat the furthest distance away from Eren, her body curled in on itself defensively. A half-lidded icy gaze flittered up uncomfortably as though she felt all eyes suddenly on her. “Annie, might you be able to give your explanation now?”

Eren’s sight snapped over to her, his vision almost tunnelling as an abrupt bout of indignation coursed through him. He jolted slightly at the sight of her, and the expectant expressions that those around him regarded her with.

“You’re trusting her?” He questioned, the terse accusation cutting through the hollow room.

“Yes,” Armin answered simply. “She’s the only one who is less clueless than the rest of us about it.”

“That sounds really fucking familiar,” Eren spat. “Her being less clueless gave her the upper hand on us the last time. The last time when, I don’t know, she betrayed humanity and murdered hundreds of our comrades?”

Jean exhaled slowly, frowning. “If you would just shut up and listen to what she has to say –“

“I’m not listening to a thing that _she_ has to say –“

“If you’d stop playing the self-righteous hero for two minutes, you might actually realise that I’m trying to help you.” The blonde had since stood tall, and had positioned herself right in front of Eren. Her gaze glistened with moisture but was unwavering as it met his own. “I could stand here and apologise for the rest of my godforsaken life, but you won’t hear a single word of it. And I don’t blame you for that. But – for God’s sake, I’m trying to _help_ you here –“

“I don’t believe you.”

Her hair was now longer than it had been; a slightly darker blonde too. She wore a light trace of eyeliner and her legs were draped in ripped, black skinny jeans. To an outsider, they might have considered her to be an average teenager – nothing about her being misleading or even remotely out of the ordinary. To Eren, that was all Annie was: a problematic kid stuck in a shitty situation; forced into a shitty school for other problematic kids by her shitty parents.

But then he remembered.

He remembered the corpses that littered the forest ground. He remembered the screams that resonated through the trees, rustling the branches and assaulting the leaves; the pleas and cries of those who, in their final moments, were _petrified_ of the merciless monster hunting them down and slaughtering them.

He remembered his squad – how they had fought relentlessly, and how they had been _murdered_ by the very girl who stood before him now.

Eren’s lips curled; a bitter scorn diffusing across his face. “Fuck this,” he snarled. “This transformation bullshit might not happen for years.” Shouldering past Hanji, he broke the distance between him and the painted canvas of his sister and pointed towards it, his eyes ablaze. “Right now, I’m going to find Mikasa – and you can shove your hopes in me trusting Leonhart up your –“

“You don’t have to trust her, Eren,” Erwin placated as he stepped forward, his blue stare hard and relentless. “We’re not asking you to. We’re telling you to just _listen_ to her.” He shook his head, a dry, brief chuckle leaving him. “You’re surprised that you’re the only one against this, aren’t you?”

Eren’s scowl intensified, frustration masking his expression. “Yeah, actually –“

“Then answer me this, Eren,” he continued. “When Annie killed Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld, who is that you think lost the most that day? Who do you think should be the most against this? Whose squad – whose long-time friends and companions were murdered by the Female Titan?”

Onyx hair draped over his cobalt eyes, obscuring the emotion lurking within them from Eren’s view, but he knew they watched him carefully – he could feel Levi’s stare searing through his skin; burning a permanent impression into his flesh as his lips had masterfully done so the night before. An impassive façade lay calmly across the raven’s features, his toned alabaster arms folded expectantly.

Eren looked at him as he answered, “Captain Levi.”

Erwin nodded coldly. “And do you hear him acting out against her?”

“No,” he responded lowly.

“No, he isn’t – despite having every reason to,” the blond man stated. “You don’t need to trust her, but you trust Levi’s judgement. Don’t you?”

He nodded mutedly.

“Then shut up; sit down and fucking listen to Annie, dumbass,” Jean grumbled, groaning. “God, I can’t believe I’d thought you would be less of an arsehole this time around. I stand corrected.”

“It’s not the first time you’ve been wrong, asshat.”

Erwin released an exhausted exhale, flippantly signalling towards Annie with a hand. “Go on,” he ordered.

Annie looked towards him, misery glimmering in her lidded gaze – utterly renounced – before speaking. “You’ll know you’re transitioning when it happens. You’ll feel it. Call it instinct or whatever – but you’ll remember the feeling of it happening to you from before. You can’t forget the feeling of becoming one of them.” Her gaze flittered downwards, remorseful reminiscence decorating her toneless voice. “You’ll feel it taking over your body, you’ll be filled with the same feeling – that rage or agony – that you had felt before you transformed in the past. Whatever emotions you felt, they’ll consume you. And you’ll let them, whether you want them to or not.”

A cruel smirk fastened itself across his lips, etching his spite onto his expression for her to see. “What was it that you felt then? Did you even feel anything at all?” He demanded tenaciously, her crystal glare subdued beneath his as he stood over her. “I bet you fucking _loved_ _it –_ what you did to _all_ those _innocent_ people –“

When Annie’s expression shifted abruptly, the back of Eren’s hoodie was caught in someone’s grasp and he was roughly hauled backwards, extending the distance between them that he hadn’t realised he was shortening. The blonde’s hands shook by her sides, and they curled into fists to force the tremors to subside. She regarded him hatefully, tears brewing in her unyielding, fixed stare.

“Remember what I told you, Eren.” Levi’s mouth was suddenly by his ear, fingers capturing an asphyxiating grip on his wrist, whispering through the incessant thrumming of his own heartbeat as rage flooded through him. “If you touch her, you’ll put every miserable bastard in this room at risk. So calm down.”

Eren’s teal orbs followed the movement of Annie’s hand as it relaxed from its stiffened fist; her fingers intertwining with Armin’s when he joined her side. The brunet’s entire body tensed, bewilderment betraying his frustration at the sight of the affection shared between them.

“I was there when it started. She broke down in tears, Eren,” Armin said, an impenetrable frown settled on his features. “She wouldn’t stop apologising and crying. The last time I had seen someone so in pain was when – it was when we all lost Mikasa the day of the parade, and the years that you lived in agony without her.” His blue stare darkened, colliding against Eren’s with the utmost certainty. “And I trust her because of that – because her pain reminded me of yours, Eren, and I know she’s trying to do all that she can to remedy her mistakes.”

Armin’s statement penetrated his chest and targeted every emotion he had to offer in that moment. His blond-haired friend’s stare claimed his, and Eren suddenly felt like his entire body was seconds away from collapsing in on itself, the weight on his lungs leaving him slightly breathless. Eren despised Annie – she was his enemy, he knew that with each and every fibre of his being. But he trusted Armin – he loved Armin like a brother.

And Armin loved Annie.

Resignation shoved him at his chest, pulling him down into the chair behind him. He sat down lifelessly, drained. As such was evident in his dimming emerald gaze as he looked at Armin, his best friend – his brother. Eren had barely spoken to him; had even spent the night with Levi as opposed to him, and that fact alone repulsed him. Because even in the life before, Armin had always been by his side, through thick and thin. The blond had dreamt of visiting the ocean, and had shared his vision with Eren when they were young. Armin had entrusted him with his dream, and Eren would return that wholly, even if it meant acting civilly with Annie. He would – because he trusted Armin. He loved Armin. His adoration for his friend was greater than his hatred towards her.

So he nodded, resolution glimmering in his stare which he regarded Armin with. “I’ll play nice,” he said, a weight levitating from his chest as he did. “But only because I trust you, you blond coconut.”

A visible sigh of relief passed through him then, Armin’s shoulders relaxing from their uptight position. “Thank you, Eren.”

“Shit like this’ll make me cry someday,” Jean muttered to Connie. “That day is not today.”

Connie snorted. “Dude, your eyes are literally watering right now.”

“No they are not. Piss off.”

“Ok-ay...” Hanji whistled jovially, pressing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose. “Now that Jean’s crying – let’s continue, shall we?” She sauntered over towards Eren, ruler still in hand as she approached him with it. “How would you feel about doing an experiment for me?”

Eren swallowed. “I’d feel better about doing one if you weren’t waving a ruler in my face,” he answered honestly. “But – an actual experiment...like, with me as a Titan?”

“Luckily for you, kiddie, Erwin has forbidden that – you know, collateral damage and such,” she mentioned flippantly, shrugging her shoulders offhandedly. “But no, you don’t even have to be conscious for this!”

“Hanji,” Levi warned. “Be very careful with how you phrase these things.”

“It’s just a simple procedure,” the bespectacled brunette explained. “I want a spinal fluid sample – oh, and probably a blood sample too. I could look into the mutations that your abilities have inflicted on your cells, and what exactly allows you to heal so quickly. This could be revolutionary in the field of medicine!”

“Or you could, I don’t know, coincidentally turn people into Titans?” Historia supplied disagreeably. “You know – it’s just a minor risk...”

“Perhaps you should stick to your own profession,” Erwin suggested. “You’re not a doctor, Hanji. You’re a psychotherapist.”

“Correction: I’m a devout scientist,” Hanji interrupted. “And I wouldn’t worry, Historia, it’s unlikely that it’ll ever make it to human trials without passing animal trials first and foremost. How intriguing would it be if a mouse became a Titan – if that is even possible? I had always wondered what Levi would look like as a Titan!”

Said male’s head snapped up, positively fuming. “You piece of –“

His insult was succeeded by an almost deafening wail of a siren that pierced through the building. An amber light flickered shockingly incandescent at the corner of the room, and the urge to shield his ears from the blaring alarm nearly overwhelmed Eren completely.

Erwin stood, an impossibly stern expression taking over the amused smile that he had worn amidst Hanji and Levi’s small altercation, and his gaze sought for Mike immediately.

“Smoke. It’s faint,” the tall man quipped shortly, his voice booming over the extravagant noise. “Must be a fire on the east wing.”

“But the east wing is exclusively classroom only,” Jean said. “How could a fire be there of all places?”

“That’s a question for later,” Erwin snapped, starting out of the room. “Someone contact the –“

The expression on the young student’s face as she entered the room would remain engrained into Eren’s memory – the terror that damn near bleached her face as white as paper and the wide-eyed gaze that she presented Erwin with. Her hands shook at her sides, her upper lip quivering as she spoke the words that clogged Eren’s throat.

“Someone’s trapped up – upper east wing,” she spluttered, breathless. “Please – there’s a fire and I-I don’t know where –“

As her face began to crumple beneath her fear, the command that left the Erwin’s mouth was direct and unwavering. His hand fell lightly on the tremoring girl’s shoulder. “All of you, evacuate the school – get the kids out the building. Move!”

Each of his friends began to file down the stairs to the main block of the school, but Eren’s feet had rooted him stiff to the floor, forbidding him from joining the rest of them. The rapid beating of his heart flooded his ears once more; each thundering pound against his chest jolted through him and shook him to the core. Barely aware of it himself, he turned the other way, and with resolution clawing through him adamantly, Eren broke into a run towards the upper east wing.

But he stopped promptly as he caught the raven in his peripheral, the barely concealed panic in his gleamingly cobalt stare betraying the apathetic stone of a mask on his expression as he glared at him. An emerald gaze fixed itself onto him, a reassuring nod forcing him to move. He could do this – he had to do this.

“Don’t you dare,” Levi demanded, blocking Eren’s passage. He seized a hold on him arm, a warning glinting in the darkening gunmetal grey of his eyes. “Eren, walking into open flames would be suicide – even for someone with your abilities –“

“I have to try.” His voice wavered. “If there’s someone stuck up there, you know they won’t last long enough for the emergency services to arrive. They’ll die and – and I won’t forgive myself for not trying to help them.”

“You’re still at risk –“

“I can heal – I’m less at risk than anyone else here,” he argued vehemently, desperation clinging to his tone. “I can help them. I have to.”

“Tell me this, Jaeger.” Levi’s constricting grip on him must have been tight enough to bruise. Eren was beginning to question whether he was ever going to relent his hold before, reluctantly, he stepped out of his way. His hand remained enclosed around his wrist however – a venomous scowl clouding over his features. “When, exactly, are you going to stop carrying the weight of people’s lives on your shoulders?”

A self-assured grin placed itself across his pierced lips. “Someday, maybe,” he said, smiling wistfully. Gingerly gracing his thumb against the crook of Levi’s jaw, Eren savoured the unspoken comfort and assurance he gleaned from the touch. “How about a kiss for good luck?”

His face scrunched up in a disgusted grimace, shrugging himself out of Eren’s reach before delivering a rough elbow to his ribs. “Think of it as incentive for you making it out alive,” Levi quipped, his stare softening for a moment. “I trust you to do this, Eren. Don’t disappoint me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it – sir.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Ammonium nitrate, zinc powder and hydrochloric acid – all gone. Brilliant. That narrows the cause of the fire down, doesn’t it?”

“You sound surprised.”

“I like to have faith in my students here.” Hanji’s bespectacled sulk upturned towards the building and the black smoke that billowed out from its top windows. “I didn’t think any one of them would commit an arson attack. I mean, their scientific knowledge on chemical reactions is commendable –”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” His stare was fixated on the remnants of the fire; his vision straining to see through the cloud of blackness as though he expected a boy’s figure to appear amidst the simmering flames. “Eren is risking his life to rescue one of your idiotic students. Don’t you dare commend them for starting this shit.”

“Right...” Hanji’s throat bobbed. “He’ll be fine – if anything is at risk here, it’s the academy’s reputation. The governors aren’t going to like this.”

“The governors don’t care about this place,” Erwin muttered lowly, his arms folded. “We’re only funded to keep quiet. The kids here aren’t allowed into any other school in the country, and so by accepting them here we’re taking a load off the higher-ups. Those bastards don’t actually care about the wellbeing of our students.” He shook his head, a heavy expression settled on his face. “We’ve had a worse reputation. Before, our expeditions would kill hundreds of soldiers. The Survey Corps were despised and mocked by everyone.”

“Whatever happens here, it’ll be infinitely better than those days,” Levi insisted assuredly, his pulse beating erratically in impatience. He would much rather head up there himself than wait in this agonising state of anticipation. “As long as no one dies because of a shitty chemical explosion, that is.”

“Erwin, who’s still up there?” Hanji asked dreadfully, her attention acquired by the bustling urgency emitted from the firefighters. “As much faith as I do have in Eren, the fire’s barely simmering now. If the servicemen find him casually emerging from the room unscathed, the questions asked aren’t going to be pleasant for any of us to answer. They’ll probably perform some manic form of experimentation on the poor boy – and they won’t be as careful with him as me!”

“Hanji, no one is going to experiment on him. He’s...” His voice trailed into a hoarse whisper, his stare immediately anchoring itself to the stumbling brunet at the entranceway to the school building. In his bloody, blistered arms, he held the body of a young girl, whom he lightly placed on the concrete slabs of stairs. Anguish occupied his expression, and the clothes on his lithe frame were shredded with holes, exposing the tawny flesh marred by burns.

When Eren staggered back into the school building once more, he was closely followed. The shorter the distance between them, the more antagonised cries he heard escape the brunet boy, and the tighter Levi’s chest soon became. He caught up to him quickly, just as Eren began to shed the wrecked hoodie and shirt from his back. The second he did so, Levi’s eyes fell on his tormented skin and the third-degree burns that adorned his flesh. His stomach plummeted, eyes wide.

“Shower,” Eren damn near whimpered, a transparent sheen of wetness drenching his flushed face. “Levi –“

He took a hold of Eren’s arm, mindful of his enflamed skin but unavoidably heard the excruciated groan leave him. The rooms ahead of them would have to suffice, he decided, regretfully hauling the burned boy along with him to the nearest bedroom. Eren tore himself out of his hold, scrambling with unsteady steps into the bathroom. Levi watched, disgraced and conflicted, as the brunet collapsed beneath the shower’s unrelenting spray, an unrestrained, shallow scream leaving his throat as the water assaulted his raw flesh.

He debated momentarily, an internal argument with himself which he ultimately settled with, “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Putting aside the piece of paper that had occupied his pocket and mind for hours, he removed his shoes before accompanying Eren in the shower. A startled and unbelievably pained teal-eyed gaze flickered up to him, utterly puzzled, as Levi’s forehead fell against his bare shoulder; an ivory hand settling in the brat’s unruly mane of drenched umber hair. He held onto him, a shudder running through him.

“I shouldn’t have let you go, dammit,” he said, unaware and uncaring as to whether Eren could hear him or not. “You’re not invincible, Eren.”

Hesitant hands drifted against his clothed back and embedded themselves into the fabric of his shirt.

“It’s okay. I’ll heal,” Eren responded, his voice laboured. “I’ll be –“

“The fact that you’ll heal doesn’t make you any less in pain, Eren.” His hand tightened in the boy’s hair, frustration coursing through him. “It doesn’t make this easier.”

He felt each sharp inhale and every tremoring exhale that shook his frame; each one piercing through his chest and only further constricted his throat.

“I saved someone’s life today,” Eren broke the silence with, his mouth against Levi’s shoulder. “When Erwin told me that my abilities still existed, I felt sick. Sick that – that I still had a monster inside of me. The kind of monster that I had painted onto buildings and had feared for my entire life.” He pulled away from the boy, favouring to look at him as he spoke. Eren’s dim viridian stare lighted all of a sudden, and through his agonised expression, a smile appeared on his pierced lips. “And I saved someone’s life because of it. I’d forgotten what it was like to...help and save, instead of destroy...and kill –”

“You can do that without your abilities, Eren. You can help and save without them.” Levi’s fingers combed the drowned strands of dark hair out of Eren’s eyes, and chose for them to remain, gently, against the angle of his jaw. He remembered what he had thought the night before – how Eren Jaeger was a saviour not only for his powers, but because of _him_. Just him. With his resilience and strength of will alone, he carried them all and gave them hope. Levi wondered if he could confess that to him now. “You saved – well, you gave –“

His smile dissipated, an irritating grin replacing the pleasant sight. “You’re getting flustered.”

“I’m trying to say something nice –“

“That must be so difficult for you,” he teased.

“I fucking hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Seeing the brunet so jovial, in spite of the steam evaporating from his marred body and clouding the room, made a smile threaten to shatter through Levi’s concerned – but impassive all the same – expression. He wanted to be wary of Eren’s state of pain, but at the same time, he desperately wanted to kiss Eren until neither of them could breathe. He wanted to insult the kid for having such an inflated sense of self, but he was almost itching to praise him and worship him and –

He rolled his eyes, his hand entangling itself in Eren’s hair as the sprigs of gold in his emerald gaze shimmered radiantly with amusement.

“No,” he agreed lightly, trailing his lips tauntingly against the Eren’s. The brief exhale that the brunet almost panted against him drove him insane, but he contained himself as bronzed hands graced his waist. Levi kneeled in front of him, a smirk toying across his lips. “You’re right. I don’t.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

For the initial few moments upon blinking green orbs open, he braced himself for the abrasive impact of streams of light filtering through the window. When he needn’t have bothered; with bewilderment forcing him into an upright sitting position, he noticed his sore body was a lone silhouette in the darkness. The room was black, as was the night sky, with a sporadic splattering of glimmering white dots flickering across it. Dazedly, slowly acquiring a sense of consciousness and a subdued sense of pain all over his body, he overheard the heavy sprinkling of water, its vicious noise beckoning his attention towards the bathroom.

It was then that he noticed the empty space beside him. Fingers splayed across the mattress, he felt the fabric dip beneath his touch. It wasn’t warm. It felt unused, as though Eren had been sleeping alone for much longer than he had been aware. And only then did his ears pique to attention at another sound, one that had him peeling back the sheets from their entanglement with his legs; stumbling towards the source of the noise. He leant heavily against the doorframe, still not quite aware of his surroundings, and as dark as it was, the misshapen, shadowed shape of a human hunched over the sink, arms braced either side of the basin, allowed him to hazard a guess as to what he saw.

“Go back to bed,” the shape spoke, his voice as gentle as the cold lapping at Eren’s bare chest; an almost ironic contradiction to the ivory hands – a bar of soap shared between them both; held tightly in one – scrubbing incessantly at one another in rough, frantic motions. “Eren. You need to rest. Go back to –“

“How long have you been doing this for?” Eren asked quietly.

Even as Eren spoke, he didn’t stop. “Not long. Half an hour.” Levi didn’t look at him either. He didn’t do much of anything but scrub his hands and forearms raw. Eren wouldn’t be surprised if, in a brighter light, Levi’s typically alabaster flesh was more akin to Eren’s immediately after having been ridden with third-degree burns.

“I didn’t mean just tonight, Levi,” he whispered, hesitant to touch him. Levi’s back was to him, he knew, but from his position, Eren could see the tension bound between his shoulder blades; each shuddering exhale exiting his mouth failing to alleviate any of the pressure. “How long has this been going on for?”

His silhouette shook as visible tremors passed through him. He breathed out a sigh. “Go back to bed, Eren. Please. I’ll be able to join you in a minute.”

Something about the way he said that really didn’t settle well with Eren, as it was as though Levi deemed himself physically unable to join him immediately. From his interminable ministrations with a bar of soap, Eren didn’t suppose that he was in control of his actions. At least not to an extent. Whatever the reason for this ritual he had adopted – God knows when – it was clear that Levi hadn’t the faintest grasp on it. The impulse, it seemed, to rid his hands of the invisible specks which plagued them, had its grip on him.

Eren could barely turn his gaze away from the brash movements of Levi’s hands but, with some difficulty, he nodded to himself. “We’ll talk about it later. Promise me that.”

Levi seemed every part cognizant to all around him, but still did he refrain from facing him. It made Eren’s stomach knot in a simmering rage and confusion. A spark of indignation that he felt completely, utterly helpless in doing anything to ease Levi’s mind. He had always been conscious of the raven’s cleanliness; his uncommonly obsessive tendencies to fuss over the state of his belongings and be absurdly particular about certain things, but never before had Eren realised the severity of which this had escalated to.

It scared him.

“Someday,” he heard him mutter in response to him, barely audible beneath the stream of the tap. And for the moment, Eren knew that was all he’d be getting on the matter.

Securing himself a place beneath the covers didn’t feel quite the same after that. His chest wasn’t filled with the same warmth by which he had first settled onto the mattress with earlier that night – in spite of his body being wracked with pain – but had been replaced with empty void had taken that comforting warmth’s place. He knew he’d have to speak to someone about this – he needed to voice his concerns to a person who would listen. He could talk to Hanji about it, but it seemed like the mere mention of a concern regarding Levi would ignite every possible maternal instinct she has for him, and she would undoubtedly go into a frenzy. Eren didn’t want Hanji to bother Levi. The fact that he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone suggested that he’d prefer to keep it quiet and to himself. And as much as that worried Eren, he trusted Levi. He really did.

But this was something they needed to talk about.

Turning on his side, he shut his eyes; impatiently awaiting for the stream of water to cease to exist; for Levi to dry his hands and return to the bed. The weight on Eren’s chest didn’t dissipate until he heard silence, quickly followed by a dip in the mattress beside him. He blinked his stare open, brow furrowed, as Levi hovered above him; an expressionless mask painted across his features.

“Open your arms.” Eren’s mind barely registered the order, but realised he was compliant to it regardless of whether he was conscious of it or not. A slight smile pulled at Levi’s mouth and, as he settled down between Eren’s arms, he put a hand through his umber hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

Eren didn’t respond, but an exhausted grumble forced its passage out of his throat as he leant closer, resting his forehead against the crook of Levi’s shoulder and tightened his hold on his marbled body. He felt a brief chuckle send vibrations through the raven’s frame and Eren couldn’t dispel the sleepy grin forcing its way onto his lips. Though he felt nimble fingers toy with the hair above the nape of his neck, reassuring him, Eren couldn’t completely misplace the memory of the occurrence which took place only minutes prior.

“Do you know Kenny’s number?”

Eren’s brows threaded together, bemused by the abruptness of the question. “Yeah. Memorised it from when I thought he was Chris. Why?”

He felt the exhale shudder through Levi’s body, reverberating through this frame as though the sigh adhered tension to each part of him. “Is this it?”

The conspicuous slip of parchment that Eren had seen him holding onto all day was suddenly presented before him, the unreadable scrawl of ink now becoming clear numbers. A phone number. Eren had a knack for remembering the most useless titbits of information – take Kenny, or Chris’, phone number, which wasn’t the number that he now read.

Shaking his head, he reclined his neck back to look at him. “No,” he answered. “That’s not his. Where’d you get it?”

“Found it in my coat pocket earlier today. The sneaky son of a bitch must have slipped it in there between throwing sets of cutlery at my head.”

“You didn’t gouge his eyeball out with a spoon, did you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the raven snorted. “I pressed a butter knife against his throat.”

Eren only stared blankly at him for a moment. “It concerns me that I’m not even remotely surprised.” He settled back against Levi’s shoulder and, subconsciously – and with sleep taking a hold of him – Eren murmured a barely coherent question. “Why would he leave you with a number that wasn’t his?”

“Because that’s Kenny for you,” he muttered dryly, his exhausted stare narrowing on the paper as though he hoped to deduce some hidden cryptic message beyond the numbers. “Always has to make a mystery out of everything he does.” He exhaled heavily, putting the paper aside as he situated himself beside Eren more closely than before. “I’ll call it tomorrow. See if he’s screwing around with me or not.”

Eren shuffled closer too, allowing his eyes to drift seamlessly shut. “It could be someone you had known before...”

Lean alabaster arms encircled him, hugging his body to him as another shaky sigh wracked through him. “We’ll see.”

The despondency of his tone was the last conscious thought that occupied Eren’s mind, along with the fear that remained from the sight of Levi’s uncontrollable scrubbing of his hands, and the palpable scent of hand soap that now flooded his senses. He was afraid that if he opened his eyes, he would see Levi gone – that Eren would lose him to no one but himself, and whatever it was that plagued him in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say I found some parts of this chapter quite funny, but I did just nearly kill Eren and reintroduced Levi's OCD, so I probably shouldn't. Wow... That sounded evil.  
> I tried to get this updated sooner, but GOOD GOD, have I felt terrible recently.  
> In more positive news, however, I am officially free of responsibilities! Updates should (*should*) be more regular from now on, but if they aren't then please write hate messages addressed to my mental health. It seriously sucks at the moment.  
> And how about that finale of season 2 though? I CRIED. I say that - but I also cried at some point during EVERY episode leading up to the finale. Season 3 has got me so hyped for 2018 I can't wait to see *certain scenes* play out!!  
> So, that's my life for the moment. How are you doing this fine day/evening? I hope you're all feeling fantastic!  
> As always, thank you so much for reading. Let me know your thoughts on some of the things mentioned in this chapter!


	20. The Slaves To The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Brief continuation of OCD mention  
> Brief depiction of self-harm (i.e. scratching)  
> Brief mention of past suicide attempt

Beneath the light, tentative ministrations of his fingers, Eren’s skin erupted in warmth; a contented sigh leaving his lips in an unconscious display. Levi hid his frown behind the brunet’s shoulder, a strange sort of settlement in the pit of his stomach as he regarded the boy in his bed, fast asleep with that familiar youthful semblance. No longer concealed within the blanket of night he could observe the boy more clearly; discover the uncharted stretch of his torso exposed to him; grace his fingers along the unexpected little mole on his taut stomach, mirroring the one on the side of his tawny neck; have a front-seat viewing to the thin white line stretching across his abdomen. A scar which, unlike many of the other wounds his body had acquired, hadn’t disappeared. A part of him almost felt guilty in laying his half-lidded gaze upon it. He felt as though he was uncovering Eren’s secrets without his knowing and, in doing so, was betraying the trust they had formed. And in mapping out every millimetre of Eren’s upper body, he ingrained the heat of his skin into his mind; committing it to memory as though it would disappear in an instant.

An extravagant vibration atop of his side table jarred him out of his thoughts, its sound reverberating about the room, and Levi had to supress a smile when an audible groan of complaint exited Eren’s mouth; his hand fisting his pillow as he brought it down to shield his ears from the sound. It beckoned the raven to reclaim his phone before it roused Eren from his blissful sleep completely; something which he didn’t hope to achieve. As lazy as the brat was, it would mean Levi wouldn’t be able to ogle so freely and unabashedly at him. Eren’s hand twitched by his shoulder, the bronzed skin barely touching the alabaster muscle at all, but it managed to hold Levi captive nevertheless.

Effectively shutting his alarm off before it stirred Eren awake, his phone felt heavy in his grasp all of a sudden. He thought back to the last conversation that he and the brunet had shared, ending with Levi concluding he would call the number that Kenny seemed so suspiciously adamant about him knowing. He considered his options: muster the restraint and remain nonchalant to Kenny’s typically shady self, or surrender to his overpowering curiosity.

It didn’t take him much time to type the number into his phone, and he felt as though a breath was caught in his throat all the while. Each press of his thumb against the screen elicited a sharp blip in his heartrate; the hesitation before he could select the call button, a result of his anxiety in that moment, only quenched by the quiet murmurs of the sleeping boy beside him.

The brunet’s dark brow furrowed all of a sudden, an intense frown overcoming his features. An incoherent grumble vacated his lips – seemingly a groan of sorts – before he hugged himself closer to Levi, succeeding in pushing the raven back against the pillows. Eren’s cheek lay against his abdomen, his mouth agape in sleep.

“If you drool on me, you’re getting kicked out.”

Eren shushed him then, lips against his stomach. “You’re too loud...” Fatigue grasped onto every word, his speech slurring through his drowsiness, and Levi was surprised by how endearing he found it to be.

“I’m speaking no louder than usual,” he said – contrary to his statement – a little louder than his usual tone of voice, solely to further gripe Eren’s particularly short temper.

Eren practically growled at the sound of Levi’s voice interrupting his sleep. Expecting an exhausted, half-arsed retort from the boy, Levi sat back with a triumphant smirk settled on his mouth. When he felt teeth graze his skin however, a hot breath against his abdomen, he decided then to stop expecting a civil response from Eren Jaeger. He damn near gasped at the sharp nip, the slip of his tongue against him; and instead planted a rough kick against Eren’s shin. It was an incidental reflex action, but he couldn’t deny that Eren deserved it. Alabaster digits fixed themselves into the brunet’s mane of hair, facing the lazy, sleep-induced pierced grin with a glower of his own.

“No,” Levi warned, quietly observing the malevolence and shimmering mirth seep into Eren’s half-lidded emerald stare. “Eren –“

When Eren’s mouth fastened itself against the pale flesh above his navel, any possible retort he had rearing on the tip of his tongue involuntarily diminished; and in its wake a short intake of breath remained. His eyes were focused on him for a moment longer before, inevitably, shutting with a small sigh as Eren’s lips continued their gentle ministrations, the warmth of the foreign feeling spreading throughout the entirety of him.

He hadn’t been touched like this before. Not by anyone – especially not by Eren; not in this life, nor the one before. He never wanted it. He didn’t want – what he thought to be – a distraction. He was more efficient soldier, captain and advisor, to himself and others, in concentration. He didn’t think he needed distracting. He didn’t rely upon desire, the instinct of lust, to feel human. He didn’t need it to handle the severity and morbidity of their situation. He didn’t need the press of a warm mouth against his skin to feel alive. He didn’t possess the desire to be irrevocably _undone_ beneath someone’s touch.

He didn’t think he did. That is, until the lips moving against him belonged to a shameless, viridian-eyed brat, and only now did he realise that yes – _yes_ , maybe he had wanted this. This, with Eren’s slick tongue gliding against his skin; the cold metal of his piercing igniting an aggravatingly stark contrast to the heat blossoming within him; a glistening trail of wet moisture; the bronzed hand gripping him at his thigh, holding him firm; and _yes_ – perhaps a part of him might have needed this too.

Eren’s lips continued in their steady incline, unrushed as though he wanted to personally engrave the impression of himself into Levi’s ivory skin, and didn’t look at him once until his lips reached his clavicle. He paused, emerald orbs clouded with an unidentifiable intensity that Levi didn’t think could be sated by the taste of his skin alone, a quizzical frown taking purchase on his face.

Levi kissed him then, hard. His fingers entangled themselves into the brunet’s hair, fisting the long strands as he tasted the metal of the piercing on his lips. Eren’s tongue parted his mouth, and desire had Levi’s body ache; an uncommon sensation rushing through him like volts of electricity. His back arched voluntarily, pushing his front against Eren in a way that elicited a sharp intake of breath from both of them. When Eren’s hands travelled southward, burning permanent etchings into his skin as they did, Levi felt high-strung and restless, like a length of finely taut string was close – painfully close – to snapping inside of him. The damn near scorching heat of the tawny hand below his navel was unbearable, and Eren’s teeth grazing against his neck was enticing to him.

Behind closed eyes, Levi could see a boy. A boy, whose emerald orbs were held accountable for his young age; his eyes much too large and much too circular in proportion to the features of his face, staring at him, his expression that of utter wonderment and adoration. A boy who, the next time Levi saw of him, could transform into a monster. A boy who, to his own dismay, possessed an ability beyond the knowledge of even the specialists – a boy who, if happened to lose control of his urges and his monstrous curse, would be murdered by the most ruthless of men; the man who could kill without a trace of remorse. A boy whose shoulders bore the fate of humanity itself.

A _boy_.

The boy was Eren.

If he lost control, Levi would be the one to kill him.

“Stop.”

The tone of his voice must have carried a thousand words that his mouth wouldn’t have been able to convey in that moment alone. The command was thick and grave, his confliction palpable as he sat up; his feet planted on the floor. Eren was beside him, quiet and unsure, with his hands wrung together in hesitance to touch him again.

“I’m sorry.” Levi stood up, distancing himself from the bed – from the boy. From Eren. “We can’t do this. Not right now.”

Eren followed, brow furrowed confusedly. “Levi –“

“I can’t do this, Eren.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Holding a polystyrene cup of water in precariously shuddering hands, Eren winced at the aching settlement forming in his lower back._

_“How are you holding up?”_

_“I’ve been better.” That was an understatement. His temperature had been fluctuating for the past couple of days and today seemed worst of all, likely not a result of the mediocre procedure Hanji had jumped – literally, she leapt – at the chance to perform on him. For science, as she had said, as though that was reason enough to treat Eren like a Guinea pig in her laboratory of madness._

_“Considering it’s your first time receiving a lumbar puncture, aches and pains are to be expected. Especially as it’s been done by an amateur.”_

_“You told me that already,” he murmured dryly, holding his forehead. “It’s still not reassuring.”_

_“I have a friend in the field,” she paused, “An actual professional, don’t you worry, who’ll take a look at the cerebrospinal fluid and blood samples I took – just for any mutations as such; the things that were more difficult to do back then. Though at this point we’re not too certain what we’re looking for exactly, so we won’t be getting any answers for a couple of months – at least.”_

_She had been remarkably adamant on Eren agreeing to this, calling it an advancement in medical science that they couldn’t afford to miss. With his final transition trailing closer with each passing day, Eren allowed his will to be bent and agreed to her proposition. For the moment though, his mind was elsewhere. It toyed with him mercilessly, day and night – some nights he even woke up to it: the incessant scrubbing, clawing, of hands and soap in the bathroom. He’d stay awake until Levi returned and, again, they would fall back to sleep as though it never happened. It had happened eight times in the past week alone – twice, one night._

_“Hanji,” he began, his voice quiet. “Can I ask you something? About Levi.”_

_Her back was to him. He watched, from the movement of her fiddling hands with equipment stationed at the countertop, to then pausing as he spoke. A visible sigh could be seen shutter through her frame, long-winded and expectant._

_“I suppose now that the initial shock of your reclaimed memories has worn off,” she said, her bespectacled stare downcast as she turned around. “You’re beginning to realise something about him.”_

_Eren’s throat tightened. “He’s not well, is he?”_

_Hanji took a seat beside him on the singular hospital-style bed, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of her nose._

_“Erwin and I – we’ve been watching over him for a while now...” Eren’s stare followed the soothingly repetitive thumb gracing over her knuckles, a motion he figured must have been reassuring to her and to quench her anxieties. To see Hanji, the most excitedly erratic of people, look so despondent and concerned, terrified him more than he’d like to admit. “No one is taking this life well. Not with the past tearing at our heels. Levi, he – he remembered it all prematurely. Not knowing what it meant or who to confide in, he was just a little boy when he developed certain...tendencies –“_

_“Scrubbing at his hands like his life depends on it?”_

_A grimace contorted her face. “Among other more detrimental things, yes. Many of which remain in his childhood and he’s since managed to take back some form of control. But the washing of his hands has stuck with him.”_

_Eren’s stomach churned at that – the mere mention of the ‘other things’._

_“Was he like this before?” Eren asked. “In the past I mean.”_

_Hanji shrugged one shoulder, exhaling deeply. “I believed for some time that Levi’s condition now has transpired, or is exaggerated, from his past obsessions. Growing up, remembering a part of himself from a whole new life, might have complicated things for him. He’s been making connections since he was young; discovering who he once was, and how that differs to who he is now. And how he found a way to deal with the cruelties of the past was by cleaning – making sure his surroundings were spotless.”_

_“Why?” A murmur strained his throat. “Why is this happening to him?”_

_Eren stared at the floor beneath his feet. He didn’t flinch as an arm came about his shoulders; Hanji’s hand clasping his knee, assuring. “There’s no simple answer to something like this. I told him the same when we discovered that your memories hadn’t returned,” she mumbled. “Ultimately however, we can reassure Levi that his hands are clean until our voices are gone and our throats are sore, but he may not ever hear us. We’re all slaves to the past, Eren. Even humanity’s strongest man.”_

“Slaves,” he grouched humourlessly, spitefully reminiscing over Hanji’s words as he struggled to barge through the door in heading up to the roof of the building. It had become his haven – a relief to his skin, which now seemed to be permanently engulfed in unbearable heat – and his regular outings to the place had increased drastically in the past week.

Eren’s knees almost buckled as he reached the edge. He sat before they had the chance to give out beneath him.

A spasm transitioned along his spine; the agony of the discomfort hauling a wretch out of Eren’s throat. A cross between a sob and vomit. Fingers tightening in his hair, he tugged. A scream stood, temptation holding it there, on the tip of his tongue.

Beneath the skin of his wrists, his veins began to bulge in sheer, straining tension. An eternal shadow seemed to take residence on his shoulders, its enormous weight serving as an extraordinarily painful reminder of what he was – of what was about to happen, if he didn’t find some way of controlling it. He held up his hand and, mindlessly, drove his fingernails into the flesh. Blistering welts, extended lines of provoked aggravation, covered the entirety of his forearm and then, emerging almost seamlessly, steam immediately dispersed into the air. He hissed sharply, a grimace crossing his lips at the confirmation of his suspicions. It was happening – and he couldn’t trigger it.

He didn’t notice the prolonged creak of the door behind him, nor did he see the icy cerulean stare of the blonde-haired girl stalking towards him, her expression cautionary and speculative.

“Why are you up here?” Annie questioned, the demand weighing heavily on her tongue. “Eren. You need to get you down.”

“I can’t.” He turned to her, her figure shrouded by the intense plumes of steam evacuating his body. “I won’t make it.”

“You can’t transform on the bloody roof, Eren.” She swore, uncharacteristic alarm infiltrating her tone. “You’ll bring the damn building down on top of you. People will –“

“Why the Hell are you here?” He interrogated vehemently, ferocious animosity forcing his fists to clench. “Were you following me?”

Annie’s brows rose as indignation spiked through her. “I saw you staggering around, steam coming out of your arse – did you expect me to not follow you up here?” She shook her head, scowling. “Levi’s fucked off somewhere, leaving you alone to deal with this. I’m filling in for him.”

“I don’t want you to –“

A brutally anguished scream tore out of his throat as his spinal column, once more, seemed to twist angularly; the agonising effect it had on him prevalent and merciless across his body. His arms shook as he tried, his attempt fruitless, to hold himself up.

He hadn’t felt pain like this before. Not in this life, at least.

 

Fragments of splintered wood, the remnants of demolished buildings, pierced his chest and ribs. Pinned to the ground, immobile, Eren fought for control of his body. The pain – the excruciating agony – reverberated throughout the entirety of his stature, though none of which could compare to the rage searing through him, the furiousness of his spite, in the slightest. Resentment towards the inflictions of his incapability, his inability, to reign in his focus. The overwhelming contempt he experienced, an unstoppable riptide of malevolence, towards the girl he had once considered a friend. Former friend, now his nemesis. An enemy of mankind. Annie Leonhart.

 

Unshed tears glistened waveringly in her blue-eyed stare, her blonde hair fallen into her face, loose strands against her cheeks. Her hands were clasped on his forearm, in spite of the immense heat scorching her palms and the scent of burning flesh invading the air between them, and were unfaltering nevertheless.

“Eren.” Her voice shook. “I need to get you off this roof.”

Its jaws snapped shut. The ever-present malicious grin glinted, its monstrous stare barren of emotion – void of remorse; not a single trace of humanity taking residence in its humanoid expression. Rains of blood cascaded to the ground, showering the grass beneath its feet in the remnants of Hannes’ body. Eren’s hands dropped to his sides, numb. He fell forward, violent tremors wracking his frame as, from the depths of his throat, a guttural scream of helplessness shook the earth below him. It rattled his ears, the sobs leaving him growing louder, more despairing, in consequence.

_Useless._

Useless, even now.

Through the simmering mirage of steam and the convulsions of his body, Eren witnessed what panned out before him. A stretch of grass, pupils gathered in small clumps as they minded their own business. Fright paralysed him then. The horror and the terror on their faces if they saw him would be unimaginable. Their expressions now, unprovoked and relatively at peace, would be gone in a heartbeat.

Eren wouldn’t be a monster to be feared.

_“Should you feel yourself transitioning, wherever you are, you need to get to the southern woods – there, behind the building. You need to be out of sight, Eren.”_

He hovered above the north-face of the building now. He glanced behind him, a determined curse heavy on his tongue. Eren fought for the control of his legs, to be stable enough to run.

Annie caught his eye, hers flashing in warning.

“You can’t –“

“I don’t have a choice.”

_We’re all slaves to the past._

And Eren wouldn’t be a monster to be feared. Not anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Across from him, a red-haired woman smiled tearfully at him. Her elderly hands took a hold of her teacup, the dainty china set with quaint patterns of birds and periwinkles and marigolds that the sight of made Levi want to scoff. The familiar sparkle of her emerald orbs shone youthfully, excitably, as she spoke to him – or, more specifically, at him. She was always one to talk his damn ear off, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be listening to her most of the time. He pretended not to notice the slight tremor coursing through her hands every now and then, nor the streaks of grey polluting her fiery head of hair. He tried to not acknowledge any one of her features that might have suggested her old age. It was too strange for him to see.

It was too strange for him to admit was now the reality.

To her side, the framed photograph of a grey-haired man was sat on display. The elderly woman gazed at it occasionally, a faint smile on her weathered lips, with a mischievous glimmer in her stare. The man was old too. Hair that Levi had once known to be a sandy blond was the colour of ash – neutral in tone, dead of colour, unlike his eyes. His eyes conveyed a timeless age that couldn’t be foreseen by the photograph alone.

She regarded him with a despondent gleam. “Are you going to speak at all?”

“When did he die?” He crossed his ankle at the knee, folding his arms over his chest.

“About six months ago. Brain tumour.”

“You don’t wear the wedding ring.”

“What makes you think I ever married him?” A smirk toyed across her lips. “Marriage is a social construct – did you really think I’d conform to such a thing, Levi?”

“Not you, no.” He reciprocated the lightness of her smile. “Farlan, on the other hand – yes. The traditional bastard never asked you?”

Isabel’s viridian eyes shone bright. “Oh, he asked me – twice.”

“And you refused the poor guy both times.”

“I had to keep him on his toes somehow.”

He scoffed, though the discomforting heaviness on his chest made it difficult for him to do much else. The contents of his pocket began to vibrate but he didn’t feel even remotely compelled to answer his ringing phone.

“You should answer that. It could be important.”

“It’s probably only Hanji. She can wait.”

“Hanji...” Isabel mused, pondering. “The mad one?”

His phone continued to ring. “The persistent one apparently.” Retrieving his phone, he rolled his eyes. “Do you mind?”

She shook her head. “’Course not. We have all the time in the world to talk.”

The ironic statement was an unmistakeable feature that had carried through from the past and, despite the morbidity of her worsening situation, it almost made him smile having been reminded of the young crimson-haired girl, once full of life and determination and hope.

Kenny had led Levi to Isabel Magnolia. Though he didn’t understand the man’s reasoning for doing so, he couldn’t deny his appreciation for the abnormally considerate act of kindness. But the peace offering had been delivered to him too late. Six months too late to speak with Farlan – at least once – before he died. Two months too late to be with Isabel, be by her side, when she was diagnosed with dementia.

They didn’t have all the time in the world to talk. One day, however soon that may be, she’ll begin to forget everything – about Farlan; the underground; the past and the present; him. It was too late to talk.

Nevertheless, with a heavy heart as he did so, Levi put the phone to his ear.

“What is it?”

He should have noticed something was amiss when, upon answering the phone, he wasn’t pelted with overenthusiastic greetings and overzealous yells.

The shuddering exhale across the line evoked the coldest of settlements. His hand tightened on the device, his knuckles almost immediately whitening.

“Hanji, tell me.” His voice was hollow, a toneless monotone. “Is Eren –”

_“Eren jumped.”_

 

 

* * *

 

Hovering above him, circular frames oscillated in his vision and, for a worrisome and possibly delusional moment, he thought that Hanji was about to perform a lobotomy on him. With the fear firmly planted in his head, he fought to sit up, not completely cognizant to his blindingly clean surroundings and the sanitized scent in the air.

A placating grumble reached his ears and, as agony tore through his ribs, a pair of skeletal hands grabbed him at the shoulders, insistent in holding him against the mattress beneath him. Eren let out a disgruntled curse, allowing himself to be pressed into the bed; the horizontal position granted him a small amount of relief from his unbelievably aching torso.

“Easy, Eren,” a low murmur resounded from above him. “You’re in the hospital.”

“No shit...” He let out a grunt as he gained awareness to his uncomfortably dry throat. “Fuck – my head...”

“That would be your concussion.” The man stood back. He removed his glasses for his hand to rub at his eyes. “You’ve been in and out of consciousness for hours, kid. Considering your fall, it’s a wonder how you’re not completely paralysed. Armin and I hypothesised that your ability may have lessened the impact of your landing –”

Eren’s throat constricted. “How do you know about that?” He demanded dubiously.

The lanky brunet straightened his hunched back. His blue scrubs hung loose from his seemingly thin frame. Eren was regarded with a weighted umber gaze, despondent and remorseful, behind the familiar circular frames. Realisation dawned as his vision cleared and, once it had, his dry stare promptly pricked with watery soreness.

“I suppose I have a lot to answer for.” Grisha Jaeger smiled wryly at his son, whose voice had since dispersed into a hoarse whisper.

“Yeah...” Eren mumbled quietly, unresponsive to the tears leaking out of his eyes. “You do.”

 

His father had not chosen to confess to his transgressions of the past immediately. Rather, he cast Eren another sombre glance and, gingerly, asked if he could take him somewhere.

Eren, quickly realising the severity of his injuries – the multiple fractures of his right arm; bruised ribs, two of which were also broken; as well as his concussion and numerous burns etched into his skin – struggled to situate himself into a wheelchair. His memory was hazy. He knew he would need Armin – or Annie – to explain what exactly happened to him up on the roof. His final conscious thought had been that he needed to get to the southern woods, the designated, most secluded, position for his transition to take place. And to do that – to protect the innocent lives of those in the building and on the northern lawn – Eren had to jump.

So he did, and he could only hope that no one witnessed the boy hurtling towards the ground, a monstrous beast materialising in the fog behind him. Hoped to God that no one took notice of the agonised scream which ripped its archaically tortuous path out of his throat. He prayed that Levi hadn’t caught wind of his transformation; hadn’t been there to see Eren’s contorted, unconscious body being hauled into the back of an ambulance once his Titan had made its final appearance, before succumbing, lifelessly, to the atmosphere.

Eren felt lightheaded and nauseous all of a sudden, a wave of discomforting sensations that were not sated by Grisha’s hand firmly against his shoulder as he was wheeled through the ominously sterile white-tiled corridor. He despised hospitals. Since his attempt he had exhibited a detest towards them; from the closed doors – of which, behind, lay diseased, tortured, people; undeserving of having their lives tormented by illness – to the waiting rooms, family members wracking their thumbs and plastering facades of optimism onto their faces as they await the results of a relative. That had never been the case with his parents. They were there to answer questions regarding the state of his mental health and, once they had masterfully pushed that to the side and dodged responsibility, they drove him home. He didn’t ever see the expressions of devastation. He saw disappointment and irritation. Frustration, as though Eren’s admittance to the hospital had been a hindrance to them – just another of his yells for attention to interrupt their busy schedules.

The pungent stench of vomit began to dethrone the scent of hand sanitizer. Eren, having his senses overwhelmed by his surroundings, was unsuccessful in noticing the sign adorning the wall as they continued down the hallway. The wails of sick children began to quieten as they approached Armin, the blond-haired boy’s cerulean stare gentle and repentant as Eren and Grisha neared him.

“I hear you took a tumble,” the blond teased sadly.

Eren smiled warily. “Something like that.”

He caught Armin’s gaze flicker up to Grisha, a timid nod of acknowledgement – or permission – being passed between them. Eren’s chest felt uncommonly tight, blind bewilderment containing him, as Armin pushed through the door he stood just outside of. The group had taken residence in the room: Historia, Connie and Jean having pulled up chairs to a bed whilst Hanji and Petra, vacantly, situated themselves in the far corner. Apprehension was immediately bestowed upon their faces the moment Eren entered the room.

At the centre of the room, aligning the wall furthest from the door, a bed took its position. A mismatched plaid throw claimed most of the mattress, as though in a desperate attempt to make the hospital room a home. Above, a deck of cards took purchase, unattended to since Eren had arrived.

Uncontrollable lashes of shivers were ignited across his bruised skin as he saw her, the breath knocked out of him.

 

_Blood adorned his hands, tainting the skin with a horrific flesh-coloured replica of the fabric beneath him._

 

Her weary charcoal stare flittered over to him, the sickly gaunt-faced girl’s cheeks drenched with tears as she saw him. A hand, alabaster skinned and her bones defined, covered her mouth – her wrist and arm unhealthily thin.

Eren’s sketches had portrayed her inaccurately. He had envisioned inky, flowy locks; her hair claiming the unwanted attention from the people by the likes of Jean Kirstein. The reality, it seemed, was not as he could have ever imagined. He had dreamt of his moment – but not once did he think it would be like this. He thought he would see her, more alive than ever before. Healthy – overjoyed –

The reality, it seemed, was the very picture of despair that she had left him with.

He had longed to see her. To feel her arms around him; her mouth against his ear, whispering the reassurances that only she could give.

But not like this.

His hysterics relapsed, his voice a ghostly murmur of monotonous despair. Hollow. Petrified. A mantra of her name spilled out of his mouth, uncontrollable and as repetitive as the waves lapping at the shoreline on the night that he died; Mikasa being his final conscious thought.

Mikasa weaned herself out of the bed, its surface sturdy and unimpressionable beneath her weight as she did, and without Grisha holding onto her – his skin against hers – she likely would have stumbled.

“It’s alright.” Her hand, concealed by the maroon fabric of her newly-acquired cardigan, was pressed against his cheek. Mikasa’s voice was quiet and for his ears only. She coaxed the material against the tears now coating his face, a small smile gracing her chapped, pale lips.

“Eren,” she spoke, tears of her own trickling onto his hands. “It’s alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see?  
> Forgive me for I have sinned with this chapter. It should be a criminal offence to be so cruel to fictional characters - and, if it was, I'd be guilty as Hell. Sorry if it was all a little morbid, guys <3  
> This is a chapter that I have been planning for over a year - longer than this fan fiction has even existed - so it was incredibly important to me that I gave it justice. That doesn't excuse my lack of updating exactly, but piled on top of writer's block and a *somewhat* busy schedule, I felt a little overwhelmed by it all.  
> Please let me know what you think of this. I'm excited to hear some feedback on this chapter's events and the much needed return of certain characters!

**Author's Note:**

> It’s good to be back writing. I’ve had so many ideas that I’ve been desperate to get written down, but all the stuff I’ve written recently hasn’t been as good as I’d like it to be.  
> This is a Reincarnation story I’ve been excited to write for a while, just to give Isayama’s characters a break because goddamn, does that man like to torture those poor characters.  
> I’ve been tossing up posting this chapter for a while now because I don’t know if it’s just quite ready yet, but I decided to do so anyway since I’d love to hear what you guys think of it. It’s going to be a long story (if I continue it) and there are a lot of routes I plan to explore with it, but I really need some feedback to give me a little more confidence in it.  
> If you liked this chapter and the concept of this story so far, then please let me know! All feedback is much appreciated!  
> Yours Truly,  
> EnrapturedInWords


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